A Chance to Love - 7 of 11
Search for the Yellow-Eyed Demon
"I want to shop for some baby items," Jo announced at breakfast one day to three guys who never knew or could not remember what counted as 'baby items.' "Who wants to come with me?" She looked at the blank faces around the table.
"I'll go," Dean answered a little too quickly. The others looked at him. "I've never been. I might be able to learn something."
"Sure, Dean. But I might want to drive to the next town. There isn't much available here."
"Impala is full of gas."
"I'll just go get my purse. Then, I'll wait for you to finish breakfast." Jo waddled out of the room.
Sam shot Dean a look. He wasn't ready to talk to John yet.
Dean's face said," Now's your chance, dude. You said you would." He turned to John and said," Sam needs to talk to you--in private." Then Dean slipped out from behind the table and said in a loud voice," I can't wait to go baby shopping. All those cute little outfits. I could look at them all day." He rolled his eyes in the direction of John and Sam, but had a big smile on his face when he turned to meet Jo in the living room.
John gave his wife a hug and reminded Dean to drive careful. He watched from the window as Dean opened the passenger door for Jo. He watched them drive away from the curb. Still facing the window, he asked Sam, "What do you need to talk about?"
Sam was quiet for some time.
John turned around to see Sam standing in the middle of the room. Sam showed so many emotions, his face was contorted into something John hadn't seen before. He knew this wasn't going to be something simple to talk about.
He walked toward Sam and said," Why don't we sit down?" Sam was still standing there so John put a hand on Sam's shoulder and guided him to the couch. Sam automatically went where John led him to.
"What's on your mind, Sammy?"
There was silence and John didn't prod any further. He knew Sam had heard him. He just waited until Sam could find the words.
"Jess and I had a baby---" he started shakily. "I mean, we were expecting a baby. She miscarried about two months before she was murdered. I'd been looking at rings before I found out about the baby. I loved her and the baby and I had both of them taken away from me." He looked at his Dad, searching for any words of wisdom or something to heal the pain.
John's face looked like he'd been punched in the gut. He was trying hard not to cry. "I don't know what to say, Sammy. I wish I could have been there for you back then. All I can do is be here for you now."
Sam had tears streaming from his red-rimmed eyes. He had a lost look to him. John put an arm around him and pulled him into a hug. "Sammy, just let it out. I can't imagine how much hurt you've been holding inside. It is okay to let it out now. I'm here."
They sat there with John making soothing noises, knowing that all he could so was try to comfort his hurting son. He had not done so in a long time. Dean and Sam always took care of each other, and helped each other heal from physical and mental wounds. John was out of practice and he was surprised at how fast it came back to him.
Sam's sobs wracked through his body. When they had stopped, Sam sat up and wiped his eyes on his t-shirt. It's then he realized that he'd left a huge wet spot on John's shirt. "Do you need to change your shirt?" Sam asked.
"No." John said. "I just need to help my son."
Sam gave him a feeble smile. "Jo's pregnancy brought it all back to the surface. I'd been doing pretty good before that. Sitting in that hospital room was hard to do."
"I never would have asked you to if I had known," John apologized.
"Can you imagine how Dean would have been back there with Jo?"
"I saw how he was when I came in. I doubt he was much of a help." John smiled, remembering how stir-crazy Dean was.
"We just ignored him," Sam said. "Jo needed me more than Dean did. Jo just tuned Dean out."
"She's good at tuning things out. She can tune me out in an instant."
Their conversation relaxed. Sam answered some of John's questions. John provided whatever fatherly advice he could.
"When we arrived the one day and I found Jo on the floor, and when she was too weak to walk, I had to get her to the hospital. And when I sat back there, holding her hand, I kept thinking 'not again'." Sam looked into his dad's eyes," Then, it was different. I saw your baby on the ultrasound and yearned for our ultrasound picture that burned up with Jess. I felt Jo's stomach and wondered what my baby would have felt like in Jess. Instead of hurting for what had happened, I started to wonder about how the pregnancy would have progressed, and all those little moments of joy that I was cheated out of. I'm mad and sad at the same time. I can blame the demon for Jess's murder. There is no one I can blame about the baby."
"Jess will always be a part of you. You will carry your happy memories of the two of you with you every day you are alive. I don't know when the pain will start to fade, or if it already has. One day, when the pain isn't so sharp and relentless, you will find yourself living again. Somehow you just find yourself doing that." John paused. "I concentrated on the demon when your Mom died because it was all I could do. I have never stopped looking for it. I never stopped loving Mary. The pain just relented enough so that when I saw Jo and felt love, I allowed myself to feel it. I hope that one day you will find love and allow yourself to feel it. We need to have something in our lives to balance out the bad."
"You saying I might find someone else, be happy and have the future I didn't get to have?"
"Maybe," John had a sparkle in his eye. "You never know who will come your way."
They were both feeling better after their talk. They wondered how Dean was doing with 'baby items'. It was a good bet that he had started to drive Jo nuts by now. How long they would be gone would depend on how much patience she had.
Jo got home and went to take a nap. Dean carried in a whole backseat of bags.
"You guys okay?" Dean asked.
Sam nodded. He couldn't help but ask," How was shopping?"
"Super. We've got every gadget they make for babies. We went into stores that were just seas of big bellies. I definitely did not fit in there. But when Jo said she wanted someone to go with her, she meant it. I wasn't able to wait in the car. I had a heck of a time in the stores because the big bellies also had big boobs. It was hard to tear my eyes away from them, they were hypnotizing. I tried looking at the floor, but there were only small patches of it between the bellies. So, mostly I stared at the back of Jo's head. I figured that was a safe spot."
"Sounds like a safe one to me," Sam laughed.
"I'd say you owe me, and I'd really mean it, but it was more important that you got to talk to Dad. Do you feel better?"
"It still eats at me but I have you and Dad to help me on the bad days."
"Good." Dean headed to the kitchen. "I'm hungry. Let's see what we can cook up."
John was up late one night with Dean and Sam. They had found the signs of the yellow-eyed demon. They found the electrical storms, temperature fluctuations and cattle deaths escalating in one area. It was a day's drive from home. John wanted to finally kill the yellow-eyed demon with the one bullet they had left. He didn't want to leave Jo alone with her due date about a month away. They decided that Dean would go help John and Sam would stay with Jo. Cole hadn't been bothering her but she was at a fragile time and couldn't be alone. John had to find a way to explain to Jo why he needed to go on this hunt. It wasn't a want--it was a need because he had been hunting it for so long and had given up so much for the hunt in the past.
Jo was surrounded with her pillows when John tried to quietly get into bed beside her. She stirred. "Baby's been up," she said. "Think the baby missed the feel of your hand on my belly. I know I did."
"I'm on my way there," he replied as he moved some of the pillows on the bed so he had room to lie down. He scooted closer to Jo and kissed her neck. "I love you, honey." He put one of his hands down on her belly that seemed to get bigger by the day. He gently started rubbing circles with his rough hands. He could feel the baby moving a around and then the movements slowed. He kept rubbing because it seemed to soothe Jo, too.
"That's much better," she said sleepily. "What were you and the boys up to?"
"I think we've found the yellow-eyed demon," John just spit it out. "It is about a day's drive away."
"Are you sure it's the yellow-eyed demon?" she suddenly seemed wide awake.
"We think so. It has all the signs I've noted before. Dean and I want to leave in the morning and we'll leave Sam here with you."
"Why leave Sam here? When it killed both his mom and his girlfriend?"
"Because I don't want you here alone and I don't want to send the boys alone to face this thing. What do you think?" he was scared of her response.
"You've always been hunting that demon," Jo's voice was calm. "I knew that before I got married to you. You sound pretty sure that the demon will be there?"
"Yes."
"Then, you need to go," her voice soothed his worry about her. "If Sam is okay with staying, he can stay. If he is like you and Dean, and he needs to see this thing finished, I can stay here alone. My mom isn't far away. Or, maybe I could go stay with her. Just come back home to me, and I'll be happy."
"Sam said he'd stay. He's fine with it. We plan on leaving here early in the morning. Should I wake you up before we go?"
"You'd better, John. Or else Sam might be hot on your tail with a pissed off pregnant lady," she laughed.
"Goodnight, honey," he continued to stroke her belly.
"Goodnight, my demon-hunting husband," she placed her hand on top of his and just glided along with his motion.
Jo was standing in the living room with a robe that had ceased covering her belly long ago. John and Dean went over the material they had with Sam before leaving. They left the computer with Sam so that could find any new information and break into county records to check births and who would be turning 6 months old in the next week. John and Dean checked their weapons. Dean went to load them in the trunk of the Impala.
John took Jo in his arms and made her promise to call him if there were any changes with her or the baby. She made him promise to call her as soon as it was al over and be careful. They kissed and he walked out the door.
Jo and Sam listened to the Impala drive away. "How good of a chance do you think they have of finally killing that thing?"
"The best chance Dad has ever had," Sam replied. "Like he was saying, all the signs are there."
"Good. I'm going back to bed for awhile." Jo started to waddle back down the hall.
"Just yell if you need anything," Sam offered. "I'll be out here looking up information for awhile. Let me know when you want me to make you some lunch."
Jo gave him a look and Sam turned red and made it worse for himself, "Dad made me promise to feed you."
"Feed me?"
"Well, make sure that you ate. I thought it would just be easier if I made the meals since I'm here."
"Thanks, Sam. I'll let you know." She continued down the hall at her slow pace.
Sam felt lucky that she didn't just up and slap him with the pregnancy hormones. He shook his head and he reminded himself not to make that mistake again. Then, the began typing away on the computer.
John and Dean rolled into town and stopped in the local café. That was the best place to get the local talk. Local police were stumped at who was carving up their cattle. They didn't have any leads. They had strange lightening storms a couple days back, they were so bright they were almost scary.
Sam called and was able to give them the information about the births and where each lived at. Luckily it was a sparsely populated county so there were only 10. John asked Sam how Jo was doing and Sam told him about his "feed you" mistake. John's rich laugh came over the line at his boy's mistake, knowing that he would never make that same mistake again.
Sam walked into Jo's room to see if she was awake. She wanted to talk to John.
"I miss you," she said. "And don't ever instruct your son to feed me ever again."
"Okay, honey," John tried to hide his laughter. "I promise to word it better next time. I miss you, too."
"Are you making any headway?"
"We're getting there. I'll call you as soon as it is over. I hope we'll have it done tonight or tomorrow night so I can head home to you."
"Hurry home but be careful," Jo's voice cracked because she missed him so.
"I will. Take care, baby," John heard the crack and tried to make his voice soothing. "This will all be over soon."
Sam took the phone back and they tied up some loose ends before hanging up.
Sam went back to check on Jo and she was sobbing. He didn't know what to say to make it better, so he just put an arm around her and told her how it would all turn out okay. Soon, she was cried out and Sam helped her get tucked back into bed. He looked back at her from the doorway. He wondered if his Dad knew how hard this was on her.
John and Dean were able to shorten their list by splitting the ten births up into the night they would turn 6 months old because there were 3 different days Sam had looked up. One birth was discarded because his mother died in childbirth. Two had been adopted out-of-state. That made it a manageable number.
Nothing happened to the babies who turned 6 months on the first night they were in town. That meant that three babies were safe.
Jo didn't handle the separation from John very well. Sam was typing away on the computer working one day ahead of how far he'd gone with researching births just in case he didn't cover enough time. He had the television on as background noise. He was so used to having Dean interrupting him or blaring the radio that he couldn't work in silence anymore. He wondered how they if they had found the demon. He wished he was there, but he knew Jo needed to be taken care of. He'd rather take care of someone than kill something. Sam just didn't have it in him like Dean did.. Sam turned off the television as he walked to the kitchen for another glass of water before bed. That's when he heard Jo. She wasn't sleeping, just crying.
He hesitated at his end of the hallway wondering how he should respond. Would it be better if he just pretended not to hear her:? Would she be embarrassed if he went in to check on her? Sam had a soft heart. He couldn't go into his room and shut the door to her cries.
"Jo?" he whispered from the doorway. "can I come in?"
"Only if you have a whole box of Kleenex," she tried to make a joke.
"I can go grab one," he offered.
"No," she reconsidered. "Just come in."
He sat down on the edge of the bed. "What has you up tonight?"
"John being gone at night."
"But," Sam wiped away some of her tears with the hem of his t-shirt," that is when we need to hunt. What they are hunting only comes at night."
"I don't care," her voice was a little better," I still miss John."
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Get John here?" she asked him like he actually had that power.
"Anything else?" Sam had finished wiping away her tears.
"You'll laugh at me."
"Jo, I won't laugh with you," Sam was sincere.
"Would it be really weird if I asked you to sleep by me because sleeping alone is getting the best of me?"
"No, it would be fine," he answered even though he thought it would be very uncomfortable.
Jo moved some pillows and then invited him to sleep there. Sam laid down and asked her if that was any better.
"Could you please put an arm around me to rub my belly? That's what John does to calm us down."
"Okay," Sam was unsure of how to situate himself. Jo reached behind her to guide him closer to her. Then, Sam gently put his hand on her belly. He could feel knees and elbows moving inside. He moved his hand a little and he could feel Jo's body relax. The kicking was slowing down too.
"You'll make a very good Daddy one day," Jo didn't sound like she had been crying anymore. "You'll be a good one before you even get to meet the baby in person."
Jo didn't know that she touched such a painful topic. Sam's hand quit moving. "I was almost a daddy," he whispered. "I wanted to be one so bad. It just didn't happen."
"What?" Jo kept her voice soft.
"Jess and I had a baby that we lost," Sam continued in a whisper. "It happened about two months before she was murdered. She was just getting over it. I don't know that I have. The two events happened so close together, it was like I never had time to grieve for them. Before I knew it, there was two of them and the thought of them just hurt too much. So, I blocked it all away."
"Sam," Jo whispered back as she held his hand that had been on her belly," I'm so sorry. I didn't know. You don't have to do this for me."
"No," his voice was still hushed. "I just want to help make you comfortable. You have given me the opportunity to experience a pregnancy in a positive light. It was difficult the first time I felt your belly. I'm doing much better with it now."
"Does your Dad know?"
"He does now. I told him when Dean went shopping with you for 'baby items'. I'd broken down and told Dean the night before we went on that hunt. He was the one that insisted that I tell Dad. We just didn't want to have the conversation in front of you because we didn't want you to be upset." He was quiet for a moment. "I am sorry to have brought it up now. I shouldn't have upset you. It just came out."
"I'm okay, Sam. I'm concerned for you."
"I'm handling it." He started to rub her stomach again. "It is going to be easier now that I have everyone's support for the bad days. I am ashamed that I mentioned it to you, though. Dad will be mad about that."
"No he won't," Jo reassured him. "Because I won't tell him. When or if he shares that with me, I'll react just like I did now. You can tell me anything, Sam. Did you want to tell me anything else since I'm such a good listener?"
"Just that I'm so glad that you and my Dad got married. I don't remember him ever being this content. Dean remembers how he was with Mom, but I don't that memory. I've seen how happy you make him. I remember wondering if Dad ever felt happy." Sam noticed that the baby wasn't moving around anymore. "Is the baby asleep?"
"Or just resting," Jo replied.
"Now what should I do?"
"Could you please leave your hand there? If the baby is making a ruckus, could you just rub it so everything calms down again? If you don't want to, that's alright, too."
"I'll stay right here," He settled back in.
Jo fell asleep. Sam stayed awake, wondering how it was going for his Dad and Dean. When the baby started moving again, he rubbed Jo's belly. He thought about a little boy or girl in there, still developing. He was glad that he was able to help the baby go back to sleep. It also eased Jo's mind a little because she didn't feel alone.
In the morning, Sam's phone rang. It was John telling him that the demon didn't show the night before. John asked how Jo was doing. Sam told her how she'd been crying that night and he'd lain by her and rubbed her belly.
"Did she seem to calm down then?" John asked.
"Yes. She seemed to sleep pretty good from then on," Sam replied.
"Was it awkward for you?" John asked, partially concerned about if Sam and Jo's relationship would be weird now but mostly because of the baby that Sammy lost.
"No," Sam explained. "It was nice to be able to comfort her. I'm not the type of guy who could just leave her cry."
"I know you're not," John answered. 'That is why I wanted you to stay with her. I knew you'd take care of her. It wasn't because Dean was a better hunter. It was because you are a softie, like I used to be and I'm noticing that I'm starting to turn into one again. It's okay to be soft, Sammy. Don't try to fight it because it is who you are."
"Thanks, Dad."
"Is Jo awake to talk to?"
"Let me check," Sam went down the hall to the bedroom. Jo had heard the phone and was partially sitting up.
"Is that John?" she asked.
"Here is Jo, Dad. Get some good rest before going out again tonight," Sam closed his end of the call.
"John?" Sam heard Jo's voice as he turned to walk out the door. "I miss you. I'm doing fine, but I still miss you…" her words trailed off as Sam went back to the living room.
Jo didn't do much during the day. Sam insisted, begged really, to do the laundry or shopping for her. She insisted on doing it herself. She wanted Sam to get all the information he could to help with the hunt. She brought him a sandwich on her way out the door to the store. Sam wanted to drive her, but she promised not to purchase anything heavy, she'd have the bag boy put her groceries in the car, and then allow Sam to unload the car. Sam couldn't find fault with that. She'd covered all the bases.
Sam went back to work, typing away. He ate the sandwich absent-mindedly as he concentrated on the computer screen. He hadn't noticed how long Jo had been gone when he got a phone call from the manager. Cole had been at the store the same time as Jo. While Jo had tried to be friendly, Cole's temper flared. When Jo tried to just walk away, Cole kicked her and sent her falling. Jo had broken her fall with her hands but she'd still hit her head. Sam asked if she'd lost consciousness. The manager didn't think so. Sam told her he'd be right there.
It took him a minute to find the keys to his Dad's truck. He sped down the road to the grocery store that had seemed to safe just a short time before. The manager had phoned the police and they were holding Cole if Jo wanted to press charges. Sam told them that they were pressing charges. Then, he led a shaky, teary Jo out to the truck. When her legs started to fail her, Sam just scooped her up and continued to the truck.
When he set her down, he reached across to latch the seatbelt. Jo, head was hanging down to her chest. Sam gently lifted her chin and saw the fear in her eyes. She had a scrape on her forehead but it wasn't bleeding too badly. Then, Sam noticed the blood smear on his forearm. "Jo, " he spoke to her calmly," I'm going to bring you in just to check you out. You're safe. Just hang in there."
Sam sped even faster on the way to the hospital. The nurse was getting Jo's vitals in the waiting room when Sam flagged down another nurse and let her know about the blood on his arm and that there had been blood on the truck seat. This information sprang the nurse into action. Sam insisted on coming with because he was her only support with John being gone. The nurse Sam talked to, whispered something to the nurse taking Jo's vitals. Jo, who was in a wheelchair, was whisked back to the emergency room. Sam followed.
Jo didn't know about the blood until she got out of the wheelchair and saw a puddle. Then, she started to shake and cry. Sam waited on the other side of the pulled curtain while the nurses got Jo into a gown. Then, he went directly to Jo, and took her hand. With his other hand, he smoothed her hair away from the scrape. "They are bringing in the ultrasound. It's just to make sure that everything is okay. I'll stay right here."
The radiologist came in and Jo's stomach was much bigger than the last time Sam had seen it on ultrasound. It almost looked like a regular baby. The radiologist took the results to the doctor. While they waited, at least Jo and Sam were reassured by what they had seen on the ultrasound. The doctor came in and said they thought it was just some spotting, but they wanted to keep Jo until it stopped, just in case.
The nurses brought in some pillows to help make Jo more comfortable. Jo fell asleep. Sam stayed awake, worried about the baby. When the spotting stopped, Sam was allowed to bring Jo home. He needed to wake her up every four hours to make sure that he could wake her up. It was something Sam was used to. He and Dean did it for each other all the time.
Sam had cleaned the truck seat before Jo got back in. Sam asked her if she still needed anything from the store. She replied that she was tired and just wanted to go home.
Once home, Sam helped Jo get settled into bed. He laid by her for a little bit, rubbing her belly. When she fell asleep, he replaced where he had lain with pillows. He left her door open so he could hear her if she stirred. Then it was back to the computer.
He noted the births in the county for the next two days. Then he decided to call it a night. Dad and Dean would be going out soon. He hoped they really were on the trail of the yellow eyed demon and that it didn't live any longer than tonight.
He woke Jo up to check her alertness. She did okay. He asked her if she wanted him to sleep by her. She did. So he settled in for the night, a replay of the night before with a 3am wake up to check on Jo thrown in.