Chapter 4

Bombalurina reluctantly opened her eyes. She didn't want to wake up, she didn't want to have to face the sympathetic smiles and 'it'll be ok' talks that she knew the other cats would give her. She just wanted to go back to her dreams, dreams of Tugger. In her dreams he would hold, and kiss her, and tell her he loved her and-

'No!' Bomba told herself, clenching her paws in frustration as she lay on her large, scarlet cushion, pulling the soft red blanket tighter round herself. 'Remember last night? Remember how horrible he made you feel? Remember all the tears and the argument with Demi? How can you still think about him like that? You hate him. You hate him.'

Bomba sighed. She could hear Demeter quietly humming to herself on the other side of the folding screen that separated the bedrooms from the main living space. Bomba had never envied Demeter, she had never envied anyone, she was always the one being envied, but now that she heard her sister bustling about and humming happily she couldn't help but…

A sharp knock on the door disturbed Bomba from her thoughts. Her heartbeat quickened, could it be? Maybe it was…she dug her claws into her leg so as to shut her brain up. 'Even if it is him, I'd rather cut off my leg than see him. I hate him, rememeber?.'

She could hear Demi open the door and whoever it was, was being let in. It clearly wasn't Tugger; Demi wouldn't have let him in. Bomba could hear a tom's voice speaking in a quiet, concerned tone – Munkustrap. She could hear Demi reply but she couldn't make out exactly what they were saying as they were practically whispering, but she could guess.

Bomba sat up slowly, straining her ears. She heard Tugger's name, and an apology. She couldn't help but smile, trust Munkustrap to come over and apologise for his brother. Then she heard her own name, the already hushed voices became barely audible. She knew they'd be talking about her. She could imagine them shaking their heads and tutting, saying 'Poor Bombalurina, look at the state she's got herself into' and 'Always after Tugger, no dignity.'

Well she didn't need their pity. She forced herself to get up, smoothed down her fur and tried to regain her usual confident air. She strolled breezily into the living area, as if she hadn't a care in the world.

"Morning Demi! Oh Munkustrap, hi! How are you?"

Demi and Munkus looked up suddenly, as if they'd been caught plotting a murder. They looked at Bomba like her head had dropped off. Demeter spoke first.

"Um, Bomba, g-good morning! Yeah, Munkus was just passing by and thought he'd pop in, right Munkus?"

Munkustrap froze, he was a terrible liar.

"Y-yes, just popping in. Casually. That's me casual! Cool. As a…as a cucumber! Very…very, um, cool."

Bombalurina nodded, smiling. She made her way to the comfiest armchair, picking up a magazine from the small coffee table and sat down. She loved reading the human magazines, all the shiny pictures and 'celebrities'. She always read them and was quite up to speed with all the latest human gossip.

"So Munkus, you said you had something to do? Had to go and see…Misto about something?" Demeter said unconvincingly. Bomba held the magazine up so it looked like she was reading, whilst subtly peering over the top of it.

"What? Oh…yes. Misto. Important. Must get going…" Munkus replied, his voice unnaturally loud.

"Ok well, I'll see you later! Thank you for coming over, and for the em, cooking advice." Demi said, ushering Munkustrap towards the door.

"No problem. I'll just…go then." He said, opening the door. He turned back to Demeter looking nervous then gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, before hurrying out.

"Bye then." Demeter said, smiling dreamily after him. She shut the door and stood for a moment as if she couldn't bear to turn around and face her sister.

"So are you two officially a couple then?" Bomba asked, still smiling.

Demeter turned around, but remained at the door like she wanted to be near an exit.

"Um, yes, I-I think so. He was just helping me with a cooking thing. He's a…he's a great cook! So…yeah…"

Demeter cautiously edged away from the door and sat down warily on the coffee table in front of Bomba.

"You don't have to tip-toe round me. I'm fine! Honestly, I'm fine." Bomba said, not looking Demi in the eye.

"Yes but Bomba, are you fine?" Demi asked, reaching out and resting a paw on Bombalurina's shoulder.

"Mm-hm." Bomba replied, her voice coming out unusually high, her eyes glued to the magazine.

"Bomba, you don't have to lie to me. I can't begin to imagine how you must feel, but I'm pretty sure it isn't fine."

Bomba stayed still. Demeter took her paw off the scarlet queen's shoulder. It seemed as if time had suddenly stopped, they were both frozen.

Suddenly Bomba flung the magazine across the room, causing Demeter to jump ferociously.

"Ok I'm not fine! I am the opposite!" Bomba said in a shaky voice. Then she started crying properly. "I am so screwed up! I-I mean w-what the hell am I meant do to? J-just pretend nothing h-happened? Why is a-all this s-shit happening t-to me?"

Bomba was crying almost hysterically and shouting, but she was looking straight ahead at the wall where the magazine had hit. Demeter couldn't help but feel a little bit scared. Bomba never did this. Sure, she had a short fuse, but she didn't start crying like this.

"Bomba-"

"It's o-ok for h-him! He can j-just get s-some other queen a-and that'll be him o-over it! B-but I c-can't just move on! I just hate h-him so much! H-he doesn't c-care about me, w-why would he? I'm j-just good for one thing."

Demeter hated this. She felt so awful seeing her usually together sister suddenly fall to pieces. But she couldn't do anything, she couldn't help her sister.

"Bombalurina! You know that is not true!" Demeter said sharply, trying to snap her out of this sudden hysteria.

"B-but I do!" Bomba cried, getting up, "I h-hate him, but I h-hate me more! W-why do I have to f-feel this way? How c-can you love somebody so so much a-and hate them t-too? W-what's h-happening to me Demi?"

Bomba collapsed onto the floor, still crying. Demeter got up and sat down beside Bombalurina on the floor, wrapping her arms around her sister tightly.

"Ssshh, Bomba. C'mon, you're ok. Nothing's happening to you. Just calm down and take a few deep breaths. You're just working yourself into a state." Demeter said soothingly, as Bombalurina sobbed into her shoulder.

"Is – is this it? Is this me forever? Always c-crying and sc-screaming? W-why do I even l-love him wh-when he's always so h-horrid to me?"

Demeter shook her head, still holding her sister.

"No Bomba. This is not you forever. I promise." Demeter said softly, she could feel tears prick her own eyes. It was such a horrible sight to see Bomba like this.

"M-maybe it is. I ju-just need to g-get over him."

"Bomba, do you suppose maybe, you don't want to get over him?"

Bombalurina sniffed and pulled away from her sister, staring at her.

"W-what?"

"I mean, when you love somebody, even when they hurt you like Tugger's has, you don't just stop loving them. You can't. And sometimes no matter how much you want to stop loving them you just have to…"

Bombalurina looked down as Demeter's word tailed off. Bomba knew deep down that her sister was right.

"Well, what do I do?" Bomba asked, looking at her sister pleadingly.

"As weird as this may sound coming from me, I think you should talk to him."

"No. No way. I'm not going to talk to him only so that he get a nice 'kick' out of turning me down. That's the way Tugger works. He loves having queens chase after him, and I am not going to give him the satisfaction."

Demeter smiled. "Now there's the Bombalurina I know!"

Bomba smiled too. But it quickly faded. Demeter spoke again.

"Listen, I have something to tell you. Munkustrap said I shouldn't but whatever."

Bombalurina looked up, wearily. "If this is some crap Tugger said about what a slut I was, and how I am so pathetic I don't want to hear it."

"Ok, I guess I should shut up then."

"What?"

"I'm kidding! Sorry I couldn't resist!"

Bomba hit her sister lightly on the leg. "Shut up!"

Demi laughed, but regained her seriousness quickly.

"No it's actually the opposite."

"Ok, go on…" Bomba said slowly, wiping her eyes.

"Well Munkustrap said that Tugger's sorry, to me and you-"

"Oh that makes it all better! Thank god for that!"

"No, wait. Munkustrap says Tugger was drunk, and he also said…"

"What? Tell me!"

"He said Tugger went all weird and serious and he said that…"

There was a silence. Bombalurina gestured for her sister to keep going.

"Tugger said he loves you."

Bombalurina inhaled sharply.

"He said what?" she whispered.

"He loves you. He said he loved you since he first met you. Infact Munkustrap said Tugger went all quiet and said how beautiful you were and that he loved you so much that it hurt."

"Oh my god…are you…is Munkustrap sure?"

Demeter nodded. "Yep. And then Tugger said like, 'oh why was I so horrible?' and 'I could've been so happy with her'. And then when he was talking his voice went all weird and Munkustrap couldn't see his face but he knew he was…crying."

Bombalurina clasped her hand over her mouth, her eyes closed. Then she opened them again, a disbelieving smile on her face.

"But this is Tugger! I don't know if I can honestly believe anything he says."

"Munkustrap said he believed Tugger. Bomba, he was crying. Tugger crying? Don't you think he might actually…love you?"

Bombalurina looked like she wanted to believe her sister but couldn't. She shook her head.

"I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know. Of course I want it to be true! But…I want doesn't get."

"Sometimes it does."

"Not with Tugger. There's a difference between actually loving somebody and just fancying a one-night stand. I don't think he knows that."

Demi had never been a Tugger fan and right now he was bottom of her list of favourite cats but she knew that Bomba loved him very much and she had a suspicion that Tugger might actually feel the same way.

"Bomba, I honestly think…that maybe Tugger does love you. This is coming from me, I know! But I know you love him and I think he loves you, shouldn't you say something to him? This could be what you've always wanted."

Bombalurina looked like she was coming around but she shook her head, sighing.

"No. I don't think so. I'm just going to have to…I don't know, could I leave? Go and live somewhere else?"

Demeter raised her eyebrows in a 'do you really think so?' way.

"Maybe not. I'll have to think about it. Thanks for telling me." Bomba said, looking confused.

"Fancy some breakfast?" Demeter asked, getting up.

"Sure." Bomba said distractedly, clearly breakfast was the last thing on her mind. Demeter could tell that her sister wasn't going to be ok until she did the one thing she didn't want to.