Chapter 8:

January 12, 2007- New York City, New York

Meredith walked into the hospital the next morning, with a pounding headache that she was still trying to ignore. She knew she would see Derek and she knew it would hurt, but she would just have to walk on by. Meredith looked at the nurse's station and her already depressed face didn't change when she saw Derek leaning against it, looking directly at her. She walked past him and walked into the empty elevator, expecting his next move before he even made it.

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Derek walked into the elevator, stopping the doors from closing. Meredith shuffled to the opposite side and he stood next to her with room for another person between them. He turned her head to look at her while she stood ahead and then turned his head back to the door. She looked at him and how he looked like he hadn't slept in days and then turned her head back before she lost it.

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Derek looked at Meredith again and began to refeel all of the guilt that he'd been trying to forget. All of the regret that he's been forced to live with came tumbling down on him. He tried to think back to the beginning of everything with Meredith and figure out all the mistakes he'd made.

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Derek looked over at Meredith and locked eyes with her for a moment. Her face began to get red and she backed up against the wall. Derek watched her and didn't do anything as she slid to the floor and put her head in her hands. Derek suddenly realized what was happening and stopped the elevator. He could hear here crying before he sat down next to her.

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Derek forced her to look at him and the look upon her face pained him. It was full of hurt and confusion, all that he knew he caused. She looked down at her hands, still crying as he wrapped his arm around her and held her tightly. "Why weren't you there?" Meredith asked him through her tears.

"Where?"

"Why weren't you there for me?" she said in a voice barely above a whisper.

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Derek didn't respond right away, he didn't know how to fix her broken emotions that were laid out before him. He knew she was waiting for an answer so he summoned up a few words, "I was lost and confused, Meredith. I'm so sorry. I'm here now. I'm here."

"Derek, it's too late. You lost me. I tried, I really did try to wait for you, but you made me wait too long, Derek. You expected too much out of me. You lost me," Meredith said as she calmed herself down so that people wouldn't ask her what was wrong as soon as they saw her.

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Derek knew she was right. He hadn't completely lost her, but he was losing her. She was still here in the elevator, which meant he still had her a little, but he didn't know how to repair what he had done. He didn't know how to save her, how to save them.

Meredith stood up and looked down on Derek with sadness in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said, "Good-bye." It was just like she had done before she left. She told him good-bye and he became helpless to stop her from leaving. He was really losing her and it wasn't because some other guy had her, it was because he had pushed her away too many times.

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Meredith pushed the emergency stop button again and Derek stood up as the doors opened. Meredith looked back at him one more time, just like she had in the airport: taking it all in for the last time. Derek opened his mouth to say something, but she turned and walked out of the elevator before she could hear another word.

How to save a life
How to save a life