Fix You
A/N: Wow... It's been a while. I can just say sorry for people reading this because real life got in the way with tests, tragedy and tiny bit of a block for me. However, I am on holidays again now, and therefore I will be typing until around 3 am in the morning (which will be fantastic). So sorry, and this WILL be done before Deathly Hallows.
And by the way, if anyone out there reading beta's, I've been reading over the past chapters and have realised that I do need a beta to go over them and all this new stuff. So, pop me up in a review if you would like to! It would be very much appreciated just to get a set of eyes looking for the mistakes that I just don't pick up.
And also, I have a few new oneshots, neither posted on siye because of the restrictions. One Thousand Times Over is morbid, confusing and rather bad ( I keep it as a reminder to myself of how bad things can actually be without focus), Rain is short, fluff/angst and a little better. Read if you want :D I'm in the process with one called Chocolate Body Paint which is kinda stupid and funny.
Chapter Eleven – It's Always Him
February 22nd, 2002
"So the game was good yesterday then?" Ginny asked Harry, sitting on his couch together, his arm loosely around her shoulder as she leant back against him lazily, both of their hair mussed slightly. The bright spring morning sun shone through the windows, a dull light filling the shadowless room.
"Yeah," Harry told her. "It was a really good game. Shame we didn't win, but Krum played really well. And me and Ron only had people chase us down and mob us for autographs twice."
"Is that better than normal?" Ginny asked him curiously.
"Much." He said plainly. "Have fun with Hermione?"
"Yes actually," Ginny confessed. "I thought I wouldn't because I would sit there wishing I was at the Quidditch, but it was good just to spend some time with Hermione. Between you, work and their wedding, both of us have been really busy. And besides," she giggled. "Me and Luna had to carry a drunk Hermione home. It was great though, she vomited on Phlegm's bag."
"Ouch," Harry winced, imagining the Veela's reaction. "Worth it?"
"Seeing her face," Ginny sighed contently. "So worth it." Harry laughed at her and ruffled her hair affectionately.
"And you got pictures?" He asked her playfully as she swatted his hand away.
"They're sitting in my flat, developing right now," She told him, grinning widely, snuggling up against his chest. Harry tightened his grip around her shoulders, leaning down and kissing the side of her face.
"Love you."
"You too," She grinned back at him. "So you and Ron did the whole blokey thing and watched the Quidditch without screaming like little girls?" He flushed slightly.
"Not really," Harry admitted to her, causing an eyeroll. "Ron lost his voice by then end of the game. It was good just to see Ron for a bit, you know. I hadn't really talked to him for weeks." He paused, looking thoughtful for a moment. "Not that Ron talked... More like yelled the entire game."
"I haven't spoken to him properly in ages too," Ginny mused. "You occupy all my time." He raised his eyebrows at her, forcing her to go on. "Oh, trust me, it's a good thing. But I haven't seen my parents for ages either. I hadn't seen them for almost a month before Ron and Hermione's rehearsal dinner thing the other night."
"Oh, that was funny," Harry reminisced, smiling at the thought of the Weasley parents a few nights before. "Especially when your mum started asking you about if you were bringing a date."
"Did you see Ron and Hermione's faces?" Ginny asked him. "They almost wet themselves when Mum started questioning you about whether your 'girlfriend' was going to be at the wedding and I'm standing on the other side of her, also trying not to laugh," She pulled a bit of fluff of his jeans. "Good thing the twins weren't there; they would have seen exactly what was going on."
"That would have been a bit of a pain to deal with."
"I know, right?" She said. "I mean, I just think that no-one knowing about us in the first place was quite a good effort."
Harry looked at her, confusion on his face. "No one but the entire school, Gin."
"No," She said, hitting his stomach lightly. "Family and Order wise I mean. I would have thought that since Mum has been trying to sell me off to you for so long, someone would have picked up on something going on."
"Lupin did," Harry told her, stretching his arms out behind him. "That Christmas during the war when you were working, Lupin started questioning me on you."
"Wow, and here I was thinking that everyone was stupid."
"I thought you told your parents when we started going out though," Harry told her. "Then they just forgot about it or something."
Ginny paused for a moment, looking up at him unabashed. "I was going to tell them... but then I didn't want to."
"Why not?" He shot her a questioning look and she just smiled up at him.
"Like that would have been a fun letter to write," She scoffed. "'Hi Mum and Dad, we won Quidditch, but Harry didn't play because he used some dark spell on Malfoy and got into a heap of trouble. I've been snogging him constantly instead of studying for my OWLs, I mean, who really cares about education that much anyway, apart from Hermione at least. Speaking of her, Ron and Hermione are that close to admitting that they like each other, I might lock them in a broom closet together, then me and Harry will be left in peace to snog. But anyway, how's Phlegm?' That would have gone down really well." Harry laughed at her, his green eyes twinkling at her through his glasses and he pulled his arm around her tighter, kissing the ruby crown of her head tenderly.
"You have a very good point Gin," He told her, taking her hand in head and putting his forehead against hers. "I think we have to tell them sometime though."
"Just not until after their wedding," Ginny told him. "I don't want the fuss." His eyebrows shot into the air.
"Ashamed of me or something, Weasley?"
"Only a little," She teased. "It's more that I don't want to steal their thunder. And there's also the whole 'told you so' factor." He grinned at her widely.
"Their thunder?" Harry asked her.
"The attention away from them," She explained, her brown eyes rolling back in her head.
"Yeah, Ron doesn't like that," Harry said mildly. "So we tell people stuff after the wedding? Or let them figure it out for themselves?"
"Fred and George are going to tell everyone, so yeah," Ginny mumbled. "We get out of it atleast."
"Point," Harry said, putting a hand through her hair briefly. "So what are we doing today?"
"I'm working this afternoon," She rolled her eyes. "So not too much."
"Do you really have to work?" Harry whinged. "Can't you just skive it off? If your family all find out after the wedding we have four days before your mum starts, well..."
"Imposing?" Ginny supplied, curling up into Harry's chest. "She'll have no weddings to plan so she'll try to move onto us. However, unfortunately, I really can't skip work. As you would know if you had a job." Harry groaned audibly.
"Honestly, Gin, leave us unemployed hobos alone!" She pinched his side at this.
"I would if you just got a job," She pointed out smartly. "You could get any job, anywhere. No-one actually likes working, so I don't see why you can't just choose one." He shook his head at her sadly.
"It's not that simple for me, Gin." He exhaled slowly during a brief pause. "I could just choose a job and leave it at that, but people just want to use me for my name; I hate it. You know that." He sighed this time. "I wish my life would be simple for once. I figured that after the war it would be, but it's not. It's not like I need the money anyway." His arm shook once around her, and he went on with rubbing circles onto her collarbone.
"Personally," Ginny told him quietly after a moment. "I love your name. You're definitely a Harry, not a Ray, Bert, Adam or Sean." She grinned up at him, leaning in to peck his lips lightly as he opened his mouth to retort. "And yes, I did know what you actually meant." He rolled his eyes at her. "But you have to be realistic, Harry, your life is never going to be simple, no one's ever is."
"I'm sure some people have simple lives," He told her, sighing deeply again.
"Trust me, they don't." Ginny stared up into his face plainly. "I see it every day healing, everyone has a story to tell. Everyone has their own problems and issues, everyone has something they don't like, and something that they enjoy. Nearly everyone has a job, and I'm sure that everyone hates their job sometimes. It's the truth, and pretty much everyone is some version of the same. Your problems are just a bit more, well, extreme."
"That's one way to put it," Harry told her, voice dripping in disdain. "It's like I just want to start fresh now that the war is over, but I also don't want to forget what happened."
"And how does that affect you working though?" She asked him patiently. "They don't have to be linked, Harry."
"For me they do," He told her defiantly, barely recognising the rant that followed as his own. "I mean, there are a few things that I would like to do, but I really can't. I don't want to be an Auror because I don't want to fight anymore, but I don't want to play Quidditch or something just as trivial that I will enjoy because then it will seem like I'm just... just throwing away everything that has happened to me. Like I'm just forgetting everything that happened before the end of last year. Because I can't Gin, and I suppose it would be lovely to, but I can't." He looked at her pleadingly.
"How can I just forget that the people I care about were killed? Not thinking about it isn't going to bring Sirius or Dumbledore or Cedric back," He looked at her, impassioned, green boring into brown openly. "I never knew my parents and that's never going to change now this is all over. I'm still going to be Harry Potter; Boy Who Lived and whatever other titles everyone throws at me. At first I thought it would stop once the war is over, but it didn't. So then I thought it would be better when we were back together, and it is about a million times better to be back with you, but it's still there... and it sucks." He finished weakly and looked down at her expectantly, as if he was somehow hoping she would solve all of his problems, pleading with her to somehow provide some simple solution to everything. She broke eye contact, placing her pale, freckled hand over his larger, worn one as he sat there, clearly lost at what to say..
"I... I don't know what to tell you, Harry," Ginny whispered to him after a moment, climbing onto and straddling his lap. He dropped his forehead onto her shoulder, black hair tickling her neck as he tried to seek some comfort from her warmth. "I wish I could spurt out solutions to anything that bugs you like it seems like you've been doing for me, but I can't." She ruffled the back of his hair gently.
"I... I don't expect you to," He told her gently, not looking up. "I just... needed to tell you I guess."
"Another thing that you are doing a lot of," Ginny mused to him, rubbing the back of his head. "It's okay. I... I love you and I'm here to listen, and despite how corny it sounds, I'm here for you, to help you." She put her hands on his chest, and nodding his head off her shoulder, she kissed him swiftly. He grinned crookedly as she pulled away, clearly not fully distracted from his plight.
"You're wonderful, you know that?" He told her.
"I believe it from you," She told him, smiling into his mouth.
"You should."
February 24th, 2002
"They're so sickening," Ginny whispered conspiringly to Harry as they sat side by side at the packed Burrow dinner table.
"Who?" Harry choked quietly through a mouthful of treacle tart.
"My brother," Ginny scowled quietly, looking around the table. Harry followed suit, also glancing around the table wondering to himself how everyone fitted. Harry was sitting near the door between Ginny and Lupin. A purple haired Tonks sat next to him, the two chatting animatedly with Bill's about the latest development between the Ministry and Gringotts while Fleur sat on Bill's other side, their son Robbie sitting next to her patiently as Fleur cut up his steak and kidney pudding for him. Mrs Weasley sat on his other side, quite content to coddle her grandchild. Fred and George sat between their parents, teasing Ron across the table as Hermione held his hand soothingly while chatting with her mother as her father and Mr Weasley discussed hot air balloons. Ginny elbowed Ron in the side who then passed the potatoes down
"Which brother?" Harry asked jokingly. "The red-headed one?" It was two days until Ron and Hermione's wedding, and they had all gathered at the Burrow for a celebratory dinner of sorts before the wedding. As per Weasley dinners went, it had turned chaotic. The twins had let off a firework in the kitchen an hour before, exploding Mrs Weasley's soup, much to Robbie's delight. Somehow, in all the ruckus of Fleur complaining, Mrs Weasley yelling and Tonks snickering loudly, Harry had somehow got 'stuck' sitting next to Ginny, something that Ron, Hermione and the twins were quick to notice but seemed to ignore.
"Oh, stop being such an irritating twat, Harry," Ginny growled at him aggressively under her voice. She narrowed her eyes at him and glared. "I really-" Her voice lightened and lost the sudden intensity she had just picked up. "It's okay, George has looked away again."
Harry smirked down at his potatoes, glancing up at the twin who had indeed just launched himself into an insult of his little brother. "So which brother is sickening?" He glanced and Bill. Mrs Weasley was playing with her grandson so Fleur had resumed her favourite hobby in feeding her husband, but Hermione was also leaning heavily on Ron.
"The one sitting next to me," She mumbled, sipping on her elderflower wine.
"Slightly revolting indeed," Harry agreed, trying to hide a grin, side glancing at his two best friends who were basically sitting on each other. Lupin looked at him briefly, smiling at him in a way that Harry hated.
"And I bet they don't even know that I'm sitting here complaining that they are all over each other at dinner in front of their parents," Ginny moaned quietly. Ron buttered Hermione's roll for her and she smiled and rested her head on his shoulder. "Right, that's it, no more food for me." She pushed her plate away from her, fiddling with her pudding with her potatoes.
"So Harry," Lupin smiled benignly, raising his eyebrows and nodding towards Ginny slightly, whose ears turned slightly red and turned to start a conversation over the table with Bill. "How's... things?"
"Shut up," Harry glared at him, though not thoroughly embarrassed as Lupin looked from him to Ginny repetedly, the smile on the werewolf's face. Lupin smiled wider. "I don't want to talk about me at the moment. How are you? What have you been up to?"
"Well, working at the Ministry now," He told her. "That's going well."
"That's good then," Harry said, nodding and smiling at Lupin.
"Have you finished writing your Best Man speech?" Tonks asked Harry over her boyfriend. Harry snorted.
"Writing it?" He asked, amusement on his face. Both Lupin and Tonks looked shocked at this. "I'm not writing it down," Harry told them, "but I know what I'm going to say at least."
"Is it going to be cute?" She asked him, smiling wickedly. "Entertaining? Going to make us all gush?" Harry rose one of his eyebrows at her.
"Well," he deliberated for a moment, "it'll make you laugh at least."
"Good kid," Tonks smiled widely.
"What about you?" Lupin asked him after he wolfed down the rest of potatoes and pulled a piece of treacle tart desert towards him. "Are you ever going to get a job, Harry?"
"I thought I just said just before that I don't want to talk about me," Harry said exasperatedly. It was one of those moments where the whole room just went quiet as Harry said something, and all of a sudden everyone's attention was on him. He reddened slightly as he felt the eyes burning into him. "I... I just don't want to."
"But it's so much fun talking about you," George drawled.
"It's enjoyable for everyone," his twin continued. "Especially when it turns to your unemployment."
"The newspapers love it," Tonks pointed out. Harry scowled at her. He felt Ginny move slightly next to him.
"They're bordering stalkerish," Ron told him. "Kind of crazy actually."
"I just think that it's cool that you have your own column," Bill laughed. "It's like you going to buy milk is news or something."
"I zink eet eez disturbing," Fleur said huffily. "Zat everyone knows everyzing you do."
"I completely agree with you Fleur," Mrs Weasley said heartily. "I think that they should just leave you alone. They follow everything you and what everyone around you does constantly." Ginny shifted awkwardly again.
"Me and George like to keep tabs on the self-assured twat," Fred said, smiling widely. "We pull the article out of the paper every week."
"We hang them up in the bathroom at the shop," George added. "I particularly liked the one about your new jumper, Harry." This time, Ginny almost shuddered; Harry silently wondering what was going on as he felt her moving next to him. He pressed his leg against her bare one, but she shied away at his touch. She stared down into her plate, a horrible thought trickling up through her head, then spreading through her veins to her heart.
Harry lived a marked life. First it had been by Voldemort, but now it was by the world that he had saved. Everyone loved him; everyone looked out for him and wanted to protect him. Heroes were an endangered species in the wizarding world. And no-one would like their Man Who Conquered to be stuck down with some gold digging village broomstick. They would spread the nastiest things about her possible, she realised with a jolt, the most horrid part about it being that they would be true.
What would Bill think? Would Ron assume that she had just become some little whore for his best friend? Her mum had always told her to be who she wanted, not who she was told to be. Would her parents now think that the only thing she wanted was to be some subserving scarlet woman? She sat silent for the rest of dinner. She knew there was only one thing to do; the one that she had wanted to do for ages, but only recently turned to baulk at the thought of. Being with him had often led to pain, but this time it would be so much worse because she knew what she was sacrificing for her reputation. She had to stay as far away from Harry as possible.
Harry apparated into the dark cluttered flat that he knew to be Ginny's. He walked through the tiny kitchenette, past the door that revealed Ginny's bedroom with clothes scattered across the floor haphazardly. Toeing past the large fern pot plant; vivid emerald leaves overflowing and luminescent crimson and shocking violet spilling out, and he walked into the dim little lounge area. An overladen bookshelf sat in the corner next to a stuffy armchair, the final glowing embers of a fire lingering in the fireplace.
"Ginny?" Harry called through the darkness. Arnold the Pygmy Puff was spinning in his squeaky silver exercise wheel on the oak mantle, stopping to look at Harry for a moment before continuing. A subdued sniffle led Harry through the mess, hopping over healers robes to the couch facing the fire, where he found Ginny, curled up like a cat, biting her lip and bravely fighting back tears, her red hair streaming all over her face wildly. "Gin."
"Oh, just sod off for a bit, Harry," She rolled her glazing eyes at him. He sighed deeply, and then threw himself down in the couch next to her.
"Not likely," he told her, putting his hand on hers. This time she didn't shy away. "Now what's wrong? I came as quick as I could." She groaned and sat up, facing his concerned face. She had not talked to anyone all through dinner, and had escaped from the Burrow almost immediately after they had finished eating, not helping her mother with the dishes or even sparing a word for him. After significant glances with Ron and Hermione, Harry had managed to escape as well, chasing her down to where he knew she would be, all the while wondering what was going on.
"Why do you always catch me crying then make me talk about things?"
"No idea," Harry shot back promptly, rubbing circles on his hand with her thumb. "It's okay... You're cute when you cry." He smiled at her warmly as she scowled.
"Well, I hate it," She said, wiping under her eyes with the back of her hand. "I used to be able to control my feelings, but now... I can't," she finished lamely. "It's like I'm little Miss 'Cry for the sake of it' these days." He shrugged his shoulders.
"Everyone goes through phases like that," Harry pointed out. "Don't worry. I managed to do 'angry' for a whole year." She smiled weakly at him.
"I'll see your year length angry and raise you 'slut' for four," She said sourly.
"No, you managed hurt and spiteful for four," He told her firmly, seeing the self hate etched on her face. "You're not a slut." He ruffled her hair affectionately, earning a slap on his wrist.
"I... I think we have to break up," she told him after a painful moment of deliberation. Harry, who had been sitting up and watching her intently, fell back into the couch, letting go of her hand and releasing a grunting moan somewhere between frustration and disbelief.
"Just tell me what's it about this time, Ginny," He said hollowly, sounding mildly annoyed and now watching her with limited patience.
"What do you mean, 'what's it about this time'?" She demanded, arcing up at him a bit.
"I mean, what's it about this time?" He shot back honestly, looking at her. "After everything that we've been through, you can't just want to break up now. You're the one who said the other week that you couldn't stand it if we did break up. We've been through too much, but it feels like we're having the same conversations over and over and just fighting for the sake of it now." He stared at her plainly for a moment. "Merlin Gin, no-one even knows that we're together yet."
"And that's what this is about this time," she told him wearily. "They can't find out. No-one can."
"Oh," Harry said, thinking back to the conversation back at the Burrow. "You don't want to deal with all the papers, and the jealous girls, and those things that will come with being Harry Potter's girlfriend, right?" A slightly hurt yet understanding look fell across his face.
"I can deal with that," Ginny reassured him. "I just can't deal with what's going to come with that, what they are going to say." He just stared at her for a moment, clearly confused again. It came to the same thing, didn't it?
"Err," he began, but she cut him off straight away.
"C'mon, Harry," she said critically. "You don't honestly thing that all this stuff about me won't come out?"
"I can deal with that," he echoed her earlier words. "I don't care what other people are going to say or think; they're just newspapers. They don't matter to me."
"They matter to my mum though," she told him darkly. "My dad's going to care when people go around saying 'Oh, Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter's whorish girlfriend'. I can't deal with what my family would thing if that sort of thing got published."
"Oh," was all Harry could say, looking rather crestfallen. Ginny bit her lip and continued painfully as Harry opened his mouth to retort.
"When people come out saying 'Well, I've slept with Harry Potter's wife, top that,' you're going to start caring too," she seized his hand and met his eyes earnestly. "And we could just shove it off and deny it, but things are going to start matching up then, and people will start making sense of it. My family already look at me as if I'm a baby, and I wouldn't be able to deal if they started seeing me as a little slut as well."
She had been starting at him the whole time, and he hadn't looked away until now. He stood up so abruptly she flinched. He faced away from her, staring into the fireplace for a moment before spinning on the spot and rocking back and forwards slightly on the balls of his feet.
"We could deny it all," Harry said slowly, looking at Ginny's bare feet. "We could just say that the newspapers are doing there usual thing and scavenging a story. We could just worry about us and not what anyone else thinks. And your family," He paused for a moment and met Ginny's hopeless eyes, "we could just twist what the vultures would be saying. We could deny what the papers and everyone says."
"People would still believe it though," Ginny said, running her hands through her dishevelled hair. "It doesn't change the fact that people will know."
"And so what?" Harry asked her. "So what? The truth is only what people believe. The stupid papers have been talking rubbish about me for years, and this can just be added to the pile. No-one need know if there is truth behind the words." He tugged on her arm and drew her into a tight hug.
"Well, aren't you reassuring," she said sarcastically into his neck.
"That I am," Harry teased, tucking a wayward strand of red hair behind his girlfriends ear preciously. "Is it just me or are we just having the same conversations over and over again?"
"Yeah," Ginny sighed, her head on his shoulder. She blew onto his neck, raising little goose bumps just below his ear. "Well, you need to stop being right." She pulled away from him gently and fell backwards onto the couch.
"You need to stop worrying," Harry retorted, smiling at her before plopping down next to her. "It's you and me against the world Gin." She smiled at her feet, but also scoffed in disbelief.
"You, me, Hermione and my family against the world," She rolled her eyes at him. He looked at her in shock for a moment before remembering what they had talked about weeks ago. Constant reassurance.
"We can just ignore them," he pointed out after a moment as Ginny's head came up off his shoulder and stared at him. "What they think honestly doesn't matter. And besides," he added as if it were an afterthought. "They're going to listen to what either of us say over what Rita Skeeter or someone does." He smiled at her, a smile urging her happiness on.
"They'll listen to you," Ginny said sourly, "but not me. They love you."
He looked at her dumbfounded for a moment.
"Err, they're your family though."
She sat in quiet for a moment, Harry looking down on her through questioning eyes. She looked determinedly down for a moment, not looking to meet his eyes.
"They don't listen to me though," she said quietly, looking at her feet still, feeling like she wouldn't be able to say what she thought she should if she looked up at him. "I'm just little baby Ginny who does what she's told and nothing else, because if I ever do anything wrong, I get told off and have to be looked after and talked down to in that condescending tone that is like, genetic in my family or something."
"What?" Harry asked quietly dumbfounded. She shook her head quickly.
"Don't worry about it," She said quickly.
"I will worry about it," Harry told her gently. "What's wrong?" He looked at her earnestly, easing on an answer from her.
"I don't know really," Ginny sighed, running her hands through her hair exasperatedly. "I really don't. I'm probably just being all melodramatic and making a big deal out of something that doesn't really matter."
"Ginny," he sighed, placing his large, slightly calloused, warm hand over her smaller, smooth one. "If it matters to you even slightly, it matters to me."
"It's just..." She trailed off quietly and squeezed his thumb. "It's like I'm not allowed to be me, to be a person, I'm just another Weasley and another offshoot of the whole red-headed clan of people. I hate it, yet it's who I am at the same time, and I can't fight it." He squeezed her hand.
Harry opened his mouth to say something, something which she knew would be reassuring and somehow charming also, but she cut him off before he got the chance.
"I know you would... well, have killed for that," she muttered to him. "It's just sometimes I just despise that I'm always going to be another Weasley, and that I have to follow everything set down by my brothers because that's the way it is." Harry put his hand in her hair and stroked her scalp softly for a moment. She chuckled slightly as he stopped and looked up at him with raised eyebrows.
"I'm not a cat," Ginny told him. "Am I meant to start purring now or something?"
"I suppose not," he sighed sneakily. They sat in a comfortable silence for a moment before she turned to Harry, who was looking at her inquisitorially, silently telling her to say what she wanted to.
"You know," Ginny said, pausing. "I used to think that you liked me just so I could give you an in to my family." She looked at him pityingly.
"Well, I don't," Harry told her quickly, eyes widening in shock. "Don't think that. I love you because you're smart, funny, opinionated, beautiful, because you can put me in-" She silenced him with a smile and a shake of her head.
"I don't think that anymore," she informed him. "It was only fleeting anyway. But after that went, I thought that maybe I liked you because you gave me an in to my family. It's like I said before; they love you, they listen to you."
"And they love and listen to you too," Harry told her forcefully. She shook her head sadly.
"Yeah, they love me, but they don't listen to me. Not really." She put her head on his shoulder, and he put his head on top of hers, stretching the arm that wasn't holding her hand around her waist and pinching her side softly. "It's like they hear me, they see me, but don't pay no real attention. I'm a sister at their convenience, when it suits them, you know?"
Harry looked at the top of his girlfriends head in shock. He had never really observed the tensions in the Weasley family, despite the years that he and Hermione had spent with the red-heads. Obviously they all weren't too fond of Percy these days, Mrs Weasley always yelled at the twins, and Ginny still wasn't overly fond of Fleur, but Harry had never really paid too much attention to the sort of thing Ginny was on about. He was sure she wouldn't be rabbiting on about nothing, but he couldn't really see where this was coming from. But just because he couldn't see it didn't mean it wasn't there.
"Gin?" Harry asked softly, sounding slightly cautious. "To tell you the honest truth, I don't know. What I do know though is that you wouldn't say anything unless it was bothering you, and just because I don't see it doesn't mean it's unimportant." She smiled slightly up at him. "You can tell me and I can try to understand."
"It's okay..." she trailed off. "It's like I said before, chances are I'm making a big deal out of something that isn't."
"If it matters, it matters."
"Well... think back to like... oh, my fifth year," Ginny told him. "And I was going out with Dean?"
"Yeah," Harry said so sourly she grinned.
"Well, the twins only knew or cared that I was going out with him because together them and Ron decided that they did," Ginny explained. "The twins didn't mind when I was going out with Michael."
"They actually knew?" Harry asked, mildly taken aback.
"Yeah," she smirked. "And they didn't even mind at all. But then I started going out with Dean, and all of a sudden, a whole bunch of brothers start harassing me about it. It's like they just randomly decided to care."
"Ron always cared," Harry pointed out quietly. Ginny snorted.
"Don't get me started on Ron. Ron cared that they weren't you," She told him plainly. "I kiss my boyfriend in an abandoned corridor, I'm the biggest scarlet woman the world has ever seen, but you snog me in front of the entire house and it's okay."
"Point," he conceded, smiling slightly, she shot him a glare that clearly was telling him to be serious.
"And Ron, he actually knew all about us fighting for the past Merlin knows how long," Ginny pointed out. "He didn't know why, just that you were a prick to me, but he sides with you automatically."
"Only because-" Harry begun, but Ginny cut him off.
"We've talked about this a billion and one times," she rolled her eyes. "Let's not start again now. I'm sorry, you're sorry, we've moved on. Ron thought you were doing the right thing."
"And Hermione thought you were doing the right thing," Harry said gently. "Even if she didn't admit it. But I'm not holding it against her."
"But Ron's my brother," Ginny told him simply. "He's supposed to care if some boy breaks my heart. It's his job, but because it's you, you were exempt. Same with the twins when they found out all about this. No-one cares because it's you." Harry rolled his eyes.
"Story of my life, Gin," He mumbled quietly. She squeezed his thumb again. "I'm sorry."
"I know, and it's not your fault," she sympathised. "But you're a right thing to do, so they don't care. They only care when I've made a mistake of some sorts... They care when there is a problem, but that's it."
"I still don't agree," Harry said gently.
"You see what I'm getting at though?" Ginny asked him. "They only care when it suits them. To my parents and Bill and Charlie, I'm the little baby and what I say is taken with a grain of floo powder. My opinions and thoughts are only important when they decide they are. And so often, what's happening with me goes unnoticed for ages. Just look at the past couple of years," she added sourly. "Sometimes, it's just like no-one but you and Hermione care. My healer friends... well, I don't tell them much, and the old Hogwarts crowd just figure it isn't any of their business, and rightfully so. The only person I would actually bother with this sort of stuff is Luna, and while I love her dearly, there's only so much that even I can take of it being related to Crumple Horned Snorkacks." Harry snorted. Ginny slapped his knee before leaning against his chest heavily.
"I don't know anymore," She went on quietly after a moment. "I have no idea where this all came from, or if it's just me being paranoid, or I'm overanalysing what's going on." They sat in silence for a moment before a stray though crossed Harry's mind. It had been so long... But apparently the problems were still there.
"I do," Harry said quietly. Ginny looked up to him with subdued curiosity. "It's because the people who should have noticed when you were at your worst didn't. They didn't care about how you were doing until after it was almost too late; until they were told about what you were dealing with. They only noticed when they had to." He stood up abruptly and stumbled over to the door. He stood as a silhouette; facing away from her and trembling so bad after a moment he had to grip to the door frame to hold himself steady. His head drooped down towards his chest.
"Harry?" Ginny asked quietly from where she was sitting on the couch. He let go of the door frame, spinning on the spot slowly yet forcefully to face her.
"It's always him, isn't it?" He spat, his voice riddled with anger, frustration and detached misery. It wasn't aimed at her, more aimed at everything in the universe instead. His face was screwed up in a grimace, hands balled up into defeated fists. "And it's always going to be him." Ginny stood up and took a few futile steps towards him, but didn't get too close; he was angrier than she had ever seen him, even during his fifth year.
"All the problems we all ever have are somehow going to be his fault," Harry went on in hopeless defiance. "Voldemort. It all traces back to him."
"C'mon Harry, sit down," Ginny stuttered feebly. He ignored this.
"I sacrificed so much in my life to get rid of him," Harry said in a powerful whisper. "I've lost so much, I've done so many things just to try and stop him, but it means nothing."
"It means a hell of a lot, Harry," she told him forcefully, but he was somehow filling the empty room; she had all the space but none at the same time.
"I lost my parents," he said, more to himself than her. "Sirius, Dumbledore. My childhood. Any chance I had of being normal. And through me, Ron and Hermione have suffered too." He now looked her straight in the eye. "I hurt you because of him, Gin, and I regret that more than you could ever know. He wrecks so many lives."
"He killed a lot of people," Ginny agreed quietly. "But that's in the past, Harry. You've got to move on or you'll drive yourself insane." He shook his head sadly, his messy hair glinting in the moonlight.
"I'm not just talking about people he killed when I say he wrecked people's lives," he breathed in shallowly. "All of us who have made it through still have to deal with what he did. It wasn't bloody Greyback who wrecked Lupin's life, it was Voldemort when he took away the only people who accepted him for who he was, not what he was. The Diggory's and Cho Chang. Are they meant to stop missing Cedric, stop grieving for him now the war is over?" Harry's head rolled back on his shoulders, and he looked up at the ceiling, somehow trying to draw comfort from it.
"Your mum's brothers aren't going to suddenly come back from the dead, and even Draco Malfoy got caught up in the middle of it all because of the decisions made by his father before he was born." His breath was catching in his throat as he ranted. "Susan Bones is still going to have to explain to her kids why they have no family on her side. And then there's all those people I don't know who lost someone they loved dearly, or kids who are like me and Neville and will grow up without parents; those whose lives were torn apart by Voldemort still have to wake up in the morning and deal with what he did." Silence stifled the room for a brief, stretching moment.
"Harry," Ginny said with sad calmness, walking over to him steadily and grasping his hand tightly, holding it against her chest. He looked at her sharply, green eyes so pleading behind his glasses. "Please."
"You," Harry went on quietly, voice cracking slightly, breathing shallowly still. "I tried to keep you away from it. But you were already involved. He possessed you.." he rolled his eyes, searching for the number, "ten odd years ago, and something that is bothering you now can still be traced back to him." He sighed. "I love you, and you don't deserve the memories of some sadistic creep's diary hanging around to haunt you. You deserve to be happy. All those people who aren't happy because of what has been left by this stupid war deserve to be happy." They stood there silently, Harry's breathing eventually returning to a steady and even pace.
"Harry," Ginny told him patiently, staring him straight in the eye, almost as if she were looking straight through him. "Listen to me."
"I am. I always am," he pleaded her, and much like the other day, he was begging for definite answers that she couldn't give.
"I am happy," she told him, "believe it or not, I am. The thing is, sometimes we draw the short straw and have to go through things we'd rather not." She tugged him back to the couch, and he sunk into it, head in his hands but watching her unblinkingly. Ginny perched herself precociously next to him. "But the thing is, I don't regret the whole possession thing because I know that I'm a stronger person for it. We become who we are through our struggles, and while they absolutely suck, things become okay in the end. It's what I believe anyway."
"You're right," he told her, smiling weakly.
"Can I give you some advice?" She asked him, but was going to give an answer irregardless. "Can I tell you how to make things better?"
"Please do," he pleaded softly.
"It's quite simple. You just have to understand that you can't fix everything." She told him rather anticlimactically, and he looked at her slightly shocked. "You can't make these people who have been through what they have get normal lives again, you can't bring people back from the dead, and you can't make everything how it was." She smiled a small smile, reinstalling some hope in him. "What you can do is help."
"H- how?" Harry asked awkwardly, his eyebrows raised and gripping her hand for strength.
"I don't know," She told him with a triumphant grin. "You work it out. You don't have or need a job, so you have plenty of time on your hands, and I don't know what you would want, anyway." She kissed his temple gently.
"Do something that will make you feel like you are helping people, like you are making their lives just that little bit better. Make them not have to go through everything you did." She squeezed his hand. "Make life just that little bit easier for them to cope with."
"But... what if it doesn't?" Harry asked her imploringly. "What if not everyone becomes okay with everything?"
"If you help one person, it'll all be worth it."
He smiled at her, and the gaping hole in him that the war had left in him... well, it wasn't fixed, but it did feel, as Ginny had said just a little bit easier to cope with. As she kissed him, only one thing was running through his mind: they'd be okay as long as they stuck together.
A/N: Well, I hope it was worth the wait, and that the length helps with that... And that's it for the angsty side of this. There are only two chapters to go, the wedding (which I anticipate to be very long, but should be written rather quickly), and an epilogue (or maybe even two). Reviewers are loved! As usual, I won't be responding (it takes away from the time when we both would prefer me to be writing), but I think I will be for the final chapter!