James Andrew Potter,
If you ever have a son and his name isn't Harry, I will kill you. Hunt you down and murder you. Understood? Wonderful. Besides that, many hugs to you for your letter. And I plan to actually give you those.
Since your letter, I've decided to give you something too. Here are my journal entries. Only the interesting ones though. The rest were boring bits about homework and school. Maybe someday, if we're together then, I'll let you read them.
Enjoy them.
Frog's legs,
Lily Catharine Evans
September 1st
First Year at Hogwarts!!!
I am sooo excited! I'm here at Hogwarts! It's great! I love it!
Except for one boy. He's terrible. But I'm not going to think about him!
I love my roommates! Their names are Pippa and Charlotte and Adele and Caroline!
Love,
Lily C. Evans
(This one, James, was included for humor. Forgive my terrible writing style. Now we're going to skip a few years and go to our fifth year. Those are good.)
September 2nd
Fifth Year at Hogwarts
I have to admit, I see today as bittersweet. I'm excited about seeing Pippa, who I haven't seen at all (which isn't unusual but I miss her!). Caro, I know, is really excited because she's got the biggest crush on Sirius Black. She's absolutely gaga over him. It's a bit sickening, actually. Not that Sirius isn't handsome or anything. He is. He's quite nice to look at. He's got big muscles and dark hair and that swoon-factor built in. It's his mates that suck.
Okay, I need to rephrase that. I actually like Remus and can deal with Peter. It's James Potter who drives me insane. He's the reason I'm dreading this year. He's absolutely maddening. He saw me today and his first words were, "Will you go out with me, Evans?" No "hello Evans" or "hi Lily". Nope, he asks me out because this was the summer I grew breasts and legs. It's not my fault my chest became huge but my waist stayed tiny. Merlin only knows how that happened. My legs, which support my 5'2 frame (I know, I'm short), also grew. They are now the length of 5 billion miles. It's awful. I feel like I'm on stilts. And my hair got longer, which is the only part I kind of like. It's down past my shoulders now, and darker than before. It used to be bright fire engine red. Now it's a nice, sophisticated auburn. And it all happened without magic!
Back to magic. Remus is seriously magical. He's got some dreamy quality about him. I wish I could date him but he's "ill" once a month. No, he hasn't got his period. I know it's because he's a werewolf. And that isn't the reason I wouldn't date him, by the way. It's because I know he's too loyal to that Potter. Of course, that only adds to my list of reasons to hate him.
He's so bloody arrogant! He's always thinking he's sex on legs or something. Granted, he's gorgeous but I mean… okay. He has a reason to be cocky. He's definitely the best looking of his friends, even though Remus and Sirius give him a run for his money. The only one of the four (they call themselves the Marauders, I heard. It's their new name. It started this year) that isn't drop-dead sexy is Peter Pettigrew and that's because he's spooky. I know that's not a nice thing to say but he is! He freaks me out.
Potter also thinks he's the smartest guy alive. Granted, he's pretty intelligent but genius? I think not. My grades are higher. Well no, I lie. We're tied. We both have amazing grades. The only place he outshines me is Transfiguration but I make up for it with my fabulous Potions grade. Take that, Potter.
Oh and he taunts Severus Snape! Okay, so I can't really stand Snape either but no need to be so awful! He pranks him into oblivion nearly every day! Merlin, it's annoying.
Well enough about Potter. I'm off to bed.
Love,
Lily C. Evans
October 31st
Fifth Year at Hogwarts
I am depressed. Tonight's the Halloween Ball and I haven't got a date. Why don't I have a date? Because I said no to everyone who asked me, figuring I'd go stag or something. Why did I do that? Merlin only knows. I can't think of a logical reason. There was only one guy I was considering saying yes to but I don't even want to think about that.
Fine. I'll think about it. It's not like I have anything better to do tonight.
James Potter asked me to go. Yes, that Potter. The drive-up-the-wall Potter who will probably send me to the loony bin. He asked me and I honestly considered saying yes. Which is more than I can admit to with any of the other boys. I didn't even want to contemplate going with them. The thought of dancing with Peter Pettigrew (who asked me but then made me promise not to tell Potter, as if I'd tell him anything) or Gavin Powers (who is hot, yes, but something made me say no) made me feel a bit ill. Peter especially. I tried to say no as nicely as I could. More than I did for Potter. The exchange with him went like this:
Potter (P): Hullo gorgeous!
Me (M): What do you want, Potter?
P: You to go to the Halloween Ball with me.
M: Well that's just awful, isn't it?
P: What do you say, Evans?
M: I didn't hear a question.
P: Fine. Will you, Lily Evans, go to the Halloween Ball with me, James Potter?
M: (I'm ashamed to say I paused. I was contemplating it!)
P: (an excited look on his face) Will you?
M: No!
The sound of his voice woke me up. How could I go to the Ball with him? It'd be like going with the devil, only a hotter version.
And now, thanks to my stupid brain and gag reflex, I'm stuck in my room. Pippa and Caro offered to stay with me but I said no. Sirius asked Caroline and I want her to have fun. Pippa is going with Remus, but as friends she told me. Potter, clearly NOT heartbroken by my refusal, is going with Adele from my room. I can't believe she said yes. Well I can. She's always had a major crush on him. Maybe it'll work out and he'll get over me?
My stomach started hurting a second ago. I'm done with this for now.
Happy Halloween.
Love,
Lily C. Evans
December 24th
Fifth Year at Hogwarts
Merry Christmas Eve. I'm not at home. I decided not to go home this year. I didn't want to put up with my sister. I feel a bit like a coward for doing that but I feel like I have to. I can't deal with her this year. Not after all the emotional duress I've been under.
Potter has taken to asking me out daily. His record for one day was forty-four times! It sounds comical but it's not. I mean, he's a great looking guy. I don't know what he sees in me that's so attractive. Probably the fact that I've refused him. No other girl has ever refused him. Ever. I know because Adele told me.
Speaking of Adele and him, they dated for a few weeks. Actually, they dated for exactly two weeks, four days, twenty-one hours, and seven minutes. Adele was a bit lovesick for him. I had to get up off of my bed to check her calendar but it's there. Potter broke it off, crushing Adele's heart. According to her though, they only kissed once. And it wasn't him who did the kissing! Supposedly, Potter wouldn't kiss her! She had to kiss him and then it was only for a second. He freaked out and left. Then he dumped her. What a jerk! Adele says he told her he couldn't date her when he was in love with someone else. He wouldn't say who but he just said he was sorry. It made Adele like him even more! The bastard.
My sister's taken to calling me that. A bastard. Even though it's not really applicable because a.) I'm a girl and b.) my parents are her parents and were married when I came along. Logic isn't Petunia's strong suit.
She hates me. I'm talking pure, unadulterated hate. She despises me so thoroughly I'm surprised she hasn't even written a book about it. She hates me with every grain of her soul. And it's because she's jealous.
I know that sounds cocky and Potter-esque and I suppose it is. But you see, it's the truth. Petunia is desperately jealous of me being a witch and the better looking of the two. Pet is pretty, yes, but she isn't me. I'm the "exotic" one. God I hate that word. But yeah, Petunia isn't the prettiest and that bugs her. Add to the mix that I've got better grades and am magical; she's got a right case to hate me. I just wish she didn't. When we were little girls, she was my best friend. It's so weird how we changed. We used to giggle for hours. Petunia and I were the cutest little girls ever. And now I'm sitting at my boarding school (granted, it's a wonderful school) at Christmastime because I don't want to deal with her verbal abuse.
Merry Christmas,
Lily C. Evans
Valentine's Day (July 14th
Fifth Year at Hogwarts
I got a dozen roses from Potter today. I acted like I threw them away but later on I put them in my room. They're hidden now so none of my friends know that I kept
them but I have them. I dried them and they're lying on my bed-night stand. It's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me.
September 1st
Sixth Year at Hogwarts
Could it be that Potter's gotten better? He didn't ask me out, not once, today! It's almost a miracle. Maybe he fell in love over the summer with some girl? I hope so. Merlin knows I dated this summer. I had FOUR boyfriends. None too serious though. They were flings that only lasted two weeks each. Boyfriend Number 2 was a spectacular kisser, though.
December 25th
Sixth Year at Hogwarts
I'm at Hogwarts still. I don't know why I'm here. I didn't want to go home. I spent the holiday with the Marauders, as they still insist on calling themselves, and Caroline. Caroline and Sirius have been dating since Fifth Year's Halloween Ball. They're in love, definitely.
Caro left me alone with Potter today. She and Sirius went off to snog while Peter and Remus played wizard's chess. It was really, really, really awkward. I sat by him and I didn't know what to say. I didn't say anything until he started to talk. It was the weirdest conversation I've ever had. If I could recall it, I'd write it out but I don't remember. It was just so strange. He told me he loved me. I think. More like he said he loved lilies. I don't know if he meant the flower or me but it confused me.
Love,
Lily C. Evans
(Note to you, James: the following is a letter I wrote to Caro.)
Dear Caroline,
Merlin, I miss you so much! It's the first summer you haven't lived with me and my parents and it's killing me! I miss having you here so much.
Well, the dinner went well, don't you think? My parents absolutely loved the Potters and vice versa. It seems I'll be spending a lot of time over there. I'm a bit nervous but I'll be fine, I hope.
Speaking of Potters, I've got to admit that James Potter is looking rather good lately. No, that means nothing. I don't fancy him so don't think it. I was merely stating a fact.
Potter stayed over almost all night yesterday. He came by with his parents for tea and it lasted until 5 AM. We sat up until then, talking. I took him up on the roof to get away from Petunia. Can you believe it? I shared my roof with him!
We kind of had a heart-to-heart? I'm not sure how to define it. We talked about the past, mostly. I apologized for being a bitch (well, I tried to apologize. I'm not sure if I did it well). I think he's grown up a lot. He can be sweet, if he wants to.
Sorry Caro, I don't mean to wax on and on about him. But he's just on my mind a lot. Probably because he left his sweatshirt over here. Is it bad that I'm wearing it? I don't have one as warm and I'm feeling kind of chilly. I think I'm going to keep it…
He really confuses me, Caroline. I can't decide if I hate him or not. He's so cocky and arrogant one minute and the next he's telling me about how much his friends mean to him. He told me how much he cares about Remus, Peter, and Sirius. I quote, "they're my brothers. I don't even know where I'd be without them. Lost on some desert island, eating sand, probably." Tell me that isn't sweet! I think it's crazy how sweet he can be but then there're moments where he's a jerk.
I'm done. I'll rant again later, sweetheart.
I love you tons!
Lily
(I wrote this diary entry on September 14th, after the funerals.)
September 14th
Seventh Year at Hogwarts
I had to close my eyes before I could start to write. Too many tears were welled up in them. But I can't cry and I haven't a damn clue why not. It's so completely awful, to feel so sad but not be able to cry. I want to cry, or scream, or something but I can't. It sits within me, not letting me breathe.
James helps a lot, though. It may sound bad but it's really nice to have someone going through the same things as I am. I love that he can relate, and does, so easily. I just wish we could be relating without the loss of our parents.
God it hurts to write that. My mum and dad loved him so much. They adored the Potters. It's taking a lot to write this. I have to stop every few seconds and close my eyes. But I have to write it.
I miss my mother and father. Damn it, I miss them so much. I can't express how lonely I feel. It's like the universe got turned upside down, clichéd though it may sound. I miss them so very much.
I made James put his arms around me when I found out. I needed a hug. I used him, I know. But I think I love him so that's alright. I don't know if I can do that. How can I love when I just lost my parents? I can't. I'm not supposed to. What's wrong with me?
Crying is too hard for me. Or maybe it's too easy. That's why I can't do it? I don't know. All I know is that James and I are meeting in ten minutes. I'm going to go now.
Love, if it exists,
Lily C. Evans
September 20th
Seventh Year at Hogwarts
I cried today. I cried and cried and cried. It was thanks to James. I'm so grateful to him. I haven't been able to cry. But today, crying, it helped me so much. I don't know how he did it. He's a miracle.
I sobbed like a baby, all over his shirt. I felt a bit foolish for the first two seconds of my sob but then I realized that I needed to quit feeling foolish and just let it all out. So I cried. I cried for my parents, their bodies lying in those graves—God it hurts to write that. I cried for James and his parents, his loving and kind parents. I cried for all the children who've ever lost parents. If I ever have a child, I pray that I'll be there to watch him or her grow up.
After my first few weeps for death, I cried from love. I think I cried because I love James and I shouldn't. I cried over him. I cried over everyone who's ever lost someone. Mostly I cried because I realized, again, how absolutely awful I'd been to him. I am one selfish and horrible person, I thought. And then I realized I wasn't. And I cried even more.
I cried a lot today. And I'm glad.
Love,
Lily C. Evans
James,
That's the last thing I have for you to read. I know it's not organized as beautifully as yours but it was really hard to reread all of it, especially the bits about my parents. It hurt. But I'm glad I did it. I want you to know how much you helped me, how much I care for you.
Meet me after you read this. I'll be in our tower.
Frog's Legs,
Lily Catharine Evans