Disclaimer: OK, the closest I'm ever gonna get to owning Dragonball Z is official copies of Final Bout, Budokai and Budokai 2. I also have a great strategy for gaining Kili aboard Babidi's spaceship.

The Ultimate Largely Massive Pointlessly-Named Big Final Bout Super Tournament… 5!!! – Chapter 17!

          "So, back for more, are we? I can't believe the way you're acting, even after all you've learnt from me…"

          "Zip it! The only reason you're here is to cause tragedy, pain and death to innocent people! You don't deserve to live!" in a seemingly dark arena, DJ and Sephihimoto were finally facing off. Sephihimoto made the first move, rushing in and kicking DJ high into the air. "Now I have you! ROOM-SPREADING RAIGEKI!!!" Releasing a gigantic bolt of thunder from his hands, DJ ended up destroying the whole arena while critically injuring Sephihimoto!

          "No! How can I lose to someone like you?"

          "As long as you side with evil, you'll NEVER win! If you've any final words, speak now, or forever hold your peace!"

          "DJ, wake up!"

          "Huh?"

          "Wake up, DJ?" Sephihimoto's cold, menacing voice was replaced by the calm, serene voice of Amy. Opening his eyes, DJ found himself in the recovery room. 'Man… what a strange dream…' DJ thought. 'What was that place I was in? It looked like an arena in the middle of a dark island…'

          "DJ, are you OK?" Sarah asked.

          "Ah, yeah, I'm fine…" DJ replied, snapping out of it. "Thanks, Sarah…"

          "What happened to you guys?" Xell asked. "We saw the ki beacon and headed for the arcade, but you were all wiped out by the time we arrived!"

          "It's OK. Sarah, Amy and D-Chan helped me…"

          "And then DJ helped me!" D-Chan cheered. Last time, D-Chan made the cute little serious mistake of eating a whole bag of Senzu Compressed Candies, thinking they were only pressed candies from a new company called SenzuCom. So it was up to DJ to remove the energy from D-Chan before she exploded, and launch an intensified ki beacon before he would explode himself! Of course, DJ hadn't been able to extract all the gained energy without the girls panicking, so D-Chan had gained a few sizes all around her body.

          "Would it be OK for you to use up that energy any time soon?" DJ asked. "I mean, no offence, D-Chan, but I'm not used to you being taller than me…" D-Chan just giggled.

          "I'm sorry, DJ!" she laughed. "If only the shopkeeper's handwriting was better… maybe he should print out the labels instead of writing everything? You'd think they could, from the profits they make with these tournaments…"

          "That reminds me, DJ, are you OK to fight again?" Gokan asked. "I mean, after what Sephi-whatchamacallit did and all…"

          "Don't worry, Gokan!" DJ grinned. "Nothing he can say is gonna phase me any more…"

          "Yeah, and besides, Sephihimoto's a clone of DJ, and clones are never quite as efficient as the originals…" Sarah added.

          "Meaning anything HE can do, I can do BETTER! Let me at him!" I'll pound the freak so bad you'd think he were a clone of Frieza!"

          "Sorry, DJ, but you're gonna have to wait." Bakaryu said. "Gokan and I are up next!"

          "Oh, yeah… I heard Bulma talking about it over the intercom. Good luck, you guys!" With that said, Gokan and Bakaryu headed for Arena C.

          "Can you stand up?" Amy asked.

          "I… I'm not so sure…" DJ replied, moving a little, then performing a leaping back flip off the bed. "Ah, Hell with it, sure I can!" Amy squealed with delight and hugged DJ.

          "There's the DJ we know and love!" she smiled. After Amy finished her hug, D-Chan leapt into the air and glomped DJ, sending him backward and down to the floor!!

          "Oops! Sorry, DJ!" D-Chan giggled. The fact that DJ wasn't in a loophole of depression any more had locked her in a happy mood.

          "It's OK, D-Chan…" DJ's voice muffled from underneath D-Chan's torso. "But I told you I wasn't used to you being taller than me…" Jedite couldn't help but laugh a little.

          "She sure does have a cute way of acting, doesn't she?" he asked.

          "Oh, REALLY?…" Thomas replied. Jedite blushed for the fourth time that day.

          "Oh, leave me alone!" he cried.

          "Hey, what's this about?" Leanne asked, leaning in to listen. Thomas took her hand, led her to the opposite end of the room and whispered in her ear. This was followed by a few surprised gasps and giggles on Leanne's part.

          "Umm… I'm gonna go get some food for us all now…" Amy sighed. "You want anything, D-Chan?"

          "Sure, I could eat anything!" She chimed, standing up. "As long as it's not loaded with Senzu!"

          "Yeah, we wouldn't want you getting any bigger, would we?" Lisa asked.

          "I dunno… I think it's kinda cute…"DJ replied.

          "Hah! You just like the fact that every time she hugs you now, your face ends up between her…"

          "YOU'RE OBSESSED!!!" DJ yelled, cutting Lisa off before she could finish. Amy blushed, giggled and headed off on her way, followed by D-Chan, who was oblivious to the whole situation.

          "So, is it true, Jedite?" Leanne asked, intensifying Jedite's blush.

          "Is what true?" He replied in question, trying to sound like he knew nothing about it.

          "You know… you… D-Chan…"

          "You have a crush on D-Chan?" Lisa asked. "How cute!"

          "I-I-I-I-I have no idea what you're talking about!" Jedite cried, his face beginning to resemble a tomato.

          "Sure you do!" Hawk replied, resting an arm on Jedite's shoulder. "I know you've been checking her out! A guy's got instincts, you know, and you've been looking at D-Chan the exact same way that I look at Angel!"

          "Ummm… DJ, help me out here!"

          "What can I do?" DJ asked. "If you have a crush on her, why not just say it?"

          "Nah, come on, I don't wanna put her in an awkward position… I mean, I've seen how she acts around you…"

          "Ah, D-Chan's gonna be glomping, hugging and kissing me no matter what happens. It's the kind of friendship we have! Just try talking to her, and see how she feels…"

          "And here's a quick tip: the way to this girl's heart is through her stomach!" Lisa added. "She IS DJ's counterpart, after all."

          "I…" Jedite started, blushing even more. "I'll keep that in mind…"

          "Good! We're gonna go watch Gokan vs. Bakaryu now. Could you tell Amy and D-Chan to meet us at arena C?"

          "I see… sending me to find D-Chan are we? OK, I'll go tell them… but if I blush, have a nosebleed and die from hypohaemia, I know who I'm sending my spirit to haunt!"

          "It's been quite a while since I last saw my sweet Goku and Gohan in action!" Chichi cooed. "And now they're up against Bakaryu, who should hopefully be easier on him than that violent busty woman!"

          "Hey, we're not supposed to be biased, remember?" Bulma reminded. "Let's just see how the match turns out!" Gokan and Bakaryu stepped up as Miyamoto stood in the centre of the ring.

          "Hey, we have two people at once over here!" He taunted, noticing Gokan. "Go get 'em, freak!"

          "Freak?" Gokan questioned. "I'm not the valley robot that changes into a jerk when he gets electrocuted!"

          "Whatever…" Miyamoto said. "Now, umm…" he was aiming at Bakaryu now, possibly trying to think of another insult. "Ah, no need for names, just fight him quick… baka…"

          "Can we fight Miyamoto instead of each other?" Bakaryu asked.

          "No, but we CAN use him as a weapon or shield…" Gokan replied.

          "I heard that…" Miyamoto growled. "Fighters, are you ready?" In order to warm up a little bit, Gokan and Bakaryu spent a little time rushing at each other, leaping back and dodging around each other. Gokan would quickly jump to his left, while Bakaryu would do the same, so they remained facing each other. "FIGHT!" Bakaryu wasted no time, quickly punching forward, but Gokan moved his arms up to his chest just in time, blocking the attacks from his chest.

          "Man, you're fast!" Gokan cried before punching Bakaryu back and suddenly blasting a Kamehameha in his face to further propel him and give Gokan a little time to regroup.

          "You're not too bad yourself!" Bakaryu replied, thrusting his arms back and flipping back up to his feet. "Let's see how you like this!" Before Gokan knew what to expect next, Bakaryu had sent his left knee into his stomach! The extra momentum allowed Bakaryu to kick Gokan up and grab his foot at the last second. "Hope you don't get motion sick!" Bakaryu called, spinning around in a circle and dragging Gokan with him. After a few seconds Bakaryu let go and allowed Gokan to fall back down to the arena floor. Although dizzy, Gokan quickly got back up and advanced on Bakaryu again. Bakaryu could do nothing as he first felt a left fist crash into his ribs, then a right fist colliding with his shoulder, knocking him back. Gokan's left foot swept into Bakaryu's ankle, causing him to lose balance, and as he looked up momentarily and saw Gokan raise his right foot high in the air and somehow caused it to glow, Bakaryu knew he wasn't going to like the outcome…

          "Whoa!" Zeon called. "They're kicking each other's asses! Damn, this is freakin' awesome!" Zeon's look of enthusiasm became slightly tainted when a fairly average-sized woman turned around and glared up at him.

          "Would you mind toning the language down, please?" She asked. "There are children present, you know!" Zeon noticed a very small blue-haired little girl with the largest, most innocent brown eyes he had ever seen. This melted his heart, and made him feel sheepish for his outburst earlier.

          "Sorry!" Zeon apologised. "I wasn't aware of your daughter… ya know, she's pretty cute…"

          "Actually, she's my cousin's daughter's niece." The lady smiled. "But yeah, she got the good looks. I'm sure in a few years she'll blossom into a princess just like her mother. Won't you, Yuko?" The little girl just smiled sweetly and nodded her head.

          "I'd like to be the princess of strawberry ice cream, Auntie Amaya…" Yuko smiled. 'Man… her voice is so quiet…' Zeon thought. 'I wonder if Amy's voice were this quiet when she was Yuko's age?'

          "Hey, Zeon, what's up?" Zori asked, before noticing little Yuko. "So, this is your tournament romance, huh?"

          "Not funny, Zori!" Zeon cried, blushing. How could Zori make a joke like that? I mean, sure Yuko's cute, but she's cute in an "Awwww, how cute!" way. Maybe if she were ten years older…

          "Hey, Bakaryu's really getting on the offensive!" Zori called. Zeon couldn't have been happier that he'd changed the subject.

Back at the arena, as Zori had stated, Bakaryu had moved his aggression to a higher level and was forcing Gokan back with a barrage of punches, kicks, ki blasts and the occasional head-butt!

          "Bakaryu's really putting up a good fight!" Bulma cheered. Chichi, on the other hand, was much less supportive.

          "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! If Goku and Gohan move too far back they'll be forced out of the arena!" she cried. Sure enough, Gokan back-flipped away from an under sweep kick, leaving the arena in mid-air!

          "Hah! Now I have you!" Bakaryu taunted. It seemed that way for the moment, as Gokan felt himself lose control and fall down to the grass outside the arena…

Then, in a flash of light, he was gone.

          "Hey, where'd you go?" Bakaryu asked. His question was answered as Gokan's right foot hit Bakaryu's lower back, sending him flying away from the arena instead!

          "What was that you were saying about beating me?" Gokan asked.

          "I'm not done yet!" Bakaryu cried, using Instant Translocation before he could hit the ground. Gokan translocated away too, and the next anyone saw of the two was in a fast-paced punch-up about twenty feet in the air.

          "That was a close call!" Gokan said. "For a moment there, I thought you were just gonna let yourself lose!"

          "You had me pretty worried yourself, buddy!" Bakaryu replied. "Could you cut it any CLOSER to nearly losing?"
          "Cut THIS!" Gokan announced, cuffing his fists together and slamming them into Bakaryu's head. In order to counteract this move, Bakaryu flipped into a roll, landed on his feet and leapt back up the full twenty feet, grabbing Gokan and kicking him back down instead! Gokan quickly landed on the arena floor with his right foot, then kicked back up with his left, and the two were quickly punching each other up again.


In another section of the audience, DJ, Amy, D-Chan, Leanne, Thomas and Jedite were checking out the action. There was enough sweet treats there for three and a half armies. And let me tell you, the half-army part was being shared among DJ, Leanne, Thomas and Jedite, leaving Amy and D-Chan with enough for an army and a half apiece!
          "Wow! They're both moving so fast…" Leanne cried. "They're as fast as DJ!"
          "Yeah! Their fighting techniques are delicious!" D-Chan squealed. As you can probably tell, D-Chan described many things she liked as delicious. She was still quite big from the abundant energy she'd gained, and she was quite easily the tallest member of the group.
          "Who do you think's gonna win this one, DJ?" Thomas asked.
          "They both have some pretty sweet moves!" DJ replied. "I wouldn't be surprised if this one ended as a tie!"
          "Don't be silly! There aren't any ties in this fan fiction!" Leanne interrupted. "We all go in, beat the crap out of each other, and there's only one winner!"
          "Yeah, like the winner of our match, remember?" DJ stuck his tongue out at Leanne, who sheepishly hid behind Thomas.
          "Leave me alone…" she pouted. DJ just laughed and continued watching the match, satisfied that he could do something to get Leanne back after all the times he was hit on the head. Speaking of which, DJ could actually feel something pressing on his head at that moment. This new object felt soft and warm, rather than the harsh solidity of that mallet Leanne carried around.
          "Hey, DJ! You don't mind me sitting on your head to catch the action, do you?" D-Chan asked.
          "Well…" DJ blushed. "Not that I mind, but I thought you'd have the least trouble anyway, being the new tallest , and all…"
          "I guess a new size doesn't stop D-Chan from acting in the cute way she does…" Jedite added, causing everyone except DJ and D-Chan to give him funny looks. DJ couldn't exactly turn with D-Chan on his head, and D-Chan was, as usually, innocently oblivious. "What? What did I say?"
          "You fancy D-Chan!" Leanne sang, taunting him and smiling.
          "Awwwwwww, this is all so cute!" Amy smiled. Jedite fell back, blushing.
          "Why do you keep teasing me?" he asked. "What did I ever do to you?"
          "I'm sorry, Jedite…" Leanne apologised. "But hey, what we're saying is that you should just go for it! That's what Thomas and I did!"
          "Don't forget about Blitzball Boobs and Zori…" Amy giggled.
          "Hey, when did we get a new character?" D-Chan asked. DJ just laughed at this.
          "Amy's talking about Lisa, D-Chan…" he explained. "Though I really wish they wouldn't call each other stuff like that…"
          "But DJ, if those two stop taunting each other's busts, then Lisa can still call Amy Meatball Head because of her hair, but then what does Amy have on Lisa? Nothing!" DJ was about to reply to this when Bakaryu was sent flying in their direction by a kick from Gokan!
          "Look out!" Amy cried as everyone literally fell back. Before Bakaryu could hit anything, he translocated back to the arena again and continued the fight…


After his translocation, Bakaryu decided that the best action was to release a series of kicks that Gokan could only block or attempt to counter.
          "So, you like fast attacks, huh?" Gokan asked. "Try THIS!" Gokan quickly kicked Bakaryu down to the floor while flying down himself. As Bakaryu got back up, Gokan began punching and kicking him at an insane speed!
          "Hey, isn't that Goku's Super Dragon Fist attack?" Bulma asked.
          "That's right!" Chichi replied. "He taught Gohan how to use it as well, so while they're combined it should do a lot more damage!" Gokan finally finished his Super Dragon Fist with a swift yet powerful punch that sent Bakaryu rolling backward, stopping on his feet just inches away from the edge.
          "Hmm… thirty three hits in total. Not bad!" Bakaryu said. "But let's see how you like THIS!" Whether a random state or not, Bakaryu's right foot suddenly began to glow so bright that it was blinding anyone foolish or curious enough to look at it! "Feel the force of the Roundhouse Special!" Bakaryu threw his right foot up in a roundhouse kick, sending Gokan flying to the other end of the arena. Gokan staggered back up, rubbing his cheek where the Roundhouse Special hit. Bakaryu just grinned.
          "You're pretty tough, but I have a last trick up my sleeve!" Gokan stated, raising his hands up to meet. "Here's a trick of Gohan's to start off! Multiple Masenko!" A glowing yellow ball of ki formed between Gokan's hands and started firing lots of ki blasts at Bakaryu! All h could do was take up defensive position as while some ki blasts missed completely, others hit head-on and some others exploded close by. Soon enough, Gokan lowered his hands to point them in Bakaryu's direction. "This will use up the last of my ki, but I have no choice! Constant Kamehameha!" The usual Kamehameha wave blasted from Gokan's hands, but unlike usual, this one would continue until Gokan ran out of ki completely. Bakaryu quickly spotted the beam heading his way.
          "If that thing hits me here, I'll be knocked out of the arena!" Bakaryu cried, jumping a great length to clear the blast. "But now that I'm out of its way, it'll end and I can keep fighting!" But something seemed very wrong to Bakaryu at this point: He was heading back down to meet Gokan, but the Kamehameha wasn't finishing! "What!? Surely it should be over by now!?"
          "That's why I made it constant!" Gokan replied. "This attack will carry on until my ki completely runs out!"
          "Damn and crap! Looks like my luck's run out already!" Upon landing on the blast, Bakaryu was propelled back to half-way between Gokan and where he started, then he was knocked to Gokan's left when he landed on the blast again! Soon enough, Gokan finally ran out of ki, allowing Miyamoto to step up onto the stage.
          "Ladies, gentlemen, and the rest of you things!" Miyamoto called. "As you can see, Bakaryu has not left the arena! I repeat, he has NOT left the arena! But by the looks of things… hold on, let me check…" Miyamoto poked Bakaryu a few times.
          "Oww! Hey, that hurts!" Bakaryu yelled, trying to get up but failing miserably.
          "Although he can still argue, Bakaryu is no longer able to battle! So, as this five-page-long battle reaches its close, I declare Gokan the winner!"
          "Not bad…" Gokan congratulated Bakaryu. "I actually broke a sweat back there…"
          "Man… I almost had you…" Bakaryu moaned. "But hey, you should be proud. You're a pretty good fighter…"
          "OK, Gokan is the winner of this match!" Bulma cheered. 2The next fight will be between Leanne and-"
          "WE HAD OUR FIGHT ALREADY!!!" Leanne and Hawk called, though from different areas in the audience. Leanne was pretty sure that she didn't want to be beaten up by Hawk again, nor did she want Miyamoto to keep making degrading and perverted comments about her legs.
          "Oh yeah, I remember now! This means our long-awaited match between Lisa Sandra Herworth and Amy Holly Ziromohama will begin in ten minutes!"
          "Amy, did you give me a middle name again!?" Lisa yelled from the audience. "How many times do I have to tell you I don't have a middle name?!"
          "Sorry!" Amy called.
          "No, you're not!"
          "Yes, I am!"
          "No, you're not!"
          "Lisa, if I say I'm sorry, then I'm sorry!"
          "Can't you two just settle this when you have your fight?" D-Chan asked. Then she noticed that everyone still hadn't got back up from when Bakaryu was nearly sent flying into them. Leanne and Thomas had landed right next to each other, Amy had ended up lying on top of DJ, and D-Chan was left sat on Jedite, as though she had straddled him, or something. Jedite was blushing like there was no tomorrow, and D-Chan would have found it equally as embarrassing, were it not for the fact that she was, once again, completely oblivious.
          "Ummm… D-Chan?" Jedite asked.
          "Hey, why is your face all red?" D-Chan asked, cheerfully.
          "Oh, my God!" A random audience member cried. "Look at what that girl's doing to him! In a public place like this!"
          "Excuse me…" D-Chan replied. "But what are you talking about?"
          "You mean you don't know?" Jedite asked.
          "Nope!" D-Chan smiled. "Hey, I'm getting hungry!"
          "Again!?" Leanne cried. "I swear, you're gonna explode for REAL one of these days!"
          "That doesn't sound delicious…" D-Chan sighed. Jedite instinctively made a move and cuddled her. He wasn't sure where he got this courage from, but the point was he did it.
          "Leanne, don't scare her like that!" He cried. "Don't you think D-Chan's come close enough to exploding already? That kinda talk could scar her for the rest of her life!"
          "What, with optimism like hers? You could tell D-Chan that the world was gonna end and she'd still be cheerful!"
          "Prove it!"
          "All righty then… D-Chan, did you know that in a few years, a comet's gonna hit this planet and destroy it completely?"
          "Is the comet delicious?" D-Chan asked.
          "No! D-Chan, a comet is a big, fiery ball of death!!"
          "That's OK. I guess I can just handle spicy foods better than you can, Leanne!" Leanne just fainted, along with the majority of the audience. It seemed that Leanne had proven her point: D-Chan's optimism knew no bounds.
          "Wait a second…" Thomas said. "How come nobody in the audience mentioned DJ and Amy's predicament?"
          "Well, it's only like a hug…" DJ replied. "Just… on the floor… good thing we have our clothes on, huh?"
          "I'm surprised that the countless masses aren't telling us to get a room," Amy said. "But that may be due to the fact that we all already have rooms back at the hotel…"
          "If you have rooms, then go have sex there, would ya!" Miyamoto taunted.
          "That's not what this is!" Amy cried. "If you keep making assumptions about us like that, I'll blast you with my MizuGeki attack!" Suddenly, Miyamoto looked as though he had wet himself, despite the impossibility.
          "NO!" he cried. "I am not changing back into… into THAT!!" and with that, Miyamoto ran away. Amy smiled.
          "Everyone, I think I know how to get Hidoi back…" she calmly and serenely stated, as was her way. "Ooh, I'd better get to the arena myself!" Amy slowly got up to her feet. "Sorry, DJ, but I'll have to get up now. Lisa needs to have her butt kicked!"
          "I heard that!" Lisa called.
          "It's OK, Amy." DJ replied. "We can always hug later…"
          "That looked a little closer than hugging…" Leanne sighed. "Hey, Amy, tell me when the first is born, OK?"
          "Over four years ago." Amy smiled before making her way to the corridors to find the arena again.
          "………………WHAT!?" Leanne gasped.

I know what you're probably thinking by now: they're 18, Amy mentioned something 4 years ago, so that would mean the first was born when they were 14, right? What the Hell's with that!? You see, on planet Darkstormia (where the Rockies were born originally. All will be revealed eventually!) the legal age of consent is 14, yet one can learn to drive at 13. But anyways, the rivalry between Amy and Lisa really heats up in chapter 18! Plus, can Jedite build up the courage to get D-Chan into a conversation, and maybe much more? When did an Action/Adventure/Humour fanfic become a romance too? If a man says something and a woman's not around, is the answer to this joke still sexist and rude? At least one of these questions will be answered soon!