Dear Diary
Chapter 3: Follow
Follow love and it will flee, flee love and it will follow
Proverb
Dear Diary,
I'm getting a new partner! God, I sound like a petty little schoolgirl. Scotty will be working alone for a while, until the new detective knows the ropes. Maybe I'll be over my irritation with him by then. I feel bad that I snapped at him the other night. He picked the wrong time to show up at my house unexpectedly. Maybe he'll stop doing that from now on.
When I came out of John's office today, he had a guilty look on his face, like a little boy who had his hand caught in the cookie jar. I know what he was looking for, but I'm being cautious for now, because this info in his hands would be disastrous.
On a happier note, John got my message. He says he may take me up on dinner sometime. That would be wonderful as long as Scotty doesn't show up uninvited…. someone's knocking…
Lilly got up from her couch spilling cats in every direction. She had already changed into her pajamas – a simple tank and cotton shorts. When she opened the door John was standing there. She smiled warmly at him and stepped aside to let him in. He shrugged out of his light coat and she hung it on the rack next to the door. He was in jeans and a soft button down shirt, loose at the collar. He looked relaxed for the most part. Lilly could see a hint of nervousness in his eyes so she took his hand and led him to the couch. Once he was seated, she curled up next to him, and leaned her head on his shoulder. John wrapped an arm around her.
"I couldn't stop thinking about you." It was whispered soft and low, as if anything louder would break the spell that seemed to have fallen over them.
"I was thinking about you as well." Lilly whispered back. John turned to face her.
"Lilly I need to know why you chose me. I'm not exactly a prime choice here." His tone held self-depreciation, like he was ashamed that he should have feelings for her, like he wasn't worthy of her. She knew she would have to be totally honest with him or their relationship would never get off the ground.
"I love you because of who you are. I love you because of the way you make me feel. I love you because you make me strive to be a better person. I love how you always know just what to say and how you are always so calm. And I happen to like your packaging just fine. I think you're handsome. I just love you." She was trying to be articulate, but it was hard to put all of her emotions and feelings into those few simple words. He stared at her for a moment, and Lilly could feel her face start to flush.
"I love you too Lilly. I just needed to be reassured. This is uncharted territory for me. I've long since accepted the fact that I would spend the rest of my life alone. I never dared to hope I could fall in love again, or be loved by anyone else. I was burned once by my ex wife, and it hurt. It hurt more than anything I ever felt before." He paused. "I don't always know what to say Lilly. Right now I'm finding it extremely difficult to find the right words to tell you everything I need to. I'm very set in my ways. I'm not exactly the most open person, and I'm not easy to live with. I'm cautious because I don't want there to be any pain in this relationship."
"There is pain in any relationship. Its how we deal with it that affects whether or not we make it. I love you and I would never deliberately hurt you." It was said in a desperate and haunted whisper.
"I know that in my head, but my heart, as much as I love you, still needs to be convinced."
"We can stop now. We don't have to go any farther. If you have doubts…" She trailed off. The thought of losing him was almost too much to bear.
"No, I want this, I just want to take it slow." Lilly gave him a watery smile.
"Slow I can do." John nodded and pulled her close, kissing her softly on the lips. She settled back against his side. Once they were comfortable, Lilly's cats who were usually wary of strangers, arranged themselves around the couple.
There is only one happiness in life - to love and to be loved
George Sand