Adrift No More – Part 5
Disclaimer – See part one for all important information
The weather seemed to get worse with each passing minute. The sky was burdened with a heavy load that was unleashing itself with a vengeance; its unrelenting fury continued to rage and drive the wind swept rain steadily against the windowpanes, while the ear-splitting thunder and vivid lightning continued its rhythmic dance in the night sky.
It looked like it would be a restless night – at least as far as the outside world was concerned, because the atmosphere inside of Mac's apartment had become a little more relaxed. Granted, the air was still sporting a chill as the flames in the fireplace had not burned long enough to spread warmth throughout the room. However, the aura in the apartment was becoming quite pleasant and blissful.
Mac disappeared into the kitchen briefly, returning with a first aid box in one hand and an ice pack in the other. Her eyes admiringly captured Harm's silhouette on the other side of the room as she leaned her body leisurely against the doorframe. She slowly shook her head in disbelief, still unable to grasp all that had transpired and that he was really here – sitting in her apartment - with her.
Harm had already taken a seat on the mattress in front of the fireplace. In an attempt to get comfortable, he had extended his injured leg in front of him and supported it with one of her couch cushions while the blanket remained untouched next to him. Mac was enjoying the view as she stared at him and she was immediately flooded by a warm feeling. He was peacefully sitting there watching the flames dance around the fireplace in front of him. He had a glimmer in his eyes, an obvious testament to the fact that he was glad to be there and, at least for the moment, appeared to be enjoying himself. Her heart swelled immensely and the feeling was indescribable.
A few hours ago, she was almost sure she had lost him forever. The recurring image of him holding Renee in his arms, comforting her, simply being there for her still caused a pungent, almost unbearable pain in her chest. Mac shook her head to rid herself of the vision and exhorted herself not to think about it any longer. He was here now, with her, and that was all that mattered.
Mac was jolted from her reverie by a sudden rush of fear. He WAS here, right? She wasn't dreaming again, was she? After all, in all these years she'd known him, how many nights had she spent dreaming of her and Harm there in her apartment together… dreams so animated that she swore she could actually feel, taste and smell the essence of Harmon Rabb, Jr. until the cold light of day would dawn and she would awaken alone.
The frightening thought had her so scared that she closed her eyes to shut out the feelings and inhaled deeply in an attempt to regain control of her erratic emotions. "Please don't let this be a dream," she murmured to herself as she slowly allowed her eyes to open again.
A smile immediately graced her lips. "Thank you," she whispered as she looked up to the ceiling. Mac pushed herself from the doorframe, slowly moving towards Harm. "I still don't believe it', she chided.
Harm turned his head in her direction when he heard her speak and watched admiringly as she made her way closer to him. However, the reality of what had taken place at the airport kicked in and sufficed enough to make him shudder and sigh. Though he was happy to be where he wanted to be, with Mac, he was ashamed of what he had done to Renee. Rubbing his hands over his bruised and sore face, he knew her actions were justified and he certainly had it coming. He had been a cad and he was definitely not proud of what he had done.
Mac sensed his mood shift as she knelt next to him on the mattress and put the first-aid box down. "She really gave you a nice shiner, Sailor," she said soothingly. "I would have never thought the 'video princess' capable of such a violet outburst," she added with a little smile. "But I have to confess that I always wondered what her reaction would be if one of her oh so perfect fingernails were to break."
Harm chuckled at Mac's little joke, but he knew only to well how Renee hated a broken fingernail. He would find her tirades amusing to a degree before he found the need to tune her out. She never really knew when to 'power down'. He always found it amazing how the only problems some women encountered were with their manicure, pedicure, hair and what to wear. "Believe me, Mac. You really missed something," he replied grinning widely. "She really packs a punch… who knew?" he mused and rubbed his face again while feeling a sense of déjà vu remembering a dream involving Renee, Mac and a boxing ring.
Giggling, Mac squealed. "I knew it!" She took another good look at Harm's shiner. "Boy, this really looks bad, Harm. Why did she hit you anyway? What in the devil happened that would cause Renee to react like this?"
Harm merely shrugged his shoulders, giving Mac a wry grin without ever taking his eyes off her. "It would appear that what my heart wanted and what my head was telling me I should do were waging an internal battle. When Renee found out that my heart had won, well… let's just say that she was not too happy and that's when it happened. She nearly put my lights out, Mac."
Mac grimaced. "Ouch, that doesn't sound like a very pleasant scene." Mac was trying to picture Renee with her manicured nails, perfect hair and just the right outfit ranting and raving and getting upset enough to inflict bodily damage. Especially seeing as how it was aimed at what was the object of her affection. Mac was never a big fan of Renee; however, she was sympathetic towards her. Having recently been in her shoes so to speak… she knew exactly how she felt.
"I don't know, Harm; she must have been really pissed off."
Harm laughed at her comment. "Now that is putting it mildly… it doesn't even come close to the reality of the situation. One thing is for sure. Although I am embarrassed to say it, I have to admit it… I definitely earned this shiner." Lowering his head, he continued. "I'm really ashamed of myself, Mac. Not exactly the officer and the gentleman I always considered myself to be."
"That bad, huh?" Mac asked compassionately while gently raising his chin with her index finger so that he was now looking at her. She soothingly placed the ice pack next to the small cut below his right eye. "Okay, this is going to be a little cold and maybe a little too late, but it should curtail any additional swelling." She then proceeded to firmly press the ice pack carefully against the wound.
Mac knew only to well Harm's strong sense of honor and duty, not only to his country but to his family and friends as well. Therefore, she fully understood the depth of what he was feeling right now and hoped that somehow she could ease his pain both physically and emotionally.
Even with her warning, Harm still flinched as soon as the ice pack touched his sensitive skin. Granted the heat from the fireplace was spreading some of its warmth and improving conditions in the apartment, but his body was still chilled to the bone and the ice pack against his skin compounded the feeling and it was not a pleasant sensation.
"I'm sorry," Mac apologized as she attempted to pull the ice pack away only to be stopped by Harm's large, firm hand being placed on her smaller one so that she could not move it away.
"No, it's okay, Mac. It was just the first touch… it startled me a little. To be honest, it feels good and it seems to be helping already. At least the throbbing has stopped," he replied with a small smile, squeezing her hand tenderly. Suddenly he started to laugh. "She got me good, didn't she? Maybe I should feel lucky there are no mirrors around." He couldn't help but joke about it. "Do you think Renee and Bugme practiced together secretly?"
Mac laughed at his joke. "Perhaps… who knows? It wouldn't surprise me," she mumbled to herself becoming serious again. She knew how much she'd hurt Mic and obviously something similar had happened between Renee and Harm.
"Well I must say that this was a first for me," Harm interrupted Mac's thoughts chuckling. "I've never been punched by a woman before. The last time a girl hit me was – I think – in the third grade. It was little Peggy Sue and she slapped me after I had pulled her braids."
Mac looked at him with raised eyebrows and one hand on her hip. "Why Harmon Rabb Jr., you pulled at a little girl's braids? I don't believe it. Who would have thought that you were a troublemaker as a kid?"
Harm sheepishly shrugged his shoulders. "If you asked my mother, her answer would come in a loud resounding… 'Yes!' while my grandmother would immediately add, 'Absolutely!'."
Now Mac was giggling. "Funny! From what I see now, I always pictured you as a well-behaved and very responsible boy. I can't even picture you pulling at a girl's braids."
"I thought she deserved it."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah… absolutely," Harm smirked. "Our teacher, Mrs. Swanson, ordered me to sit next to Peggy Sue… ummm… it appeared that she was fed up with the 'childish antics' as she so cynically put it about Timmy and myself. She split us up and had me exchange seats with Angela. So I got stuck sitting next to the grouchy, self-centered Peggy Sue, while Timmy ended up next to Angela. God! I remember every boy in the class having a crush on her and with the new seating order, Timmy hit the jackpot and got her as his table partner."
"Oohhh, how mean!"
"Exactly my point," Harm replied, playfully wide-eyed. "I found the girl to be stupid, arrogant and not only that, she refused to let me copy the answers to the math problems. She had definitely earned her punishment of my pulling her hair!"
"Oh yeah…definitely …that would do it," Mac agreed smugly.
"Well, I can't imagine why, but she had a completely different opinion and gave me a corker of a black eye," Harm sulked. "Now Timmy, on the other hand, had much better luck. He and Angela became best friends and childhood sweethearts. They still live in San Diego and have three boys. Ironically, all three are just like Timmy - habitual troublemakers and quite a handful. I guess that saying is true… 'What goes around, comes around'. But thank God they all look just like Angela," Harm added grinning from ear to ear while thinking about how he hoped their children ended up looking just like Mac.
Harm wasn't the only one daydreaming, and by the time he had finished the story, Mac was also deep in thought, wondering if their children would be troublemakers just like their daddy. 'Geez marine… get your head out of the clouds and get a grip.'
With a slight shake of her head to erase her thoughts, Mac gave him a warm smile before she pulled her hand out from under Harm's and put the ice pack on the coffee table. She looked into his blue-green eyes with a heart full of things to be said. Hesitantly, she raised her fingers and affectionately placed them on the shiner and cut below his eye, pondering that it was probably caused by the over-sized, ostentatious diamond ring Renee always wore. Mac always thought it looked more like a dangerous weapon one needed a license for rather than a piece of jewelry. 'Guess I was right,' Mac mused, before speaking seriously. "I'm pretty sure this black eye is not the result of pulling Renee's hair."
"No, it wasn't. I have hurt her in a way that is simply inexcusable, Mac," he explained in a whisper.
Mac opened the first aid box and removed a cloth and the antiseptic from it. "I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think, Harm. You would never hurt anyone, at least not intentionally and on purpose."
Harm snickered and got serious, looking deeply into Mac's eyes. "I've hurt you more than once, Mac. Maybe not intentionally, but it still had happened one time too many."
Mac put some drops of the antiseptic on to the cloth and gave Harm a hint of a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Maybe, but we both were very good at that particular game," she truthfully uttered. "Perhaps even a little bit too good," she added sadly. "Okay, this might burn a little, so suck it up, Sailor!"
Harm bit his lip, but didn't quite suppress the groan as the burning pain seemed to pierce his entire body. However, the physical pain was short lived and was replaced with emotional pain as he looked into Mac's sad eyes. He had picked up on the sad undertone in her words, and he was well aware that she still was uncertain about their relationship and his sudden appearance tonight. For that, he couldn't blame her one bit.
Harm couldn't even imagine how much he'd hurt her just a few hours ago. It must have been like adding insult to injury when she stood devastated in front of his door, and he had to tell her that Renee needed him. He knew she understood his decision to stand by Renee in her time of need and would not have accepted anything less from him. Nevertheless, he had rejected her, leaving her alone.
Harm raised his right hand and gently put it against Mac's left cheek, immediately noticing the tear and tenderly wiped it away before caressing her face. "Mac, I wanted so much to be with another woman and deep down she knew it."
Mac was too overcome for words and let her tears speak. They were finally there together, on the same page, and it was completely overwhelming.
"I was very transparent. She knew that my heart was not into being on that plane nor was it into helping her get through the hardest time in her life. My thoughts were with someone else, and I let her feel it and see it and in the end, I even said it in words," Harm admitted in shame. "The only thing there with her was my body."
Mac simply listened without interrupting. She knew he was hurt and confused about his behavior because beneath that rough and tough exterior of Harmon Rabb Jr. beats a heart of gold; the heart of a very sensitive and vulnerable person.
Through all the years that Mac knew him, she seldom got to see the real Harmon Rabb Jr., and the few times she did get to see what really made him 'tick', she treasured. It was at those times that he dropped his guard and allowed her to see a glimpse of who he was and what he was made of.
Mac put her hand on top of his, which was still caressing her damp cheek, and gave it a gentle squeeze to let him know that she was there for him.
Harm took her simple action as encouragement and continued. "I can't remember anything about the entire time we sat in the plane next to each other. She was talking to me for some time, babbling on before realizing that I wasn't listening to a word she was saying because my thoughts were obviously elsewhere. She obviously called my name several times before I even reacted," Harm explained grimacing.
Mac was able to add one and one and knew by the grimace that it was at that moment Renee had hauled back and hit him. "What did you do?" Mac asked quietly without losing their eye contact.
"I must have been mumbling somewhat incoherently about 'I shouldn't be here, I should be with her'. As I said, I don't really remember much up until the punch. It definitely brought me back to earth and to the reality of where I was and with whom. That was when Renee yelled at me to go so that I could finally be with my dream girl… with you. That was when I realized that I must have been vocalizing my thoughts."
"Oh," Mac replied getting a distinct picture of what had happened in the plane.
Mac's emotions were in turmoil. He had finally made his decision to come to her… to be with her. Yet she couldn't help the sadness she felt when she looked into Harm's anguished eyes. She saw the toll his decision had taken on his emotions and his sense of duty when he chose not to accompany Renee. Not to mention what the whole situation must have done to Renee on top of what she was already going through.
They had finally decided to listen to what their hearts had been saying for so long. So why did they feel so bad?
Mac closed her eyes taking a deep breath, trying to get her emotions in check but failed miserably as the tears again ran down her cheeks. Releasing her breath, she sighed, knowing exactly why they were feeling this way… filled with so many mixed emotions… too many times one or the other had been left behind to watch while the one they truly loved walked away with someone else.
Mac slowly re-opened her tear-filled eyes and lifted them to look longingly into Harm's eyes that had now turned gray from the sadness that permeated them. She was numb and rooted to the spot, instantly overcome with an inner fear and all she could do was bite on her lower lip
Had they really come this far only to give up on them again? Was their sense of guilt stronger than their unmistakable love… a love that they could no longer deny?