A Chance to Love - 11 of 11
Johnny's First Birthday
Very slowly, time passed. Bobby stayed a few days before he went home. Pastor Jim stayed around a little longer. He promised to check in on them again soon, and they should call him if they needed him. The four who were left, including Johnny, settled into a routine. Before long, Dean was restless and looking on the computer.
Dean took a couple jobs by himself. He kept in close contact with Sam and they were short trips. He was always home before a week had gone by. Sam secretly thought that Dean didn't want to miss too much of Johnny growing up, and that was what brought him back so quickly.
Johnny was fresh out of a bath and smelling so good. He'd finished his bottle and was sound asleep in Sam's arms. Jo came out of the shower and peeked at her son over Sam's shoulder. Then, out of the blue, she asked, "Do you love me?"
"What?" Sam had been half asleep and not sure what she'd said.
"Do you love me?"
"Of course I love you, but what way do you mean?"
"In a romantic way," Jo felt sorry for even bringing it up. But, Dean was gone on a hunt so she figured this would be a better time to ask.
"I haven't allowed myself to think of you in a romantic way," Sam confessed. "It would hurt too bad if you didn't love me back."
"So all of this that you have been doing is out of kindness? You didn't expect anything romantic in return?"
"Nope," Sam sighed. "I've been here because we needed each other. Have you decided that we don't?"
"No, not that." She struggled to find the right words. "Do you think you might ever feel romantically towards me?"
"You think we should quit what we are doing and start to date?" Sam was obviously confused.
"No." Jo 's mind hadn't even traveled in that direction. "I was just thinking maybe we could start to be a little romantic toward each other and see if it feels right."
"Sure," Sam said. "Johnny's asleep, so I am going to lay him down.'
"I'll lock up," Jo walked to the front and back door to check the locks.
Sam was leaning over the bassinette when Jo came into the bedroom. Jo stood beside him and watched him gently tuck Johnny in.
Then, Sam turned toward her and spoke her name. She looked up at him, and he gently kissed her. When he took his lips away, she put an arm on his shoulder and stretched up to kiss him. He cradled the back of her head with one of his hands.
What started out as a simple peck, just to see if there could ever be any chemistry turned into more. While Sam cradled her head, he kissed her neck. He heard her sharp intake of breath and took at is a message not to stop.
Jo was blindly tugging at his shirt. Sam quit his kissing, made sure the hem of his shirt was loose, and then let Jo pull it off for him. He tossed his shirt to the side and Jo was already kissing the newly bared skin. Sam's skin tingled wherever Jo's lips touched him.
Sam made a tug at the hem of her nightgown. Jo immediately stopped kissing him. "I can't do that." was all she said. Sam moved his hands back to her waist and as they kissed their bodies hungered for air.
They made their way to the bed and Sam knelt on the bed so he could still kiss her neck and shoulders. Jo ran her hands all over Sam's torso. She couldn't get enough of his skin.
Sam laid down on his back and Jo snuggled in like she had done so many times before. "Do you think we're romantically involved?" Sam asked plainly.
"Yes." She replied. "And I am glad we are."
With that hurdle out of the way, they talked about everything. Jo 's first time had been with John. Sam's first came when he was in high school. But his first love (and second time) was Jess.
"Why didn't you want to remove your nightgown?" Sam asked.
"Only John has ever seen me in the light. He thought I was beautiful, but that was before having a baby."
"So you're shy or you feel like you're cheating on him?"
"I'm shy," Jo answered. "I know I'm not cheating on him. He would want me to be happy. And I am. You feel like home, and that is a good thing."
"Why was John your first? Did you want to before then?"
"I thought I did," she seemed far away. "But then someone scared me."
"Did he hurt you?"
"Only emotionally. John had to be very patient with me. I felt lucky to have him because he was more knowledgeable since he was married before. I didn't have a clue how it was supposed to go."
"I would never rush you," Sam swore," but I want to know if there is something wrong, or if you don't like something. This isn't a one-sided emotion."
"That's why I trust you," she shimmied out of her nightgown and cuddled in closer. The feeling of his skin on her skin was amazing. " I'm just not brave enough to let you see me in the light."
"We can work with that," Sam grinned as he shut off the lamp. He put his lips on hers and they slowly opened to allow him in. He moved one had down to her breast. When his thumb rubbed against her nipple, she gasped. "Are they still sore?" He moved his hand away.
"No," Jo let out a little giggle. "I have had my doctor's permission to go ahead for quite a while now." She placed his hand back where it had been.
First it was his hands. Then it was his lips. Jo had her hands in his hair, enjoying his attention and how he made her body feel. Sam moved his kisses up to her neck. "Should we?" he breathed into her ear."
"Yes, Sammy," Jo's voice was unsteady.
Sam moved to look her in the eyes," Jo, I love you."
Jo's eyes got wide for a moment and then flickered with her smile, 'I love you, too."
Sam seemed shocked to hear that she loved him.
"Really?" he asked.
"You're my protector, my friend and now my lover," Jo whispered, still holding Sam's gaze. "We can go ahead, Sammy. There is nothing to lose, nothing at stake. It's just the two of us."
Sam kissed her while he moved around. Sam was ready when he asked Jo if she was sure.
"Please," was all she said. She put a hand on his lower back, urging him on.
Sam was able to enter but not very far. "Are we stuck?" Jo asked.
"No," Sam replied. " I just don't want to be moving in any faster than your body wants me to go. Think relaxing thoughts. No more worries on if I feel romantically toward you, okay?" Sam laughed into her neck before kissing her some more.
They went back to the familiar position, her head on his shoulder or chest and Sam laid on his back. He was taking in everything about Jo's body as she laid beside him: her curves, the warmth of her skin, the smell of her hair. " Still think this was a good idea?" Sam thought Jo might have had second thoughts.
"We are always a good idea," Jo's voice soothed Sam's worry.
They kissed some more before falling asleep. They knew Johnny would be up soon enough.
When Sam woke up, Jo was already up, feeding Johnny. Sam sat down on the couch beside her.
"I totally forgot about it last night," Sam's ears started to turn red," but are you on the pill or do I need to buy something at the store?"
"I've only ever used the rhythm method," Jo replied, starting to get embarrassed herself.
"Um, we didn't last night," Sam was staring at his hands.
"I know," her whole face blushed.
"This shouldn't be like this," Sam commented. "If we can make love, we should be able to talk about making love, don't you think?"
"Yes."
"So tell me what you're thinking."
"Well, I got my birth control information from someone who had been out of needing any for over twenty years," Jo started. "I don't know what is out there or what the pros and cons are. Do you?"
"Wow." Sam said realizing that she'd gotten her information from his Dad. He had to remind him that this had nothing to do with his Dad. It had to do with Jo and her outdated contraceptive information.
"Okay, honey," Sam took Jo's hand as Johnny rested comfortably in her other arm. "I can tell you what I know. It isn't much. For my part, they still only have condoms. For the ladies they have a selection of products that I don't claim to understand."
"What did you and Jess use?" She approached this conversation as problem solving and not as prying into someone's past.
"She had something, film or foam, something that she inserted ahead of time. We never did use condoms, but I'm not against them."
"I wonder how the different products affect sensation and what works the best."
"I have no idea," Sam replied. "We could do research in the drugstore."
"Not in such a small town," Jo shot that idea down.
"I could ask Dean," Sam didn't even really want to suggest but Dean was a good person to get any information about sex from. If Dean didn't know it, he usually knew how to find out.
Jo just shot him a look.
"Okay," Sam was grasping at straws," how about Ellen?"
"Her information is as out of date as John's was. Are you sure you don't know any more?"
"Would you rather I had more of a variety of experience?" Sam laughed a little.
"No, I didn't mean that. I love you for who you are. However you think is best to get the information."
"I'll get the information for us," Sam lifted her hand so he could kiss it. "Consider it handled."
They blended into a cozy little family: Sam, Jo, and Johnny. Dean noticed a difference when he got home from a hunt.
He had some wounds that needed to be tended to. Sam grabbed the trusty old first aid kit (they now had one in each vehicle and one at home) and followed Dean into the kitchen. Dean dropped his coat on the floor, favoring one arm. Sam helped Dean peel off his shirt. He was alarmed to see the amount on blood on the t-shirt underneath. Dean had covered it with bandages as best he could but the wound was too deep. As soon as Sam got the T-shirt and bandages off, he knew Dean was going to need stitches.
"Want to go in and have a doctor stitch you up?"
"Come on. How would I explain what happened? Besides, I hate hospitals."
"Jo!" Sam called into the other room. "Bring me your sewing kit!"
Jo came into the kitchen to see how bad it was. "Ew. I have some fine thread that uses a finer, sharper needle. I used it at the Roadhouse sometimes, so I just bought some for here just in case. I'll be right back."
"Got anything for the pain?" Dean asked Sam.
"I think there is still some whiskey in the cabinet," Sam was trying to remember. "Or do you need me to go to the Roadhouse for something else?"
"Only if the whiskey doesn't take care of it."
"Sure."
Jo came back with the sewing kit and Johnny. "He was awake. I figured he could sit in his bouncy seat."
With Johnny happily gurgling in his bouncy seat, both Jo and Sam moved their attention to Dean. Dean was already drinking from the bottle. "He sure is a good kid," Dean commented. "Guess he'll live up to the Winchester name and be a little wild later on."
Sam disinfected the gnash. It wasn't like one long cut. It was crooked and split off into more cuts.
"Have you sewn many people up?" Sam asked Jo.
"Sure."
"If I hold it together, can you stitch it?"
Jo nodded.
"Jo," Dean took another swig," have I done anything to piss you off lately that you'd want revenge for?"
"Don't think so," Jo was busy threading her needle.
"Just let me get a little more drunk first." Dean kept the bottle close by. "It might be easier if I lie down."
"We have the best light in here," Sam said. " How about on top the table?"
"If you think it will be better." Dean was starting to get a little tipsy. He stumbled as he stood up and Sam helped him onto the table. "Damn, this thing is uncomfortable."
Sam held the pieces of skin together and Dean gripped onto the edge of the table until his knuckles turned white. Jo started to stitch and steady running stitch where she could. In other places she had to tie off single stitches with knots. Dean swore like a sailor but Jo kept stitching, knowing he was doing his best not to. After the stitching was done, Sam said, "I've got it now. I can bandage him. Johnny is going to get cranky if someone doesn't pick him up soon."
Jo put her sewing kit back together, cleaned up, and swiped Johnny up like an expert. She turned on the television and sat with him and his toys on the floor.
"Is that the Teletubbies?" Dean asked.
"I'm surprised at your knowledge of children's entertainment, Dean," Sam laughed.
"I'd love to hunt them down. Johnny doesn't really like them, does he?"
"Who knows," Sam was to the point of taping Dean up. "Johnny can't really tell us if he likes it or not."
"Don't ever let him watch Barney." Dean warned Sam. "I'd have to take your tv out at the point."
"No, no," Sammy chuckled," We will never have Barney on our tv."
There was some silence as Dean checked out the bandaging. "Looks good. You two could charge for your services at the Roadhouse."
"Jo gets enough of the Roadhouse when she works there," Sam explained. "I don't think she'd like to be the nurse on duty whenever a hunter wandered in."
Dean took some pain pills and went to lie down for awhile. Sam brought him in an icepack after he was settled.
"Dean?" Sam quietly asked since he thought Dean might already be asleep.
"Sammy."
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Go ahead," he replied. "It's not like I am going anywhere."
"It's personal."
"Is this something I am going to want to know? Or is it something I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to forget like the time I saw you in a dress?"
"That was for Halloween, Dean."
"Still, that image was burned into my mind. It's still there." Dean quit joking. "Just ask me, Sammy and get it over with. You're starting to make me jumpy."
"Well, Jo and I are a couple now."
"I'm glad I'm drunk to be hearing this one. You're kidding, right?"
"No, I'm not kidding, Dean. I just need you to accept that part so I can ask my question."
"Okay, hit me with it."
"We need information on birth control. You are active and don't have any kids, so I figured you might know more than us."
"Didn't Jo fill you in on anything?"
"Dean, she got her information from Dad. You remember the talk he gave us, right? That's all we have to work with."
"Oh, God. That ain't much. Why didn't you just surf the internet for the information?" Dean asked.
"Well, Jo didn't know if certain products affected sensation or what their risks are." Sam was struggling to get the words out. "I know about condoms, Jess used something like foam or film, I can't remember which. Jo has used the rhythm method. Know of anything that could help us?"
"The pills are kicking in, Sammy." Dean said. " I heard your questions and I will share my wealth of knowledge with you. I'm not putting you off. I'd just hate to give you the wrong information because I'm dopey. If you want, include Jo in our conversation. That might prevent us from having this conversation twice. By the way, do I still get to live here or are you going to be at each other all over the house? I'm not exactly sure, but that might make me uncomfortable."
"We are private people. It's just like before you left. You get either bunk bed, depending on how far you want to fall when you've had too much to drink. I'm glad you picked the bottom bunk for now. Need anything?"
"Sleep."
"Okay," Sam took Johnny's little crib out of the room with him. "Try not to rip back open. Goodnight."
"Is Dean okay?" Jo asked when she saw Sam hauling the crib out of the bedroom.
"Yeah, he'll just be sleeping for awhile." He saw Jo sitting on the floor with Johnny in her lap, and was so thankful for what he had. His brother might be battered, but he was there. His relationship with Jo might not have started out in an ideal way, but in the end, it might not matter how it all began.
"I asked Dean," Sam started talking slowly," and he's going to give us some information later. He was too drugged up, he's accepted that we are together, and he said that you might want to be in on the conversation so that we don't have to have it twice."
"I don't think I want to be in on that conversation," Jo replied.
"It should be fine, Jo. I figure since Dean's been with so many ladies, he might have actually talked to them about what they used. He knows we all got our birds and bees talk from the same place, so he knows where we are coming from."
"It just seems weird to be talking to Dean about this," Jo looked up at Sam. "Are you sure it is okay?"
"Dean is my big brother and he's always helped me out. I'm sure he doesn't view this as any different. If you don't want to be there, that's fine. It's just that you can't ask any questions if you aren't there."
"Alright, Sammy. I suppose I'd ask a big sister if I had one."
Jo and Sam were already resting in bed when Dean woke up. "You guys asleep?" he stood in the open doorway.
"No, come on in," Sam invited him to sit down as he turned on the bedside lamp on the dimmest setting. He and Jo sat up at the head of the bed while Dean sat down on Sam's side. He put a knee up on the bed so that he was facing both of them.
"So you guys wanna talk?" Dean looked at them as he asked the question.
"Yes," Sam took Jo's hand," Tell us what you know."
"Okay, stop me with questions anytime." Dean took a deep breath. "So the big talk we all got was to use condoms. That was it. Sam mentioned the rhythm method, and that counts somewhat, too. You guys are going to be together for a very long time?"
"Yes." It took Sam a moment to realize that it was a question.
"Then, I'll skip whether or not you're protected by STDs. " Dean was able to cross something off his list. "Condoms are made of different materials. The regular latex ones won't work for those with a latex sensitivity. As an alternative, they have ones made of animal skin. They are thinner than the latex ones. Some condoms are lubricated and have a spermicide. Those don't work for anyone with sensitivity to the spermicide. I've heard about the film and foam, they have the same spermicide in them. Prescriptions are needed for birth control pills and they have the list of side effects or warnings on the advertisements. I've heard from some women that they are a hassle to take and might cause weight gain. I know that an IUD is dangerous. It can make it impossible to have children. Actually, all of the prescriptions come with a list of warnings, so you'd need to check with a doctor about that. As for the rhythm method, I've never tested it. I always use a condom, but have had to purchase animal skin ones because I never know if someone has a latex allergy until we've reached the moment."
"Jo was wondering about sensitivity," Sam reminded him.
"The thinner animal skin ones seem to allow for more sensation. At least on my part, I think it might be on both sides. Didn't you say Jess used film or foam? Did those affect sensitivity?"
"No, at least I don't think so." Sam said thoughtfully. " She had to put in it well ahead of time. I couldn't feel it. Jess never said if she could."
"Well, Sam, how comfortable are you with the rhythm method?"
"I'm okay with it," Sam's face turned red.
"What's up, Sam?" Dean needed a better answer.
"Sometimes I just don't get too much notice--" Sam turned even more red.
"I'm the only other person here, Sam," Jo reminded him with a smile. "No need to be turning red on my account. If we need to try something else, Dean has just given us many ideas. Maybe we would need to try different methods to find what works for us."
"I've got you started already," Dean reached into his pocket and pulled out two condoms. "One is latex, believe me, you'll know right away if you are sensitive to it. The other is animal skin. If you want to try anything else, Sam will have to bond with the girl in the drugstore and Jo will have to see a doctor."
"Thanks, Dean." Sam took the packets.
"Thanks," Jo was actually glad that she took part in this conversation.
"What's a big brother for?" Dean gave his grin. "Finally, my expertise helps someone. I've decided that this wasn't so bad. Any other questions, just call me Dr. Love."
"Dean, Dean," Sam just shook his head. "How are you feeling?"
"Stiff. Sore. In need of more pills." Dean stood up and headed to the door. "You guys feel schooled now?'
"Yep."
"Great. I'm going back to bed."
After he walked away, Sam turned to Jo and said, "See, that wasn't so hard. I told you he'd be cool about it."
Jo just kissed him as a response.
Johnny turned a year old and they had a party for him. Jo decorated the house with streamers and balloons. Ellen made a birthday cake. Bobby and Pastor Jim came to camp out at their home for awhile. Dean made sure that he was home from his hunt early.
Through all the happy moments, the tears were just behind the laughter. They took lots of pictures. Johnny shoved cake in his face with both fists. He made a mess on the floor in the process. Ash got a kick out of how big Johnny had gotten.
It wasn't about presents. It was about loved ones. Everyone present counted as family. Johnny would have a wonderful extended family to help raise him.
After the party, Sam and Jo sneaked out. They walked in the evening light to the cemetery. Dean had been there earlier in the day. He'd wanted to go alone, even though Sam offered to go with him. Dean left flowers there so that it wouldn't look so barren when Sam and Jo went.
It was easy to find the headstones. They had visited often. Sometimes together, sometimes separately.
Their plot had a feel of peace to it. All of the dates were on the stones, but the most important parts read:
Mary Winchester
Wife of John
Mother of Sam and Dean
John Winchester
Husband of Mary
Father of Dean and Sam
Husband of Jo
Father of Johnny
Jo Winchester
Wife of John
Mother of Johnny
"Just think," Sam had his arm around Jo," in a few months, you will also be the wife of Sam."
"Think John is happy about that?"
"He knew you were special enough to get through to him after concentrating on hunting the demon for so long," Sam kissed Jo's hair as the sun set. "After I told him about Jess and the baby, he told me I'd find love again. He just never said that he'd already found it for me."