Dear Diary

Chapter 2: Positive

Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.

Benjamin Franklin

Dear Diary,

When John came by last night, I was in shock. He originally turned down my dinner offer, so I wasn't expecting him to knock on the door. He didn't stay long. In fact he said it was a bad idea that he was there at all. I can't help but disagree, because what he showed me was what I had been waiting for. He showed me caring, compassion, passion, desire, and love. It seemed to last a lifetime, but in truth it was only a handful of moments.

I wonder if he truly understands what he gave me last night. He gave me what I needed most, and that was encouragement. I rechecked the rules and regulations concerning interdepartmental relationships. It just says that the superior officer can't make the first move or show favoritism. Maybe John knew all along and wanted to make sure that he didn't make the first move. I guess I took to first step emotionally speaking, but the ball is still in my court. I have to make him understand that I won't let things slide. I want him and I'm determined…

Lilly quickly closed the notebook. She could feel Scotty behind her. She tucked it into her desk and turned to face him.

"What are you writing?" He asked.

"Nothing. Personal thoughts about things, cases, little things that don't belong in a report." She smiled at him. Scotty nodded but he knew she was hiding something. He turned and headed to his own desk. Maybe he could distract her enough for her to leave it behind.

Lilly knew he was curious, so she placed her journal in her bag when he had his back turned. If Scotty knew about how she felt, it would be out to the precinct in a day tops, and that was exactly what she didn't need. She gathered up her things and a few files she needed to give Stillman. He nodded for her to enter when she knocked on the door.

"Here are the files you wanted. Are there any others you need before I go?" Lilly asked with a gentle smile.

"No, those are good for now. Have a good night." He answered. She nodded and headed out. Stillman pulled the top file open and started to read. He went through three before he found her note.

'You're always welcome to have dinner with me. I promise I wont be so surprised the next time.'

It hadn't been signed, but he would know her handwriting anywhere. He glanced at his watch. It had only been 45 minutes since she had left. He tucked the note into his pocket and gathered his coat. He would keep it for future reference, but he couldn't go over tonight. Everything was still fresh and he wanted to give her another day to be sure. He noted that Scotty was also gone, but his other two detectives were going strong on some bits of paperwork.

When the knock came that night, Lilly was a little more prepared for it. She knew it wouldn't be Stillman. He would wait a few days. She knew it had to be Scotty or her sister. She could handle him, but she was in no mood to deal with Christina.

"Why are you here, Scotty?" It was the first thing out of her mouth when she opened the door. It wasn't friendly, but then she was starting to get irritated with the man.

"Well I'm worried about you. You seem distant lately, and I was wondering if everything was ok." He was being sincere, but it pushed a button she didn't know she had. She snapped.

"I'm fine Scotty, I don't need your concern and quite frankly I'm tired of it. You're always watching me and waiting for me to break as if I'm some fragile flower of glass. I've been on my own for along time. I practically raised my sister. I don't need help. I don't want help, and I'm tired of the offers. I don't need a shoulder to cry on. And by the way, I hope you enjoy your fling with my sister while it lasts, because she never sticks around for long." With that she shut the door in his face and went back to her kitchen. She picked up her cell phone and dialed Stillman's number from memory. She had punched in the number a million times before, but had never actually pressed send as she did tonight. She didn't expect him to answer.

"Stillman." His voice was soft and slightly gruff.

"Lieutenant, I need to speak to you in the morning about a work related matter." Lilly said in a professional tone.

"Ok. First thing in the morning come see me. Can I get an idea about what it is that's bothering you?" He asked. From the tone of her voice, he could guess.

"In a word, Scotty." Her tone dropped a few degrees to an absolutely icy sound. He could almost feel the frost through he phone.

"We'll talk about it in the morning then. Anything else?" Lilly smiled to herself and let the warmth of her natural tone flow through.

"Yeah, sweet dreams." It was said with a hint of seduction.

"You too." His voice had softened as well. Lilly smiled as she closed her cell phone and started making a snack to eat instead of dinner.

The next morning Lilly went straight to Stillman's office. She didn't bother knocking, because he waved her in as she was approaching.

"Good morning." Stillman said. His voice was serious but she could see a smile lurking in his eyes. " So what did Scotty do this time?" Lilly, who had almost been smiling herself suddenly frowned.

"He is always watching me, and over the last 2 months he's shown up at my house 6 times for no reason. If he weren't my partner, I'd think he was trying to be a stalker. I would like to request a new partner." Stillman gazed at her for a moment.

"It just so happens that we have a new detective transferring in. Her name is Miller. You can partner with her starting tomorrow. As for Scotty, I'm not sure what we'll do with him. He's a good detective but he hasn't been the same since his girl killed herself."

"I know. He's been reckless in his personal life. He took up with my little sister, and that wasn't exactly the brightest thing to do." Stillman snorted softly.

"Thank you for the dinner invitation. I may take you up on that sometime." Lilly nodded to him and turned to go back to her desk. Scotty was there leaning against it. He had a guilty look on his face, so she could tell that he had either tried looking for her notebook (which she'd left at home), or he had been trying to lip read (not that he knew how), to figure out what she and Stillman talked about.

"So what did he want?" Scotty asked.

"He informed me that we have a new detective joining our team tomorrow, and he wanted me to partner up with her for awhile to show her the ropes." Lilly answered coldly. She just wanted to be left alone to do her work for the day.

Scotty wisely backed away from her. He could tell that something was still bothering her, and that something had to do with him, in terms of her anger. As for everything else about Lilly, she was happy, truly happy, and that was something he hadn't seen in a long time. She tried to keep it all hidden, but when she was happy, it was like trying to hide a fire in the dark

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

Buddha