Disclaimer: Hi, the disclaimer's not in right now to take your call, but if you'd like to leave a message, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number, then press star, press 69, ask for extension 44-43, then leave your name and message. If you'd like to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, bark like a dog, spin in a circle, press 1 twenty-six times, and wait for the beep.
Note: There was a slight break-up earlier before this chapter was started, and so now Xell's girlfriend is Hitomi again. Boy, this character sure gets around! So, for those who are reading Hitomi and thinking Stormi, you may think Hitomi again, but if you read Stormi, think Hitomi (plus I have an expressed command from Xell XIII to never let him try to make me change it again). Anyway, the show must go on, so on with the show!
The Ultimate Largely Massive Pointlessly-Named Big Final Bout Super Tournament… 5!!! – Chapter 14!
Last time on Dragonball Z:
Bakaryu: It's gonna be Chichi and… uh-oh…
Krillin: Who's Uh-oh?
Bakaryu: Not Uh-oh, you silly bald fool! I meant uh-oh! Chichi's going against Sephi-whatchamacallit!
Everyone else: What!? You're joking?!
Bakaryu: I wish I was, but they're the only ones left who haven't been defeated…
Hitomi: Hey, does that mean that in the finals, DJ could fight Chichi? That would be a laugh!
Angel: Yeah, it would… but unfortunately the chances of that are about a zillion to one…
Bulma: DJ is through to the finals! That means the next match is between Chichi and Sephihimoto!
Chichi's proved to be a tough cookie in the past, but does she have what it takes against a ruthless, merciless killer like Sephihimoto? Find out today, on Dragonball Z!
"The match between Chichi and Sephi… oh, Kami, Sephi… where's that sheet of paper!?" Bulma seemed to be a bit lost in her own commentator's booth, as the sound of flapping papers flows from the speakers. "I found it! Ahem, the match between Chichi and Sephihimoto will begin in fifteen minutes! Well… it's thirteen now… sorry to keep on this so long… blast, why does the bad guy have to have such a long name?" Anyway, our heroes were back in the fast food restaurant now, and unsurprisingly, there's a girl from DJ's group attacking a meal big enough for everyone in the stadium. What actually WAS surprising, though, is that the girl eating so much wasn't Amy, or D-Chan, but Leanne!
"Well, she's definitely a RocketGirl!" Gokan exclaimed, shocked. "But why so much food?"
"Hey, falling under the false belief that I'm a pervert and trying to decimate me works up an appetite, doesn't it, Leanne?" DJ joked.
"Don't push your luck, DJ…" Leanne smiled. "Or I might just try it for sport!" DJ gulped and obediently stayed silent.
"You wouldn't REALLY want to hurt DJ, would you?" Amy asked. "I mean, what happened in that match WAS an accident…"
"It was Veggie's fault!" D-Chan chimed. "He was the one who blew DJ into your boobies!" Thomas suddenly blushed and hid behind Leanne.
"Did you REALLY have to remind us about that?" he asked.
"It seems just talking about her OWN body isn't enough…" Leanne sighed. "So she talks about every other girl's body as well…"
"You'd better not have said anything about me!" Sarah cried, blushing at the thought of what weird remarks D-Chan may have come up with.
"Actually, I do remember asking someone if that chocolate cake you ate before DJ's match with Leanne was delicious… but then I thought 'of COURSE it's delicious! It's CHOCOLATE!' and then I went to get one myself!"
"How can you eat that stuff?" Lisa asked.
"You mean chocolate?" D-chan replied in question. "Because it's delicious!"
"No way, D-Chan! All chocolate does is make you fat! And I'm not falling into that trap!"
"Actually, that's not true, Lisa…" Leanne said. "I mean, not for us, anyway. Don't you know that chocolate's one of the best sources of energy? Remember when DJ said that eating restores energy? Well, different foods restore different amounts! With the right amount of chocolate, you could become the strongest girl in the universe!"
"I could be… the strongest?" Lisa's eyes seemed to light up.
"Yay! My food's here!" D-Chan squealed as a large order of various chocolate products was delivered to the table. Suddenly, Lisa dived for the table, eating everything she could get her hands on!!!
"Just you wait, Veggie!" Lisa said in between bites. "Next time we meet, I'll break you apart just by BLINKING!"
"Wow!" Amy gasped. "Calm down, Lisa!"
"Yeah, that's D-Chan's food anyway…" Gokan added. Suddenly, a loud rumbling sound shook the entire room. It was almost like a stampede of some kind! Then, a certain Saiyan prince broke through the doors.
"STOP CALLING ME VEGGIE!!!" his voice sliced through the restaurant like a hot masamune blade through butter.
"Vegeta, no! Don't get into another fight with Lisa!" Gokan cried, actually rather worried about what Lisa's new power level may do.
"Shut up, Gokakarot! My beef is with the GIRL! Now hand her over!" DJ stood up to face Vegeta.
"If you wanna beat Lisa up, then you'll have to go through ME first!" DJ yelled. DJ still hadn't recovered from his last fight, however, and so Vegeta effortlessly kicked him out of the way.
"Don't be ridiculous…" Vegeta snarled.
"Hey!" Lisa yelled, getting up out of her seat. "Quit kicking my cousin around, Veggie!" A lot of people were now starting to think that this was going a little bit too far. I mean, sure they always got into these little fights, but if the chocolate theory's correct, then that can only mean trouble.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times…" Vegeta started. "DON'T CALL ME…" But before Vegeta could finish his sentence, Lisa released the compressed ki and spirit energy from her body, giving the signal that she's ready to attack! Everyone is blown to the sides and walls except for Vegeta, who miraculously managed to keep to the ground. "…V-V-…Veggie?" Vegeta really looked pitiful at that moment. His face had lost all colour, his jaw was trembling, beads of sweat raced each other from his forehead to the floor, and he no longer had the ability to speak!
"Hmmm… I guess I'm the only woman capable of truly controlling the prince of the Saiyans…" Lisa laughed, suddenly cringing at what she just said. "I'll have trouble sleeping tonight…"
"HAH! You think you can control me!?" Vegeta yelled, regaining his posture. "This time we're finishing this!"
"Fine…" Lisa sighed. The power emission from Lisa was so thick and present, you could almost swim in it! Lisa casually let her arms drop to her sides, and then winked at Vegeta. That's what did it. Vegeta sensed the air particles around him being forced back violently, and his own boots failing to keep him in his position. Random objects flew into the walls, adding to Vegeta's fear. At that moment, he KNEW he was in trouble…
"What… what's going on?" Vegeta questioned. Lisa just smiled.
"Hmm. You're still standing." She said. "I guess just closing one eye isn't enough. Maybe if I just blink?" Now, remember that when winking, you only use one eye, but a simple blink requires both eyelids. This meant double trouble for our least favourite prince! A single blink from Lisa propelled a multitude of power waves so forceful that Vegeta was blown out of the restaurant and down to the main corridor, along with some other random things, such as bits of the wall, some discarded wrappers, and a table! DJ, Sarah, D-Chan, Leanne and Gokan were just staring at Lisa, their eyes bugged out and their jaws pretty close to the floor. "What?" Lisa asked. "I know I'm pretty, but you don't have to stare…"
"Lisa, where did you learn that stuff?!" Leanne cried. "That was AMAZING!"
"You blew him away just by BLINKING at him!" Gokan added. "If I could do that, then I coulda beaten Buu and Babidi easily!"
"Yeah, but then the Dragonball Z series wouldn't have been anywhere NEAR as long…"
"What's a Dragonball?" D-Chan asked. "Can you eat it?"
"No, you can't!!!" Sarah cried in panic.
"I don't think I'd like to talk about eating a Dragonball…" Gokan sighed. He remembered when he, as Goku, actually swallowed a Dragonball, and it appeared on his forehead. "But anyway, that was just incredible, Lisa!"
"I know! I can hardly believe I did it myself…" Lisa replied. "I must have more! I must be the STRONGEST!" Lisa proceeded to dive at another huge order of chocolate for D-Chan. D-Chan, Leanne and DJ grabbed her and tried to pull her back.
"Lisa, what's the point?" Leanne asked. "I already beat you in the main event!"
"Besides, if you eat too much without battling, you WILL get fat!" Sarah added.
"And besides more than that, this chocolate is MINE!" D-Chan whined. Sarah helped Leanne and DJ to pull Lisa away while D-Chan moved her massive order of chocolaty goodness to a safer location. After the quick movement (and a little eating) D-Chan helped with trying to postpone Lisa's movement.
"Hey, come on guys! Let me go!" Lisa cried. "I wanna make sure Vegeta never bothers me again! Let go, I said! Hey, that tickles!"
"Hey, this is actually pretty funny!" Gokan laughed before noticing Zori, Zeon, Xell, Hitomi (Yes, Hitomi. Read it again, HITOMI. There we go.), Hawk, Angel and Bakaryu outside the restaurant, checking out the damage from earlier. "Hey, you guys! Check this out!" Gokan called.
"What's going on there?" Bakaryu asked.
"Hey, it looks like a fight!" Xell exclaimed. "Let's go, Hitomi!"
"OK!" Hitomi chimed. "Hey, it's DJ, Sarah, Leanne, Lisa and that D-Chan chick!" Hitomi still didn't know D-Chan too well, apart from the fact that she loved food. Mind you, who didn't know that about D-Chan?
"Hey, what are you all doing to Lisa-Chan?" Zori cried.
"They're holding her back for some reason!" Zeon said. "Let's check it out!"
"Whatever they're doing, one of them's grabbing my chest!" Lisa suddenly cried out. The whole room fell silent, and all eyes fell on DJ, Leanne, Sarah and D-Chan.
"Don't look at me, I don't swing that way, thank you!" Leanne cried.
"I sincerely doubt that your arm counts, Lisa…" Sarah added.
"I'm hungry…" D-Chan pointlessly contributed.
"…" DJ said, or rather DIDN'T say. Because he didn't want to get in trouble with Leanne, DJ had taken a vow of silence. But since he wasn't saying anything, he was now getting the blame!
"DJ… let go…" Lisa said, coldly. DJ innocently stepped back, and Lisa felt an arm around her waist and a hand on her shoulder retracting. "Wait a second… DJ wasn't anywhere near… what's going on?" Lisa looked down on her chest, then followed the arm to its owner: D-Chan.
"Umm…" D-Chan giggled nervously. "Hey, can I eat this?"
"NO! YOU CAN'T!!!" Yelled a very red-faced and enraged Lisa. Everyone backed away, and Lisa sank to her knees. DJ and Zori instinctively rushed to her aid.
"Hey, DJ!" Leanne laughed. "You can speak again, you know!"
"Thanks, Leanne!" DJ cheered. "Lisa, you OK?"
"What's up?" Zori asked.
"Why is this happening to me?" Lisa sighed. "First there's the hot springs incident, then Amy starts calling me Blitzball… y'know…" It looked like Lisa was just as shy as Amy about this particular subject. "And now this! Can't everyone just leave my stupid breasts alone!?"
"They're not stupid, Lisa-Chan…" Zori assured. "It's just that, you know what most guys are like…"
"Umm, Zori?" DJ asked. "Amy and D-Chan are girls…"
"DJ… you're not helping…" Zeon sighed.
"Maybe I shoulda just stayed silent…"
"Attention, everyone!" Bulma's voiced echoed. "The match between Chichi and Sephi Hitomi will start in five minutes!"
"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, IT'S SEPHIHIMOTO!" Everyone in the restaurant yelled.
"OK, Sephihimoto! Wait, I don't see how I should have heard that…"
"The match is starting!" D-Chan chimed. "Let's go! Come on, Lisa! You can worry about your stupid breasts later!"
"D-Chan!" DJ cried. "That wasn't the right thing to say at all!"
"But they ARE stupid, DJ! You can't even eat them!"
"You wanna eat one? Here!" Hitomi called as she grabbed a turkey breast sandwich from a nearby table and pressed it into D-Chan's face! Lisa suddenly burst out laughing!
"You can eat THAT one, D-Chan!" Lisa laughed. "Come on, we can't miss this fight! Let's go!" D-Chan took the sandwich from her face, ate it, and then followed everyone else to the arena. A few moments later, Vegeta wearily wandered into the restaurant and laid eyes on the table where Hitomi got the sandwich.
"WHERE'S MY SANDWICH!?!?!?!?!" Vegeta roared.
On the arena floor, Chichi was having concerns of her own. Was she really ready to take on the monstrosity whose name hardly anyone can pronounce? What if he were to actually KILL her? What if he killed her and used her carcass to kill some more audience members? Speaking of which, most of the crowds were sat edged near the exits, ready to run in case Sephihimoto went berserk once again. Even our heroes and heroines were taking special precautions in case of such an event.
"Do you think Chichi can win?" Hitomi asked.
"I seriously doubt it…" Xell replied. "This guy's undefeated among those of us he's challenged, and we're MUCH stronger than Chichi is!"
"We'll just have to see…" DJ added. "Who knows? Maybe Chichi will surprise us and knock Sephihimoto out of the arena?"
"But still, what are the chances of that?" Angel asked. "Besides, you think being disqualified is gonna stop a crazy madman like Sephi-whatchamacallit?"
"Surely even bad guys have a set of rules that they go by?" Amy suggested.
"Forget that!" Zeon exclaimed. "His only rule is to break ALL the rules! But wait a second… how could he break all the rules if he follows that one? Does that mean that he'll have to break that rule too and be nice to us all for a change in order to fully accomplish the meaning of that rule?"
"Zeon, it's best not to think about it…" Zori sighed. Chichi was looking rather fidgety, standing there in the middle of the arena.
"Like, are you soooooooooooo totally OK?" Hidoi asked. "You're all, like, fidgety?"
"That's because I'm going up against a guy who's likely to KILL me!" Chichi cried. "That, and I have to go to the bathroom…"
"Chichi!" Krillin called as he rushed to the centre of the arena. "Why are you down here? Aren't you supposed to be a commentator?"
'Maybe not for much longer…' Chichi thought.
"Like, welcome back, baldy!" Hidoi chimed. "Where WERE you?"
"Hey! I'm bald by CHOICE, you scrappy bag of bolts!" Krillin retorted, thinking 'What a lame comeback…' "And I'm the referee here, so take a hike!"
"I'm been, like, referee here ever since you went splitzville, baldy! If you want me to leave, you'll have to FORCE me!"
"There's someone I know who can do that better than I can…" Krillin turned to face the audience, or to be more specific, DJ. "DJ! Blast this guy with your Raigeki attack!" By the way, Raigeki is Japanese for Thunder Shot.
"Huh? How come?" DJ asked, giving a bewildered look. "He hasn't done anything…"
"He keeps making fun of my hair!"
"I thought you were bald by choice?"
"Damn…" Krillin could see that this wasn't going to work. But then he got another idea… "DJ! Hidoi the Valley Robot just called Sarah a bitch!"
"DIE, ROBOT!!!!" DJ yelled, pointing viciously at Hidoi. As he did this, a devastating bolt of electricity flew from DJ's finger, hitting Hidoi with a deadly blow to the chest. Suddenly, lots of sparks started to fly from Hidoi's body.
"I, like, don't feel so hot…" He said.
"Are you sure?!" Krillin cried. "You look like you're about to overheat!" Hidoi staggered one way, then another, and when at a far range from everyone, he suddenly exploded! As the dust cleared, a different android was standing in Hidoi's location. This new robot was six feet and two inches tall, had white spiky hair and blue sunglasses.
"What are YOU?" Chichi asked.
"I'm known as Miyamoto…" The new android replied. "I despise that Valley Robot, and I can't believe that he's actually a part of me…"
"That's nice, and all, but can I be the referee now?" Krillin asked. Miyamoto's response was to kick Krillin back through the corridor leading inside.
"I'm the ref around here!" Miyamoto barked. "Now where's… what's his name?" Suddenly, the audience fell silent as Sephihimoto appeared out of nowhere and stepped up onto the arena floor.
"He's… here…" Chichi sighed, slowly.
"OK, on the East side is Son Chichi! On the West side is… ummm…."
"What's the problem?!" Sephihimoto barked.
"Hold on, I'm still trying to pronounce your name…"
"Oh, for Kami's sake, Sephi-whatchamacallit will do! OK?!" Sephihimoto kicked Miyamoto aside and then turned his attention to Chichi.
"Wait! We weren't told we can start fighting yet!" Chichi cried.
"OK. WE CAN START FIGHTING!!" Sephihimoto yelled as he kicked Chichi to the floor. Before Chichi could move, Sephihimoto threw her into the air, waited for her to fall back down and kicked her across the arena!
"Sephihimoto isn't fighting fair!" Amy cried.
"When does he EVER?" DJ asked. "If he carries on like this, Chichi could be killed!"
"Do you think they'll let us intervene if he goes out of control?" Lisa asked. DJ suddenly got a look of sheer terror on his face.
"Lisa, I FORBID you to go near that guy!" DJ cried. "The same goes for all of you! Just a fraction of his power is enough to kill us all, and he's not afraid to use a hundred and FIFTY percent!"
"But DJ, Hawk got to go against Sephihimoto! And so did Xell! Why won't you let ME take a crack at him?"
"It's way too dangerous, Lisa… I don't know if ANYONE will be able to beat him…" DJ was really serious this time. This was the first time he had seen an opponent with as much power as Sephihimoto had, and he wasn't even using it all! Lisa, on the other hand, looked as though she were ready to pop!
"Damn it, DJ, I'm gonna explode if I can't fight him!!" she cried.
"You know, I think DJ has a point…" Amy said.
"What do YOU know, Balloon Breasts!? You don't even fight! Why do you think you were beaten so easily!?"
"Just try to hold back until we come up with some kind of plan…" Amy sighs, allowing the name-calling to slide because she knew Lisa was angry. Angel jumped down a stand and put her hand on Lisa's shoulder.
"Look, kid, I know you're itching to kick Sephi's ass, we ALL are…" she explained. "But making fun of something Amy can't help isn't gonna get you anywhere…" Lisa glared at Angel after a few seconds.
"Then what AM I supposed to do?" she asked, not really sounding angry any more.
"Pick on Veggie! It's a lot funnier!"
"Are you OK now, Lisa?" Leanne asked.
"Yeah, just gimme a second…" Lisa replied, turning her attention to Amy. "Bloody Boingy Ballooning Ballistic Bouncing Blimp Boobs! There, I'm done."
"For crying out loud, Lisa…" DJ sighed, gaining a sweat drop the size of Manhattan. "Are you obsessed, or what?"
"Heads up!" D-Chan yelled, ducking down. Everyone else just followed suit, wondering why, when Vegeta charged into the area again.
"WHO THE HELL KEEPS CALLING ME THAT STUPID NAME!?" he boomed. It was at this moment when everyone realised that it wasn't Vegeta they were taking cover from, and Veggie himself noticed Chichi flying in his direction, screaming. "Oh, crap…" Vegeta sighed as Chichi crashed into him, sending him flying down the corridor he rushed from. Bulma, who was frozen in the Commentators' booth, finally spoke up.
"Umm……" she started. "As result of disqualification, and because I feel I will end up in more than one piece if I decide otherwise, Sephihimoto is the winner…" Sephihimoto remained silent as he vacated the arena, heading in the direction of the arcades.
"Sephihimoto always seems to head in that direction…" Hitomi said.
"Hey, that's how we can tell he's a clone of DJ!" Xell joked. "I mean, they DO look alike, after all…"
"I already know he's a clone of me…" DJ sighed. "But he's been tweaked about a bit so he has unfathomable power, or so it seems. There HAS to be a way to beat him…"
"Did you hear that, Lisa?" Amy asked. "You may get your wish of fighting that guy after all!" To the surprise of Amy (and everyone else, for that matter), there is no response. Usually, at an opportunity like this, Lisa would jump up really high, punch the air and squeal "KICKASS!!!", but it seemed almost as though she wasn't there.
"Umm… Lisa?" Zori asked. "Lisa?" It was then that the group realised why it seemed that Lisa wasn't there. She wasn't…
"Where's Lisa?" Leanne asked.
"She's just disappeared…" Sarah added. DJ had to think for a while over everyone else's questions along the lines of "Where the Hell is Lisa?", but then suddenly a huge surge of realisation tore through his thoughts. DJ rushed to the edge of the seating area, looking at the exit that lead in the direction of the arcades.
"………………she didn't…………" DJ said. The next sounds to echo through the arena are crashing, explosions and ki blasts, followed by a deafening scream of defeat.
She did.
Holy crap, I hate these kinds of endings! What's gonna happen to poor Lisa? Did she even reach Sephihimoto, or did something else happen instead? Is it even Lisa screaming? I mean, nobody ever said it was a girl's deafening scream of defeat. The suspense is killing me, and I'm the one writing this fic! This feels like it's starting to turn into a horror fanfic, and it's meant to be Action, Adventure and Humour! Please R & R (Read and Review for those unfamiliar with the abbreviation), and feel free to tell me whether you think Lisa should lay off Amy about… *blushes* well, you know… let's just say the meaning of Chichi's name. Anyway, see ya next time!