Chapter 11:
January 13, 2007- New York City, New York
Meredith walked into the hospital the next morning and didn't see Derek. She smiled at this and got on the elevator to go upstairs. The elevator stopped on the second floor and Derek walked on. He was slightly surprised at first to see Meredith, but then smiled at her. Meredith thought about returning his smile, but then decided against it and focused on the numbers above of the elevator door. The elevator hit the third floor and Meredith became thankful that she only had one more floor to go. She could feel Derek's eyes on her and they were making her increasingly uncomfortable.
As the elevator slowly reached the fourth floor, Meredith felt like it was taking much longer then usual. She was almost certain that the doors were about to open when the elevator jerked to a stop. Both Meredith and Derek stumbled at the sudden movement as the lights flickered for a few minutes. When it all stopped Meredith looked at Derek for the first time on the elevator. He had a pitiful look upon his face that almost broke her heart even more.
They say it's a river, that circles the Earth
A beam of light shinin' to the edge of the universe
It conquers all
It changes everything
Derek knew he had to say something to Meredith. After all, they were stuck in an elevator. This would probably be the longest he would have since she wouldn't be able to just run away. The thing was that he had no idea what to say. He was perfectly comfortable just staring into her eyes, but he knew that wouldn't be enough for her. She needed words. She needed promises, truth. Since Derek had no idea how to give that all to her, he just said what kept coming into his mind, "I love you."
They say it's a blessing
They say it's a gift
They say it's a miracle and I believe that it is
It conquers all
But it's a mystery
Meredith looked as though she hadn't heard a word he had said, but she heard all three of them. She just had no idea how she was going to respond. She kept looking into his eyes, something she had been telling herself not to do lately. She knew that if she looked into his eyes for too long, she would fall for him all over again, but she couldn't make herself look away.
Love breaks your heart
Love takes no less than everything
Love makes it hard
And it fades away
So easily
"Meredith?" Derek said quietly. She moved her head, bringing herself back into reality. "Did you hear me?" Derek asked. Meredith looked to the side and nodded before bringing her eyes back to him. He was still waiting for some type of response; any type and she knew it. Meredith felt the tears falling down her face, not realizing that she had even started to cry. Derek wasn't expecting this response. He was expecting her to start yelling at him, but this seemed so much worse.
In this world we've created
In this place that we live
In the blink of an eye babe, the darkness slips in
Love lights the world
Unites the lovers for eternity
"Meredith? Are you going to say anything?" Derek asked, realizing afterwards that that was probably not a very smart thing to say.
Meredith just looked at him and searched for the words that could describe what she was feeling. She thought back to Cristina and came up with what she could say, "I'm in denial."
Love breaks the chains
Love aches for every one of us
Love takes the tears and the pain
And then turns it into the beauty that remains
Derek couldn't help but smile at little at her words as she looked down at the floor. Derek walked closer to her and put both of his hands on the sides of her arms. His touch sent shivers down her spine that she wasn't expecting and forced her to look back up at him.
Look at this place
It was paradise
But now it's dying
I'll pray for love
Derek kept looking at Meredith and Meredith knew that he was waiting for her to say something else: anything. Once again she just said the first thing that came to her mind. As she began to talk, she felt her body be consumed in her tears, "It just hurts so much."
I'll take, my chances that it's not too late
Derek looked at Meredith and it killed him to see her falling apart like this, over and over again. As she stared in different directions, he took her chin and made her face him. "I know and I'm sorry, but it doesn't have to hurt anymore."
Love breaks your heart
Love takes no less than everything
Love makes it hard
And it fades away so easily
Oh Oh Oh
Meredith knew he was trying to make her feel better and that was something that she had tried to stop him from doing a long time ago. But today as she felt his skin against hers, she couldn't help but think that maybe he actually was making her feel better. Maybe he was actually making her feel like Meredith again.
Derek still had his hand on her chin, making her look into his eyes. They had been in this position so many times before, but for some reason it felt different today. It had been so long that he had this much freedom to kiss her, but he didn't want to make her any more upset then she already was. He kept hoping that she was feeling the same way and that she wanted the kiss as much as he did, but he couldn't decide. After a few drawn out seconds, he decided he didn't care. It seemed to happen in slow motion and as if it was planned. The second he guided her lips closer to his, her arms began to wrap around his neck and for split second Derek swore he heard Meredith mumble, "I love you too." Then there lips met for the first time in months and they experienced a kiss like no other: A kiss of true love.
Love breaks the chains
Love aches for every one of us
Love takes the tears and the pain
And then turns it into the beauty that remains
Derek was pressing Meredith against the elevator wall as the elevator jolted again and began working. Derek silently cursed the elevator for working as he was forced to release Meredith. She ran her fingers through her hair and straightened out her scrubs without making eye contact with Derek. The elevators door opened and there was a crowd of people in front of the doors.
"Meredith, are you alright?" Meg asked as Meredith walked out of the elevator. Meredith brushed by her, not responding. Meg didn't understand why until she saw Derek walk out of the elevator after her, "Oh, well that explains it," Meg said under her breath so only she could hear.
Meredith hurried down the hall without looking back. She could hear Derek's loud footsteps behind her and she knew that he was running towards her, but she just pretended like she had no idea what was happening when she noticed people staring at her. She turned the corner and thought she was finally safe until Derek wrapped his fingers around her arm, forcing her to stop.
She turned around and looked at Derek. He swallowed hard, catching his breath. He looked at her for a moment before asking the dreaded question that seemed to have messed things up before, "Meredith? What does this mean?"
Meredith searched her mind for an answer. Her first thought was to run, but Derek obviously sensed that and placed his free arm on her free arm, keeping her in front of him. She knew she would have to come up with something or he wouldn't let her go. After looking around the halls at nothing, she focused her eyes back at Derek, "It means that you are still married to a pregnant wife." Derek released her without thinking and she turned to leave.
Derek chased after her again and stopped her once more, "Meredith. That whole thing, it wasn't true."
Meredith turned around and faced him again, "What?"
"Addison just said that to make you leave. I gave her divorce papers and then she told me that she was pregnant and I'm guessing told you too. That's what all of those letters said. They all said that you were running away from nothing. You weren't going to break a family. There wasn't a family to break," Derek said reminding Meredith of the last time they spoke before she left Seattle, "All you were ever going to do was fix a broken man."
"She lied about being pregnant?" Meredith asked becoming even more confused and disgusted with Addison.
"Yes. I found out two days after you left. I called you and wrote letters. I told Cristina and Izzie, but they said that I'd done enough damage and they weren't going to help me hurt you," Derek said.
"This isn't all happening," Meredith said as she turned away from Derek and began to walk down the hall.
Derek hurried in front of her, forcing her to stop, "Meredith, why are you fighting this? Why are you fighting me? Meredith if you want to be happy you have to deal with the hard times instead of running from them. Stop running away from me and this," he said in a loud voice.
"What's this? There is no this!" Meredith yelled as she tried to walk past Derek.
Derek put his arm out, stopping her one more time. He looked at her and answered her question in a calmed tone of voice "This, Meredith, this is love." Her face softened for a moment, but Derek didn't notice. He let go of her arm and walked away. Meredith stood there watching him walk away.
Meredith's face got red as she felt tears coming, but she successfully fought them as she saw Meg coming from the opposite direction that Derek went. Meg saw Meredith and went over to her, "Are you okay?" Meredith looked at Meg and didn't say anything. The look upon her face said it all. Meg's face softened a bit and she pulled Meredith into a small hug, "I'm sorry."
Cristina walked into the unfamiliar bar, regretting that she had set foot on the plane to New York. "I should have stayed in Seattle. I think this is the longest I've gone without sex and surgery," Cristina thought to herself, laughing at the last three words. "Sex and surgery. That sounds good. No more sex in the city. I should star in a show called Sex and Surgery. I would be rich."
Cristina stops the conversation in her head when she sees a sullen man sitting with a drink in his hand. Cristina prepares herself for what she is about to get herself into and sits down next to him. The man barely raises his head as she sits down, practically ignoring her presence. Cristina orders herself a beer and waits until the man decides he's ready to talk. Cristina finished her first beer before he even moved. She looked at her watch and decided she didn't have time to wait around for him, "Come on Derek have some dignity."
Derek pulled his head out from his hands and looked at her. His face was red and tear stained. It was very obvious that he lost the last bit of his dignity before he had even stepped in the bar. Cristina would have pitied him, but she didn't pity people. Not even the most pathetic looking brain surgeon in New York and Seattle. Cristina gave him a look, telling him to start talking or she was leaving. "I just don't know what to do."
Cristina rolled her eyes at his stupidity and then took a swig of her second beer. "Look, I'm not going to be Cristina, I'm going to be Izzie," she said receiving a confused look from Derek, "Cristina doesn't give a damn about this, but Izzie would, so as far as you are concerned, right now I'm Izzie." Derek nodded, waiting for her to continue, "You walked away Derek. You walked away like you could just move on without her. That's what everyone has done to her. And that's probably the reason she left Seattle. Walking away is all that she knows. But she needs you to show her that she's not something you can just walk away from. She needs someone to be afraid of losing her instead of voluntarily giving her up."
"I just don't know how to do it. Every time I figure everything out, the second I get all the answers, she changes the questions."
"Dude, that's life. Get over it," Cristina said taking another swig of beer, "Just show her that she's actually worth something to you. If you don't, she'll stay with this Jacob guy. I've seen him with her. He cares about her and he doesn't let her doubt it."
Derek swallowed hard after hearing her words, "Then maybe she would be happy with him. Maybe I should just let her be happy."
Cristina finished off her beer and stood up, "See this is why you're miserable. You're stupid." Then she walked out of the bar, leaving Derek as pathetic as he was when she got there.