Ghosts.

It was a murder. She had known even before they had told her they had found him, even before they said that he was dead. In a sense, she was relieved. She wouldn't have to look into his eyes, she wouldn't have to face his accusation, his quiet plea for an explanation, or his understanding. But now she would have to live with his blood on her hands, with his ghost behind her shoulder.

She hated ghosts. They never disappeared, they lingered. They were a painful reminder of one's own mortality. Just as her karate skills, her hands, were a terrible reminder of her ability to give death.
Just as Shinichi would forever now be a symbol of her crimes.

She had expected them to corner her, to arrest her at any instant... But they didn't. It was unexplainable. They argued amongst themselves. They thought it was murder. They thought it was a suicide... But Shinichi would never commit suicide, so it had to be murder right?
... How could they even confuse a knife to the chest with a self-inflicted wound?

It was only when they finally showed her how he had died that she understood their confusion. Yes, he had the blow to the chest she herself had given him, but he also had something else... Something she hadn't done. Someone had driven the blade into his head from under his jaw. By the look of his hands gripped around the knife, it had been himself.

... Shinichi's ghost weighed heavily on her shoulder.

Why? Why had he done that? Even if she handed herself in now, they wouldn't believe her, they would ask how she had managed to get Shinichi into that position... They would ask why. Why, Shinichi? Did you hate her that much, as to force her to live eternally in guilt? Did you truly hate her so as to refuse her the redemption of being caught?

She had a breakdown. Everyone assumed it was because the man she had loved had died in such a horrible manner, had preferred to kill himself or allow himself be killed than to stay alive and be by her side. Everyone was so horribly nice to her. They told her there was nothing she could have done, when she knew it was false. They told her that she had to move on, but how could she with such a weight on her shoulders?

The worst was Heiji, when he had sworn to her that he would find Shinichi's murderer for her, find out whoever it was so they could pay. She loathed him yet loved him for that.

Sometimes she wished she could make it all go away... But she knew she could only allow herself that luxury once someone had cleared her mess, once someone had freed her from her guilt. All she could do was wish Heiji could channel Shinichi's ghost into solving the crime as he always would... That Heiji would finish what had been started.

And he did.

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