Chapter 7, Venial vampirism

Time passes quickly for a vampire. I've already been in Finland for over a month. Vivian has finally started to calm down about the whole robbery thing, not expecting the police to be at the door each time he hears something. What surprises me is that things between us haven't been at all weird. I'd expected him to be a bit freaked out, knowing that I've killed someone, but he seems not to mind, or perhaps he just tries his best not to think about it.

Our relationship, overall, has started to get more intense, or perhaps more "serious" as Vivian would call it. We see each other each day, at home, at work. Even though it's already been a month, Vivian hasn't mentioned me moving out from his appartment even once. He seems satisfied with having me there, and I'm not complaining. This way, I get to pay only half the rent, instead of paying the whole amount and living alone. I don't mind having Vivian around anyway. He's amusing, and caring. Just what I need to keep my mind off of things.

Maybe I should offer him my blood? That way I wouldn't have to be hiding my true nature from him. But no. I don't want to do that. I don't want to steal his life away. I want him to stay the way he is. Pure. Mortal. That's where his beauty lies. I don't want to take that away from him.

¤¤¤

Niilo has been digging through his files and archives, comparing the way I've described how I remember things looking in Egypt to old books and such in an attempt to figure out my age. He's read up a bit on his history, confirming the dates of some of the events I spoke of, further proving that I probably was staked sometime in the early 13:th century. He still hasn't been able to find any more clues to who I might be, but I'm not surprised. If it is the way I remember things, then no other vampires should have known about me, since I never interacted with any of them.

-"You said that you're able to be outside in daylight, didn't you?" I nod my head. "That's an other sign telling us that you're old. Some old vampires are able to do that, using their Cainite blood to protect their skin from getting burned. The sun still usually stings their eyes, though. For the likes of Mistress and I, keeping in the darkness is our only option." Niilo continues.

-"Must be rather dull." I say, not being able to imagine what it might be like, never seeing daylight.

-"Caitiffs..." Mistress mumbles.

-"Yes." Niilo nods. "Caitiffs tend to be thin-blooded; far removed from Caine, 13th generation or worse. They can be viewed as omens of Gehenna."

-"Gehenna?" I question. Both Niilo and Mistress gives me surprised looks.

-"Gehenna, our prophesied armageddon, does it ring any bells?" Mistress finally speaks, looking for any sign of remembrance on my face.

-"Gehenna is the time when the Antediluvians will rise to consume the blood of all the younger vampires and construct a city in which they will rule for 1000 years." Niilo explains. "Gehenna is said to be preceded by the Time of Thin Blood, in which vampires below the 13th generation lose the potency of their blood, become incapable of Embracing others, using their vampiric powers, and even develop a tolerance to sunlight." Niilo continues, sounding as if he was quoting a book, or if he was rambling a well learned speach.

-"I see." I comment. "So since I'm a Caitiff, as you call it, and sunlight doesn't burn me, I'm an omen of Gehenna?" Neither of them reply.

-"We need to keep quiet about your age." Niilo says, changing the topic after a moment of silence. "If the Sabbat or Camarilla were to find out, they'd be coming for you."

-"Why is that?" I ask.

-"Because you're a threat." Mistress replies, her eyes dark.

-"Really now?"

-"Old Cainites are powerful, which makes them dangerous. Most Caitiffs are considered as good as harmless. Since they are clanless, they do not specialize in any particular discipline. Although, as shown in your case by the display you had Mistress witness, they have the freedom to learn any discipline or develop their own. If you were to decide to kill us all, then we would probably not be able to stop you." Niilo pauses for a short moment, looking at me intently. "All really old Cainites are usually slayed by others, to ensure the saftey and survival of our race. The few old ones that are still alive usually stay away from others. We don't know for sure if they are in torpor, or if they are just hiding. If the Sabbat, or the Camarilla, were to find out that a Caitiff as old as you were moving about, they would send someone to assassinate you." Niilo explains. I smirk.

-"Let them come for me. I'll be prepared."

-"No." Niilo says, his voice firm. "We do not want a bloodbath. We do not want to make a scene. What we want, is to keep your existence a secret, to remain passive until we've figured out all details about you."

-"Then what? What if it turns out that I'm really old? What will you do then? Slay me?" I ask. Mistress bites her lip, looking down. Niilo shakes his head.

-"We'd never try to do that, because we know that we'd never succeed. I'm not much of a fighter, and neither is Mistress."

-"You, on the other hand managed to kill Sammy without even letting him give you a scratch. You have quite some skills." Mistress chips in.

-"Then what will you do when you find out who I am?"

-"That depends." Niilo answers. "What will you do when you find out?"

-"Exactly what I'm doing now. Trying to find out what happened to Serenity."

-"If that's true, then we'd have nothing to fear, correct?"

-"Correct." I nod.

-"But if not, if you were to turn on us, then we'd have to inform the Sabbat, and they'd probably hire Assamites to terminate you."

-"Why would I want to turn on my own race? What good is it for me in killing vampires?"

-"You tell me. That's what's said will happen when Gehenna comes, is it not?"

-"Well I'm not planning on turning on my own race." I reply, ignoring Niilos remark about Gehenna, and the frightened look Mistress is giving me. "I'm not planning on having anything to do with any vampires, as long as they don't approach me. If an other guy like Sammy would come along, giving me no choice, I won't hesitate to do what's necessary though."

¤¤¤

It's getting quite late, and I promised Vivian that we'd go out today, seeing it's Saturday, and we've just gotten our paychecks for this month, so Mistress and I bid farewell and leave the basement Niilo rents. Once back out on the street we walk slowly into town. Vivian calls me on my cellphone, asking me where I am. We decide to meet at the corner of a street not too far away.

Once there, it has started to snow, even though it's just October. Vivian is standing under a streetlamp, the light from it making the snowflakes in his hair glow like small crystals. He smiles at me as we approach him, and throws Mistress an intrested look.

-"Sorry I'm late... Things just took a bit more time than planned." I explain.

-"It's okay."

-"Vivian, this is Mistress. Mistress, Vivian." I introduce them. Mistress looks at me, a weird expression on her face, seemingly surprised that I'm still hanging out with Vivian. I ignore her.

-"Nice to meet you. Are you a friend of Randy's? I've never heard him talk about you."

-"Well, I guess you could say that I am his 'friend', yes." She replies, smirking a bit. "And the same goes for you. What are you to him?" She trow the question back at him. He looks thinking for a moment.

-"I think you'd have to ask him about that." He replies after some hesitation. I turn my head the other way.

-"Come on, let's move." I say and start walking. "Where are you heading Mistress?"

-"I'm not sure. Home, perhaps. There's something I have to do at first, but you can gladly join me." She smiles and leads the way.

-"Just exactly what are we doing?" Vivian question after a while.

-"We're meeting somene." Mistress explains. We walk in silence for a few more minutes until we arrive at a shabby looking club. Outside, a tall man with blond hair stands. He nods his head slightly as Mistress approaches him. They exchange a few words, and he comes with us, walking off in an other direction.

-"Where are we going?" Vivian asks me after a while, he seems a bit worried. I just shrug.

-"I guess we'll see. Why?"

-"I just don't like this neighbourhood..." I look around and see what he means. The neighbourhood seems very old and run down. Most of the buildings and houses seem to be on the verge of collapsing. Does people actually live here?

After a while we reach what seems to be an old, abandoned appartmentbuilding.

-"In here." Mistress says and pulls the man with the blond hair with her inside. Vivians eyes widen a bit, but he doesn't say anything. I lift my brows, throwing him a questioning look, but he remains silent.

We go up a flight of stairs, and enter one of the appartments. The whole place seems very run down and old, and the door to the appartment is missing. We enter what seems to have been a livingroom. There's newspapers and dried leaves scattered all over the floor, and along the wall at the far side of the room, there's an old couch. Mistress leads her friend over there and sits down. I pay very little attention to her and decide to look around instead.

I enter the room conncted to this one, and come into what seems to be the kitchen. An old stove is still left here, though I doubt that it still works. I enter a hallway, which leads me to what must have been a bedroom. There's still an old bed, and a pair of blue, torn curtains hanging by the window. They move slowly in the wind, seeing the window is broken. I look around, an uneasy feeling spreading through my body. It almost feels as if someone is watching me. I can't help but to wonder who used to live here, and why the place is abandoned now. Why didn't anyone renovate this place? Why has it just been left here like this?

-"What the!?!" I spin my head around, hearing Vivians shocked and scared voice break the deathly silence. I hurry back into the living room, and find Vivian pressed up against a wall, Mistress is still sitting on the couch, only now, she has her fangs pressed into her friends neck. He sits still, letting her drink from him. Mistress looks up at me as I enter the room, her eyes glowing faintly red.

-"Mistress!?" I yell, panicking as I look to Vivian. His eyes are fixed at Mistress, watching drops of blood making their way down the mans neck, dripping onto his jacket. Vivian seems to have stopped breathing, as he stands there, staring at the sight before him. "Viv..." I start but I don't get a chance to finish, since Vivian tears away his gaze from Mistress and runs as quickly as he can out through the door, retracing our steps. "Mistress!" I curse, glaring daggers at her. She has by now stopped drinking her friends blood and is looking at me, a puzzled look at her face.

-"Didn't he know?" She whispers, a tone of worry and surprise in her voice.

-"No!" I yell as I hurry after Vivian.

-"I thought he knew!" She shouts desperately after me.

¤¤¤

I find Vivian in a small park, sitting on a swing, drawing things with the tips of his shoes in the thin layer of snow that has started to paint the ground white. I walk up to him, slowly, and he turns his head slightly, looking towards me as I approach. His eyes look tremendously sad as they gaze into mine. He doesn't say anything, and I stop, standing a few meters away from him.

-"Viv..." I start, but he cuts me off, shaking his head.

-"Don't."

-"Viv... I... I don't know what to say."

-"Then don't say anything." His voice is very quiet and sad. He turns his head the other way, looking away from me and stares out into the distance. I walk up to him slowly and reach out to touch his shoulder. He stiffens a bit, but doesn't say anything. I sigh and sit down on the swing next to him, biting my lip hard enough for blood to make its way to the surface. I watch Vivians face closely, but he doesn't show any sign of emotions. I try my best to come up with anything to say, but fail miserably. 'I should have told you'? 'I didn't think you'd find out'? Stupid...

-"Viv... Plase just let me..." ...explain? Stupid. What's there to explain? He remains quiet, and so do I. After a while, he tilts his head slightly downwards, closing his eyes and smiling bitterly.

-"It's so funny..." He shakes his head slightly. "Cause, you know... I already knew." I narrow my eyes, meeting his gaze as he looks back up at me, my face showing great confusion. "Your heartbeat." He explains, his voice holding such sadness, almost as if it's about to break. "Your pulse, Randy." He bites his lip as a tear falls down his cheek, although he laughs bitterly. "You don't have a pulse!" He looks down at the ground again, drying away the tear that fell from his eye. He's stopped laughing now and takes a deep breath, sighing. I still don't know what to say.

-"She thought that you knew." I explain, referring to Mistress. He nods his head.

-"And in a way, she was right." He sighs softly. "I never believed that vampires existed. Not even the night I realized that you don't have a pulse. I guess I didn't want to know..." His voice trails off. I nod my head slowly.

-"I told you that you were better off not knowing."

-"You know..." He starts as he looks back up at me again, a slight smile playing at his lips. "This explains so much."

-"It does."

-"Did you plan on telling me?"

-"No." I answer honestly. "I didn't plan on telling you. In fact, I didn't plan on staying with you at all. I didn't even plan on meeting you. Although, when you came into my life so conveniently, I couldn't help but to use you. At first, I was thinking that I could kill you, take your money and rent a hotel room, but when you invited me to stay... It was so much simpler to just manipulate you, and use you."

-"Is that all I was to you? A temporary solution to where you could stay?" He asks, his voice sounding hurt, and his eyes sad.

-"Yes. That's all you were to me." His eyes darken. "At first." I add. Silence falls upon us, as we both sit there, swinging back and forth slightly.

-"What else did you lie about?"

-"Nothing. Everything I've said is true. I've just left some pieces of the truth unspoken. About the 'accident', making me lose my memories, for example. There wasn't really an 'accident'. At least not the kind you're thinking of."

-"Then what happened?"

-"I was staked by someone. A woman who trained Sereinty. She must have though that I was killed, but I only fell into a slumber. I got woken up three months ago, when an archeologist found me."

-"How long had you been asleep? When were you staked?"

-"About 800 years ago." Vivian gives me a quizzical look. "It's true. You probably don't believe me though, but you don't have to believe me for it to be true." An other moment of silence passes before I speak again. "I still don't remember who I am. I've gotten some memories back. Sometimes they come to me when I hear or see something that's connected to a memory somehow, and sometimes they come to me in my dreams." Vivian nods.

-"It must be hard not knowing who you are."

-"It must have been hard for you too." I say, slowly realizing what Vivian must've gone through. "When did you notice that I don't have a pulse?"

-"About two weeks ago I guess." He shrugs.

-"So you walked around, knowing that there was something wrong with me for that long? Without asking me, or being afraid of me?" He nods.

-"I'm not sure why, but I just trusted you. I was sure that there was a logical explanation. Or at least that there was some kind of an explanation... And as you said, I was probably better off not knowing, and even if I asked, you wouldn't have told me, so I figured that I might as well not ask."

-"Are you afraid now? Now that you know for sure what I am?" I ask. He's silent for a while, thinking.

-"No, I'm not." He smiles slightly. "At least I don't think I am. I mean, I know what you're capable of doing, and what you have to do, and what you have been doing for over a month..." His voice trails off again.

-"And you're not thinking back now, afraid that it might have been you? Or that you migt be next?" I ask, and he shakes his head slightly.

-"Not really. I mean, if you wanted to kill me, then wouldn't you have done so already?" I smile slightly, nodding.

-"Exactly. If I wanted you dead, you wouldn't be sitting here now."

-"Though, Randy... I have to ask. Why? Why haven't you killed me?"

-"I didn't want to."

-"Why not? What made you decide not to?" I narrow my eyes slightly, thinking. Yes, why didn't I kill him? Things might have been easier with him dead... I guess... I guess I just... like having him around?

-"I didn't want you to die. Not when I hadn't even had the chance to get to know you yet. From the very beginning, you made me smile. You made it seem like life had a meaning, without having a distinct purpose. It was nice, living, being with you, having fun with you. It might have been pointless, but it was fun. You've made me realize that not everything have to have a meaning. You made me forget all about being a vampire. About being dead. About not knowing who I am, or what I'm supposed to be doing. You made me want to just live, to be who I am with you. You made it feel like it didn't matter who I once was, it's who I am now that's important..."

-"It is." Vivian agrees. "It doesn't matter to me who you were, nor does it matter what you are. What matters to me is who you are with me. As long as I don't have to see..." His voice once again trails off as he pulls a weird face, remembering what he just recently witnessed.

-"You won't." I promise.

-"Don't be mad at Mistress." He says suddenly, looking directly into my eyes. "It wasn't her fault. I mean, you said that she thought that I knew, so she can't be blamed. If it's anyones fault that I found out, I guess it's your own. So don't be mad at Mistress."

-"I won't."

-"Besides, I'm glad that she spilled your little secret. I'm glad that I found out. This changes so much." His voice trails off as he frowns, seeming to be thinking. Along with the silence building up around us, so is my anxiety.

-"Things don't have to change, you know." I whisper, looking at him pleadingly. "We can go back to how it was before..." Vivian smiles and gets off the swing, standing back up.

-"By far the most intresting person I've ever met." He smirks and holds out a hand for me. "It's getting cold. Let's go home."