Date : 13.08.2007
Title : Loves' Past and Present
Author : ElaineDex
Chapter : 3 of ?
Rating : M
Pairings : Lt. Col. John Sheppard/Lyssa Hunter
Major Evan Lorne/Dr Ellie Harrison
Warnings : Angst/hurt.
Spoilers : This story is part of a series and follows on from Love's Dance With A Stranger.
Feedback : Yes
Disclaimer : Dr Ellie Harrison, Major James Reece, Lt Franks & Heather Russell are mine. Lyssa Hunter belongs to Kazavid. Stargate & Stargate Atlantis, unfortunately, have nothing to do with me.
Summary : Find out how Sheppard and Lyssa's wedding plans cause chaos on Atlantis and what happens when tragedy strikes for Ellie and Lorne?
Lorne's team headed back to the jumper with not much to show for their visit to the small planet.
Heather walked alongside Lorne as he tapped dubiously on Ellie's lap top.
"So….are all of your off-world missions so…..exciting?", she asked and Lorne glanced at her.
"No, sometimes we see the Wraith…..I can't wait for you to come across one of those", he answered and Heather smiled sweetly at him.
"Oh, ha ha, very funny".
"Whose joking", Lorne muttered, snapping the lid of the lap top closed.
"You still haven't forgiven me have you?", Heather said and Lorne glared at her.
"You really expected me to?".
"I just thought…….It was years ago Evan and like I tried to explain to you back then, it didn't mean anything…it was just sex", Heather said and Lorne laughed.
"Just sex huh? With my best friend? Jeez you're unbelievable".
"But I love…..loved you. Steve was just…..well you know what Steve was like", Heather said and Lorne shook his head.
"Yeah I know what Steve was like. But I thought I could trust you with him at least. I guess I was wrong", Lorne replied, walking a little quicker so that he left her behind and Heather sighed.
Lorne was not as easy a pushover as he had been a few years ago and she was obviously going to have to work a little harder at getting him back. She now knew she had to get Ellie totally out of the picture.
But how?
OOoOO
Just when Beckett thought he had stopped Ellie's bleeding, she haemorrhaged again and this time he couldn't stop it.
"I'm sorry Ellie love but I think we're going to have to face the facts……..you may be losing the baby", he said and Ellie nodded numbly.
From the moment the pains had started in the lab she'd known that something was wrong.
Beckett fussed around her but all he could do was monitor the flow of the bleeding.
Ellie tried to be calm but all she could think of was how disappointed Lorne was going to be. He'd been so excited about becoming a father.
Tears pooled in her eyes just as Lorne entered the infirmary like a man possessed.
He raced to her side and went to pull her into his arms but Beckett stopped him.
"Gently does it Major……Ellie needs to lay still for now".
"Colonel Sheppard told me what happened. Are you alright?", Lorne asked, his brow furrowing when Ellie looked to Beckett for help.
"Ellie wasn't hurt by the explosion but the weight of the bookcase, well…….I'm afraid it looks as though she's losing the baby…….I'm sorry", Beckett explained and Lorne stared at him for a moment as though he hadn't quite understood.
"Evan…?", Ellie said, her voice low and he looked at her.
He took her hand and said quietly as he looked away, "It's alright……it doesn't matter".
Ellie looked up at him as a tear escaped and slid down one cheek.
"Of course it matters", she whispered.
Beckett sighed and left them to it for a while to go and see to Rodney who appeared to be bleeding everywhere from a cut on his head.
Once they were alone and Beckett had drawn the curtain around Ellie's bed she squeezed Lorne's hand, trying to get him to look at her.
"I'm sorry….it's my fault…..", she said but Lorne shook his head slowly.
"How is it your fault?", he asked and Ellie swiped at her eyes and grimaced as another pain hit her lower abdomen.
"I shouldn't have been in McKay's lab….I had other stuff to do. I should never have gone that way at all".
"It's not your fault", Lorne said, but his voice sounded dull and void of any emotion and Ellie bit back the urge to sob openly.
She wondered if Lorne hated her right now. Maybe if he didn't, he soon would when it really sank in that she had lost their child.
Lorne looked down at Ellie and he felt like his heart was breaking in two. He should've been here when the explosion happened. Maybe if he'd kept her talking longer at the jumper…….
Suddenly he pulled his hand from hers and said,
"I need to go get rid of these", he said, indicating to the P-90 that still hung from his vest and the hand-gun that was strapped to his leg.
When Sheppard had greeted him in the jumper bay and told him what had happened he had sprinted to the infirmary without a thought for protocol or duty but now, the sensible side of him was returning and he couldn't stop it.
"You…..you will come back…won't you?", Ellie asked, thinking of the last time she'd been in the infirmary, after Jones' men had attacked her and Lorne hadn't come back to see her.
He looked at her strangely and replied,
"Of course I'll come back".
Ellie nodded and tried to smile as he dropped a kiss on her forehead but it didn't quite work and it came out all wobbly as more tears escaped onto her cheeks.
"It'll be ok", he murmured, touching her shoulder gently, but as he walked away Lorne wondered how it could be.
How did they get over this?
Yet again he hadn't been there for her when she'd needed him. He felt numb, as though he had gone into shock…..maybe he had.
He hadn't known what to say to Ellie and had found it easier to walk away from her than to stay and comfort her.
As he headed for the armoury, he rubbed a hand over his face as he realised that he was just no good at being in a relationship. Every one that he'd been in had ended up in one disaster or another and it looked liked this one was going the same way……….
Maybe someone or something was trying to tell him that he and Ellie were just not meant for one another, after all, she'd had no problem carrying Ronon's baby so why was she losing his?
ooo
As Lorne exited the infirmary, Rodney turned to Beckett.
"It's my fault isn't it? I crushed her…."
"Don't be silly Rodney. It had nothing to do with you", Beckett replied but Rodney still looked worried.
"But what if Lorne thinks it was my fault?", he asked and Beckett shook his head as he put a stitch in Rodney's scalp.
"I think the Major will have other things on his mind".
ooo
A while later and Ellie's pain wasn't getting any better.
Every time the infirmary door opened she looked across hoping to see Lorne but it was never him.
The next time it opened Ellie saw Lyssa striding purposefully toward her and she physically couldn't hold her sobs back any longer.
As soon as Lyssa wrapped her arms gently around Ellie's shoulders, the flood-gates opened and the two women cried together.
"Have….have you seen….Ev…Evan?", Ellie hiccupped eventually and Lyssa shook her head.
"John saw him in the armoury and he told him you were losing the baby", she replied.
"He said he'd come back….but he hasn't", Ellie sniffed and Lyssa sighed.
"John said Evan looked pretty gutted….maybe he's just taking a bit of time to pull himself together before he comes back", she suggested and Ellie nodded, taking the tissue that Lyssa held out to her.
"I am really sorry about the baby", Lyssa said and Ellie nodded, knowing that she would have to endure everyone saying the same sentence to her over and over for some time to come yet.
Lyssa was about to get a seat when Lorne re-entered the infirmary and she decided to leave them to it.
"Thanks for stopping by", Ellie said and Lyssa pressed a kiss impulsively to Ellie's cheek as Lorne moved to her side.
"No problem…..I'll see you soon", Lyssa replied, offering a tentative smile at Lorne and he returned it but Lyssa could see that he was really cut up.
Once Lyssa had gone, Ellie turned her tear-streaked face up to Lorne and said angrily,
"Where have you been? You said you'd come back…….you're never here when I need you".
Lorne looked at her, hurt clear on his face as he said,
"I know I'm not and I'm sorry".
Ellie sobbed and turned over so that she had her back to him and he watched as her shoulders began to shake.
Lorne sighed raggedly and got onto the bed behind her.
Ellie felt his heat at her back and realised that this was not the time to be stubborn.
She turned back to face him and buried her face in his chest, her fists bunching in his T-shirt as she snuggled closer to him.
Lorne wrapped his arms around her and blinked back tears of his own.
If he could do nothing else for Ellie he would make sure that he was strong for her. She deserved that at least.
The next morning Dr Beckett decided it would be best to perform D&C upon Ellie to help stop the pain and ease the bleeding and as he gave her the anaesthetic, Ellie gripped Lorne's hand.
"You'll be here when I wake up?", she asked and Lorne nodded, realising that she didn't trust that he would be and he couldn't blame her for thinking like that.
After all, he hadn't been there when Tyler had taken her, nor when Jones' men had almost…he closed his eyes as he remembered what had almost happened to her. When he opened his eyes it was to see Beckett wheeling her in to the infirmary's operating room.
He folded his arms as he watched her disappear through the double doors.
He didn't know what to do or how to make things right.
If indeed he ever could.
End of Chapter 3