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Chapter 7: Heavy Losses
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While the events of the past two chapters had been going on, Evil Kirby and his Pichu corpse had brought Ness, Mario, and Peach to Master Hand's talking room. Mario and Peach were staring at the door, confused, while Ness had taken his wireless controller with him, and was attempting to play Adventure Quest Journey Pilgrimage III from several feet away.
"Achievement unlocked!" said the ingame voice, faintly.
"Yes, everything is coming together as planned." said Evil Kirby in a monotonous voice, to the door of Master Hand's room. "And these fools-" he indicated Ness, Peach, and Mario, "-still have no idea. Once the young one finishes his game, there will be no stopping us."
"What about the girl working with our time-traveling friend?" asked Master Hand, from the room. "Does she suspect anything?"
"No, she has no idea about our REAL intentions." smiled Evil Kirby. "Everyone is playing right into our hands!" Evil Kirby threw back his hea...himself...and laughed maniacally. Mario and Peach looked at him curiously.
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A flock of Samus's, each with a small number on their forearm's armor plating, were chasing Pichu, Pikachu, and Yoshi.
"Pfft, I am SO outta here!" laughed Pikachu, using Agility to outstrip the other two, and find cover.
"One of them got away!" cried Samus 6 to the others.
"I don't want to die!" yelled Yoshi.
"Surround them!" ordered Samus 1.
"Hey, how come...you can remember all of this...?" panted Pichu, stealing a sideways glance at Yoshi.
"Remember those blasted eggs Yoshi carries around!" Samus 3 warned her fellow Samuses.
"She let slip in one of the days it has to do with Mr. Game and Watch and his evil retroness! They forgot me or something!" revealed Yoshi. He turned, and threw an egg, which exploded, killing Samus 4.
"I told you to remember the eggs!" said Samus 3 reproachfully to her dead self.
"We need to make sure they don't survive!" cried Samus 5 pointlessly.
"You need to believe me!" Yoshi told Pichu. "I believed you!"
"Get out of the way, you idiot!" yelled Samus 7. Yoshi turned on the spot, and threw an egg, killing Samus 1.
"AGAHSGASGASH!" cried Samus 1.
Yoshi looked around wildly, trying to remember things from earlier days. "OK, head for the side wall of the Mansion!" he yelled.
"They remember!" called Samus 2.
"That's where Pikachu went the last time!" said Yoshi.
"Are you sure?" asked Pichu nervously.
"They're moving!" alerted Samus 7.
Pichu gave a scream and ran off.
"No, don't go that way!" panicked Yoshi.
"I've got them!" panted Samus 7. Yoshi aimed an egg at Pichu's head, and Pichu ducked, allowing Yoshi to throw the egg into Samus 7's stomach, killing her. "AGHGHGHAH!"
"You know something?" asked Pichu. "I could really get used to this all-knowing Yoshi. A lot better than the goofy, non-badass one." With a grin on his face, Pichu headed off towards the side wall of the Mansion.
"NO! Pichu! Wait! The other way!" cried Yoshi desperately. Bowser was waiting at the side wall, and he took a swing at Pichu.
"Guess who, kid?" snarled Bowser, sinking his claw into Pichu's stomach.
Pichu cried out, and ran off before it went deep enough to kill.
"I meant the OTHER side wall. Sorry..." apologised Yoshi meekly.
"I take that back! I still secretly hate you!" cried Pichu, a hand over his wound. Yoshi took Pichu around to the other side wall, where Pikachu was hiding.
"Good, you're here, now listen." said Yoshi urgently.
"What the-how'd you find me?" asked Pikachu, frustrated.
"Never mind, the Samuses know you're here." said Yoshi. "Uh-oh, now, DUCK!" Pichu and Pikachu ducked, and a Super Missile soared over the space where their heads were seconds ago.
"Damn!" cried Samus 3, reloading her Arm Cannon.
"Told ya." smiled Yoshi.
"Pika, we can't explain this, but he knows everything that's going on, and we need to believe him!" said Pichu.
"Trust him?" asked Pikachu. "For Christmas last year, he told Falcon I love it when he pops out of the presents in revealing clothes!"
"Yeah well, it was, um...an honest mistake..." said Pichu. "But I'm sure he has some kind of awesome, non-Deus Ex Machina plan! Right?"
"Well, you stay here and distract the Samuses." said Yoshi. "I'm gonna take care of Bowser, and these damn holes in time!"
"Distract? How are we supposed to distract?" asked Pichu incredulously.
"Not getting killed!" said Yoshi, running off. "Behind you!" Arm Cannon shots peppered the ground behind Pichu.
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Yoshi ran back to the clearing, to Jigglypuff and Mewtwo.
"Jigs, do you want to help us now?" asked Yoshi kindly. "I need you to do something!"
"Yay!" cried Jigglypuff. "I feel special!"
"Could you run out there, and get Bowser to make several attempts on your life?" asked Yoshi. "I want you to get him near Mewtwo. It'll be really dangerous, and I'm thinking my plan for Mewtwo as hard as I can."
"Um, okay!" smiled Jigglypuff.
"Ah, it's such a relief that you're too stupid to care." grinned Yoshi appreciatively.
"Eh, it doesn't matter." said Jigglypuff dumbly.
"I know." said Yoshi.
"How come you're not making Pichu or Pikachu do it?" asked Jigglypuff. "Are you, liek, my boyfriend now or something?"
"No, it's because Pichu's a coward and Pikachu's skeptic." said Yoshi bitterly.
"Why is he skeptic?" asked Jigglypuff. "Does he know about us?"
"There's no us..."
"HUSH, MY DARLING!"
"Just go do it..."
"Fine!" sulked Jigglypuff, who walked towards Bowser, who was at the other side of the garden. "HEY! Big, mean, stupid, turtle! Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"
Bowser walked slowly towards Jigglypuff, baring his fangs.
"Yeah, that's more like it!" laughed Jigglypuff, who then noticed how close Bowser was getting. "Uh-oh. Okay, Yoshi, here he comes. Yoshi? I..I didn't mean it! I just wanted to say Hi!"
"Now Mewtwo!" called Yoshi, seeing that Bowser was in range.
"Done and done." said Mewtwo, using his telekinesis to lift the wafer-thin Mr. Game and Watch out of Bowser's shell.
"NO!" cried both Bowser and Mr. Game and Watch, whose cries were cut short as Mewtwo disabled both of them.
"Did you get him?" asked Yoshi.
"Yep. Mr. Game and Watch died from impact, and Bowser is unable to move, but can still talk. Heh, idiots." laughed Mewtwo.
"That's good!" smiled Yoshi. "Jigs, stay here. I'll be back soon."
"I still don't know what's happening!" cried Jigglypuff. "Good Bowser? Nice Bowser?"
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Link, Falco, Luigi, and Falcon were watching the Samuses from their window, clearly confused.
"That seems like a big fight..." said Falco, worried.
"Yeah. Looks like the Pokemon are doomed!" smiled Link. "I always knew this would happen!"
"You knew that the Pokemon would be killed by a group of cloned Samuses while we watched from Pichu's bedroom? Seriously?" asked Falcon. "You knew that was coming?
"It's SO obvious, duh!" said Link, shaking his head in disbelief.
"And the best-a part of it all is that we don't have to do anything!" smiled Luigi. "Others do the work, and we just-a sit here with that toybox-a with Link's Master Sword-a and Falco's Blaster in it!"
Link moved his head towards the toybox at uncharted speeds. "LET'S GO!"
"You know-a, one day, I'll learn not to say-a things like-a that out loud-a..." groaned Luigi.
"Look, some Horse Grass!" said Link, pointing at the questionable contents of Pichu's closet. "And a StarFox radio!"
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Yoshi had rejoined Pichu and Pikachu.
"Okay, I'll get the ones on the right, you get the ones on the left." decided Pichu.
"There's twice as many on my side!" complained Pikachu.
"I know, I can count." smiled Pichu.
"Wait...I just remembered something..." said Yoshi. A faint neighing issued from far away, getting louder.
"What is it?!" asked Pichu. "And what is that annoying neighing sound?"
Link, Falco, and Luigi burst onto the scene, Link riding Epona, Luigi in a LandMaster tank, and Falco in his Arwing. Epona trampled most of the Samuses on the left, and Link drew the Master Sword, slicing off Samus 10's head.
"Yeah! How'd you like THAT one?" yelled Link bravely.
Falco did a barrel roll, as Samus 2 tried to mount Epona. Link stabbed her through the stomach.
"Kill them!" called Link to his comrades.
Falco fired the Arwing's guns, blowing up Samuses 3 and 8.
"In your face Samus! And you too, other Samus!" yelled Falco.
"Calm-a down!" shouted Luigi.
"Shut up and drive that thing!" growled Falco. "GET SOME OF THE ACTION!" he cried, reading scripts from Cheesy Action Movie 4: Ah'm Back Baby.
Luigi drove the tank over Samuses 5, 12, and 13, while Falco aggressively shot Samuses 6, 9, and 11.
"I GOT PLENTY MORE RIGHT HERE!" shouted Falco, jumping out of the Arwing and landing on a Samus, killing her.
"They're all dead!" cheered Link. Just then, a voice piped up.
"Hey, you guys!" shouted Jigglypuff. "Why don't you pick on someone your own size!?"
"Is she going to be OK?" asked Pichu doubtfully. Link remounted Epona, and Falco jumped back into his Arwing, and the three followed Jigglypuff.
"I AM JIGGLYPUFF!" shouted Jigglypuff triumphantly.
"Eh, the timeline got fixed, I don't know." said Yoshi.
"Look, there's still a Samus left alive." pointed out Pichu.
"Ugh..." coughed Samus, as Pichu, Pikachu, and Yoshi ran up to her.
"What's your big idea?" asked Pichu. "For the last time, what do you want with Ness?"
"Ness's completion of his game will give him control of Smashville." said Samus, defeated. "No-one can defeat Adventure Quest Journey Pilgrimage 3..."
"What?!" asked Pikachu.
"Yeah, once Ness finishes, we will have our dark force infect him, leaving Kirby. Then we will raise an army of our Smashers, and gain control of the world." said Samus, her eyes glinting manaically.
"Okay, that's messed up." mused Pichu.
"It's our dream." said Samus. "To escape the Mansion..."
"Pfft, good luck!" laughed Pichu. "Now that you're down, all we need to do is get the evil away from Kirby! And my big brother Pikachu will be happy to help!"
"Oh, do you think so?" grinned Samus weakly. "I do think he will help...US! He's the most famous Pokemon...why should he stop there? Just look at that look in his eyes!"
Pichu and Yoshi turned to face Pikachu.
"Oh yeah, cause PIKACHU's evil..." chuckled Pichu sarcastically.
"No...she's right..." said Pikachu, coming to a realization. "Kirby and Ness both trust me enough..." He cleared his mind. "There...now they can take me..."
"Pikachu?!" asked Pichu. "What are you doing?"
Pikachu glared at the younger Pokemon. "If they want me, they can HAVE me."
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Enjoy, because next chapter is the last one! And it'll be long, to please people who like it longer. Like YOU, Razzkat. Grr.