Dear Diary

Chapter 9: Awakening

Without you I'm all alone,

There's a candle burning in my heart for you,

Because I cant forget your love.

Goddess Nemesis

She was floating in darkness. There were soft beeps coming from somewhere and distant voices that she couldn't distinguish. She felt heavy, weighted down by something leaden. It felt as though breathing was next to impossible and each inhale was a titanic struggle since there was obviously an elephant sitting in her chest. She felt a though she needed to be somewhere, a place where there was light, but she couldn't quite find the strength to get there and her consciousness faded again.

When she felt some awareness again, the darkness had faded to an indistinct gray. Her body felt lighter but it was still hard to breathe. The elephant had been exchanged for at least a small rhino. She could still hear the soft beeping but the voices were gone. She could almost open her eyes and felt her eyelashes flutter against her cheeks. She felt as though she was floating up to the surface of a deep lake, one the stretched for miles deep into the earth and she was at the bottom making her way to the top.

Each time her she felt her consciousness return, she felt a little closer to the light. The voices periodically returned however the steady, soft beeps were constant. It was six days after she had been admitted to the hospital that she was finally able to open her eyes. When she did, she saw the gray ceiling of the hospital. The soft beeps of her heart monitor were to one side. She tried to move her hand but it felt like it was trapped in a vice grip. She looked over to see John's head lying on the bed next to her. He was holding onto her hand in a steady grip as though he was an anchor and refused to let her go. He was sleeping. Lilly twitched her fingers in his and he sat upright almost immediately. It took a moment for him to focus on her face and see that she was awake.

"Oh thank God. I thought you were going to leave me." John whispered.

"Couldn't leave…. love you too much…." Lilly answered, her voice hoarse from disuse.

"I love you too, sweetheart." John had tears in his eyes. The last six days had been the longest in his life. He had left the squad in Jeffries capable hands. He hadn't left Lilly's side. He had wanted to be there no matter which way the tide turned.

"What happened? I remember the Viewing room but I don't remember after that. Did he shoot me?"

"Yes. Just as Scotty came in, he fired and hit you. You were awake but you were in shock. I rode with you to the hospital. It was hard to let go of your hand when they took you into the ER. I felt that I would never see you again, or get to tell you how much I love you, if I let go. I almost lost you Lilly! They had to restart your heart because the bullet passed so close." He was near tears.

"Well who's running the place, since you're here with me?" She asked with a hint of her usual humor. John sniffed and smiled.

"Its under the watchful eye of Jeffries and Vera."

"And they haven't left the precinct in ruins yet?"

"No. Scotty keeps me updated. He and Christina have come to see you."

"That's good. So when do I get out of this place? I miss my cats."

"The doc says that if you behave yourself, maybe in a few days. But you have to rest and you aren't allowed to go back to work for a least a week and a half and then only on desk duty."

"Well, I wont argue, but will you check on the cats. They hate Scotty."

"So he tells me. Are you tired?"

"Yeah. I feel like I've been sleeping forever, but I cant seem to keep my eyes open."

"Go back to sleep, hon. I'll be here when you wake up." Lilly was already asleep. John watched her for a moment before he left the hospital. He needed to relieve Scotty of cat duty and to check in on the precinct. He walked out to his car and on the way to Lilly's house, he made his calls. He let everyone know that Lilly was awake and that she was going to be ok. When he got to her house, he let himself in and collapsed onto the couch. When he finally let himself relax and think about how close he had come to losing Lilly, he gave into tears.

I can only pray you'll catch me,
When I fall to the otherside.

Goddess Nemesis