((A/N: Hi again! I'm particularly proud of this chapter for some odd reason. I just got finished with it. I tried to fix up all the mistakes, but I'm sure I missed a few... because I always miss a few.. Aaanyway! You know the drill: Read, Review, Enjoy!))
Chapter Sixteen
Cold and Drifting
Nightfall held the ex-summoner in its grasp. She at the edge of the cliff down in the gorge, her feet dangling and slowly kicking back and fort as she lay on her back staring up at the night sky. Her hands behind her head, she began to hum the Apple Song.
"Are you still singing that kiddy song?" she heard and sat up quickly, turning around to see Eiolis striding towards her, arms crossed.
"I like that song," she heard herself say, but she hadn't really said it. Glancing next to her, she saw her summoner-self looking back to her husband.
Clenching her eyes shut, she took a long breath and slowly exhaled. When she opened her eyes and found them gone, she sighed with relief. Looking back to her chocobos, the brunette asked, "Did you guys see that?"
The birds looked at her awkwardly. Aucifer made a shrill noise and fluffed out his feathers. "Guess not," Ren grumbled and got to her feet, walking to the tent and crawling inside. Laying down, she pulled the blanket over her and curled up. Closing her eyes, she slowly drifted to sleep.
Dreams didn't come that night, and her sleep was generally peaceful. Waking in the morning she felt warmth surrounding her. Shifting slightly, she felt restricted. Doubting that it was a case of fatigue, she quickly bolted upright. The warmth around her waist vanished.
Movement caught the corner of her eye and she turned to see Eiolis sitting up, blonde hair messy. "Something wrong?" he asked as he rubbed his head. The blanket lay lightly on his bare stomach, covering his lower body.
Hazel eyes wide, she said, "You're dead." The words slipped from her mouth and he faded away. Bursting out of her tent, scared out of her mind, Ren stumbled in the dirt and fell to the ground. Turning quickly, she looked back at her tent, her eyes still wide and her heart pounding in her chest. Something was wrong now, that had not been a memory, there had been no former version of herself there. Eiolis had reacted directly to her, and she had never before reacted to him like that.
Aucifer walked over to her, nudging her with his large beak. He nipped at her shirt and she finally turned her eyes to him. Gently, the chocobo bumped his head against hers and she fell over onto her back. "Thanks, Aucifer, I really needed that..." she muttered sarcastically, staring up at the bright blue sky of day.
She remained there for a long moment, watching the clouds pass by and picking out shapes within them. In the middle of her return to calmness, someone shouted, "Hey, weirdo!" Sitting up quickly, thinking her mind was playing tricks on her again she looked out to the bridge, but found an unfamiliar face staring back at her. "You injured or somethin? Or just layin out there for the fun of it?" the unfamiliar woman said, leaning on the railing of the bridge.
"For the fun of it," Ren replied with a quaint smile. Her eyes wandered over the woman, noting her reddish eyes. Getting to her feet, Ren said, "And what about you? You wandering aimlessly or you actually out here for a reason?"
"Reason," the woman replied, standing up straight and walking away, heading toward Mount Gagazet.
"That was, interesting," the ex-summoner muttered to herself and began packing her belongings. Tying the a bag onto Ceka's back, she scratched the bird's neck and muttered, "Come to think of it, why are we heading toward Gagazet?"
"The mountain can answer any question you have. I think it's great!" came an excited voice from the other side of the stocky chocobo. Standing up on her toes, her eyes connected with Chalta's and he smiled. Tying a bag onto the other side of the chocobo, his voice became soft as he said, "Hey, what if the mountain tells you something bad?" His eyes lost their amusement and he frowned slightly. The sadness reached his eyes and he faded away, leaving Ren standing there, staring over the back of the large bird at nothing.
Shaking her head, she muttered softly, "Half a memory..." Looking back to where Chalta had been, she found the bag he had been tying to Ceka still on the ground where she had left it. Shuddering, she looked down and took a moment to steady herself. "Just block them out," she whispered to herself. "It's time to move on... time to move on..." Closing her eyes tightly she continued to say those four words for more than half an hour.
Taking a slow, steady breath, she opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was Aucifer. The chocobo curiously watched her from inches away, his neck stretched over Ceka's back. Blinking a few times, she said muttered, "First I'm talking to my chocobos, now I'm talking to myself." Looking up into the sky, she shook her head and ran her fingers through her brunette hair. "I'm losin' it."
In silence she packed the rest of her belongings onto the stocky chocobo and took both birds by the reins. Heading up the slope after checking that she had everything, she watched the road ahead of her, hoping nothing would materialize. When nothing appeared, she sighed in relief and proceeded on, one foot after another.
Stepping up to the bridge, she paused and stared across it. Thoughts raced. If she saw her past again, what would she do? If she interacted with figures that no longer existed, what then? Shaking her head, regaining her composure, she began to cross the wooden bridge, stopping halfway through to glance down into the gorge below.
Nothing moved. No one was around. Smiling, she took a breath and turned to walk again. Eyes on her feet, retracing the steps of her pilgrimage, she zoned out, thinking about when she had first taken that path. Tears stung at her eyes and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. "Hey hey hey!" she heard and looked up. "Don't cry!" The ex-summoner froze, eyes wide.
"What?" Eiolis said, walking toward her. "Sheesh, you look like you've seen a ghost!" He smiled, a brilliant, charming smile and stopped in front of her.
They stared at each other, and he continued to smile pleasantly. When Ren didn't speak for the longest time, he finally said, "So where are we headed?"
"Gagazet," she replied softly, hesitantly.
Putting his hands behind his head, he looked up to the sky and said, "Gagazet huh? I kinda like those Ronso-folk."
"Because they're blue?" she asked softly, watching his eyes.
Nodding, he replied, "I guess I already told you, huh?"
"Twice," she said, voice soft.
Reaching out, he took the reins of the stocky chocobo and kissed her cheek. "Let's go then."
Hazel eyes keeping on the Al Bhed eyes of her husband, Ren lifted her hand and set it to her skin where he had kissed her. Her skin burned, just like it used to, every time he touched her. His free hand slid around her waist and it felt real. His warmth, the weight of his arm, it all felt real. Ren couldn't even begin to understand it, but she felt it, and feeling as well as seeing was definitely believing.
She smiled to him and they began he trek to the land of the Ronso.
"What happened to Oberron?" he asked, glancing from Aucifer to Ceka. "Don't tell me you left him at home."
"Left Oberron?" she said incredulously. "You gave me Obe! I would never leave him behind."
"Then... why isn't he here?" Eiolis smirked and she nudged him with her shoulder. He stumbled slightly to the side and a rich, happy laugh slipped from his mouth.
Ren smiled even more, loving his laugh. "He was injured. I left him in the care of Chocobo Clasko and the Youth League until he gets better."
"Chocobo Clasko?" the Al Bhed laughed. "Sounds like an interesting guy."
"I trust him with Oberron," she said and nodded.
Moving in front of her and blocking her path, he asked, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," she said. "He's part of the Youth League. It's run by Nooj."
Brow raised, Eiolis leaned forward and said, "So you trust him because he works with Nooj?"
"No," she replied. "I trust him because Oberron didn't object. Oberron's a better judge of character than I am. Chocobo Clasko will take good care of him."
A grin passed over Eiolis's lips and it brought heat rising up into Ren's face. "He better," he said, "or I'll have to punish you for losing our love child."
"L-Love child?" Ren said loudly, shocked, and her face turned red.
He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and and slid his free hand down her back. "Are we on a schedule?" he asked.
"What? No, why?" she asked looking at him curiously.
"Just causing a delay," he said and smiled to her, dropping Ceka's reins and wrapping both arms around her. He pulled her close and Ren remained unmoved, unbelieving for a moment. She then leaned into him, slipping her arm around his waist and not wanting to let go. Quietly, he kissed her neck, her cheek, her forehead once more, and then her lips, keeping it light and sweet. "I love you," he said, setting his head on her shoulder.
"I love you," she whispered back, releasing Aucifer's reins and moving her other arm around him.
They stood in an all-too-perfect silence. Leaning back, breaking the full contact of their bodies, he met her hazel gaze with his spiraled pair of Al Bhed eyes and smiled.
"Time to move on," she heard from behind her, a voice she recognized as her brother's and she quickly spun around to see nothing there but the chocobos. The warmth of Eiolis's arms slid around her waist and she felt him all along her back. His head set upon her shoulder and he said, "I love you Ren."
Ren. Ren. Never had he called her Ren. It was Naoska to him, always Naoska. "You're not real." The words slid from her mouth and the warmth vanished. As she closed her eyes, tears spilled down her cheeks, and onto her shoulders, and hands and feet. Suddenly confused, she opened her eyes to find herself soaking wet. The sky had darkened with clouds and rain fell all around her. Glancing about, she realized she still stood upon the bridge where she had first stopped.
Looking to the chocobos, she found their eyes curiously staring at her. "All a dream?" she asked and they shifted slightly, not having any idea of what she was talking about. Realizing that they were all soaked to the bone, she growled at herself for being so stupid. She went to lead them back to the Calm Lands so they could find shelter, but the large birds marched forward, dragging her with them. "We're gonna freeze!" she said loudly, but they continued on. Eventually, she gave up the struggle and went with them. The chocobos found an overhanging rock and they gathered up under there, all squeezing in together and warming each other with their body heat.
The rain ceased come noon of the next day. With their body heat and the protection of the overhanging rock, they were dry. Ceka stepped out onto the muddy ground and stretching out his wings. He bent and twisted and soon, Aucifer joined him. Ren stepped out from beneath the rock shelter and stared at the path before them. Taking the reins of the two chocobos, she pulled them out of their stretches and headed up the mountain.
Arriving at the base, she found herself staring at a Ronso male that seemed smaller than the few other males around him. Stopping in her tracks, she looked him over for a moment and didn't flinch in the slightest when all eyes suddenly rounded on her. "Lady Naoska," one of the Ronso grunted, voice deep and eyes focused on her with curiosity.
"It's been a while, Garik," Ren replied, eyes on him, head tilted up slightly and a threatening aura about her. She looked the Ronso over and said, "I'm passing through," and began walking, not waiting for an answer, knowing that none would try to stop her.
Their eyes watched as the six feet of Ren's party crunched through the snow. She began to ascend the path, heading to the summit.
A quarter of the way up, the sound of heavy breathing hit her ears and she turned to see herself run by, Eiolis, Chalta, and Kalvaras close behind. Eyes snapping to the path ahead of her, she watched as her former self collapsed into the snow next to a wounded Ronso. Gathering him up in her arms, she turned her teary hazel eyes to her guardians and shouted, "Chalta! Can't you?"
Chalta, dirtied and appearing greatly exhausted, nodded and and cast a cure spell upon the Ronso. When the blue creature's eyes slowly opened, the orange-haired Al Bhed faltered and stumbled backward, dropping to his knees. "That's... All I got left..." he panted, hands clutching the fresh snow.
Releasing the Ronso as he sat up, the summoner Ren crawled to her brother-in-low and gently hugged him. "It's okay, Chalta. You've done all you could."
Eyes hard, Eiolis said, "It's not okay. We're out of potions. Chalta's exhausted. If we get attacked, we'll either have to run, or die."
"We won't die," Kalvaras assured them, grinning. "We've run so much already, after all, trying to keep up with Lady Yuna!" He shook his head and then and then turned his eyes to his sister, a stolid look on his face. "It's up to you."
Releasing the orange-haired man, the summoner slowly got to her feet. Staring down at her bloodied clothes, she said, "I'm... I'm going ahead." Shaking her head a few times, she looked to them and smiled as she added, "I won't make you guys come. This is my dream, not yours." And then she proceeded to crunch through the snow. After a moment's pause in which the three men looked to each other, they turned and hurriedly followed.
Ren took a long breath. She hadn't the slightest clue of how long she had been standing in one place, but she didn't care. The months old memories were still fresh; unnervingly so. Shivering, she went to take another step, but paused when two figures entered her sight. They were bundled up, splattered in blood, and when she saw their faces and realized when that memory had taken place, she momentarily stopped breathing and collapsed in the white snow. A memories of and after the deaths of her husband and her brother-in-law were still too much. Seeing them, knowing they were gone, and having it replayed before her eyes, was enough for her to finally break.