Chapter 15:
June 29,2006- Seattle, Washington
Meredith knocked on a very familiar door. She heard a voice from the other side and walked in. She knew this was going to be hard. This would finalize everything. Make all of her plans real. She sat down across from a solemn looking man. He almost seemed to be expecting what was about to happen or at least expecting something bad. Meredith cleared her throat before talking, "I need you to transfer me. I can't stay here anymore."
Richard Webber leaned back in his chair a little looking at the daughter of the one woman he ever truly loved. He couldn't let Meredith leave. It would just be repeating the past between him and Ellis. Even though Meredith would never admit it to him, he knew this had to do with Derek. It was always Derek with her. "I'm not sure if I can do that."
Meredith knew he wasn't going to agree easily. She had prepared herself for this. At least she had tried. She took a deep breath before continuing, "With all due respect sir, if you can't transfer me then I'll be forced to quit and just completely start over somewhere else."
Richard was a little surprised by Meredith's answer. He had thought for a moment that he may actually be able to talk her out of this, but what right did he have? As her boss he didn't have the right to be involved in her personal life. As the man who ruined her family, he didn't have the right to be involved in any part of her life. Richard's forehead wrinkled a little bit, letting Meredith know that he was thinking, "Any hospital would be lucky to have you. I know a few places that will gladly take you. What about Mercy West?"
Mercy West? That would just beat the point of transferring. Mercy West was still in Seattle. If Meredith was still in Seattle then she couldn't escape Derek or Addison. And soon she wouldn't be able to escape their child. "I need to get far. Any place on the east coast. Maybe Boston."
Richard was surprised that she wanted to go that far. She was serious about this. He couldn't figure out what happened to drive her to this. Richard sighed, "I'll find somewhere and get back to you."
"I need to know now. I need to leave as soon as possible," Meredith said fighting back tears. She was about to throw away everything she had been working for since she moved to Seattle. She tried to stop that train of thought. She knew that if she kept thinking about it, she would never be able to go through with it.
Richard looked through a few papers while Meredith waited. "I can call the Chief at New York General. It's not Boston, but they will probably be willing to take you. You are very talented and have a lot more surgical experience than most interns at your level." Richard decided to flatter her. He might not have the chance to tell her that he was proud of her again and he knew no one else was telling her.
Meredith gave him a halfhearted smile, "Thank you." She stood up and walked out of the room. Richard sat back in his chair again and brought his hands to his face wondering if everything would have been different if he wouldn't of let Ellis go.
Meredith rolled over in bed, trying to get the memory out of her mind. She couldn't sleep. Her mind was too busy flashing through memories. Mainly bad memories. She wanted it to stop, but she had begun to notice that things don't stop when she wants them to.
Meredith walked out of the office and down the hall. Life seemed to be moving in slow motion. She caught up with Bailey and everyone. Bailey looked at her, "Grey what's wrong with you?" Meredith looked at her, "Never mind, I don't want to know," Bailey said as she shook her head and led the interns down the hall.
"What is wrong with you?" Cristina asked in a whisper as they followed Bailey.
"Nothing," Meredith mumbled, unable to look at Cristina.
Bailey stopped walking and the interns did as well, "Grey you are in surgery with Burke's replacement Franks. Yang you are with Shepherd. Karev and O'Malley you are in the pit."
Meredith felt relieved that she wasn't with Derek. She hadn't told him her plans. They'd been spending some time together and she was enjoying it: she didn't have the heart to hurt him. She knew all of their moments were wrong. He was still married, but she couldn't help but take as many moments as she could while she had the chance, but now she had to get ready to leave.
She hurried towards the OR and found Dr. Franks already scrubbing in. She walked in the scrub room and smiled at him. "Hello Dr. Grey. Have you ever scrubbed in on one of these before?"
"Once," she said as she began to wash her hands, "But it was when I was first beginning so I wasn't able to do much. It was more of an observing surgery for me." She decided that if she just kept talking then maybe she could actually focus instead of thinking about Derek and her plans.
"Well I'm sure you will be able to assist me a lot in this surgery," Dr. Franks said before he walked into the OR. Meredith smiled at him and then followed him inside.
Meredith did the surgery almost completely solo, only receiving instructions from Dr. Franks. Although she never told anyone, she thought of it as the best way to end her career at Seattle Grace. She left the scrub room quickly after receiving a page from Dr. Webber. She knew it was going to either be him telling her that she could leave or telling her that New York didn't have room. She was really hoping they would take her as she walked into his office.
Meredith sat down in the seat that she had been in only five hours earlier. Richard looked up at her and he looked as though he had aged during the one day. Meredith began to realize that this was stressing him. She almost felt bad, but then she thought back to what he had done and how he had ruined her family and then not came back for her Mom. The silence between the two was beginning to become unbearable for Meredith. She had to end it. "Am I going to be able to leave?"
Richard sighed and put his elbow on the desk that sat between them, "Meredith, I hope you know how much you will be missed around here; both on a professional level and a personal level. We've all enjoyed and benefited from having you here, but I understand that you need to do this for yourself. Just make sure that you are doing this for the right reasons and not the wrong."
Meredith listened to his words, but she didn't want to process them. If she did, she would be forced to think about her reasons and she didn't want to go there. She looked at Richard, "Am I going to be bale to leave?" she asked, repeating herself.
Richard rubbed his forehead before turning his attention back to Meredith's question, "New York General will take you. They are going to have you get used to things with the new interns, but then you'll be put with people on your level. Their intern program starts in two days, so they want you there as soon as possible. You can leave tonight if you are ready. There is a plane leaving later."
Meredith swallowed and tried to smile, "Thank you very much. You have no idea how thankful I am. I'm already packed so I'll take that flight."
Richard nodded and Meredith stood up to leave, "Meredith, wait." Meredith turned around and looked at Richard, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did to your family. To your mother." Meredith nodded and walked out, hoping that Derek would never have to say that to her children.
Meredith headed back towards the board, knowing that she had one thing to do before she could leave. She looked at the board and saw that Derek was in surgery in the OR that had a gallery. She walked up the steps towards the gallery and saw that there were a lot of people inside. There weren't any seats left, so she just stood near the glass. She watched Derek, waiting for him to look up, knowing that he would eventually. When he did, he stopped the surgery for a moment, which turned everyone's attention to them. Meredith didn't want anyone to be able to hear her, so she hoped that Derek was still good at reading her lips. "Good-bye, Derek. I love you," she mouthed with a tear running down her cheek. Derek's eyes showed confusion and she turned around and walked out of the OR.
January 14, 2007- New York City, New York
I'm having trouble sleeping
You're jumping in my bed
Twisting in my head
Leave me
Meredith opened her eyes, realizing that she had dozed off. She looked at the ceiling and realized that she could hear someone breathing. She looked next to her and saw Jacob. She smiled at him, but he didn't smile back. "Dreaming?"
"Yeah," Meredith said even though all of her dreams seem to be memories.
"What about?"
"Seattle."
"Don't you mean, Derek?" Jacob said harshly.
I'm having trouble breathing
You're sitting on my chest
I sure could use the rest
Leave me
Meredith looked at him funny, "No," she lied, "Just about me leaving it. It was hard. I loved Seattle." She tried to get Derek out of her head, but she couldn't. "I'm talking to Jacob. I need to be able to talk to him without Derek on my mind," she thought.
Jacob didn't seem convinced, "Then why did you leave?"
"I needed to."
"Why?"
Meredith sighed, "Jacob can we not do this right now? Me leaving Seattle isn't something I like to relive; in my dreams or through my own words."
"When are you just going to let me in?" Jacob asked getting impatient.
It's you
Why's it always you
and never me?
I've never dared to let
my feelings free
Why's it always you
and never me?
I've never cared too much about honesty
"I have," Meredith said as she began to see images of the night before with Derek.
"Then how come you never were open about this Derek guy? Obviously he was a big part of your life. Otherwise why would everyone keep pushing you to go back to him?"
I'm having trouble sleeping
I'm thinking of what you said
About the tears been shed
Leave me
Meredith turned her head away from Jacob, as she got lost in her own thoughts. Why was everyone pushing her to be with Derek? Before she couldn't get any type of support and now that's all anyone wants. Even Meg who wasn't there when she was with Derek. What was it about her and Derek that made everyone want them to be together so bad? No one seems to be able to accept the fact that maybe she doesn't want to be with Derek anymore. And even if she wants to be, what if she can't? Everyone just seems to be on Derek's side. It's like she's up against the world by herself, with no one at her side.
"Meredith?" Jacob said.
Meredith looked back at Jacob, "How much do you want to know?"
It's you
Now and always you
but never me
I've never dared to
let my feelings free
Why's it always you
and never me?
I've never cared
too much about honesty