Chapter 6:

January 11, 2007- New York City, New York

"Hello Kelly, how are you feeling today?" Meredith asked as she walked into her patient's room.

"Good. How are you?"

"I'm just fine," Meredith said with a smile on her face.

"That is such a fake smile. Obviously you didn't work everything out with Dr. Shepherd," Kelly said.

"Trust me, there is nothing to work out with him," Meredith said with another smile as Derek walked in.

"How are you two?" Derek asked.

"Well I'm just fine, but I don't know about Dr. Grey. I think she's full of fake smiles today," Kelly said knowing that she was going to make Meredith a little angry.

"Really? Maybe you should see a doctor about that Meredith."

"Yeah, maybe I should," Meredith said bitterly, trying to forget everything she felt this morning. Meredith walked around Kelly's bed and past Derek to leave the room. Derek followed her out without saying a word to Kelly.

"Meredith, we need to talk," Derek said pulling her into an exam room.

"No we don't. Let me just get through today without talking to you, okay? I promised him that I would stay away from you and that is what I intend on doing that, so just leave me alone," Meredith said trying to fight Derek and make him leave her alone.

"Him?"

"Jacob. My boyfriend. The man I love," Meredith said paining both her and Derek.

"You love him?"

Meredith sighed, "That's what I said isn't it? Derek, these feelings are going to go away. They did for me," Meredith said not sure whether she was being honest or not.

"I don't think these feelings will ever go away. Not only because they can't, but also because I won't let them. I won't let you go away, not again," Derek said reaching out for Meredith.

She pushed his hand away, "You did it before, more than once. I'm sure you can do it again."

"Meredith, I can tell you aren't happy. Stop pretending like you are," Derek said.

"I was happy. I was perfectly fine until you got here. I was moving on. I was in love," Meredith said, "I mean I am in love."

"Meredith, I know you didn't mean to love me and I know you don't want to, but I also know you do. You do. I love you and that's the way it's going to stay. You just have to accept it and stop fighting it, stop fighting me," Derek said inching closer to Meredith.

Derek stopped when there was barely room for hair between their bodies and his arm was wrapped around her waist. She didn't move it, but didn't respond in any other way either. After a few minutes of silence, she looked up at him with tears in her eyes, "That's the only time you've ever said that to me."

"I know and I'm sorry about that."

"But it's not enough. It's just too late," Meredith said before leaving Derek alone in the room.

Derek leaned against the closed door and brought his hands to his head fighting back both tears and anger. He was mad at himself for letting everything get this far and mad at Meredith for not letting him back in, but he knew that it was his fault in the first place.

Meredith closed the door behind her and put her back against the door for support. She couldn't make herself move. She hadn't been that close to Derek in six months. She hadn't heard his voice like that in six months. She had almost forgotten what it sounded like. One thing she hadn't forgotten was the taste of his kiss and that feeling she gets when he comes that close to her. It took everything inside her to stop herself from kissing him right then and walk away. She couldn't make herself put any more space between them then the door.

Derek could feel Meredith on the other side of the door and knew that she was feeling some of the same things. They both knew what the other was feeling almost perfectly, but it seemed like life just got in their way. Life just got in the way of love. He began to remember all of the things he had wanted to say to her, but didn't know how before. Sometimes the hardest things to say are the things that really matter.

Meredith saw Meg coming. She took a deep breath and tried to make her face go back to its normal color. She straightened out her back and pulled away from the door. Meg gave Meredith an odd look, but Meredith pretended like she hadn't seen it and decided to talk about something else before Meg started asking questions.

"One of my friends from Seattle is in town," Meredith said as she began walking down the hall.

"Really?"

"Yeah, her name is Cristina. You'd probably like her. Once you got past her sarcasm anyways."

"I'd love to meet her," Meg said with a smile.

Cristina walked into the apartment and recognized a lot of the furniture from Meredith's place in Seattle. She walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.

"The sofa pulls out to a bed. I guess you can stay there since we don't have guest room," Jacob said, "Well I have to get to work, but Meredith's number is on the fridge if you need anything. She should be home from the hospital soon."

"Okay," Cristina said not really paying attention to Jacob, but looking around the place.

Jacob left and Cristina got up to examine the place more in depth. She thought it was kind of weird how there was nothing from Seattle or Seattle Grace in the apartment at all. No pictures of her friends or anything. The walls were covered with pictures of Meredith and Jacob it almost sickened Cristina. Cristina walked into Meredith's bedroom and saw papers on the floor. She walked over to them and picked one up, recognizing the handwriting from forms at the hospital.

Dear Meredith,

I know you are mad at me and I know that I deserve that, but I just want to talk to you. I miss you so much and you've only been gone for a day. I found out you were leaving after you left for the airport. I followed you there hoping that I could stop you. When I got to your gate all I could see was the plane taking off. It broke my heart to see you leave. I know we both said some things we regret, but you need to come back. I don't understand how you can just drop your life like this. Everyone keeps saying that you'll come back. They aren't really saying it to me, but more to themselves to comfort them.

Addison is gone. She left a few hours before you did. That's why I wasn't at the hospital then. Once again Addison got in the way of us. We need to talk about what happened. Without fighting, that is. I have so many things that I need to say to you. I would write them, but I don't think you would understand the magnitude of my feelings unless I said them to you to your face. I need you to come back, come home. Please, just come home. I miss you.

Love,
Derek

Cristina put the paper down and began to wonder what had happened here the night before. She walked over to the dresser then she recognized from Meredith's old bedroom. On top of it she saw a picture of Meredith and Jacob and a few small boxes. Behind them, she found a small statue of a ferryboat. She opened one of the boxes and saw a small bottle of cologne. It was strong and she could tell that it wasn't what Jacob had been wearing. She closed the box and opened up the biggest one. It was full of pictures. It was full of Meredith's past. It was full of Derek. Cristina put it back once again thought that this was going to be a little easier then she first had suspected.