Chapter 50:

As Meredith walked into Derek's room, her eyes immediately filled with tears. He wasn't awake yet and he looked very weak. Meredith was a doctor; she knew what patients looked like after surgery. Especially after a surgery so traumatic, she should have expected her husband to look as weak as he did, but this was different. He barely looked liked like Derek. His face was pale and his body was still.

She stopped in the doorway, unable to come any further into the room. She didn't want to have to believe that that was her Derek. The love of her life was so weak and in as much as pain as the doctor inside of her knew he was in. Her daughters stood behind her, but looked at their father as well. Meredith could tell that they were upset by what they found. Meredith took a deep breath and turned around to her children.

"You guys go back home. I'll call you tonight and tell you what I know. You can see your father when he's feeling stronger, okay?" Meredith said, trying to be strong for their sakes.

"You sure Mom?" Celine asked.

"Yeah, I mean we can stay here if you want," Aimee offered.

"No, you guys have school tomorrow and you need a goodnight's sleep. I'll call you, I promise," Meredith said before giving both of her girls a hug.

"Bye Mom, I love you," Celine said before turning down the hall.

"I love you too, Mom," Aimee said before falling her sister.

"Bye, girls."

Meredith watched as her girls descended down the hall and then she turned back towards Derek. His eyes were still closed, but she could tell that he had moved a little. She smothered up any strength she had left and walked into the room. There was a chair sitting next to Derek's bed and she sat down next to it. She sat nervously for a moment, afraid of what to do. Knowing that she needed to be as close to Derek as possible, she grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight.

Derek's pale face warmed a little as a smile over took it. "I thought you'd just stand there all night," he said weakly without opening his eyes.

"Derek," she said in a tone full of longing. She smiled in between the tears that she had forgotten to stop from falling.

"I love you, Mer," Derek said.

"I love you too," she said looking into his eyes. They were different. They were just as weak as the rest of his body and the blue wasn't as deep. It almost hurt to look at them, but she couldn't look away.

"You waited," Derek said trying to smile.

"I waited," she repeated as she squeezed his hand tightly, never wanting to let go.

"No crying Mer, everything is going to be okay," Derek said.

"I know. Everything is going to be okay," she said as she began to cry harder. "I'm sorry. It's not because I'm sad. I'm just so happy."

"So am I Mer," Derek said as he squeezed her hand.

"I'm sorry to break this up," Burke said as he walked in, "But there are some things we need to discuss."

Burke walked across the room to the head of Derek's bed and the Shepherd's looked up at him with wet faces. He smiled at them before talking, "Having this surgery in the last stage is unusual, but we found your case rare, so we did it anyways. Now, the surgery is supposed to destroy all cancer cells, but since you cancer had advanced so much, we weren't able to completely destroy the cancer." Meredith's face fell and her grip on Derek unconsciously loosened. "The amount left now is comparable to the amount of cancer cells in stage I of this cancer. Because of this, continuing your chemotherapy for about another four cycles, the rest should clear up."

"Four cycles? That's three months," Derek said.

"Yes, it is Derek, but it's worth it. If you don't do the chemotherapy then the cancer will most likely develop again and you will go through everything you've been going through for a year, again," Burke said before sighing.

Derek just turned his head and looked at Meredith.

"Derek, you've come so far," Meredith muttered through her tears that weren't so happy anymore.

"Meredith, I don't want to lose any more time with you and the girls then I already have," Derek said holding her hand again.

Meredith pulled away, "Derek, you aren't going to lose anymore time. This is going to give you time. Give us time. Derek, if you say no to this treatment that is what is going to make you lose time. Think like a doctor, Derek."

"I'm not the doctor here, Meredith. I'm the patient. It's different," Derek said.

"No. No it's not," Meredith said crying harder as she stood up and stepped away from Derek.

"Meredith," Derek pleaded as Burke slipped out of the room, deciding that he shouldn't be part of this.

"No, Derek. I can't lose you. I won't. I'm not going to let you decide to lose me. That's not fair Derek. I'm not ready to lose you."

"Meredith, I don't want to lose you anymore than you want to lose me. I just don't want to go through that. I don't want for you to watch me get weak. I don't want to pull you down with me," Derek said, he began to cry as well.

"If you die Derek, I swear you will pull me down and I won't be able to get back up. I fell apart when we were just broken up. If you die, I'm going to lose part of myself. I can't handle that, Derek. You can't do that to me!" Meredith yelled at her sick husband. They were both a little shocked that she had actually said 'died.' Throughout this entire thing, no one ever spoke that word. No one.

"Meredith," he pleaded with a softer voice.

She walked back over to him, "No. You can't do that."

"I won't, Mer. I promise, I won't," Derek whispered as Meredith wrapped her arms around his weak body, "I won't die, Mer. I won't leave you."