The Lost Letters of Gandalf
(Evil Shrubberies, and Really Bad Eggs)

Hello,

If you are not Legolas, put this letter back into its floating bottle and throw it back.

If it is you, Elf-Boy, I am very surprised you have gotten my letter.

Now, don't get any ideas. Just so you know, no, I do not usually send my letters by floating rum bottles. However, at the moment, it seemed to be the best idea considering I'm stuck on an island. Yes, those little dots of land covered with bananas? I'm there, and I'm surrounded by the Big Blue Ocean.

It is big... and blue. I thought as much! (Nothing gets past Gandalf the Grey!)

Well, I guess it would be best if I tell you how I got out here, considering I was walking farther inland to find information on the Ring of Power...

I was walking because, as you already know, I fell off my horse. Well, I was walking along these quite untidy paths when I met an army of shrubbery. I tired shoving my staff at them, winking, and even did a few tap dancing steps... You don't need to know where I learned them... heh-heh...

So they were really quite annoying, but it would have been quite lame if I had given up on the quest to stop the Ring of Power on account of some shrubbery. This being so, I made my way through them with as much diligence as I could muster.

This in itself was quite a task. For one to keep their dignity while walking through scratchy, tangly, shrubbery... let's just say it's hard. I was able to walk through the shrubbery until one particularly unruly bush grabbed me by the foot and tripped me! I am positive it did it on purpose!

I always knew shrubberies were evil...

Anyhow, I was quite mad at the shrubbery, and the path itself - so mad I wrinkled my nose.

Let it be said, it is not good to wrinkle your nose at something... while you're still on it.

I have always wondered where things go when I wrinkle my nose at them. Now I know, out in the middle of the big blue. Maybe even a world away - from what I witnessed next, but wait... I am getting ahead of myself...

The path and bush disappeared, me along with it. With a pop, for it was instantaneous, I arrived out in the middle of the ocean. We hovered nicely for a few moments above the waves. I could see no land, not even a bit of floating sea kelp. Surprised, I just sort of sat there until the path, being unable to float on its, own fell into the waves. Me along with it.

To my surprise the waves were not cold but lukewarm, either that or the freezing cold temperatures were making me lose my mind. Taking that into account I swam for my dear, Grey life.

As I swam I realized a great shadow had fallen over me. Behind me was a great billowing ship, racing at me with the speed of 10 horses!

With a squeak, I wiggled my ears. The ship stopped in its tracks, several inches from my large nose.

It was not long before a head peeped over the rim of the ship. He looked down at me in surprised.

I looked up at him, waved and shouted, 'Hello! - I like your boat!'

The poor fellow went to get his captain, a bizarre (which is quite an understatement) man who could use a decent hair cut. The captain's name was Jack Something-Or-Other... he was named after a bird though. Which, in my opinion, is better than being named after a Tree, Legolas Greenleaf. Anyhow, Jack and his crew welcomed me aboard. It was within these few moments I found I was among pirates!

I have always been a good wizard, and I did, after all, have a quest to finish. I told them quite plainly to drop me off at the nearest land mass and bid me farewell.

Well, they dropped me off at a little island saying, they too were on a quest. Something about getting a silly boat... the Black Pearl, Black Stone, Black Something-Or-Other... Anyhow, so I sat at the island for several days.

I soon realized I was probably better off on the pirate ship. Eating coconuts gets quite boring after a while and I had already eaten all my potatoes. Also, if you took into account that I could walk all the way around the island in under ten minutes - this was not helping me on my quest.

The next morning when I woke up Captain Jack was there, along with a woman named Elizabeth. I was very surprised and they said that they were cast off and left on the island to starve. Then Jack revealed a hidden storage of rum... yes, it is with one of those bottles I sent this message in.

In my opinion, for yes, I always have an opinion... Pirates are not a very smart sort of people. Sort of like a Orc/human cross breed, only they don't stink as much. Instead they eat too much, and fart way too often. (You don't need to know where I got that little piece of information, either...) Not only this, but they have this thing about a pirate song, in which they proceed to call themselves 'Really Bad Eggs'. More like 'Really Moldy With-That-Kind-of-Mold-That-Smells-Weird Eggs'!

Well, I must be off. Elizabeth is throwing everything into a giant, ragging bonfire. So I better send this letter before she gets a hold of it. I shall write again, so do not fear. It takes more than a few 'Really Bad Eggs' to bring down Gandalf the Grey!

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If you don't review, I'll sick Gandalf's nose on you! Either that, or I'll have Jack drool in your lap.
I'm glad everybody likes this so far.
Legolas's Girl 9: I feel your pain, I was forced to read a King Arthur book too...
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