Chapter 18:
November 9,1993- Boston, Massachusetts
Meredith sat on the bottom step of the staircase in her Boston home. She looked at her watch; it was past two in the morning. She looked at the door and then back to her watch as the second hand continued to move. "So much for dinner at seven," Meredith said as she walked up the steps to the pitch black upstairs. She turned on the hall light and the overhead hall light illuminated the frames of her school pictures. Meredith didn't pay attention to them as she walked into her bedroom. There were books and papers all over the floor and an unmade bed.
Meredith looked at the room unimpressed. She walked past the books and fell on her bed. She lifted the edge of her mattress and found a few pictures. She looked at them longingly. They were pictures of a family: a family that no longer existed. It had been Christmas time. She was two years old. Meredith was sitting on her father's lap as she opened a present with the help of her mother. Meredith put the picture back and looked at her pillow. Under it was a tattered pink blanket. It was hand knitted and had her name crocheted into the bottom in cursive letters.
Meredith picked it up and laid down on her comfortable bed. She snuggled into the blanket and pulled her comforter over her small body. She heard a car engine shut off and a car door slam. Then the front door opened followed by slow steps up the stairs. Her door opened farther as a tired woman walked in.
"I'm sorry Meredith."
"Sure you are," Meredith said without looking up.
"What did you say?" the woman asked, not pleased with Meredith's response.
"Did you really think I would believe you?" Meredith asked as she sat up in bed and looked at her mother, "You've done the same thing at every holiday and birthday since we moved here. I'm not stupid."
"Meredith, you do not understand."
"Yes I do. Everyone else in the world is more important than me. That's all there is to it," Meredith said as she laid back down and snuggled close to her blanket.
"That is selfish Meredith," her mother said. Meredith didn't respond, so Ellis turned to walk out.
"I hate you," Meredith mumbled under her breath. Ellis turned around to say something, but stopped herself and walked out, closing the door behind her.
January 15, 2007- New York City, New York
Meredith woke up and sat up in bed. Jacob was still snoring and it was well past two in the morning. Meredith thought back towards her memory and the phone call she got that evening. Then she broke down and cried all over again. Only this time, she didn't have Derek to make it better.
"You are so messed up," Cristina said the next morning.
"What?"
"You slept with two men in the same bed on the same day," Cristina said taking a sip of her coffee.
"I didn't sleep with him. Well I slept in the same bed as him, but I didn't sleep with him," Meredith said.
"Why? I don't think McDreamy is going to be very happy about it."
"What was I supposed to do? Jacob was being all freaky. You don't mess with freaky men, Cristina. You may not live to tell about it," Meredith said as she walked into the living room and sat down.
"So are you coming back to Seattle because I'm really not liking this no surgery thing," Cristina said as she sat down with Meredith.
"I have to now," Meredith said, not looking happy.
"Because of Derek?"
"No."
"Then what?" Cristina asked.
"I don't want to talk about it," Meredith said as she turned on the television.
"For surgeons. We've been watching way too much tv lately. I think it's messing with our heads," Cristina said receiving a nod from Meredith.
Meredith got a shower and got dressed after making plans with Derek to meet in public so they could actually talk. She figured being in public was the only way to ensure the fact that they would talk. She decided that she would deal with Jacob later. He was just too weird to deal with in the mornings, besides he had to go to work.
The place that Meredith and him were meeting at wasn't far from her apartment, so she just decided to walk there. It was a nice day anyways and she figured she needed to fresh air. As she turned the corner at the end of her street she swore she saw a familiar face walk past her. She ignored it and kept walking.
"Was that the famous Meredith Grey?" she heard from a voice behind her. She turned around and smiled.
"Yes it is," she said as she walked back a few feet.
"What are you doing here in New York?"
"I live here. I have for six months," Meredith said.
"Six months and the dirty mistresses are just now meeting?"
"I am not a dirty mistress. Derek divorced Addison," Meredith said thinking that actually Derek could be considered a dirty mistress now.
"Really?" Mark asked sounding interested. Meredith gave him an odd look and he knew what she was thinking, "No. I'm done with Addison. I'm seeing someone actually."
"That's great," Meredith said actually happy for him.
"Yeah so what have you been doing in New York?" Mark asked.
"Just running away from my problems. But my problems tend to follow me across the country," Meredith said.
"Derek followed you? I'm proud of him. He didn't let you go again. Maybe he still is the smart one out of us two," Mark said with a grin.
"Well actually I was on my way to meet him, so I have to go," Meredith said.
"We should have dinner some time. Catch up," Mark said, "Here's my number." He pulled a receipt out of his pocket and scribbled his number on it. "Call me and we can plan something."
"Okay, I'll do that. Bye Mark," Meredith said as she turned around and headed towards the restaurant.
"Bye Meredith."
Meredith hurried over to the restaurant, knowing that she was going to be late and that Derek would be waiting. She walked into the small place and saw Derek sitting near a window, reading the paper. She smiled and walked over to him and sat down.
"Hello," he said with a smile as he handed her the menu that she gladly took. "So we're going to talk?"
"Yes. Talk."
"We never seemed that good at the talking part. Every other part we were always good at," Derek said with a smile. Meredith knew exactly what he was referring to.
"Yes, but last time we didn't talk and you turned out to be married," she said harshly, showing Derek that she still hadn't completely forgiven him for that.
"Okay well then maybe we should talk," Derek said agreeing with her, "What do you want to talk about?"
"Rules."
"Rules?" Derek asked.
"We were supposed to make rules the night that Addison came," Meredith said still not happy about that memory. "We never were able to, but now we have to."
"Okay, rules."
"First of all, honesty. If you have any other freakish secrets, you better tell me now. If I can forgive you for being married then I guess I can basically forgive you for any other secret as long as you are up front about it, but if you hide something from me again, then I won't forgive you," Meredith said continuing to make Derek feel worse as the conversation went on.
"I don't have any old skeletons in my closet," Derek said, "But have you talked to Jacob?"
"I tried, but I couldn't. Then he was gone when I woke up this morning. I'll do it later," Meredith said convincing herself that she would.
"Later?" Derek asked, obviously not as convinced as she was.
"Okay rule number two. Since neither one of us have any other skeletons, we have to be able to trust each other. Trust about everything. You can't have a relationship without trust," Meredith said.
"Fine. I trust that you'll talk to Jacob tonight," Derek said emphasizing the word tonight.
"What can I get for you two?" a waitress said as she walked up to their table.
"I'll just have coffee right now," Meredith said and Derek agreed before the waitress walked off.
"What took you so long to get here?" Derek asked.
"Okay because we trust each other I'm not going to lie to you, okay?" Meredith said as she began to worry Derek. "I saw someone I knew on the way and I stopped to talk to him."
"Him?"
"Yes him."
"Does this him have a name?" Derek asked.
"Mark," Meredith said. She knew before she even spoke the word that Derek was going to get upset. No matter how much he trusted her, he didn't trust him.
"Stay away from Mark. I don't want you around him," Derek said forcefully.
"Derek, I'm not Addison. I'm not going to go sleep with him," Meredith said before thinking about how those words would make Derek relive some memories that he would much rather forget.
"Just stay away from him."
"Derek, I wanted to spend the day with you, but I'm not going to sit here and have you act like I'm some slut who is going to sleep with any man who hits on her. I have enough going on in my head and I don't need to add that to it," Meredith said before getting up.
"Meredith, wait," Derek said as she turned around, "You've just got to understand. I just don't want the one person I hate and the one person I love to be near each other. I don't want to lose you."
"No one is ever going to take me away from you, no one ever did. The only reason we've ever been apart is because of you," Meredith said before walking out. She walked back home, slowly. She knew she shouldn't have walked out on Derek, but she just couldn't handle to have anyone else talking down to her. Talking to her as if she couldn't be trusted. As if she was just some child who was bound to make a mistake even if she went out of her way to make sure that she didn't. She was just too tired to handle this. She hadn't had a good night's sleep in days and she really didn't think she was going to start having them now.