The Institute

Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone from Supernatural nor do I profit in any way. I just write for the love of writing about the boys and hurting them on the odd occasion.

Warnings:

Rated for language, violence and torture.

NO Wincest or Slash involved in this or any of my stories.

Author's Note: This is not a supernatural story as such, though the demon may make an appearance later on.

Just one little other thing no agencies or agents were brainwashed, manipulated or tortured in anyway. :0)

CHAPTER 20 Breakdowns are such fun

Dean watched his brother sleeping; they were in another faceless generic motel. Sam asleep in the bed furtherest from the door; Dean perched on his like an eagle waiting and watching for a prey.

Bobby and Caleb had the adjoining room next door, the common door open a little giving the brothers and more importantly Sam some privacy. A stark white bandage covered the newest cut on his forearm, murmuring in his sleep Sam started to thrash about in bed as another nightmare assailed his dreams.

'Sam, Sammy come on dude wake up, it's only a dream.' Dean said almost automatic in his response. He felt numb, completely and utterly numb; he no longer felt the rage, the horror, the anxiety and desperation for Sammy, nothing. He moved mechanically, tending his brother's needs, quietly and with efficiency but he felt so detached from it all that he often wondered if he was the one who died after all and this is all some sort of penance for all of his sins.

'Dean?' Sam clung to his brother until his reality settled around him. But, it was only then that he felt the cold unresponsiveness now inhabiting Dean. 'You okay?'

'Fine, I'm fine Sammy.' Dean replied standing up he went over to the kitchen area and started to make a pot of coffee, anything to avoid close contact with Sam. He couldn't understand why he felt like this, but then again he couldn't understand Sam slicing his own arm in front of him.

'How you boys doing in here?' Bobby's gruff voice pulled both of the Winchester brothers out of their morbid private thoughts.

'Fine.' They said in unison.

'Uhhuh and I'm bloody Mary.' Bobby scoffed, 'Dean you makin' coffee?'

'Yeah.'

'Good, Caleb's gone on a food run.' Bobby said as he made his way over to Sam, 'so how's it going Sam? And before you say anything, there had better be another word than fine or okay come outta your mouth.'

'Tired,' Sam grinned wearily at the older hunter and only father figure he had now, 'worried bout Dean though.'

'What about Dean?' Bobby glanced over at the other brother and watched him intently for a few minutes.

'I dunno Bobby, he won't talk, he won't sleep, barely eating and here all I do is lie here and cry like a baby coz I had a bad dream.'

'Whoa now cut that out for a start ... why don't you and have a shower and I'll see what's up with that brother of yours.'

'Thanks Bobby.' Sam sighed as he slowly and carefully hauled himself out of the bed and limped over to the bathroom. Once he heard the water running Bobby went back to Dean a look of steely determination on his face.

'So what's up your nose today?'

'Huh?' Dean blinked and stared at Bobby confused, 'oh hey Bobby.'

'What is it Dean?' Bobby asked deciding not to add a sarcastic remark to the question when he saw the confusion clear in Dean's green eyes.

'I, I don't know Bobby, I don't feel anything anymore.' Dean sighed sitting down at the table.

'What the hell you talking about?' Bobby asked sitting opposite him refusing to let things drop.

'I am trying so fucking hard Bobby to keep it all together.' Dean admitted and then stopped himself horrified at what he was about to say. 'Listen can you stay with Sammy for a while.'

'Dean...'

'I'll be back; I just ... just gotta get outta here.' Dean said grabbing his leather coat and keys he bolted before Bobby could stop him. Looking up the older hunter stared at the look of hurt on Sam's face as he stood in the doorway.

'Dammit Sam how much?'

'Enough.' Sam said quietly, 'maybe I ...'

'Maybe you what?'

'Maybe I should just let them take me.' Sam said, 'then Dean wouldn't.'

'That's just plain crazy talk Sam Winchester and you know that.'

'He's tired of having such a screw up for a brother, and who can blame him?' Sam mused dropping down on the bed he sat holding his head in his hands hunched over. Bobby watched as Sam's thin shoulders shook with silent tears, silently he cursed unsure of what to do or say.

'Dean hates me doesn't he?' Sam muttered his voice thick with spent emotions.

'No, no he does not now get that dumb fool idea out of your head; he's just getting' some air that's all.'

'Bobby look at me I'm a freak, I try really hard but ...'

'But what Sam?' Bobby asked curiously.

'I am what they want me to be and I don't know how...'

'How to get back to where you were?' Bobby stared hard at the younger man, he had seen these boys struggle against the hardest odds anyone could wager but this time it was different. 'Sam, I'm here and you can talk to me about what happened.' Bobby offered startling himself.

'They did things to me Bobby things I haven't even told Dean about,' Sam started talking and couldn't stop. 'They knew everything about me, Dean, Dad even how Mom had died and the demons everything. They, they did more than just hurt me physically ... they put me in a chair with all of these straps and put my head in this thing so I was unable to move.' Sam heaved a deep breath and lost himself in the memory unable to stop himself, 'they, they showed me these pictures of Dad and Dean together, hunting, drinking, laughing doing all of these things together. They just kept replaying them over and over for hours I wasn't allowed to move, to speak or even to blink I just had to watch Dad and Dean together. This voice started telling me that this is what their life should have been like, that I had no right wanting to be part of it. They used tapes of Dad and Dean talking about me, I – I know it was all manipulation but fuck Bobby ... it would have been when I went to Stanford after Dad and I ...'

'Sam ...'

'Don't Bobby, it's all in the past ... but they kept playing it, I couldn't get their voices or their pictures out of my head. I guess I was in that chair for at least a day without a break ... then it was back into the physical stuff and testing.'

'I am so sorry Sam, things like that ... they aren't human they are the monsters not you not any of the kids still trapped there.'

'But that's just it Bobby, we are the monsters we're the ones not normal. It just took me too long to realise it, Dean is better off without me. I'm nothing but a burden Bobby, a broken down, burden. They even branded it into me Bobby, everytime I see it I know what I am.'

'Sam stop it right now,' Bobby said gruffly crouching down in front of Sam he gripped his shoulders and squeezed tightly forcing the younger hunter to look up and to meet his gaze. 'You are Sam Winchester, son of John and Mary and brother to Dean, you are intelligent, sensitive, insightful and one helluva researcher, you are not anything else do you hear me?'

'Bobby...'

'I said do you hear me?'

'Yessir.' Sam said the corners of his lips tugging up into a smile.

'Now we just gotta knock some sense into that blockhead of a brother of yours.'

'Who you calling a blockhead?' Dean sniped from the adjoining doorway, startled Sam and Bobby turned to stare at the door. Horrified Sam stared at Dean the colour draining from his face as he realised that Dean probably heard everything.

'Dean I ...'

'Can it Sam,' Dean said sounding indifferent, 'Bobby do you mind giving us some space, Caleb is in your room with the food.'

'You okay with this Sam?'

'Yeah thanks Bobby.' Sam answered without looking up.

'Dean?'

'We're good Bobby.' Dean nodded keeping his face carefully neutral.

'I'm leaving the door open any sounds of gunfire or breaking furniture I'm gonna haul both your asses over the hot coals you got it.' Bobby threatened before leaving the brothers alone.

'Dean I ...'

'Sam stop right there.' Dean snapped, internally hating the way he sounded but he had to get through to his brother somehow. 'Sit down we need to talk.'

'No Dean please listen to me...' Sam looked up his expressive eyes wet with fresh tears.

'Dammit Sam please let me get it out while I can.' Dean sighed feeling that numbness creep back into his body. He was just so tired.

Sam sat down on his bed and stared at the floor in front of him, unable to meet his brother's gaze. Dean shuddered visibly, he hated this beaten submissive version of Sam, this wasn't Sam, wasn't his brother. 'Sam I – I heard what you said to Bobby.'

'All of it?' Sam whispered hesitantly.

'Yeah I ah ran into Caleb before ... he made me go in with him I was about to come back in when ... I didn't want to disturb you.'

'Did Caleb hear it too?' Sam gasped his head shooting up to stare at Dean in horror.

'No, only me.' Dean said softly, 'Sammy what you heard ... me and Dad.'

'Dean no it's not ... I was the one who left you guys and ran away it was my fault.' Sam cried out desperately trying to take the blame before Dean started to.

'Listen to me Sam please, man this is so freaking ... look Sam those things that Dad said it was all in anger he didn't mean any of it, and usually it was when he was drunk.'

'But how ... you don't know what they ...'

'When I was working there, Summers showed me all of your ... they filmed everything.'

'Oh my God you saw and heard?' Sam paled even more and started to panic pushing himself off the bed and onto the floor he started to rock, pulling his knees up he rocked himself and kept shaking his head in disbelief his shame now complete.

'Sam, Sammy listen to me ... that shit they showed you and made you listen to was taken all out of context made it sound like we hated you and wanted you gone. It was not like that, I promise you Sam. Dad was an arse for forcing you to choose, he was sure you would stay and it backfired big time. He always regretted that Sammy, after you left he threw himself into hunting and drinking. I am so fucking sorry that they used that shit to hurt you ... Sam listen to me I don't hate you, I have never ever hated you and I never will. You're my brother dude, always.'

'Dean I – I ... why?' Sam asked hiccuping, he felt so wrung out he couldn't take much more.

'Dude we are so over this chick flick moment, I was an ass before we're going to get through this, like always.'

'How?'

'With pure unadulterated Winchester stubbornness and charm, well for me anyway for you college-boy, well everyone loves a nerd.'

'Oh so funny Dean.' Sam sniffed, 'I try Dean I really do try but when I see that – that thing they put on me.'

'We'll work it out Sam, you and me together but you have to promise me something.'

'What's that?'

'No more running off and playing slice and dice okay? If you have ... another meltdown talk to me, to Bobby, to Caleb hell stand there and scream but please never ever do that again.'

'I'll try.'

'Sammy!'

'Okay.' Sam gave Dean a weak smile and accepted his proffered hand to stand up. 'They're still hunting me Dean.'

'Not if we hunt them first.' Dean said with a mischievous grin forming on his face.

'Dean?'

'Come on dude before the old men eat all the food on us.'

'We heard that.' Caleb and Bobby called out in reply.

'Knew that you were.' Dean declared, 'Sam what is it what's wrong?'

'Dean?' Sam frowned and started to sway, 'head, my head.'

'Vision?'

'I – ah Dean!' Sam cried out as the vision assaulted him without mercy.

-----------

Grace sat by her sister's side and gently wiped the sweat from her brow, she tried to heal her from the beating but still too weak from her own healing she could do little but try to keep her comfortable.

'Hey sis.'

'Hey.' Grace smiled down at Sandy when she saw her sister's eyes open a little.

'Wow, Pop was mad wasn't he?' Sandy scoffed wincing with pain, 'shit this is insane. Gracey you have to get outta here before he kills you.'

'You mean again?' Grace smiled and helped her sister to sit up.

'What do you mean again?'

'I ah apparently died not so long ago,' Grace shrugged, 'can't keep a good girl down.'

'Grace, honestly what ... what do you think of what daddy is up to?'

'You mean with the institute?'

'Yeah, it's nothing like it used to be, he really was interested in studying them now...'

'Now he's training an army of zombie psychics.'

'Uhhuh, he killed Summers Gracey, he had him killed.' Sandy blurted out, 'he and I ...'

'I know Sandy I'm so sorry.' Grace said unable to look at her sister, 'that was my fault.'

'Why?'

'I encouraged daddy to use Summers with Sam.'

'Sam?'

'Dean's brother, subject twenty-two.' Grace sighed, 'he was so nice and he really wanted to help me.'

'Gracey you can't blame yourself; daddy used the serum on both of us.' Sandy said wincing again as she tried to find a comfortable position. 'if we ... we weren't under the serum then we would never have done any of those horrible things to Dean and his brother.'

'We're not on the serum now.' Grace said slowly.

'Yeah I know that's why we both feel crappy and why you're so slow in regaining strength.' Sandy stared at her sister, 'what is it?'

'What if we left?' Grace said just loud enough for Sandy to hear, knowing that even though Sandy lived away from the compound, their father would still have her house wired for sound so to speak.

'Leave?'

'Yeah leave and go for a walk.' Grace winked nodding at the door, 'come on sis it's a beautiful day.'

Walking outside the girls glanced around and then linked arms as they strolled down the footpath. 'Sandy we can leave.' Grace said softly not game to look at her sister's face, 'daddy doesn't need us anymore, for heaven's sake he nearly killed us this time.'

'I dunno Gracey he'll kill us if he finds us.'

'Sandy does daddy know about you?'

'Know what?' Sandy asked suspiciously.

'About your visions?'

'Hell no.' Sandy exploded, 'why you didn't tell him did you?'

'No, no I was just wondering why he gave you the serum if he thought that you didn't have any of mom's abilities like me.' Grace said thoughtfully, 'Sandy does that mean he can control anyone with that stuff whether they are psychic or not?'

'Okay we're so not going to panic.' Sandy said, 'okkies we have to do something.'

'What?' Grace said resigned, 'our father is the king of that place how are we going to stop him?'

'Not we but who,' Sandy grinned at Grace as her idea gained solidity.

'Who?'

'Two certain brothers, daddy wants so badly ... why not help them stop Dad and his serum?'

'Dean and Sam?' Grace asked incredulously.

'Yeppers, time to make the hunters prey again.' Sandy giggled, 'sides it might be fun pitting the Winchesters against dear old Dad and the institute.'

'You are evil Sandy, anyone ever tell you that?'

'Takes one to know one,' Sandy giggled again suddenly feeling a lot better.

TBC