AN: I was going to end the story with this chapter, but that seems to be a cop out. I apologive for not having this up sooner. I really would like to finish this story but I'm afraid that it isnt ready to let go. Hopefully I will have a few more insprations so that I can add more chapters. And just for trivia purposes, this is the longest story I have ever written in terms of chapters, coming in a 10 so far. Enjoy!

Dear Diary

Chapter 10: Bliss

When by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief

e. e. cummings

Dear Diary,

I've finally been released from the hospital. Thank God! If I had to stare at the gray walls one more day, or eat hospital food, I was going to go crazy. I was awake too, so John wasn't allowed to stay with me any longer. I was out of danger so to speak. I miss him already. He has gone back to work, but he is staying with me for now. He actually brought clothes with him too. I was so proud. It feels good to be able to sleep in my own bed and curl up next to John. He holds me so tightly though. I think he's afraid that he is going to wake up and I wont be there, that me surviving was just a dream. I don't mind, in fact I really like it. There's just something wonderful about knowing you're loved by being held all night long.

I still hurt when I think about my mom. I know it will lessen with time, but things happened so fast that I really haven't had time to grieve properly. I miss her so much. My first thought when I got out of the hospital was how much I would like her to read me the 'Velveteen Rabbit' one more time. I had to stop and remember that she wasn't there any longer.

Scotty and Christina stopped by to see me. He asked her to marry him. I'm so happy for them. I think that Scotty is taming my sister in his own way and she's…well I don't exactly know what my sister does for him, but he's happy and that's something. They're perfect for each other. Christina says when I get back on my feet that we have to go shopping for dresses. She needs to find the perfect wedding dress and she wants me to be her maid of honor. She asked if John would walk her down the aisle. He agreed. I guess since I played a mother to her for so long, its only fair that my lover…boyfriend…significant other…escort her to the altar. I'm just happy that we've managed to put our differences behind us and that we are finally able to be sisters, true sisters. I wonder if John will ever ask me to marry him? I wouldn't mind if he did but it isn't necessary. I'll love him no matter what.

Lilly set aside her notebook and sighed. She was getting bored being cooped up in the house. She wasn't allowed to go back to work for another five days and then it was only for desk duty. She couldn't clean her house, not that she really wanted to. She wasn't hungry so there was no reason to cook. It was raining, so she couldn't go outside and sit. John was at work and none of her cats felt like playing, no matter how many times she attempted to lure them over. She really didn't feel like reading a book either and just finished her entry into her journal. To top all that off, she wasn't tired anymore and therefore couldn't go to sleep. It was going to be a long week. She decided to call John anyway.

"Stillman." He answered the phone gruffly, which meant that his day was not going well.

"Hey. How's work?" Lilly asked. She knew that they still had to be discreet and even though she didn't want to interrupt whatever it was that he was doing, she needed to hear John's voice.

"I'll get back to you on that." John answered cryptically.

"Someone there you don't want to know about us?" She questioned.

"Yes."

"Ok well call me when you're done."

"Ok." She heard the click on the line and wondered whom John had in his office that he couldn't talk.

John focuses on his long time friend and buddy, McMasters, with a frown. He had hoped to keep IAB away for a while longer.

"When Valens came to us, we laughed because I didn't think you or her, would be crazy enough to do what you're doing. You've both worked so hard to get where you are. So I have to ask: What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking, here is a special woman and she's head over heels for me, and I feel the same way about her. I was thinking that it was time to take the risk and it would definitely e the last time because she's perfect for me. I was thinking that I love her so much that I said damn the consequences because I cant live without her." John answered. McMasters nodded.

"Well it's a good thinking that there aren't rules against this, only suggestions. Do me a favor though? Don't make me come down her over you and her again."

"Deal" McMasters gave a final nod and made a quick getaway. John waited a few minutes before he called Lilly back. They talked for a moment as he explained who was in his office.

"So we're ok?" She asked.

"We/re fine as long as we keep it out of the office."

"Good to know. When will you be by?"

"About 7. I have to run an errand before I come by."

"Ok, I'll see you then." Lilly returned to her previous occupation of nothing and John smirked to himself.

John ran his errand and let himself into Lilly's house. She was curiously absent so he walked through until he found her steaming in the bathtub.

"Are you cooked yet?" He asked with a smile. She returned it, happy to see him.

"My aren't we in a good mood. No not yet. You could cook with me for a while. Its big enough for two."

"I might take you up on that if you'll answer a question for me."

"Ok, ask away." Lilly answered giving him her full attention.

"Will you stay with me forever?" He asked kneeling by the tub and opening a small velvet box. She felt tears spring into her eyes.

"Of course I will, forever and a day. I love you."

"I love you too, Lilly Rush."

All by all and deep by deep,

And more by more, they dream their sleep.

e. e. cummings