Phew! I was so happy to get this chapter done! Now I can move along to the actual battle...
Disclaimer: You know the drill
Nicola
Chapter Eighteen: Preparation
Kaede twirled the two kunai between her first and second fingers, never letting them hit each other, just as Kakashi had shown her to. She was sitting down, facing the far wall of the sparring room, not really seeing the outlines of human bodies with sound symbols on their foreheads. She let one of the kunai loose, and in a moment, it stuck out of the opposite wall, poking from the chest of one of the fake Sound ninja.
Absentminded as she was these days, Kaede barely felt any emotion towards her perfect aim. Normally, she would've rejoiced and tried repeatedly to hit her target again, but today, her heart wasn't in it.
The official warning of war had been sent to the Sound village, to Orochimaru, that morning. One brave Chunin had elected to go ahead and deliver it, and everyone knew he was headed to certain death. He knew it, too, but strived to complete the mission he'd been given. Kaede comforted herself with the idea that he would die helping his village and protecting his people.
It was a move she'd normally make, Kaede mused, as the second kunai flew across the room to join the first one in the padded chest of the Sound ninja. Once again, she didn't celebrate her straight-on hit. She merely leaned back against the wall, shaking her brown hair out of her face, and sighed. There wasn't very much she noticed at the moment, other than her own self-instilled depression.
Yesterday, she had argued with Sasuke, and then been forced to wash dishes with him. They'd gotten into a water fight, a playful one, like they used to have that usually followed with him giving her a kiss and a session of cuddling on the couch. Like he would have done had they been together, Sasuke had kissed her, kissed her passionately, but then left after she pushed him away.
Was it a mistake to have done that, to stop the kiss? No, it wasn't. They weren't an item anymore, and she would not allow him to lock lips with her unless their relationship got back on its feet, which she highly doubted.
Pushing thoughts of Sasuke away, Kaede found herself thinking of the Chunin boy heading to his death. It was terrible, having watched him leave the hideout and dash off into the trees, knowing his life would be ending. She had been certain that his parents would object, but she soon found out both his parents had died in the first battle, leaving him without family. He only had an older sister, who told him he would do what his heart told him to. Apparently, his heart had said for him to leave and serve his village in the only way he could—to literally sacrifice himself to the Sound just to set the scene for the attack. Hopefully, Orochimaru wouldn't get an idea of what they were planning, and order the poor boy's torture until he told of their plan. But he wouldn't tell—he was loyal to Konoha.
With another sigh, Kaede stood up and tightened the headband covering her forehead. She pushed it back so that it sat on the top of her head, keeping her hair out of her face; she had enough problems with vision already, and didn't need anything else obscuring her sight.
She left the training room and headed for the room she shared at night with her friends. No one would be in there at the moment—they were all preparing themselves and others for the battle in thirteen days. Only two people, she noticed as she passed by the kitchen, were not preparing, but catching up on missed kissing sessions. She resisted the temptation to chuck a shuriken at Miki and Neji, who were making out against the counter. She wrinkled her nose and kept going until she reached their room, and went in, shutting the door quietly behind her.
Thinking she was quite alone, she settled down in the corner, hugged her knees to her chest, and looked down at the floor. Once again the Chunin made his way into her thoughts, bringing a bout of tears with him, and she pushed him to the back of her mind. She did not need to cry right now, not with the citizens of Konoha beginning to crumble under the pressures of the upcoming fight. She knew they were really missing their homes right now, what with the slightest chance that they'd be moving back looming in the extremely near future. She, too, missed her comfy home in the Uchiha district, but thinking of home and longing for it wasn't going to help.
She did not notice the man sitting in the opposite corner until he cleared his throat, attracting her attention. Expecting to see Naruto or Sasuke or someone like that, she was surprised when her eyes met Kakashi's. He was no longer on his crutch, his gray hair had grown out to its usual length, and he was not wearing his mask. She had forgotten that her sensei was still down here with the rest of them, seeing as he stayed with the older ninja, like Gai (reluctantly with Gai), Jiraiya, Iruka, and others. She lifted her chin in greeting to him, then went back to studying the floor.
She heard him get up and take a seat next to her, staring at the same spot she was. She knew his headband was righted, straight on his forehead, and that his Sharingan eye was showing. It was this reason that she could not bring herself to look at him. After yesterday's little accidental occurrence, staring into Kakashi's Sharingan eye would only make the hurt worse. Then again, it could sooth her, as it sometimes did.
Kakashi didn't speak, only waited for her to make a move suggesting she was ready for conversation. She did not move for a very long time, fighting back the lump in her throat, telling herself that ninja didn't cry, didn't get emotional, never showed what they were feeling. She almost laughed as she thought of how she never could master keeping her face completely blank, keeping her emotions in check like most of her friends could. It was nearly impossible, really.
She struggled with the urge to pour out all her thoughts to her sensei, and the urge to keep it all in, bottle it up until the next battle when she could scream without anyone thinking anything of it. Kakashi had always been there for her when Naruto, Sakura, or Sasuke hadn't. He'd always had a few wise words to say, a friendly, comforting pat on the shoulder, a glance that said he understood. That really was what she needed right now. But why should she get treated any better than anyone else? Everyone was fighting with his or her own tumbling emotions, thoughts, and pains. They weren't getting the comfort of an older adult, the kindness of a knowing nod, so why should she? She didn't know why, and didn't plan on being treated any different.
But it was there, right there, she could be soothed and let out all of her worries, so why didn't she just take it? It was right in front of her, next to her really, in reach.
With a shaky breath, Kaede turned her head to look at her sensei, and he looked back at her. She leaned against his shoulder, he put his arm tentatively around her, and she spoke. She told him what had happened the day she and Sasuke broke it off, she told him the feelings she still had for the Uchiha, and what had happened yesterday, and about the regret she felt for sending the inexperienced Chunin out on what was really a weathered Jounin's task. She told Kakashi about how worried she was that the battle wouldn't go as planned and everyone would be hurt, how scared she was for her village, her friends, and even her enemies. And Kakashi listened, squeezing her shoulder every now and then, and finally, when she was finished and wearied from the long needed confession, he helped her stand.
"Kaede," he said, picking his words carefully, "I know how you feel. It hurts to worry all the time about those you care about, and wondering if something will go wrong and they'll all get hurt. You even worry about your enemies, not sure if they really want to be fighting, and trying to figure out what they ever did to you that couldn't be easily forgiven. I've got through the same thing when you all were a team. When Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto were fighting Zabuza and Haku, I've never been more afraid in my life. They were in danger, and I felt helpless. I couldn't assist them. They were like kids to me, and I'd grown to know them so well…to know all of you well, for that matter." He half-smiled. "So don't worry. We're all here for you, okay? And if you ever need someone to talk to, and Gaara isn't around, just find me. Kay?"
Kaede couldn't help but smile.
"Yeah, Kakashi. Thanks."
"No problem." He stretched and rolled his shoulder. "My shoulder's stiff. You want to join me in a sparring match for a little bit? It'll make you feel better, promise. Well, maybe not physically better, because I can always beat you, but mentally. How bout it?"
"Sure," she agreed, and together they walked to the sparring room. As she got into her stance, Kaede figured that the next two weeks were going to be just fine.
That evening, as Kaede was coming out of the bathroom, having washed up as best as she could with their still limited supply of water, Naruto called all of those who would be fighting into the kitchen. Hair dripping, Kaede followed Sakura into the kitchen and stood next to her by the sink, trying to wring out her hair.
She felt a lot better, really, after her talk with Kakashi and the spar afterwards. As always, he'd prevailed over her, but she didn't really mind. She was used to it by now.
Scanning the room to make sure that everyone who was supposed to be there was there—the kitchen had never been more crowded, and there were still people out in the hallway—Naruto waved his hand to call for order. Everyone became silent, even those in the hall, and the Hokage began to speak.
"As you all know, after tonight, there will be only twelve days left before we leave to fight the Sound." There was a round of determined whoops and clapping before Naruto called for silence again. Once he had it, he went on, "And, true to our best efforts, we will prevail. There is nothing that Orochimaru can do that will take us down any further than we are." A few people chuckled at this. "Now that the day is looming in the very near future, we need to be prepared. You are all extremely skilled ninja, who have earned their place to fight for Konoha. Hell, everyone who is loyal to the Leaf village deserves to fight, but we can't risk it. Our numbers may not be large like Orochimaru's armies, but our determination is big, and our spirit is bigger. The Sound village has no chance. But I want to warn you before you commit to this completely—many of you are most likely going to die. It is a risk I'm willing to take, and hopefully, you'll be fighting right alongside me. Those of you who are going to fight, stay. And those of you who don't think they can risk it, leave."
Kaede's heart warmed as not a single person moved from their spots, and she didn't hear a scuffle from the hallway. They were all going to fight, fight for Konoha, and for their homes and families and lost loved ones. They were in it for the long haul.
She didn't hear Naruto speak anymore. All of her attention was focused on her friends, and the others who were planning to fight. Rock Lee was watching with rapt attention, his fists clenched and his bushy eyebrows narrowed over round, wide eyes. On his right stood Gai, in an equally eager stance, his fist thrust out in front of him as he half-crouched excitedly. Kaede's eyes strayed from the pair to her sensei, who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, as always. He seemed not to be paying much attention, but she could tell he was all ears.
Miki was holding Neji's hand so tightly that he looked almost to be in pain. He was taking it well, though, his white eyes locked on Naruto's face. Shikamaru stood in a similar way as Kakashi, except he was not looking everywhere but Naruto. He was paying attention. Shizune and Tsunade stood next to each other as they listened intently while Jiraiya watched with pride in his eyes.
Kaede glanced over at Sakura, who was smiling, green orbs glistening with tears of excitement and glee. Kaede grinned and placed a hand on her comrade's shoulder. Sakura looked up and returned the smile before watching Naruto again. Hinata was also staring, but with admiration. She still hero worshiped the Hokage, and had good reason to, really.
With a sigh of satisfaction, Kaede winked at Kakashi, whom she had just caught glancing her way. He half-smiled back, scratched the back of his head, and went back to looking all around the room. Kaede followed his gaze, and saw that all of the ninja who were to be fighting were tense with anticipation. But they were also afraid.
So focused on watching everyone else's reactions, Kaede failed to notice when Sasuke walked into the crowded room. The only thing that grabbed her attention was the ninja parting like the Red Sea as he strode through, one hand shoved in his pocket, the other hanging lazily by his side. He exuded confidence and superiority, something that everyone seemed to stray away from. Kaede snorted to herself, thinking that their acting as if they were afraid of him and in awe would only make his ego bigger.
Although her face was blank—she was beginning to get better at this—and she acted as though she were paying attention to Naruto, her heart was thudding rapidly in her chest and she couldn't help but steal a look in Sasuke's direction every now and then. Her heart was pounding so hard she was sure he could hear it, but that he was choosing not to smirk at her like he would've normally. She put a hand to her chest, regretting it instantly when Sasuke's head turned to glare reproachfully at her. She saw the worry behind it, though, and removed her hand, letting it rest casually on her hip.
Finally Naruto was through, and everyone began to stand. Kaede pushed off of the counter and ran a hand over her half-dried hair. Great, now it would be nappy and frizzy and ugly looking. Thinking of the brush sitting on top of her little makeshift bed consisting of a mat, a blanket, and a pillow, she left the kitchen with Sakura and the two headed for their room.
The other Jounin soon followed suit, and in a few moments time, Kaede was brushing her hair in a room full of talking and excited ninja. Even Hinata was talking quietly with Miki and Neji. Sakura turned from telling Naruto how great his speech was and sat next to Kaede.
"He was wonderful, wasn't he?" Her green eyes glittered, and Kaede couldn't help but laugh. About ten years ago, she would've been giving Sasuke that same look, and he would've been ignoring it with everything bit of resolve he had. Kaede had to admit, it was kind of hard to not want to pay attention to Sakura's adorably face whenever she spoke of Naruto.
"Yes, Sakura, he was," Kaede giggled, and put her brush down, her brown hair finally knot-free. "Anyway, are you getting as excited and nervous as I am?"
"Oh, hell yeah!" Sakura replied, picking Kaede's brush up and scooting over so she was sitting behind her friend. She began to brush it out again, just to have something to do while they spoke. "It's going to be great, I know it! We're going to kick Orochimaru right in the ass!"
Kaede laughed again. "Yeah, I figured as much. It'll be hard, but it'll be worth it when we get Konoha back."
"If you get Konoha back," a deep, velvety voice said from Kaede's other side, and she bristled. Sakura felt it, and gently touched her shoulder, telling her to calm down. Sasuke pushed off the wall and sat down next to Sakura. "There's still the chance that you aren't going to be able to prevail."
Not letting his use of "you" instead of "we" go unnoticed, Sakura ran the brush a little roughly through Kaede's hair and said, "What do you mean, 'if you get Konoha back'? I thought you were in on this too, Sasuke."
"Are you doubting my loyalties?" he said, his tone sharp.
"Yes, I am," Sakura replied, not even flinching as she met his eyes and he activated his Sharingan. Kaede took this as a warning sign, but Sakura knew Sasuke almost as well as she did, and could take care of herself. "Are you doubting your own loyalties, Sasuke?"
Sasuke hadn't expected this, and hesitated. It was all that Sakura needed to lob Kaede's hairbrush at his head. In his moment's hesitation, he didn't notice the brush, and it clunked him above the ear, and he rubbed the spot.
"You are! You having second thoughts! You jerk!" Sakura looked around for something else to hit him with, but Kaede grabbed her wrist before she could pick up the pillow and start mauling him with it.
"Chill, Sakura. He's in this deep, he won't chicken out. Will you, Sasuke?" He didn't answer. "Because you know what'll happen, don't you? We'll come after you, and see to it that you don't ever think of reproducing with anyone, much less using the lower half of your body for anything other than crawling feebly along."
"Nice threat," Sakura said approvingly, and the two women high-fived each other. Sasuke's face was murderous, and Kaede felt a strange thrill from it. She couldn't say that she hated the handsome man, but she could say that it felt great to get back at him for something.
"Kaede," he said in a venomously low voice, "I would keep my mouth shut if I were you. I can make this whole plan go to pot with a few simple words. There are a thousand ways I can keep this all from happening, and you know it."
"And there are a thousand ways I can harm you bodily, not to mention what Sakura can to mentally with her Genjutsu," Kaede snapped back, and the tension between the two was almost visible. Sakura picked the brush up again slowly, and tugged hard on Kaede's hair. Kaede looked away from Sasuke, crossing her arms and glaring furiously at the wall. If looks could kill, the wall would have a whole burned through it.
Sasuke didn't say anymore, and Kaede felt immediate regret for their fight. She sometimes—well, most of the time—wished that she could keep her tempter in better check. It had always hurt her and Sasuke's relationship, the way they always argued and bickered and everything else in the book. It had always ended up okay, though. Lately they'd been fighting a lot, over the silliest things. And she wanted it to stop, but her easily flared temper was coming between them. Of course, he wasn't making it any better, either. He got angry just as quickly as she did, but she should be able to control it more. She should be the responsible one and take control.
She felt agonizing pain in her whole body, sprouting from her neck, and had to get up. She told Sakura she'd be in the bathroom, and dashed down the hallway. She flung herself into the bathroom and leaned heavily over the tiny counter, swallowing hard and willing the pain to go away. She'd felt this before, after all, and knew it would leave if she tried hard enough to make it. It was the pain of her curse seal, and the first time she'd felt it, she'd been out for a while. The second time, she'd had more control over it, and every time after that, it hadn't bothered her. So why was it coming back with a vengeance?
In a moment, the pain diminished to the dull ache on her neck she was used to, and she sat down on the floor, holding her head in her hands. Always after this she was taken by an annoying headache that didn't seem to want to go away. She would last it out, though, and stood up after a few minutes to head back.
But just as she reached the door, her stomach churned, and she dove for the wastebasket. She heaved, feeling weak and sick, so sick that she barely noticed the warm hands holding her hair back for her and rubbing between her shoulder blades. Thinking it was Sakura, or Kakashi, or someone like that—definitely not Sasuke—she drew a few deep breaths before resurfacing, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.
She glanced over her shoulder and came face-to-face with her favorite red headed Kazekage. Gaara let her hair go, but his hand never left her back as she stood and he steadied her on her feet. She smiled sheepishly at him, and he attempted to smile back, but failed and it came out more like a grimace.
"Thank you," she said as he let her out of the bathroom first. "For holding my hair, you know."
"Yes," Gaara replied, looking thoughtful. "My sister never seemed to like her hair in the way when she was vomiting. She used to make Kankuro hold it back for her." Kaede stopped her laugh before it came out—Gaara really didn't have shame in anything he said, did he?
"Well, it was nice of you to do the same for me, anyway," she said, and grabbed his hand again as they walked down the hallway. With his warm fingers interlaced with her won, Kaede felt humbled and barely noticed the headache still raging. It was nice to have a friend so close to her that she could hold hands with him and not blush about it, who she could talk to about anything in the same way she talked to her sensei.
After a few moments, when they reached the door to the Jounin's room, Gaara stopped Kaede and turned her to face him. "You're worried about the battle." Simple fact, not a question. That was how Gaara was.
Kaede sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I am. But I spoke with my sensei about it and I feel a lot better."
Gaara swung their hands, contemplating what she'd said. "I'm glad you were able to get your feelings off your chest. I never had that sort of relationship with my sensei. I sort of loathed him at the time." He didn't sound remorseful or longing, just objective and blunt as always. "Are you sure you are alright?"
"Yes, Gaara, thank you," Kaede replied, leaning against him for a brief moment before towing him into the room with her. Everyone looked up as they entered, then looked back down. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence—Gaara and Kaede were almost always by each other whenever he was around. Miki momentarily glared at the red head before turning back to Neji and resuming her previous conversation. Kaede and Gaara sat down by Lee and Sakura, who were playing a rapid game of cards.
"What are you playing?" Kaede inquired, and laughed when Lee shot his fist up into the air in triumph.
"Well, we were playing Speed, but since he's obviously just won, I don't know what we're gonna play," Sakura answered, frowning at her loss. Kaede thumped her on the back and grinned.
"Come on, I'll play him for you. Maybe I can beat him."
Sakura, knowing that Kaede had a pretty good chance of showing Lee up, scooted over to make room for her. Gaara sat down, and Kaede sat in front of him, leaning against his chest as Rock Lee dealt the cards and explained the rules of the game.
"The game of Speed is a very quick-paced one," the green-clad man began, setting up the game field. "It begins by flipping the two cards in between the two small stacks of five cards over. Whatever the cards are, you can place the number above or below on it. Since we are not playing doubles, you cannot place, say, a two on a two or a three on a three. You may go three-two-three-two, or vise versa. The first person to get rid of there entire deck wins. You may have only five cards in your hand at a time."
"Okay," Kaede said, and the game began.
With Gaara behind her whispering moves in her ear, Kaede quickly took control of the game, and when she won, Lee demanded a rematch. She complied, for three more games, until she finally threw in her cards and declared that continuing to play would just make it harder for Rock Lee to stop.
Rock Lee whined and cried, "No! We must keep playing until I finally defeat you!"
"Lee," Gaara said a little sharply, and Rock Lee looked at him in surprise; obviously the man hadn't thought the Kazekage could talk very much. "That's enough, she doesn't want to play anymore, so she's not going to."
Nodding, Rock Lee once again turned to Sakura, still mildly shocked, and requested another game of Speed. Kaede leaned her head back against Gaara's shoulder and he pulled his arms around her. Once again, she thought of how nice it was to have someone hold her, but that it wasn't the same without it being Sasuke. Gaara's arms were warm and welcome and comforting, yet they lacked the feeling that Sasuke's brought to Kaede. There was only the feeling of two close friends, not two…well, soul mates, if you could go that in-depth into it.
Across the room, Miki and Neji were sitting in a similar way, Neji with his arms wrapped around Miki, she leaning against him and tilting her head upwards and sideways for a chaste kiss. Kaede could see the spark between them, the closeness that she'd used to have with Sasuke, and envied them. It was terrible to feel so full and loved, but so empty at the same time as she watched her two friends share a moment together. Her heart tugged towards a faraway time, and she buried her face in Gaara's shirt, willing the feeling to go away.
Then, suddenly, she remembered something.
She shot to her feet and dove for her pillow, much to Gaara's surprise, digging underneath to pull out the one thing she was looking for. When her fingers touched the cool paper, she sighed, relieved that it was still there. It had lasted two years, thank Kami, and she hoped it would last even longer. The old picture was the last thing she had connecting herself to Sasuke, and she'd be damned if she let it go, too.
"What're you looking at?" Gaara asked, having moved over to her and placed his hand on her back.
"Nothing," she said calmly, knowing that if Gaara heard any hint of panic or secrecy in her voice he'd investigate for himself. "Just…memories, that's all."
Gaara nodded slowly, then stood again and pulled her with him. "I have to go back to the Sand now," he explained, and she smiled, giving his hand a little squeeze. "I'll see you soon?" He sounded hopeful, so she nodded and hugged him. He embraced her back and walked out of the room.
The moment the door closed behind him, Kaede went back over to her pillow and tugged the corner of the picture out from under it. She could just barely make out Sasuke's arm against the back deck railing, and she only wanted to look at the picture as a whole. But if she drew the picture completely out from under her pillow, it would only make it that much harder to resist the temptation that was Sasuke, and how would she explain it to her friends, anyway?
Settling with just touching the photograph, Kaede lay down on her pillow, staring towards the wall. Her friends around her were also beginning to settle down for the night, slowly breaking off conversations and crawling into their makeshift beds. They all knew what tomorrow could bring—news of the Chunin's death, probably, and more preparations for the battle in twelve days. Twelve days away…
Kaede woke up, finding it quiet and still in the room. Everyone was soundly asleep, their breathing steady, no movements whatsoever. She sighed, relieved that no one had heard her wake and sit up. She pushed the covers off of her after a moment, taking the picture from under her pillow, and standing. She wanted to get a good look at it, even if the memories from it would probably cause her pain.
She slipped out of the room and tiptoed down the hallway until she was at the end of it, sat down, and looked at the picture.
It was the same as she remembered it. Sasuke was leaning against the railing of their back porch at sunrise, his hair blown lightly out of his face, his eyes taking on a faraway look to them. He was staring up at the lightening sky, not paying attention to anything around him, his own thoughts consuming him. She loved this picture solely because it showed Sasuke, as he really was, not the cold demeanor he placed around him. She would never capture that in another picture again, she knew, nor would she probably see it with her own eyes outside of this paper frame.
"Never again," she whispered, touching the picture of Sasuke with the tips of her fingers and brushing the fine lines of his face. The corner of her lip twitched, and she felt the tears welling up behind her eyes. Her instincts told her to fight back, to keep them in and not let them fall. No, she told herself. She needed this.
Her tears dripped off of the end of her nose onto Sasuke's photograph, sliding down the picture and off the edge, leaving small tracks where they'd traveled. She kept her sobs as silent as she could, not wanting to wake anyone up. For the longest time she cried to no one, but for someone, for a lost someone whom she would never again hold.
That morning, Kaede woke up still in the hallway, still with the tearstained picture on her lap. She gasped, shoving it under her shirt as she realized that people were coming out of their rooms. Her head ached from crying herself to sleep and she slowly got to her feet, her back wrenching from sleeping the way she did.
She walked into the kitchen, sniffling a bit. She knew her eyes were red and puffy from crying, and that her friends would probably know why. She was saved from explaining her appearance, though, by the entrance of the very reason she'd been brought to tears: Sasuke.
Her eyes locked on his face, and even though he was avoiding her eyes, she knew that whatever news he was bringing was not good. It was then she noticed the headband he was clutching in his right hand. He set it on the table in front of all the Jounin sitting there, and stepped back. The headband bore a Konoha symbol, and they all recognized the few strands of bronze hair that still clung to it.
It was the Chunin's headband.
He was dead.
And the war had just taken a new turn.
Yay! Okay, maybe not yay, but still, the message has been delivered and Orochimaru's own men have probably failed to bring it to him in their eagerness to kill the Chunin, whose name I didn't make because it would make me feel more attached to him and more reluctant to have him die.
I thank Three Days Grace for their wonderful music that gets me through this story, and Linkin Park, and Nickelback, and the great country music, lol.
Again, if anyone knows of someone who could draw pictures of the characters in this story--particularly the picture of Sasuke that Kaede loves so much, I have a mental image but I would LOVE a visual one--that would be great. Seeing as this story is beginning to come to a close, I'd like to hear (again) what you'd like to see from me in another story. I had one KakashiXOC request, which I'm contemplating (thanks for the idea!), but I'd like to keep options open for others, too.
Luv ya, review!
Nicola