Chapter 5
Sam stepped off the bus at the San Francisco Transbay Terminal, his body a tight knot. He'd snacked on chips and candy bars for the last two days, trying to be as frugal with his money as possible, especially after shelling out a hundred and thirty five dollars in bus fare to get to San Francisco and knowing it would take another five to take the CalTrain to Palo Alto. It had helped that he hadn't possessed much of an appetite since he left home.
He sedately followed the crowd into the worn, white colored building, his bag over his shoulder.
Aside from an hour here or there, sleep had been eluding him as well. He was too keyed up, too full of worry to sleep. For the first time in his entire life, he was on his own. Success or failure, it was totally in his hands. And he wasn't all that confident he could do it.
If Dean had known either of these things, he'd have had a fit. His brother thought of food and sleep as absolute requirements for life and happiness. True or not, Sam couldn't shut down his brain enough to rest for long. Probabilities, options, plans, lists, things he needed to do or avoid, they ran over in his mind over and over, even as his mind would be simultaneously looking for anything he'd missed, the fear of it nipping constantly at his heels.
The Transbay Terminal was packed. Conversations clashed against him like waves against rocks. The thrum numbed him, a low level headache threatening in the background.
As he drifted along with the throng, searching for the right line to the CalTrain platform, he spotted a rack of postcards at an alley sized gift shop in the back. Some of the cards were California specific -- blue and gold for the state colors, grizzly bears, golden poppy flowers. Others were more generic with cute cat or dog pictures, while a whole other section was theme based and full of unicorns, movie stars, sports, and cars.
Quickly eyeballing what was available, Sam grabbed five of the cheapest cards they had. His promise to Dean was but one of the many points prominently keeping him awake at night. He could use these to let him know he was okay and do so as cheaply as possible. He'd put one in the mail as soon as he got to Palo Alto.
Though he'd traveled all his life, this felt like the first time. It was totally different from what he'd experienced before. No companionable silences, no Dean chatter, no father's field of confidence and control. Sam had no books to read to distract him – didn't dare spend the cash. Initiating conversations with strangers had never been his thing, one of several reasons it was so hard for him to make friends. He'd always envied Dean's shameless ability at such things – within minutes of them being anywhere he had friends, people to hang with if he wanted them. Unless Sam had a specific purpose, he just couldn't bring himself to intrude on another's privacy. He sighed. He knew his reticence would hinder his efforts, but as illogical as it was, he just wasn't sure he could do something about it.