Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. All characters associated with the series are the property of Tite Kubo, I am simply borrowing them for my own amusement.
Resolve
Renji had certainly known his fair share of problems in his life to that point. He'd grown up in a rough neighborhood, with no one to look out for him except the other kids in his gang. He'd struggled with feelings of inadequacy and a need to prove his worth all through his time at the academy, leading to feelings of alienation from most of his class. He'd turned on one of his only true friends, sending her off to face judgment for the sake of laws he didn't even understand. Then, realizing the gravity of the situation, he'd changed his mind, defied everything believed in and nearly died as a traitor at his own captain's hands. He'd fought his friends, befriended his enemies, and wreaked enough havoc that at times he wasn't even sure what the hell was going on anymore.
The defection of three captains from Seireitei had turned the world he knew upside down, leaving pain, confusion, and general panic in its wake. Now they had to deal with the Arrancar, who seemed unrealistically powerful, and the new Arrancar, who were a complete mystery but certainly no less deadly. No one was safe, and with the threat of war looming just around the corner, it wasn't promising to look any better tomorrow.
Staring up at the ceiling, Renji realized that things had very nearly reached the limit of fucked, which was exactly why he didn't need any more complicated shit in his life at the moment. Unfortunately, this didn't seem to stop him from doing things that were guaranteed to add further difficulty to his world. The problem was that he wasn't a great fan of thinking things through, at least not before going right ahead and doing them. Hindsight was a bitch sometimes.
He really had started out with the best intentions; he'd been genuinely worried about the kid when he saw how he was tearing himself apart with his concern for his friends. He'd never been very good at being supportive or understanding, which was why he rarely bothered to try, but something about Ichigo spoke to him like a kindred spirit, and so he'd given it a shot. He'd been surprised to discover that sleeping next to him actually seemed beneficial to both of them, but he'd just gone with it because he could use the rest as well. Plus, there'd been the added bonus of watching him get all riled about the whole thing, which had always been amusing.
Somewhere along the line, he'd recognized the potential for things to get out of hand, but he hadn't been worried about it. A few stray touches here and there, a little fascination with his tattoos, it was all just harmless. He actually kind of liked it; he'd always enjoyed being touched, but it was hard to find someone that he trusted enough to allow that close. It hadn't meant anything, at least nothing serious.
It was after Ichigo almost died that he started to notice the shift in the atmosphere, though it was hard to pin down what it really meant. Glances that seemed to suggest just a little more than they should, a touch that lingered a second too long, little things. Then there was the licking, which had been replaying in his mind since the moment it happened, a tingly little warning that he tried to brush away. What the hell was he supposed to do, sit around and think about it until he gave himself a headache? Not likely. When those fingers brushed his hair aside so that warm lips could press against his skin he'd just reacted, doing what felt right without considering the consequences.
It wasn't that he regretted kissing Ichigo, he simply realized, in retrospect of course, that it was going to add an entirely new dimension of shit to his mountain of problems. Nothing said complicated like kissing a human-shinigami teenager, who also happened to possess Hollow abilities, and insisted that he didn't like men. He sighed, looking down at the disheveled orange head currently pillowed against his chest. Ichigo had been pretending to be asleep for the past five minutes, undoubtedly planning some sort of escape. Yeah, this was going great.
He settled an arm more firmly around Ichigo as he started to edge backwards, moving really slowly like he hoped no one could see him. "It's early, stop squirmin' an' go back to sleep," he ordered softly, already knowing what the response would be.
Predictably, Ichigo tensed, his head tipping back until their eyes met. "Let go of me."
Renji smirked down at him, amending his previous thoughts: Maybe this was still amusing, even if it was trouble. He'd never met anyone who could scowl that menacingly while wearing the telltale signs of a blush across their nose. "Ain't my fault ya like sleepin' on me. I didn't haul you over here." He just couldn't resist.
Ichigo lifted his head to achieve a better glaring angle, the blush seeping into his cheeks. "Fucking quit that and let me go," he hissed, his eyes flashing.
Renji's brow furrowed in confusion before he realized that he was once again tracing circles over Ichigo's hipbone with his thumb. He stilled, letting his hand fall away; he hadn't been doing it intentionally, he just enjoyed the tickle of friction under his fingertips. Ichigo pulled away as soon as he was free, sitting up and backing into the wall like he had the night before.
"You're freakin' out again," Renji pointed out helpfully, rolling the shoulder that had been pinned by the other body.
"I am not" the younger man bit out, burying his face in his hands.
"What's wrong?" he asked curiously, pushing himself up on his elbows and shaking his hair back.
"What the fuck do you think is wrong?" Ichigo dragged one hand away from his face so that he could continue to glare.
"How the hell should I know?" He stared right back at him. "Ya got a whole lot of human shit ya seem to be worried about." He shrugged. "I can't keep it all straight."
"Human shit?" Ichigo's attention was momentarily diverted.
"Yeah," Renji cocked his head to one side, as if trying to put his thoughts into words. "Guys ain't really my thing, but it's not a big deal in Soul Society, so it's just a bit weird. Ain't worth freakin' out over."
"But you kissed another guy" Ichigo stared incredulously. "You kissed me!"
"So?" Renji didn't bother to point out that Ichigo had technically kissed him first. "What the hell is panickin' gonna do about it?"
"I'm not panicking," Ichigo snapped. "I'm just…shit!"
"It ain't a big deal," Renji assured him again.
"Yes it is! You can't just say that guys are your thing now, and have everything be okay!" Ichigo's anxiety level was rising, his reiatsu fluttering around him. Renji's brows drew together in a slight frown.
"I didn't say guys were my new thing, and I told ya it was kinda weird, but…" He arched a tattooed eyebrow, a smirk lifting the corner of his lips. "I've seen worse," he teased.
Ichigo made a sound somewhere between indignation and horror. "I'm not gay!"
"I thought you said it was called bi," Renji pointed out, pushing into a sitting position, the blanket pooling around his waist.
"I'm not bi!" Ichigo was scowling and blushing again, backing away to give Renji more room.
"Uh-huh." Renji eyed him skeptically. "See, that's the human shit I was talkin' about. It's like you don't have enough problems so ya had to make up these dumbass categories so ya have somethin' else to bitch about. I can't even figure out what the hell half of it means, it's like it ain't got no purpose except to give you more reason to freak out. Don't got anythin' to do with what kind of person you are, or how strong you are, or anythin' else that matters. It's just bullshit. "
"It's not bullshit," Ichigo protested, forgetting his embarrassment in favor of an argument. "You gotta have some way to describe yourself, dumbass."
"But it's stupid, and it don't make a difference either way." Renji rolled his eyes as he climbed out bed, stretching until his back popped. "Who the hell wants to spend eternity havin' a lame-ass crisis every time they catch themselves checkin' out another guy?"
"But I don't check out guys!" Ichigo pointed out, wondering how in the hell he always managed to get into the weirdest arguments.
"That's cause ya ain't lived long enough," Renji informed him wisely.
"What the hell are you talking about? Getting old doesn't turn you gay!" Ichigo blinked at him, completely lost. "Besides, you're not that old either."
"Which is why I said it's weird for me, too." Renji looked smug, like this somehow validated his point.
Ichigo just continued to stare at him as though he'd lost his mind, his eyes edging towards the door like he was planning another escape attempt.
Renji sighed, trying to finger comb his hair back into some semblance of order. This wasn't going well; attempts to distract Ichigo tended to lead to arguments about weird shit, followed by one or both of them looking completely confused. It was usually fairly amusing, but today it didn't seem to be the best option.
"Look, I already said I was sorry," Renji muttered, stepping out of his borrowed shorts as he picked up his discarded clothing. "I ain't gonna do anythin' ya don't want, so don't worry about it."
"But you want to." The words sounded like accusation but the tone was merely confused as Ichigo dropped his gaze, twisting the blanket between his hands.
"Who the fuck knows." Renji shrugged again, wrapping layers around himself and staring at the top of Ichigo's head. "Sorta just happened, wasn't really thinkin' about it at the moment."
"Oh," Ichigo frowned, his reiatsu fluttering uncomfortably. "I shouldn't have…I'm sorry about-"
He was startled out of his embarrassed muttering when something bounced off of his leg and landed next to his hand. He recognized his substitute badge and picked it up, eyes darting to Renji in question.
"You've been stuck inside too damn long, it's messin' with your head." The other man crossed his arms over his chest, staring at him expectantly.
Ichigo looked between Renji and the badge once again. "But I-"
"Ya wanna sit here all day talkin' about your girly-ass feelings, or do ya wanna go to Urahara's and try to beat the shit out of me?" Renji cocked an eyebrow in challenge, knowing that the conversation was going nowhere. "Hitsugaya-taichou ain't gonna let you patrol 'til you prove you can handle it," he prodded.
Ichigo frowned for one more second before his face cleared. He most certainly did not want to talk about this, especially since he didn't really understand it. He hopped out of bed, rifling through his closet for something to wear. He could think about this shit later…maybe when he was dying again.
"I have to take my body, my family might come in and I don't know where the hell Kon is right now," he informed the redhead, nearly stumbling in his haste to be dressed and out of there.
"Fine." Renji gave a longsuffering sigh. "But hurry your ass up, it's going to be slow enough having to walk there without shunpo."
"Shut your damn mouth," Ichigo snapped, digging a pair of shoes out of his closet. "I'm ready to go."
Renji snorted and headed for the window, Ichigo following closely behind. They fell into step as soon as their feet hit the grass, walking in just slightly uncomfortable silence. It wasn't completely normal, but it was certainly better than sitting around and thinking.
(*)
Ichigo was having trouble concentrating as his head spun under the weight of his confusion, pestering him with snippets of memories and illogical, half-formed thoughts. He was trying to push everything aside, to brush it all off as easily as Renji had seemed to do, but he was finding the task nearly impossible.
Being a creature of action, and not prone to long examinations of his personal feelings, he hadn't given a lot of thought over the years to what his first real kiss would be like. He'd always figured that it was one of those things that just happened, like learning to walk, or getting pounced on by your crazy-ass father at every turn. He figured he'd just deal with it when it came along. That being said, he was fairly sure that this wasn't what he would have pictured, even if he'd taken the time to think about it properly. In fact, this was about as far as possible from anything he'd ever imagined about himself.
He'd never given any thought to being attracted to men, other than the somewhat unfounded assurance in his head that he simply wasn't. Admittedly, he hadn't really given that much thought to being attracted to anyone because even before he was a human shinigami charged with saving the world, he'd been a surly, spirit-sensitive teen plagued by unwanted thug problems. That was enough to keep a person busy.
He'd managed to find excuses for most of the oddities in his recent sleeping arrangements, tattoo fascinations, and willingness to being touched. The parts he hadn't been able to explain he'd simply ignored, or tired to ignore. It had been getting increasingly more difficult to overlook the fact that he actually seemed to like having another body so close that he could hear a second heartbeat, feel the slide of skin under his fingers, catch the sighs falling from gently parted lips. He shook his head sharply, scowling at the wayward thoughts.
Of course, no matter how hard he scowled, there was no ignoring the fact that he'd kissed the back of Renji's neck, or that he'd responded when the redhead leaned up to capture his lips. He'd been momentarily lost in the taste and feel of the tongue moving over his, and the hair sliding between his fingers. His bit back a groan of frustration and swore that could hear his Hollow's snicker burning across his mind.
He barely managed to pull himself from his thoughts in time to deflect Zabimaru, sending him careening into a nearby rock face and pelting the area with debris. Renji landed a few feet away, pulling the blades back in a tight arc and lashing out at him again. Ichigo dodged to the side, slipping along the outstretched attack but the other man was already moving, launching himself skyward once again.
"You're too slow today," Renji taunted, whipping Zabimaru down to score the sand where Ichigo had just stood. "Ain't ya healed yet?"
"I'm fine," Ichigo growled, launching a fierce assault as if to prove that fact.
Renji allowed himself to be driven back with a wild laugh, a grin spreading across his face. "That's more like it; I was beginning to think that Arrancar had broken your resolve."
Ichigo bristled at the mocking edge in his voice. "Getsuga Tenshou!" He fired a blast of blue energy after the redhead.
Renji barely got out of the way in time, hitting the ground hard and skidding back on one knee.
"It's about time you put up a good fight." Renji was still grinning and Ichigo felt the tingle of exertion stir his own responding smirk.
They flew at each other again, slashing and spinning, the power singing in their veins. It had been awhile since Ichigo last enjoyed the thrill of battle without the serious edge of something trying to kill him. He felt some of his tension slip away as they crashed together, vying for dominance, grinning at each other with wild abandon.
Ichigo wasn't sure how long they went on like this, too lost in the glow of finally being active to care. Renji had his bankai out, coiling and striking at him, blasting waves of fiery energy until the ground was a mess of charred debris. Ichigo crouched at the bottom of a shallow crater, panting as the sweat rolled down his neck, watching his opponent circle above. He surged upwards as Renji closed in, swinging Zangetsu to face the other man, his eyes glittering defiantly.
"Bankai!" he roared, feeling his reiatsu surge around him.
A slight chill ran up his spine as pain rippled out from his chest. It wasn't a persistent felling, just a flutter across his nerves as the full weight of his power pulled free, but it was enough to throw him off. He landed with a grunt, managing to keep his feet, but staggering slightly against the shift of the sand. He shook his head, trying to clear the strange tingling in his blood.
He felt the air move and brought Zangetsu up in time to block Zabimaru as Renji snaked an arm around from behind. The attack lacked real power, though, and he felt another arm slip around his waist, holding him to the body pressed against his back. He didn't pull away, too accustomed to the contact to notice in his slightly agitated state.
"What's wrong?" Renji voice was concerned, hovering somewhere just above his ear.
"Nothing," Ichigo muttered, squeezing his free hand into a fist a couple of times, testing for any resistance. "Just hurt a little to go into bankai."
"Hurt how?" Renji dug Zabimaru into the sand before grabbing Ichigo's arm and turning him around.
"I don't know." Ichigo was frowning, staring down at his chest where the pain had started. "It was only for a second."
"We should stop." Renji's hand tightened fractionally, and Ichigo raised his eyes, finally noticing the other man's proximity.
The fingers on his arm were sliding towards his shoulder and he realized that Renji's other hand had slipped under his coat at some point, curling over his hip. Sweat darkened locks of fiery hair were escaping their high ponytail to frame tattooed brows drawn together in worry. Ichigo had never been intimidated by Renji's height before, but suddenly he seemed a little too real, a little too close.
"I-I'm fine," Ichigo stuttered, pulling away so fast that he nearly stumbled again. He couldn't quite suppress a wince as his arm twisted under Zangetsu's weight.
Renji's eyes narrowed, catching the expression, not bothering to retrieve Zabimaru as he stepped forward again. Ichigo glared at him and started to turn away but a hand shot out, fingers closing gently around his wrist.
"What the hell," Ichigo snapped, trying to pull free. "I said I'm fine."
Renji ignored him, prying Zangetsu from his weakened grasp and driving him into the ground just as he had Zabimaru.
"What are you doing?" Ichigo demanded as Renji pushed his sleeve higher, sliding his fingers over the exposed skin.
"The bone was really messed up, took a lot of work to get right." Renji didn't look up and he continued to examine the area. "Might be sore for awhile."
"It doesn't hurt," he lied, allowing his wrist to be turned over with an exasperated sigh.
"The hell it doesn't," Renji accused, shooting him a glare. "It's not gonna do ya any good if ya overuse it and wind up tearin' somethin'."
"Fine," Ichigo muttered reluctantly. "So maybe we should stop for now, but I'm still ready to patrol." His eyes narrowed in challenge.
"You two finished?" a voice inquired from behind Ichigo.
He snatched his wrist from Renji's grasp, spinning to find Hitsugaya approaching them from a point near the ladder. He pushed his sleeve back down, trying to fight the ridiculous urge to blush like he'd been caught doing something wrong.
"Yeah, we're finished, Taichou, did ya need somethin'?" Renji inquired, stepping up beside Ichigo.
"No, I was watching part of your fight," Hitsugaya admitted. "Looks like you've recovered well enough." He turned to Ichigo. "Did something happen near the end, though; I noticed you were examining your arm?"
Ichigo felt the heat in his face and hoped it just looked like exertion form the fight. "Just a little sore still," he assured him.
Hitsugaya studied him for a moment longer before turning back to Renji. "You have a shift coming up tonight and I was going to take it if Kurosaki wasn't recovered. Would you clear him to go out if it were up to you?"
Ichigo stiffened but it was unnecessary because Renji replied easily, "Sure, he's fine, just needs to rest before then."
Hitsugaya seemed thoughtful for a moment, once again running an assessing eye over Ichigo. "Alright," he finally relented. "You can patrol from 6 to 10 with Abarai-fukutaichou, but I'll cover the second half of the shift."
"I don't need you cutting me any slack," Ichigo huffed, crossing his arms across his chest.
"The only reason I'm letting you go at all is because I don't believe you'd stay home if I ordered you to." Histugaya glared at him. "Forth division wouldn't have cleared you for another four days at least," he added pointedly.
"Four days!" Ichigo balked at him. "I'd go crazy in four days."
"Which is why I'm letting you go on light duty." Hitsugaya gritted his teeth in irritation. "At least this way we know where you are."
Ichigo scowled but Renji nudged him sharply, launching into a discussion over where the partner change should occur. Ichigo, figuring it was always a bad sign when Renji, of all people, was giving him lessons on tact, gave up the argument and decided to try to be grateful that he could go out at all.
When everything had been settled, Renji headed back upstairs to deal with the mountain of paperwork that Byakuya always saw fit to grace him with even though he was on assignment. Ichigo, having nothing better to do, opted to go back home for awhile and spend some time with his family. Renji offered to go with him, but Hitsugaya was already heading out to meet Matsumoto and it was only a two block detour. He needed some time away from Renji anyway so that he could clear his head.
(*)
Everything was soft shadows and moonlight as Ichigo landed in the grass, straightening to stare out over the water. Something crawled across his spine, a sickly sort of tickle, but he brushed it aside. He was nearing the end of his four hour patrol and there had yet to be a sighting of either Hollow or Arrancar, though Ichigo found that he didn't really mind. It was enough to just be out, and besides, he had other things he needed to face first.
"Ya don't have to do this." Renji spoke from behind him, one hand falling on his shoulder in a show of support.
"It's alright." Ichigo shook the hand off gently. "I want to."
He stepped forward, the soft crunch of the grass and the chirping of crickets the only sound as he made his way down the hill. He knew Renji was following but he didn't care, he didn't have any pressing need to be alone. As he neared level ground he began to slow, his eyes sweeping the area as though looking for something.
He could feel a cold seeping into him that had nothing to do with the chill in the air. It was like he could once again feel the blood draining away as the darkness crept closer, licking his senses, driving him mad. He shivered and felt Renji take a step closer, concern radiating off of him like a physical touch. Ichigo moved forward again.
The hole was as big as both of his fists, an angry wound punched through the ground, the grass just starting to curl over its edges. He wasn't really surprised that no one had filled it in, there weren't many visitors in this area, and it was only maintenanced once every couple of weeks. He dropped to his knees, dipping his fingers into the depression, almost imagining that he could still feel his blood drying in the damp earth.
It was surreal, kneeing in the place where he should have died, running his fingers over the ground that he'd watered with his own life's essence. It was disconcerting in a way, but it was also somewhat reassuring, like facing a demon and realizing that it held no power over him. He slid Zangetsu off his back, tossing him to one side as he stretching out in the grass next to the hole, rolling onto his back to stare at the sky.
He heard a sharp intake of breath and swung his eyes to where Renji was still kneeling, staring down at him with a haunted expression.
"You alright?" he asked, turning his head against the grass.
"Yeah." Renji sounded slightly shaken. "Just weird seein' ya like that again."
"It's not as bad as I thought it would be," Ichigo admitted, rolling a blade of grass between his fingers. "I guess I expected to be afraid or something, but it's just kinda weird."
"I thought you were dead when I saw you." Renji reached out to trace the edge of the hole, just as Ichigo had done. "You were all covered with blood, and I couldn't find a pulse, couldn't feel your reiatsu over Urahara fightin'."
Ichigo watched his fingers clench in the grass, digging into the earth until his knuckles went white.
"What's fucked up is that I was actually more afraid when I realized that you were alive, 'cause I knew you were barely holdin' on." His voice was rough as he stared hard into the ground. "I thought you were gonna die while I was carryin' ya back for help. I thought I was going to have to watch."
Ichigo frowned, his sense of calm falling away. He'd never really thought of this from Renji's perspective. He sat up, running a hand through his hair, trying to imagine what it would have been like to see Renji laying there in a pool of his own blood. What if it had been Chad, or Rukia, or one of his sisters? What if he had been the one carrying that lifeless body through the streets, praying that he made it in time, praying that he wouldn't feel death settle over someone he was trying to protect?
He suddenly felt very stupid for all the time he'd been wasting worrying and stressing over trivial nonsense. Renji was right; it didn't matter, not really. He was going into a war in which people were going to die, people he knew and cared about. He was going to have to watch, and press forward, and maybe even die himself before it was through. His carefully crafted self-image was worthless when it came to protecting his friends, or keeping ahead of the next attack, or defeating Aizen. All he was doing right now was distracting himself from the things he needed to be focusing on.
"Ichigo?" He felt fingers curl around his shoulder, shaking him gently, and realized that Renji had come to kneel in front of him. "Ya looked kinda lost there for a minute. Didn't mean to freak ya out."
"I'm okay," he sighed. "Just thinking again."
"About dyin'?" Renji looked concerned.
"Sorta, but not really. I guess I'm just thinking about everything," he replied, dropping his head and rolling his neck to relieve the tension. "There's a lot of shit going on right now."
"Ain't gonna argue with ya there," Renji muttered, and Ichigo wasn't surprised to feel fingers come up to trail through his hair.
"Why do you do that?" he wondered aloud. "You always start messing with my hair."
"Never heard ya complainin' before," Renji grunted, continuing to tease the locks. "'Bout the only thing ya don't complain about, actually."
Ichigo snorted softly, tipping his head back a little so that he could see the other man. "Just doesn't seem like you, that's all; too soft or something."
Renji dropped his hand, and in even under the soft moonlight Ichigo could see the color tint his cheeks. It was surprisingly appealing.
"When we were growin' up, Rukia used to do it for the other kids when they'd get upset," he mumbled finally. "She said it was ta remind them that someone cared, so they'd know they weren't alone."
"So you are being soft," Ichigo prodded him, smirking.
"Hey, I don't got a lot of experience comfortin' people or tryin' to be understandin'," Renji defended, looking a bit uncomfortable. "Ain't like I have a long history of people bein' nice to me, so I'm just doin' what I remember."
"Why try at all?" Ichigo would have been curious even without the added bonus of Renji's embarrassment.
The redhead somehow managed to scowl and look thoughtful at the same time. "I've been where you are. I know what it's like to drive yourself crazy 'cause you're tryin' to do everythin' yourself." His voice dropped almost to a whisper. "It fuckin' sucks."
Renji lowered his eyes; dark lashes sweeping halfway down as he stared at the grass between them. The last shreds of Ichigo's amusement faded as he saw Renji's brows come together against some resurfacing memory. He realized that Renji had, in his own unique way, been offering him the type of support that redhead had so often been denied himself.
Ichigo reached out hesitantly, pressing his thumb to the furrow knotting Renji's brow, stroking along that arch of the tattoo as if to wipe away the pain of past events. Renji's eyes flicked back up, but Ichigo was watching the progress of his thumb as repeated the gesture on the other side. His pulse jumped slightly as Renji leaned into the touch, but he didn't pull back, continuing to trace the lines of fatigue and worry.
"Ya goin' soft on me?" Renji muttered, the corner of his lips tugging upwards.
"Quit complaining, dumbass," he grumbled, letting his hand fall away.
Something flickered across Renji's features, regret or possibly disappointment, a brief faltering in the smirk that still lingered. Ichigo felt a twisting in his stomach, like he was letting himself down in some way, like he was missing something important. He frowned, tugging his lip between his teeth as his chest seemed to constrict for no reason.
Almost of its own accord his hand rose again, two fingers ghosting across Renji's lips, soft and uncertain. They parted slightly under the caress, warm breath stirring against his skin as the other man sighed inaudibly. A hand closed softly on his arm, neither restraining nor rejecting, thumb tracing the tender flesh along the inside of his wrist. Everything seemed to be moving too fast and too slow all at the same time, and he knew his hand would have been trembling if not for the added support.
"Fuck," he whispered raggedly and then, before the last of his resolve disappeared, he slid his fingers around the back of Renji's neck and pulled him forward.
Ichigo tipped his head as Renji drew closer and felt the brush of lips against his own. Fingers released his wrist, trailing up his arm and across his shoulder to cup the side of his neck. Renji's lips moved under his languidly, guiding him in a slow dance as the hand tilted his chin to an easier angle.
Ichigo pulled away, staring into the half-lidded eyes regarding him with heavy interest. "I guess I might be bi, or whatever the fuck you call it in Soul Society," he admitted grudgingly, a blush spreading through his already flushed face.
"How the fuck have ya managed to live this long when you're so damn slow?" Renji chuckled darkly, his breath hot against Ichigo's lips as he closed the distance between them.
Ichigo would have been insulted if he'd been able to think, but the tongue licking a trail across his lower lip had become the center of his world. He parted his lips, granting Renji's request for entrance, reaching out to taste him as the tongue explored his mouth.
Another hand found its way to his neck, thumbs pressing into the tender skin beneath his jaw, tilting his head back as Renji rose on his knees to lean over him. Ichigo gasped, his fingers tightening against the back of the tattooed neck, tangling in the vibrant wisps of hair escaping their tie. He pressed up, unwilling to be overpowered, sucking gently at the tongue sweeping over his own. Renji groaned, stroking over Ichigo's wildly beating pulse, pulling him closer.
Renji's tongue retreated and Ichigo followed, grazing over lips and teeth to test the area beyond, hesitant and unsure. Renji was leaning into him, pressing him back and he slid his free hand through the grass, supporting their weight.
Renji broke free, trailing his mouth across the younger man's jaw. Ichigo's breath hitched as a tongue tasted the hollow behind his ear, stirring across skin that he'd never even known was sensitive. He shivered, his head rolling to the side as he arched into the touch. Renji's hands dipped lower, fingers sliding into the folds of Ichigo's kimono as his mouth continued its path down the exposed neck.
"Ren…Renji…" Ichigo choked when he felt teeth nip the top of his shoulder as the cloth was pushed aside. He lost his balance, falling back against the grass with a muffled thud.
Renji caught himself with one hand to keep from crushing the smaller body, dipping his head to suck on the exposed collarbone curving delicately beneath the skin. Ichigo ran his hands over Renji's shoulders, biting his lip to keep from moaning. He could feel the heat coiling between his legs, a tightening, aching feeling that made his blood burn. Renji settled onto him, pulling at his already loosened clothing, and Ichigo could feel the evidence of the arousal pressing against his thigh.
He tried to move but couldn't, and suddenly everything felt a little too close, trapping him, making his heart pound painfully. Renji, feeling the flutter of nervous reiatsu, pulled back, pushing onto his hands and knees to stare down at the disheveled, panting figure. Ichigo stared back, trying to remember how to breathe, his eyes wide, and a little confused.
"You alright?" Renji was panting as well, hair spilling everywhere from his nearly destroyed ponytail.
"I'm…I just…" Ichigo looked away, blushing.
"Ya ain't used to anyone trying to pin ya down except to beat the shit outta ya?" Renji smirked faintly when Ichigo's gaze snapped back to him. "Spend all your time fightin' and ya start to think the only reason someone wants ya on the ground is so they can kick ya while you're there."
"Sorry," Ichigo muttered softly. "It's just…new."
"It's alright," Renji assured him. "Ya did better than I thought ya would," he teased, trying to lighten the mood.
"Sorry," Ichigo muttered again, feeling ridiculous.
"Ain't got nothing to be sorry for." Renji dropped down beside him, adjusting the front of his hakama discreetly. "I know ya don't got much experience; I ain't gonna push ya."
"I just don't know how…I mean…shit!" Ichigo groaned, looking like he'd rather be admitting to anything other than this. He ran a hand through his hair. "You sorta know what you're doing, right? I mean you've…you know…" He gritted his teeth, willing himself not to sound so awkward.
Renji snorted. "I don't know how old I look to you, but trust me, it would be pretty insultin' if I was still a virgin." He rolled onto his side, staring at the younger man. "Ain't had a whole lot of time for it, and I sure as hell ain't been with a guy, but I know how it all works," he smirked.
Ichigo rolled his eyes, starting to feel a little more comfortable. "How old are you, anyway? I tried to do the math on Rukia once, and figured she was somewhere around 70 or 80 from everything I'd heard."
"Close enough." Renji looked mildly impressed. "Ain't gonna freak out about that now, are ya?"
"Not unless you start acting your age," Ichigo scoffed.
"Asshole." Renji was still smirking as he slipped an arm under Ichigo's neck, dragging him a little closer. "Ya actually gonna be okay with any of this tomorrow?" he asked, his eyebrow twitching upward.
"How the fuck should I know?" Ichigo still looked a little confused. "I'll try not to freak out," he added sullenly.
Renji laughed, digging his communicator out of his pocket and flipping it open. "We gotta meet Hitsugaya in 10 minutes."
"I still say I could finish the whole shift," Ichigo groused, reluctantly climbing to his feet to readjust his clothing. His hakama was still pulling a bit awkwardly, but it wasn't anything that a 10 minute walk in the cold couldn't fix.
"It's best not to overdo it in the first couple of days." Renji shrugged. "He'll lighten up after that."
"He better," Ichigo scowled.
They made their way back to the street and from there onto the rooftops, soaring across the distance in graceful leaps.
"You gonna come to my place when you're done?" Ichigo broke the silence as they neared their destination, his voice barely audible above the passing wind.
"You want me to?" Renji cocked an eyebrow at him, drawing it out even though they both already knew that answer.
"I don't care, bastard, do whatever the hell you want," Ichigo huffed, leaping ahead so he wouldn't have to suffer through any further reply. Renji laughed, a grin spreading across his face as he took up the chase. Ichigo seemed to be feeling better.
(*)
Ichigo was still awake when Renji slipped into his room, pulling his hair free almost before his feet touched the ground. Ichigo had draped a pair of shorts over the chair, apparently anticipating Renji's ever-present need to borrow clothing. The redhead smirked at him as he started to undress.
Ichigo watched the roll of muscle under that tattooed flesh as Renji shrugged out of his clothes. He paused, shirtless in the moonlight, and ran his fingers through his hair, braiding it with deft, unhurried movements. His eyes never left Ichigo throughout the entire process and the younger man found the whole thing a bit arousing.
He managed to overcome this, however, when Renji reached for the ties on his hakama, his eyes falling shut against a sudden wave of embarrassment. Renji chuckled softly, slipping into the shorts and making his way to the bed. He crawled over Ichigo, brushing against him a bit more that was absolutely necessary, before settling in behind him. He dropped an arm around the lean waist, fingers tracing lazy patterns over the twitching muscled of Ichigo's stomach.
"I ain't got nothin' ya haven't seen before," he teased lightly.
"Fuck off," Ichigo snapped, irritated at his display of innocence, shivering under the light tickle of the wayward fingers.
Renji snickered, leaning forward to press his lips against the curve of Ichigo's neck, enjoying the slight gasp of surprise. "I can always leave if ya want."
Ichigo scowled darkly, still embarrassed and now a little off balance. "Just go to sleep," he ordered.
Renji chuckled again but settled into the pillow, nuzzling into the back of the orange hair and continuing trace over Ichigo's surprisingly soft skin. The younger man didn't tell him to stop this time, though after a few minutes he slipped his hand over the fingers, effectively trapping them in place.
Renji smiled into his hair, recognizing that this was definitely an improvement. He was still pretty sure that this was a bad idea, but as long he was going to complicate his life he might as well aim to improve.