Chapter 3:
January 10, 2007- New York City, New York, New York General
"Meredith?" Meg said quietly as she walked into the dimly lit locker room. She heard a sniffle and walked deeper into the locker room to where her and Meredith's lockers were. She found Meredith sitting there trying to wipe the tears from her eyes. Meg sat down next to Meredith and stared at the same spot on the wall that Meredith seemed fixated on. Meg didn't find it very interesting, so she decided to get Meredith to talk. "Tell me what happened."
Meredith took a deep breath and knew that Meg at least deserved to know. "I met him at a bar before I began my internship. We had a one night stand and then he turned out to be the neuro attending. I wanted nothing to do with him and to just be professional, but he finally got me to give in. Then I don't know what happened. I never cared about someone so much and it all happened so fast. Then his wife turned up," Meredith said as she began to cry again.
"Wife?" Meg asked concerned.
Meredith calmed herself down again before speaking, "Yeah. He was married, well separated, but she wanted him back. I never knew about it, but once again he got me to give in. He told me that they were going to get divorced and that everything would be okay, but then they stayed together. I just fell apart. Then I met this other guy who I thought I cared about, but then Derek and I had sex at the prom when my boyfriend and his wife were just down the hall. Then we got into this huge fight and I left."
"Prom?" Meg asked confused.
"Don't ask," Meredith said before crying again.
Meg looked at Meredith and then pulled her into a hug. Meg held Meredith for a moment trying to calm her down before saying anything. "Does Jacob know about any of this?"
"No. Derek kept trying to get in contact with me, but I just avoided him. I have a drawer filled with letters I get from him at least once a week, if not more often. I haven't opened any of them, but I know Jacob knows that they're there," Meredith said.
Meg sighed, "Meredith, I've known Jacob basically my entire life and I love him like my brother, but usually when two lovers keep coming back to each other, it means that it's meant to be."
Meredith pulled herself from Meg's grasp and stood up, "But in this case, it's not." Then she walked out of the locker room leaving Meg behind.
"Dr. Grey?" Meredith heard from behind her after she left the locker room. She decided almost immediately to ignore it and keep walking. "Meredith, I know you can hear me."
Meredith kept going and walked into Kelly's room. She put on a smile and looked at her chart again.
"I don't think anything changed since the last time you looked at it," Kelly said.
"I know," Meredith said sounding a little uneasy.
"Dr. Grey?" Derek said as he walked into the room.
"What?" Meredith snapped back forgetting that she was in front a patient.
"Can I please speak to you?"
"Fine," Meredith said as she placed the chart back down and walked out of the room leaving a very curious patient behind. Derek caught up with her and pulled her into the stairwell.
"What do you want?" she asked."Meredith we should talk."
"No we shouldn't. And you shouldn't have come here."
Derek sighed, "Meredith, I had no idea you would be here. Do you have any idea how many hospital you could work at that are near your apartment?" Meredith rolled her eyes and turned to leave, "Meredith, give me a chance to at least talk."
"Derek, I've given you more chances than a saint deserves. I'm done. I've been done for six months and I've moved on. Go back home to your wife, Derek," Meredith said before she walked out of the stairwell.
Meg looked down and saw a man who was supporting himself against the wall, trying not to cry. The image was almost painful to look at, as if she could feel all of his pain. She heard the door near him close and she knew that Meredith had left. She knew that no matter what she said to Meredith, Meredith would push her away even if she needed her. Meg decided that having Meredith like her right now was not what was important as she turned around and left the stairwell to catch up with Meredith.
Meredith tried to walk calmly and breathe normally, but she knew that every time she looked at him, he took her breath away. She walked back into Kelly's room, knowing that no one would make her leave and shut the door.
"Are you alright?" Kelly asked.
"I'm supposed to be asking you that," Meredith said.
"Well I'm fine so let's focus on you. Do you and my other Doctor have some type of past or something because I can feel this really awkward tension between you two," Kelly said.
"Can we not talk about me?" Meredith asked.
"Okay fine. I'll tell you about me then," Kelly said sounding strangely happy considering her condition, "So I never knew my Dad. Supposedly there is this wonderful love story between him and my Mom that no one has told me, but he still wasn't there. A few years back my mom died." Meredith was a little surprised by Kelly's openness, but decided to listen. "When she did, I took all of her journals and such. My Mom has been writing in those journals practically all her life and up until now I've had a busy life so I'm just now finishing them," she said as she took a small tattered notebook off of the table next to her. "My Mom tended to write to some type of audience, almost as if she was someone else writing to her if you get what I mean. Here is an entry that I think you might find interesting:
You may not be with him, but he's still your world. He's still the one thing worth holding on to. The true test of love is that no matter how long you two go without talking, he will always find a way back into your heart. No matter how hard you try to forget him, you can't. It's the little things that mean the most, but break your heart all the same. It's those times when a song comes on the radio and immediately you cry missing him, wanting him, needing him… just the small thought of maybe, just maybe there might be an "us" gives you the strength to hold on that much longer. You never realize how much you love something until you lose it and you're one of the lucky ones if you get it back."
Meredith swallowed hard and left the room without saying anything to Kelly. She didn't understand why everyone was bombarding her about Derek when none of them knew anything about Derek and her. She was with Jacob now and she was determined to stay that way. She looked at her watch and noticed that someone was going to start prepping Kelly soon and then she would have to be in surgery with Derek soon. That thought almost made her want to just quit, but she knew that was just her anger talking and that she could get through it, she had before.