Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 9: Just a name.

Nobody's POV

So, Christmas came and went and James kept asking Lily out. Sirius got back together with Beth for the third time. Megan had a defeated look the day it happened and everyone knew it was because there was no chance for her anymore.

Four months later, James got back together with Caitlyn and gave poor Lily a break. Remus stayed together with Leah and Peter was with Janice. Miranda took a chance and went out with Amos Diggory. He hadn't cheated on her, either.

"Ugh, exams are so soon," moaned James as they walked down the hall to lunch.

"Don't remind me," said Sirius. "I just want to go through the time without exams peacefully."

As they entered the Great Hall there was a swarm of girls who were asking them to be their ball date. The beginning of next year, there would be a ball. There was no time at the end of this year, so Dumbledore had said it would be next year. All of the Marauders were going with their girlfriends so there was no point in those girls even asking. That didn't stop them, though.

The Marauders sat down at the Gryffindor table and began piling their plates with food. The girls (who were sitting across from them) watched disgustedly, picking at their salads.

"How much food can fit into your mouth?" Lily asked. She and James were on better terms since he stopped asking her out, but she still hated him. The boys shrugged and continued eating. Lily rolled her eyes and turned towards her friends. "I got the Daily Prophet today," she said. "There have been more attacks." This wasn't shocking to anybody, but it was still interesting. The boys even looked up.

"Who?" asked Tina.

"The Wilsons," said Lily grimly. She nodded at a somber looking girl sitting at the Slytherin table.

"A Slytherin?"

"Apparently, they refused to join You-Know-Who," said Lily.

"Oh," said Tina quietly.

"Why do you say 'You-Know-Who'?" asked James.

"What else should I call him?" snapped Lily.

"How about his name? Voldemort?" everyone flinched. "Oh, stop it." James could say Voldemort because his parents had always taught him not to be afraid.

Flashback…

"Never be afraid to say someone's name, James. Fear of a name, only increases fear of the thing itself. Remember that."

End flashback…

His father had said that to him last holidays when Voldemort was making his presence even more known.

"It's just a name," said James distractedly.

The next morning everyone was eating breakfast and talking happily when James' family's owl, Ursula, landed smoothly next to his orange juice and stuck out a leg. He took the envelope and gave her some bacon. Then she flew off.

James opened the envelope and pulled out the letter. As he unfolded it he saw that it was written in black cursive. He grew slightly frantic. No one in his family ever wrote letters in black unless something bad had happened.

"James? What's wrong?" asked Remus.

"Potter, are you having a heart attack or something?" said Lily. Remus glared at her and she shrugged.

"What if it's bad and what happened and who's hurt?" James said frantically, tearing open the letter.

"James, read it," said Sirius. The Marauders crowded around James to read but he wouldn't let them. Sighing, they sat down and waited.

As James read, he grew more and more pale. When he reached the end of the letter he let out a strangled sound.

"James? What's wrong?" asked Peter.

"You ok, Potter?" asked Lily.

"Prongs, what happened?" asked Sirius.

"I – I gotta go," said James. He stood up and ran out of the Great Hall.

He ran to the owlery and threw the door open. Several owls hooted angrily and flew out. James walked over to where they would fly in and out from and sat down. If he leaned even slightly to the right he would fall out. James scooted over on the ledge and looked outside. How could this happen? How could his father…he couldn't finish the thought. He put his arms around his knees and cried. Cried for the first time in many, many years.

He sat there all day, not coming down for meals or classes. His friends constantly came up to see if he was there but he had the Invisibility Cloak and would cover himself with it. He didn't want to see or talk to anyone right now. He just wanted to be alone.

At 8:00 PM, he finally stood up. Zeus had just flown in and landed on his master's arm. James stroked his owl absentmindedly for a while and then let him fly away. He strode out of the owlery, putting a concealing charm on his face so no one would see that he had been crying.

Lily was the only one in the common room when James walked in. She didn't look up when he came in. He walked over to her and sat down next to her. Only then did she seem aware of his presence.

"James! Oh my God, everyone was so worried! Where were you?"

"Thinking," said James. Lily looked at him suspiciously but turned back to what she was doing. James took a notebook of the table and opened it up. It happened to be his. "Hey, Lily -" he began.

"No," she said, not looking up from her homework.

"No what?" asked James. "You don't even know what I was going to say."

"Yes I do. And the answer's no."

"Ok then," said James. He leaned over her legs and stretched out his arm. She gasped and smacked him. She stood up furiously.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she shouted.

"I was getting that quill," said James, pointing.

"You should have asked me to get it!"

"I tried, but you said no."

"You were going to ask me out!" Lily screamed. She saw the anger in his eyes.

"No I wasn't!" shouted James. He stood up as well and threw down the notebook. "God, you think you know me so well, don't you, Evans? But the truth is you don't know me at all! I have a girlfriend! I would never ask another girl out when I had a girlfriend already! I'm not that kind of guy! And what makes you think, that every question I'll ever ask you will be 'will you go out with me?'?"

"The fact that all of your previous questions to me have been 'will you go out with me?' or something of that nature!" yelled Lily. James was getting really mad. The hurt and anger of Lily's rejections and the letter were mixing together and producing a really nasty result.

"There's always a first for something new!"

"Yeah, well, you're just full of surprises, Potter!"

"What's that supposed to mean, Evans?"

"You used to be so nice, and sweet! Now you're arrogant and a bully! You think you're better than everyone else because you have a rich and perfect family! You think everything's just given to everyone like it is to you! Well, guess what, James? It's not! You probably don't even know how hard your mother and father are working to earn so much money and make your life perfect!"

"DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN! MY LIFE AND FAMILY ARE NOT PERFECT!" Lily looked taken aback. James calmed down before continuing. "You don't know how hard it used to be for me! Until my parents finally got accepted as aurors, we lived in a little cottage! I had no friends because I was so poor! Kids would pick on me and steal my lunch money! I wouldn't have any money left for food, sometimes! I made bake sales and lemonade to just earn a little bit of money so I could help out my parents! And now my father is dead!" James yelled. By now, everyone in Gryffindor Tower was watching.

"W – what?" said Lily.

"That's right. My father is dead. DEAD!" James turned around and punched the wall. That concoction of feelings was poured into that punch. "AAARG!" James screamed as his fist connected with stone. He turned back to Lily with his right hand all bloody.

"I'm so sorry," whispered Lily.

"No you're not! You hate me! People don't feel sorry for people they hate! Don't try to deny it, you know it's true! And you also know that it's true that you hate me for no reason. You know it's true that Britney lied to you that day in third year and that you were just gullible! And you're just too proud, stubborn actually, to admit it! Maybe it's time to step down, Evans. Let's see who's the one who doesn't care about anybody's feeling except her own. Let's see who's the one who does anything she wants and expects everything to just remain great and perfect, no matter what happens." James was quoting what Lily had said to him once. "Remember that time in September? I remember perfectly.

Flashback…

"Hey, Lily," said James. "Want to go to Hogsmeade with me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because you're an insufferable jerk who bullies people for no reason. You're as annoying as hell, strutting around the castle as if you're the best. You think your hair looks cool and it's so great that you're the Quidditch Captain and Seeker. As if no one's ever done it before. The only thing you take seriously is Quidditch. You think girls are trophies, to be discarded when you don't feel like looking at them anymore. There are a lot more reasons, Potter, but I don't have time right now," said Lily and walked off with her friends laughing and giggling as if nothing had happened.

End flashback…

"You didn't care what that did to me, did you, Lily? You didn't care to know that inside my heart was shattering into millions of little pieces. No, you just went on with your perfect little life, with your perfect little friends, not having a care in the world for anything except yourself." James brushed passed her and the boys that were assembled on the stairs. He walked into his room and slammed the door. He didn't even notice the throbbing pain in his hand which was then joined by his head until he lay down and closed his eyes. He tried his hardest not to think of anything that had happened but failed miserably.

James' POV

The next morning, I woke up and washed and bandaged my hand. My knuckles were sort of oddly shaped and it hurt to move my fingers. If it weren't for the present state of things, I would have congratulated myself on throwing such a good punch.

I walked down to breakfast alone and knew at once that it was in the Prophet. People were gasping and looking at me. They would whisper to each other and I knew what they were talking about.

As I sat down at the table, Ursula flew up to me. I stroked her head and opened the letter. I recognized my father's handwriting and my heart leapt.

Dear James,

By the time you read this letter, I will be dead. I know it will happen soon. I guess before I start telling you what I need to, I should explain why. The Ministry gave me an assignment to go into Voldemort's hide out and disguise myself as a Death Eater. I would spy on them there. But something went wrong. As I was trying to disguise myself, a Death Eater came around the corner. He only saw me as me for a split second, but the damage was done. I don't know why it took longer than expected to disguise myself. I had it all worked out. Maybe I was nervous, or maybe the spell was faulty. In any case, the Death Eater led me to the gathering because I was supposedly new. After it all, I apparated home as soon as I could. Your mother and I hid away for a while. We are in hiding now. I know they are coming for me. As soon as they find me your mother will go back home. They don't need her. I am trying to record everything I found out and send it to the Ministry, but this is more important. James, remember this: Voldemort is just like you and me. Sure, he has found spells and potions that make him very powerful, but you and me, and all of the other witches and wizards out there are capable of everything he is. Don't be afraid of Voldemort. After all, he's nothing but a name. He's just a name, James. Remember.

Your loving father,

Harold. A. Potter

I blinked back tears and carefully folded the letter up. I would keep it forever. Thinking about what my father had said, I decided that it was all the Ministry's fault. They were the ones who sent him to Voldemort. But, no matter whose fault it was, my father was right. There was nothing to be afraid of. Voldemort is just a name.