Brother's Keeper: Chapter 6

By: The Confused One

A/N: Well, the secret is finally revealed, along with some of what happened that night. Please enjoy and review. Thanks. Hopefully, some things will start to make sense now.

Bobby stared at her in shock. The only thing he could comprehend was her ultimatum. His head was spinning. The fears that plagued him took over, and he lashed out in anger, "If you want to leave, Eames, then leave. The door is right there."

Alex closed her eyes. She could feel the pain in his voice. She knew she had been wrong. This was not the way to get him to open up. His greatest fear was losing her. She tried to reach out to him, "I'm sorry, OK? I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to go anywhere. I'm not going to go anywhere. I swear to you, I won't. I'm just worried and desperate. I need you to talk to me."

Trying to calm down, Bobby desperately tried to bury his fears. Taking a couple of deep breaths, he tried to explain, again, "What happened before has nothing to with what's going on now. Why can't you let it go?"

Meeting his eyes, Alex worried. She still saw the pain in his eyes. She knew she had to get his mind off what had already been said. She argued back, "Because you can't let it go. Ever since David has shown up, you've been treating me like I'm glass and keeping me at arm's length, and I'm tired of it. It's affecting everything you do right now. You're so consumed by it, you probably haven't even thought about who might have done this to your brother. He's fighting for his life. Has the question of why even crossed your mind?"

Bobby sighed. Looking at the wall, he tried to assure her, "You think I don't care? I do care. I want to find whoever did this. I will find whoever did this. I have thought about it, Eames."

Before Alex could respond, a doctor approached. He tentatively asked, "Detective Goren?"

Standing up, Bobby answered, "Yes."

The doctor tentatively replied, "We were able to repair the damage. He should be just fine. I was told someone applied pressure to the wound…"

Standing with Bobby, Alex was relieved. She volunteered, "It was me."

The doctor nodded. He continued, "You saved his life, Detective. It will probably be morning before he wakes up. You could go home and get some real rest. We have your contact information, thanks to Detective Eames, if something happens. They're moving him into ICU right now. The nurses would be glad to give you the room number when you return."

Bobby gave a short nod and watched the doctor leave. Sitting down he laughed. He couldn't believe the irony. Meeting the eyes of a very confused Alex, he confessed, "It's ironic."

Sitting down beside him, she pushed, "What's ironic?"

Bobby met her eyes again. He cryptically explained, "You saved my brother."

Frustrated, Alex lashed out, "Do you have any idea what you're doing to me right now? We're going in circles. We've been going in circles for days now. Damn it, Bobby, I love you. Please talk to me."

For the first time those words sunk into Bobby Goren's head. He was overwhelmed with hope before the panic began building. As far as he was concerned she had the worst timing ever. Standing, he began to pace. He just couldn't deal with his emotions, the knowledge of her feelings, and the secret all at once. He couldn't deal with having her in the same room right then. Walking away from her he insisted, "I…have to go. I can't…do this."

Alex watched in astonishment as Bobby took off out the door. She had been sure that Lewis had meant Bobby loved her. Grabbing her things, she stormed out of waiting room, only to remember her car was at David's. Hitting the wall of the hospital with her fist, she let the single tear fall. Wiping it away, she decided she couldn't deal with Bobby anymore that night. They were only managing to frustrate and hurt each other the past few days. Grabbing a cab, she picked up her car from the scene and was bent on going home.

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Joey sat at the foot of the hotel bed, talking on the phone, "I know I screwed up, Mr. Stryker. I promised to fix it, didn't I? I've got it taken care of, as long as you send Gibble and Johnson up here. I'll get the mess cleaned up. I know someone in records at One Police Plaza. They're not in a position to refuse. We'll get the money and take care of the cop."

Alan Stryker angrily replied, "Alright, Joey, but you better not screw this up anymore. Make sure David is taken care of, too. Anymore screw ups, Joey, and it's your head. You understand?"

Joey nodded and agreed, "Yes, sir. I understand." Hanging up the phone, there was a knock on the door. Opening it, he smiled. Taking the file from the man's hands, he asked, "Detective Robert Goren's file?"

The nervous cop, Andy, nodded and shakily replied, "Yes…yes it's a copy of his file."

Flipping through the file, Joey nodded. He informed Andy, "Perfect. If you breathe a word about this to anyone, I'll fucking kill you and your family. This takes care of that loan. So, we should never cross paths again."

Andy gratefully nodded and took off, hoping to be able to stick to that promise of never seeing Joey Kane again. He was glad to get out from under the loan, and he refused to even want to think about what Joey had planned for Bobby Goren. To think it about it meant he'd have to feel guilty. It meant he'd have to do something about it.

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Reaching Bobby's door, Alex took a deep breath. About halfway home, she had changed her mind. She had to check on him. She had to make sure he was OK. Not in the mood to coax him to the door this time, she let herself in. She sighed at the sight in front of her. Bobby was sitting on his couch, with a mostly empty bottle of whiskey with an almost finished glass in front of him on the coffee table. She hated seeing him like this. For the first time she was nervous about what his secret was. She couldn't imagine anything that could drive him to drink like this. She knew his hatred for getting truly drunk. It brought back too many memories of a father he'd rather forget. Alex understood. It brought memories of an aunt she'd rather forget, too. Taking a deep breath, she pushed her hesitancy down and quipped, "You don't waste any time, do you? How much of that have you had tonight?"

Bobby shrugged. He replied, "I think it was almost full when I pulled it out of my cabinet. I thought I told you wanted to be alone."

Alex made herself comfortable in a chair. Imitating him, she shrugged and replied, "Well, I want some answers, and I wanted to make sure you didn't do something stupid. Though, I suppose, I'm a little late on that one. Self-destruction doesn't become you, Bobby."

Bobby sent her a glare. Finishing the whiskey still in the glass, he insisted, "I don't want to talk right now, and I don't need your help. Leave, Alex."

Alex was determined to make this the last time they had this dance. She wasn't going to let either of them walk away before she got her answers. Staying put, she nonchalantly replied, "Sorry. I think I'll stay and wait for you to decide to talk."

Sitting up, Bobby bitterly insisted, "I said go."

Without flinching, Alex sat up and argued back, "No."

Trying to stand, Bobby grumbled, "Fine. I'll go."

Rage flashed through Alex's eyes. There was no way he was leaving this apartment without talking to her. Standing up, she approached him and pushed him back down onto the couch. Leaning over, she got into his face. Her knuckles were supporting her weight against the back of the couch. Bobby drunk, she could handle, but she couldn't and wouldn't tolerate flashbacks of her selfish aunt. Meeting his eyes, so he could see her anger, she threatened, "I don't care if you're only going down the hall. I will arrest your ass if you walk out that door. I'll drag you all the way down to 1PP and make you sit in a holding cell till you talk to me, and you know I'll do it, too. It's your choice."

Bobby watched as Alex sat back down, waiting to see what he was going to do. He knew better than to test her, even when he was drunk. She'd make good on that threat. Therefore, he decided, for his own well-being, he'd stay put. Meeting her eyes, he warned, "You…have no idea how much…I love you, Alex. I don't want to hurt you. I don't care what you say…you are not…prepared for this. I, honestly, don't think you'll ever…want to speak to me again."

Alex's heart skipped a beat at hearing his declaration of love. Shaking her head, she didn't allow herself to dwell on it, yet. She promised, "I couldn't do that to you, Bobby. I love you too much, and nothing could be that bad."

Bobby shook his head. He persisted, "Yes, it can."

Alex found his eyes again. Her eyes pleaded for him to talk to her but she kept her voice steady, "If you love me, then trust me. Try me."

Taking a deep breath, Bobby confessed, "David and I got Shane killed, Alex."

The sinking feeling in her stomach got stronger. Refusing to believe it, she argued, "No. That's not possible."

Bobby closed his eyes and explained, "Shane was killed in raid… a raid on September twenty-third nineteen-ninety-nine? It was… the raid I organized to help David. There were eight of us, plus David. Someone tipped them off, and… they were ready for us. It was a… bloodbath for both sides. The shooters are all dead or in jail for life. Four good cops died that night. I couldn't…face you. I was such a coward. Shane...was the only one of us who was married. The other cops…"

Overwhelmed, Alex gasped. It just felt almost too horrible to contemplate. Putting her hand to her mouth, she was shaking as she interrupted in a whispered, "Harris, Jackson, and Augustine…Oh God! How long have you known?"

Bobby took a deep breath. He couldn't even look at her as he admitted, "Since we met. God, Alex, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Standing, Alex tried to get herself under control. She shook her head. Alex reacted in anger. It was the safest emotion she could find, "You've known for the past five and a half years and you didn't tell me?"

Rubbing his hand over his face, Bobby tried to explain, "I… didn't know you didn't know. Someone wasn't paying attention when they paired us. I recognized your name, and I… assumed you knew. I kept waiting for you to… for the other shoe to drop until I realized… you didn't even realize what I had done to you. By that point, I couldn't bring myself to tell you. I didn't want to hurt you, like this. I didn't want to lose you. It was, well, selfish. You never read the report?"

All of her anger was gone. All she was left with were the few tears she allowed to escape down her face. Wiping them away, she paced. It was something she had learned from her time with Bobby. She admitted, "I couldn't bring myself to read it or ask anyone anything, ever. I couldn't do it. I didn't read anything about it. I never wanted to know. After awhile I didn't think it mattered." Suddenly stopping, she turned to face him. She whispered, "It wasn't your fault, Bobby. Please…know that, and tell me you found the leak."

Bobby closed his eyes. He assured her, "He's still on death row."

Alex nodded slightly. She was glad the traitor had been caught. It made her feel better. Revenge always made her feel better, but she was still on the verge of falling apart, and that was the last thing she wanted Bobby to see. She was fighting hard not to break down in front of him, and she knew she had to leave. Backing towards the door, she explained, "I have to go. I can't stay."

Awkwardly standing, Bobby, worried, tried to stop her, "Alex! Don't drive this upset."

Alex stopped as she opened her door. She momentarily debated staying. A part of her knew she could trust Bobby. She knew she could cry with him, and he'd never think less of her. He'd never judge her, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She was supposed to be the strong one. She was supposed to be the rock. She was afraid to upset that balance. Taking another deep breath, she left without another word.

Bobby fell back down on the couch. Closing his eyes, he rubbed his face and desperately clung to the hope that she could forgive him. He was convinced that she blamed him, no matter what she had said. He was afraid of what she was going to do tomorrow at the office. Worse yet, he wasn't sure what he was going to do about David and whoever he owed money to.