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CHAPTER TWO: You Should Never Be Near a Computer Again
It had been seven seconds since Ness made his angry declaration. And it still stood. He would beat Adventure Quest Journey Pilgrimage 3.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" said Young Link in protest. "It hasn't been seven seconds! It's been eight seconds!
"Yeah, when was the last time you updated this fic again?" asked Popo, who was passing. Behind him, Bowser tripped, and slid on the waxed floor, breaking three walls, and then a fourth one. "And the speech marks used to end Young Link's second line of dialogue are missing! He could have been saying all of this and not me!" Behind him and Bowser, Mewtwo used his psychic powers to remove framework from three walls, and then a fourth one.
"I hate it when authors senselessly interact with their characters!" complained Kirby. "Who would do that?"
Meanwhile, outside, the ROFL pony was talking to hoogiman. "I say, dear fellow." said the ROFL pony. "It seems we have both just been insulted"
hoogiman's head exploded.
"At least we have line breaks now." reasoned Pichu, seeing what all the complaining was about. Meanwhile, Ganondorf came into the room, and punched holes in three of the walls, and then a fourth one.
"Less talky, more SHUT UP AND TELL ME HOW MANY POINTS I NEED FOR ACHIEVEMENT TWO!" demanded Ness. Kirby sighed, and went to check GameQnAS on the nearby computer.
"It says you need to have beaten Achievement One." read Kirby, taking a sip of a 5748litre keg of processed martinis.
"What do I do for Achievement One?" asked Ness angrily. His tone made Kirby spit all the martini olives at him. Kirby turned back to the computer and opened up GameQnAs again.
"Complete Super Uber Godly Impossible Mode 67352809420 times while dressed as a lightbulb." read Kirby.
"To the costume palace!" cried Ness, jumping out the window. Young Link walked over to Kirby and the computer.
"Is that what you need to do for real?" asked Young Link. Kirby burst out laughing and shook his head.
...7 Hours Later...
Ness stormed in, dripping wet and covered in motor oil. He stormed up to the group of Smashers gathered around Kirby, who was retelling the story to a whole lot of applause.
"And then the idiot, get this, jumps out the window and runs to the costume palace!" chuckled Kirby.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed everyone.
"HEY!" shouted Ness. "Stop laughing!" The laughter gradually died down.
"HAHAHAHAHAAHA!" laughed Peach. Ness bodily threw Yoshi out of a nearby window.
"That is it!" yelled Ness, who was rather angry. What a little n00blet. "All of you, get out! I hate you! I hate you the most Kirby! You made everyone laugh at me! And I want to use the computer!"
"Not to mention the fact that your girlfriend is cheating on you with me." said Kirby, unfazed.
"Really?" Ness looked down dejectedly.
"Nah, she died after we moved into the mansion." replied Kirby. "Well, you'll be wanting to get back to gaming, so I guess I'll, uh...just see you around."
Kirby walked out of the room, ignoring Ness' cries of suffering. He ascended the stairs, until he reached his room, on the fifth floor. (Ness' is on the second floor, but it really doesn't matter). Kirby flopped down onto the Mattress Esquire brand bed, and pressed a button on the wall.
Kirby smiled gleefully at the hidden compartment in his room, "I bet you've been wanting to come out for a while..." he smirked.
The muffled, tied-up figure angrily writhed.
"Don't worry, Ness is too crazy to live. You'll get him." said Kirby assuringly. Then he broke into hysterical laughter.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Mewtwo clutched his head in pain.
"Hey, Mewtwo?" asked Fox, who was passing. Again. "You alright?"
"I feel a disturbance..." muttered Mewtwo. "Evil resides...in a house member..."
"Duuuuuuh." groaned Fox. "But which one?"
"I COULD tell you, but I won't. It's called dramatic effect, Fox. Amateur." scoffed Mewtwo. "Soooo untheatrical."
THE END! If you have anything to say about all this unnecessary crapfarce, review, and I will promise to set things on fire and throw them at your house.