Dear Diary

Chapter 4: Youth

To Be Positive: To be mistaken at the top of ones voice

Ambrose Bierce

Dear Diary,

John and I are officially together. It's wonderful. This time I wont push a man away because, John is what I've always wanted and needed. I believe we can be happy together. I know we'll be happy together. I feel complete with him. We're going to take it slow. He's still wary of our relationship. He doesn't want to get burned again. I don't blame him. I was surprised that I was so eager to jump into this. My track record isn't exactly spectacular.

There was something else that surprised me. John loves me too. He's always been compassionate and supportive. He always encouraged me, and even when I did something that disappointed him, he still cared. That's why the disappointment hurt as much as it did.

I worry though, because while our relationship isn't forbidden, it isn't exactly encouraged either. That we could be discovered and have the whole world know, distresses me. He still has a way to go with his career and so do I. A leak could ruin both of us. I worry more for him, because they could force him into early retirement. If he weren't on the force or if we weren't in the same unit things would be different, they'd be easier. But then who ever said love was easy.

Lilly set the notebook aside and looked up. Detective Miller was standing in front of her desk.

"We caught a lead. James Stanton. He's living in Pemberton now." Kat announced with a smile. Lilly returned it. Miller was smart and resourceful. She learned fast as well. She and Lilly were a good match as partners. They balanced each other out. Where Lilly was cool and calm, Kat was energetic and fiery. They liked each other and were fast becoming friends. Lilly hoped that at some point she could trust her implicitly, as she didn't have any close female friends to talk with.

"Good. Care to go for a drive, Detective Miller?"

"I would love to, Detective Rush." Lilly nodded and gathered her bag. She slipped her notebook into it as she walked past Scotty. He looked crestfallen. The man had never been very good at hiding his emotions. She knew it was because he was still trying to find out her secret.

Lilly and Detective Miller interviewed Stanton, but he couldn't tell tem very much, or maybe he just wasn't talking. Lilly figured it was a little of both. Kat wanted to keep questioning him. Lilly had to give her credit she pursued her job zealously. She would do well.

The detectives headed back to the office. Kat drove and Lilly was deep in thought. She ran through the case again. There was just something off about the whole thing. The boy had gone missing, but why kill the mother if you weren't going to take the boy, or why let the boy live at all? Unless of course the killer didn't know that the child was there. The boy wouldn't have had any family or anywhere to go, so why not run away? The more she thought about it, the more it made sense. Lilly shared her idea with Detective Miller.

"You know a kid wouldn't last long on the streets like that, he would seek shelter somewhere. We could check the old police records to see if any children were picked up for wandering that day." Kat suggested.

"That's a good idea. We should also check the records of kids admitted to child services and to mental hospitals. A kid sees his mother murdered in cold blood, he's bound to have problems that need to be addressed." Lilly replied.

"They entered the precinct and started their search. Lilly deliberately ignored Scotty until her sister decided to grace them with her presence. She and Lilly still weren't getting along, nothing new there. Christina went straight to Scotty and didn't even look at Lilly. Detectives Jeffries and Vera could feel the tension in the room, Detective Miller was too new to know all the background on the other detectives, but she could feel the temperature in the room drop about 10 degrees. She would ask Jeffries later what it was about. Until then she would hope for some warmer weather.

Lily tried to go back to work and actually concentrate on what she was doing. It was difficulty with her there. She was loud and boisterous on purpose. The other detectives just shook their heads. Lilly had tried more than once to get Christina to stay away from the precinct but she was ignored. No shock there either. She completed her call and walked over to where Scotty and Christina were talking.

"What are you doing here?" Lilly asked softly.

"I came to see Scotty. He's actually nice to me." Christina countered with a smirk.

"Great, but you should still go. I don't want to catch trouble because you decide you need to be here all the time. Stillman isn't going to care who you're seeing." Lilly didn't care that she had lost her cold, hard edge for a more desperate tone.

"He wont care Lil. You're too uptight."

"Actually, 'he' does care." Christina turned to look at Stillman, who had come up behind her. He wasn't smiling. "If you wish to speak or see Scotty or your sister, make sure its when they're on their own time." With that he nodded at Lilly to follow him into his office. She glared at Christina as she passed. As soon as the door was closed, she started to apologize.

"You don't have to apologize. I know you have now control over you sister's actions. I just wish she would be more discreet, like her sister." Stillman gave her a small smile. "Now I called you into to ask about your case. How's it going?"

"Its going nowhere at the moment. Detective Miller and I are searching for the little boy. We think the killer didn't know about him and he managed to escape. We're checking all the records, police, child services, mental hospitals, to see if he was picked up."

"Good idea." Stillman paused. "Do you want to have dinner tonight?" It was asked softly as though anything louder would be heard by the world outside his door.

"I'd like that." Lilly answered just as softly. Stillman nodded, giving another small smile.

"7?"

"Perfect"

"Better get back to work then before your partner tries to break down my door with her enthusiasm." Lilly turned to see Kat about to knock on the door. Stillman gestured for her to enter.

"I got a lead. There was a 7 year old by picked up the day of the murder, a block from the scene. He seemed calm enough and he didn't have anything on him. When they asked about his parents, he said he didn't have any. They placed him in a foster home. He's 16 now and as I found out, currently in juvie." Kat looked triumphant.

"What's he being held for?" Lilly asked.

"Animal cruelty. The officers caught him killing a dog." She answered. Stillman raised an eyebrow.

"Guess we better get down there and have a talk with this kid." Both detectives nodded at him and left.

Stillman was once again left to his own thoughts. That was dangerous territory on any day, but even more so when they were consistently focused on Lilly Rush.

Youth is happy because it has the ability to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.

Franz Kafka