Chapter 7:

January 11, 2007- New York City, New York

Meredith got into her apartment a few hours after Cristina had arrived. She put the mail down and was surprised to see another letter from Derek. Meredith picked the letter back up and examined it closely. It was sent from the hotel he was staying at. She began to wonder why he kept sending them even though she hadn't responded to a single one. Meredith was about to open it when Cristina walked into the hall way from the kitchen.

"Hey Mer," Cristina said.

"Hey, " Meredith said with no excitement in her voice.

"Well you seem happy to see me," Cristina said sarcastically.

"Sorry, it's just been a long day," Meredith said as she walked into the kitchen and got the rest of her ice cream and brought it into the living room with Cristina following.

"So when are you going to go back to McDreamy?"

"What?" Meredith said dropping her spoon in the ice cream.

"You know you will eventually. You should stop kidding yourself. You know you love him," Cristina said.

"Cristina you can't waltz back into my life after six months and tell me things like that. You have no idea who I love," Meredith said getting defensive.

"You're acting like everyone left you. No one left you, you left everyone. That is your fault. You're pitying yourself when you don't deserve the pity. Stop hurting everyone and just own up to your mistakes and to your feelings," Cristina said getting up.

"Cristina where are you going?" Meredith said realizing that she was leaving. The front door opened and then slammed. Suddenly a very empty and alone feeling consumed Meredith and she looked down at her ice cream and of course, it was Derek's favorite flavor.

"Derek? Derek? Where are you?" Meredith screamed to the unknown darkness. She heard steps coming towards her. They kept coming, closer, closer. "Derek? I can't see where you went. Come back to me! Derek!" Meredith continued to scream trying to drown out the sounds of the footsteps. Meredith reached for something to grasp for support, but there was nothing around her. She felt completely alone as the footsteps kept coming. The sound became overwhelming and she put her hands to her ears to stop the sound, but it was no use.

"Good-bye," Meredith heard. The voice was far away and quiet, but it echoed in the lonely space and Meredith could immediately recognize it.

"Derek! Come back! Don't leave me here!" she screamed again.

The footsteps finally stopped and Meredith could sense that someone was right in front of her, "Derek is gone," the voice said. "You took too long."

"What? Who are you? What are you talking about?" Meredith asked completely confused. Suddenly a small glowing light appeared showing Meredith who the footsteps belonged to.

"He gave up, Meredith. He left you. He came back for me," Addison said with a wicked smile on her face.

"No, Derek loves me. He'll come back. He loves me," Meredith said as tears rolled down her face.

"He did love you. He waited for you and then followed you, but you wouldn't have him. You pushed him away. And now he's mine. It's all your fault Meredith. You pushed him back to me," Addison said wickedly.

"No! Derek! Derek! Come back, DEREK!" Meredith screamed as she tried to run away, but it didn't seem like she was moving.

"Meredith? Meredith wake up," Jacob said trying to hold Meredith still.

"No! Derek!" Meredith screamed. She was shaking violently, trying to fight away Jacob's hands until her eyes finally opened. Her eyes were large and almost scared Jacob at first. She was covered in a cold sweat and her heart was racing.

"Meredith, are you alright?" Jacob asked.

Meredith looked around and realized where she was. She was still on her couch and Jacob was kneeling before her. Cristina was across the room with an 'I told you so' look on her face. Meredith swallowed hard and reminded herself that it was just a dream. More like nightmare. Anything involving Addison seemed to be like a nightmare.

"Meredith, are you alright?" Jacob repeated.

Meredith focused her eyes back on Jacob, "Yeah. I… I'm fine," she managed to say in a low voice with a look of horror still upon her face.

"Did you say Derek?" Jacob asked as he lifted Meredith up some so that she was sitting up on the couch.

"What?" Meredith asked pretending like she had no idea what Jacob was talking about.

"Never mind," Jacob said taking her in his arms once again holding on to the worthless lie. Cristina looked at them and shook her head before walking out of the room.

Meredith took a few deep breaths to completely calm her self down and then she released herself from Jacob's grip. "I'm okay," she said more to reassure herself then to tell Jacob.

"You sure?" Jacob asked sweetly.

"Yeah," Meredith said trying to smile.

"What was that about? Your nightmare, I mean?" Jacob asked trying to get Meredith to confide in him.

"Nothing, I don't really remember it that well," Meredith lied as the vision of the nightmare replayed in her mind over and over again of her losing Derek to Addison, again.

"Meredith, are you sure that you are really okay?" Jacob asked again.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said as she got up from the couch. She walked into the kitchen and saw Cristina sitting there. "Go ahead, say it."

"Say what?" Cristina asked trying to sound innocent.

"Say that you told me. I don't care. It was just a dream," Meredith said as she looked through a few kitchen cabinets.

"Fine, I told you so," Cristina said with a smile, "Oh and by the way you don't have any tequila so you might as well stop looking for it."

"What? How do you know if I have tequila or not?" Meredith said after she stopped looking for it.

"I already looked while you were sleeping. I figured you would need some eventually," Cristina said, "I'm still kind of surprised that you don't have any."

"My tequila problem stayed in Seattle."

"Did you completely change who you were when you came here? Are you sure your name is still Meredith Grey?" Cristina asked.

"Ha ha," Meredith said sarcastically, unamused.

"Just so you know, I think everyone in this apartment building could hear you screaming for Derek. I'm pretty sure that everything you said in the dream, you screamed in real life," Cristina said.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah. Oh and by the way, I told you so again," Cristina said as she got up, "It stopped raining so I'm going to go get some tequila. I like you better drunk."

June 29, 2006- Seattle, Washington

Derek turned the corner of Seattle Grace and saw Meredith walking out of the Chief's office with a melancholy look upon her face. Derek walked over to her and she kept walking as if she never saw him. Derek followed her down the hall and pulled her into an exam room.

"What's going on?" Derek asked.

Meredith looked up at him, "I can't do this anymore. You're going to be a father. I can't be the one to tear apart a family. I won't be Richard. I can't do that to someone just like me. I just won't," Meredith said with tears running down her face.

"Meredith, you aren't tearing apart a family. Addison and I haven't been a family for a long time and I'll still be there for the child," Derek said trying to reassure Meredith.

"No, I can't do it. I won't," Meredith said as she went to the door.

"Fine, Meredith, just walk away. Just leave your problems. Now you're becoming your mother," Derek said before realizing the words that were spilling out of his mouth.

Meredith stopped a turned around, "Excuse me? You have no idea what you're talking about."

"You're running out. You're leaving just because it's getting hard. Well guess what Meredith: life is hard. Love is hard. If you want to be in love, you have to fight for it. You just can't leave," Derek said.

"I did fight. I fought for a year Derek and now I'm done. I'm done fighting. I've done everything I can and now I can't hurt an innocent child. That's just wrong. I won't be that person."

"Where are you going? At least tell me that," Derek pleaded.

Meredith sighed, "Derek if I told you, what would be the point?"

"I could come and find you. Meredith you can't just leave me. Not like this," Derek said.

"You left me. Remember that. You left me. Now I'm just doing the best thing for me because you ended this. Not me," Meredith said before she walked out the door.

Derek woke up and looked around. He was in an on-call room at the hospital. He shook his head as if it would shake away the bad memories of him and Meredith before she left. He sat up and looked at his watch. It was going on eight o'clock and he still hadn't heard from Cristina or seen Meredith around the hospital all day. He got up and forced himself to go back to work and try to put his life on hold to save some one else's.

Derek got out of surgery and hurried to the Chief's office. He didn't bother knocking, he just walked it.

"Derek?" the Chief asked a little startled.

"Did she leave? Where is she going?" Derek asked sound frantic.

"Derek what are you talking about?"

Derek paced around the room, "When I was in surgery, she came into the gallery. She looked at me and told me she loved me and said good-bye. Then she walked out of the gallery. Richard, where did she go?"

Richard sighed and looked at his watch, "Her plane is leaving in an hour. You'll never get there in time."

"What flight?"

"N1232. Derek, you won't make it," Richard said, but Derek had left the room the second he heard the numbers.

There's just one thing that I need to say
Before I close my eyes and walk away
There's just one thing that I need to feel
Before I walk away against my will

Derek didn't bother changing or anything. He ran out of Seattle Grace and to his car as fast as he could and jolted on the gas. He had no idea what he was going to say to stop her from leaving, but he knew he had to do something. He sped through the streets, receiving many honks and even a few fingers, but he didn't care. He kept driving with his mind concentrated on the goal: Meredith.

There's just one thing that I need to hear
Before I walk away for the last time
There's just one thing that I need to see
Before I take this chance and set us free

When he got to the airport he parked his car in the first spot he could find and took off running. He knew he looked weird to everyone else in the airport. He looked like some crazy guy in scrubs running through the airport, but then again that was exactly what he was.

Don't forget me
Don't regret me
Don't suspend me
Don't neglect me

He got on the escalator to take him to the second floor, but ran up it as if it were still stairs. He found a monitor with the flights on it and found which gate Meredith was at. Her gate was at the other end of the airport, just as he figured it would be.

The memory of this still reminds me of you
The memory of this still reminds
The memory of this still reminds me of you
And that is where you'll find me

Everything seemed to be going in slow motion and Derek couldn't figure out why. He spotted Meredith on the other side of the airport. She had her bags in hand with tears rolling down her face. She was all alone and Derek knew she felt that way too.

Stars in your eyes
Did you take the time to realize

Derek called out her name and she looked over in his direction. She looked around trying to find who called her, but couldn't find him. Derek kept running towards her as her flight was called to board. She stood up and walked over to the gate and handed the clerk her ticket.

Can you count the stars in your eyes?
Did you take the time to realize?

She looked back once taking in the sight of Seattle and then began boarding the plane. Derek reached her gate and looked at her through the thin sheet of glass that separated them. She looked back once more and caught0 sight of him.

There's just one thing that I need to say
Before I walk away
There's just one thing that I need to feel
Before I walk away against my will

Derek walked close to the glass and touched it with his hand. Meredith stepped out of line and walked over to him, staring him in the eye. She looked at his hand and closed her eyes almost wishing that it were all a dream. She opened them again and turned away from Derek.

Don't forget me
Don't regret me
The memory of this still reminds me of you
Don't suspend me
The memory of this still reminds me
Don't neglect me
The memory of this still reminds me of you

Derek knew deep inside of him that he was about to lose her. He called out to her, but it was no use. She couldn't hear him through the glass. She picked her bags back up and took her spot back in line to board the plane. Derek stepped back, defeated and looked out the window. He sat down for awhile and watched her plan leave.

The memory of this still reminds me
Stars in your eyes
Did you take the time to realize?

January 11, 2007- New York City, New York

Meredith put down her shot glass put her head on the table. Cristina didn't even notice: Meredith being drunk was nothing knew to her. Jacob, however, was getting worried. He couldn't watch this. He knew she was going through something, but he couldn't help her through this. She had to do it herself. Jacob got up and left the kitchen. Once he was gone Cristina looked at Meredith, "Flashbacks?"

Meredith picked her head back up and Cristina poured her another shot of tequila, "Yup."

"You tend to get those when you're drunk. I probably should have reminded you of that before you opened the tequila," Cristina said knowing that that was the whole point of getting Meredith drunk in the first place.

A few hours later Meredith stumbled into her bedroom. Jacob was lying on their bed watching television with all of lights off. Meredith walked over to her bed and laid down oblivious to the man watching her every move. She got under the covers and closed her eyes, trying not to cry.

"Meredith what am I supposed to do?" Jacob asked still looking at the television.

Meredith didn't move. Her head hurt and her eyes burned, she could barely think anymore. She said the only thing she could, "I don't know."

"One of us needs to figure that out soon," Jacob said before turning off the television and putting his back to Meredith's and going to sleep.

Derek walked down the hall of the hospital and caught a glimpse of Cristina. He backed up and made sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. He saw her again and she was walking towards him. She grabbed his arm and pulled him into an exam room.

"How is she?" Derek asked.

"Look, I know I'm here to help you and all, but you are an ass. I'm beginning to think she was actually happy here, like she had actually moved on with this guy Jacob. Now she's a mess. Apparently since she's been here she has been the good Meredith, the non-drinking Meredith. This guy has never seen her with a bottle of tequila before. Now I'm the horrible friend who is dragging her back down with tequila in hand," Cristina said not giving Derek enough space to say anything, "If I keep helping you and she hates me for it, I swear I'll kill you. I already lost my person for six months and I don't want to lose her for any longer. You actually did something to deserve her leaving you, but the rest of us were just there for her. Izzie, George, and I just woke up one morning to find out that our best friend was gone. A piece of our family just left. If I risk that for you and you just screw it up again then I will make sure you only see the inside of an operating room from the table, understand me?"

Derek was surprised by Cristina's outrage and by the solitary tear running down her cheek. He was beginning to realize how what he did to Meredith didn't just affect them; it hurt everyone. He hurt everyone. No wonder no one at the hospital could look at him the same way anymore.

"Do you understand me?" Cristina repeated, knocking Derek out of his world of thoughts.

"I'm not going to hurt her anymore. I promise," Derek said.

"You've said that before. Just remember, I'm not doing this for you. I don't like you. I'm doing this for Meredith because for some odd reason she needs you. And I swear if anyone finds out that I'm being a softy right now, I'll kick your ass for that even if you don't hurt her, got it?"

"Yes," Derek said.

"Good," Cristina said before she walked out of the room, satisfied.