Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters just this lunatic plot.

A/N: Yes! This is a record updating time for me. But still it was relatively long, so sorry, here is chapter two!

Dresses and Geraniums

Esme slides into the back seat with me as Rose and Alice get in front.

Alice is absolutely ecstatic, "Bella! I can't believe you actually want to go shopping! If this gets you excited to go maybe Jasper and I should have a reception soon too..."

My mouth goes dry in fear, another one right after this? Another whole set of plans and dresses and frantic late nights deciding napkin colors right after this? I don't think I could physically handle that.

But of course I leave that fact out when I answer Alice. "If you guys want to avoid unwanted attention I'd wait until you're out of high school before you get 'married'."

She sighs, visibly disappointed, "Good point, I suppose you're right. But after we graduate...can you imagine the possibilities? So Rose, with this Victorian theme, which style are you thinking of? More of a cinched waist, can't breathe, twelve petticoat, sexual repression sort of style or a whorehouse style?"

Rose seems thrilled that Alice understands what she's talking about at all.

After that conversation we had a while ago about the difference in a vintage sweater and just an old sweater, where I clearly didn't see a difference, she deemed me hopeless. "I was thinking whorehouse, I do want you all to be comfortable, somewhat, while looking outstanding."

I turn in confusion to Esme who's leaning against her headrest surveying the two in front with interest. She tilts her head towards me, "You know if you listen to them go about shopping it starts to sound like some sort of war plan. A coveted item to be found, the ground plan to get that item and the use of any means necessary to get that item or else."

I grin as I think about that, it really is true. Especially when shopping with Alice and Rosalie. I hope for the sake of all brides out there that Rose never gets into one of those classic arguments over a wedding dress.

That girl would have no chance.

Pushing the image of Rose "accidentally" hitting a girl with a clothing rack out of my mind, I remember the concerning topic of our clothing at the reception.

I know I may not be the most fashion forward person, I could most likely be considered fashion backwards; but I'm pretty sure a whorehouse style isn't really wedding celebration attire.

Maybe that's just me. "Esme, is this whorehouse style considered formal wear?"

She looks at me, her eyebrows furrowed then her face clears and she starts to giggle at me. "Bella, by whorehouse they mean risqué clothing in that time period. The corsets were looser, with the dresses cut lower to see the corset and they were made of breezier fabrics with say only one petticoat underneath."

"Oh, well that helps." Here I was picturing the Cullen men all in frock coats and top hats with Rose in a beautiful wedding dress and Alice, Esme and I in skimpy black lace numbers.

Esme continues smiling at me shaking her head in amusement, "So how did the bake sale go for you two? Rose said she was going to have you teach her to cook."

Rose meets my eyes in the rear view mirror and I shrug with a brief wince to her, "It went pretty well."

Alice rolls her eyes smirking impishly, "The kitchen was nearly burnt down."

Esme's eyes widen and she pinches the bridge of her nose taking a deep breathe in and out.

Rose sends Alice an exasperated glare, "The key word is nearly, the kitchen was nearly burnt down, but it wasn't. And don't worry; I've decided to take a break from learning to cook for a while."

Esme regains her composure and leans her back on the head rest again, "So where exactly are we going to find purple whorehouse dresses in Forks?"

Alice gives her a pitying glance, "Honestly, Forks? We would never find anything suitable for this in Forks. We're going to the masters."

I'm suddenly starting to regret wanting to go shopping. This is sounding too close to a battle plan for comfort and now we're heading to our training camp. Esme squeezes my hand reassuringly, "I'm sure when we're done here Edward will cheer you up."

My face flushes deeply. Do they all find it necessary to mock either the lack of our physical relationship or the minimally existing one?

Plus I'm still not entire pleased with Edward. "I'm not sure if I'll let him."

Esme wiggles her eyebrows up and down, "If you do want revenge on him that would be it. The poor boy can't keep away from you."

I hide my smile and turn to look out the window. I realize I have no clue where we're going and attempt to read a sign to figure out our current location.

Of course I can't actually read anything at the speed we're driving at. Rose makes a sharp turn and then abruptly parks outside a store. I climb out and look at the store in awe.

It's a thrift store that seems to have anything you could ever want to wear inside. Esme pulls me along and I see there are two more floors, all of them jammed with various sorts of items. We could be here a long time.

Alice immediately finds the Victorian styled dresses and within moments the corsets are located as well. An ominously growing pile of clothing appears stacked in her arms out of nowhere and she's shoving me into a dressing room.

"So, we've got to pick the corset first, it's going to be similar to the one you wore for prom, probably a little tighter." She shoves Esme in with me, and hands her a pile as well. "These ones are for you. Try them on, you'll need each others help obviously."

With that she disappears closing the door on her way out. I exchange a look with Esme and then we both start sifting through our piles. All of the corsets are pale colors and have decorative touches across the top.

I'm guessing that's the visible part. I pick out my favorite one, it's a creamy ribboned one and Esme holds up her pick, an ivory beaded one.

I slip out of my clothes and try on the corset. This has the feel of a straight jacket to it. Esme tightens the laces and keeps pulling them tighter still. My breathing is shallower than normal and I probably can't move my spine but otherwise I'm completely fine.

Who needs to breathe anyways, right? Well, then again the Cullen's don't need to breathe.

Just another reason for changing me, I could wear a corset and only have the effects of a paralyzed spinal cord and wouldn't have to worry about such a trivial thing as breathing.

Esme steps back to look at the corset and nods enthusiastically, "Definitely the perfect corset for you." I look to the mirror. That's me?

Wow, I have an hourglass figure! I start turning around at odd angles to admire the corset, it really is beautiful then I remember she needs one as well.

I hand Esme the ivory one for her to put on, "Your turn now."

She slides into the corset and I carefully pull the laces together until Esme tells me to stop. And of course might I mention again it's not like breathing is the deciding factor for her. The light coloring looks stunning with her hair; I grin and yank the door open. "Oh, Alice!"

She appears in front of us immediately, a pearly, embroidered corset of her own already purchased. Alice squeals loudly, "Those look perfect! I've already got mine; I had the strangest feeling, a sixth sense almost, that it would fit me and look spectacular with the dresses. Here are some by the way." I giggle at her as she joins us in the dressing rooms with an abundance of whorehouse dresses.

They're all in varying shades of purple and are of slightly different styles. Moments later Rose traipses in too so she doesn't have to wait for us to come out to see the dresses.

We all spend the next four hours of our lives in this dressing room.

In this dressing room, not even the rest of the store. One would think that within four hours you could get all of our shopping needs done such as dresses, shoes, and accessories.

Apparently four hours is not enough time to even pick out one dress. One of the sales workers has been here at least once every half hour attempting to let someone use the room not realizing we were still here.

The last time it happened I feared for that woman's life, Rose was clutching a hanger much tighter than necessary.

I think even worse than being here is the fact that I have Gogol Bordello's "Start Wearing Purple" stuck in my head. Ever since I caught sight of that first dress my mind has been playing that song repeatedly.

Alice, Esme and I have tried on all the dresses again and again and still Rose is sitting there looking like she has no clue which ones to choose.

Finally I can't take it anymore and mention something that will hopefully get us out of here. "Rose don't you want to go look for your dress?"

She gives me an exasperated look, "Bella, there isn't enough time for that today." I shrug in apology and make a mental note to be sure I'm working on whatever day she wants to look for her dress.

Rose takes a final glance over her choices and then picks up three and hands them to us separately.

You have got to be kidding me; this dress is the first one I tried on. I give her a meek smile and decide I'm too exhausted to complain.

All of the dresses are the same general style. They're low cut, embroidered and basically they look like dresses whores would wear in the Victorian Era. The goal has been accomplished.

And true to Rose's purple wishes Alice's dress is a rich plumy shade, Esme's is deep lavender and mine is a dark violet.

Alice takes the dresses up to the register as we walk to the car. I see that sales worker give us a death glare as we go, that would most likely be due to the fact that we left about half the inventory for her to put back.

Alice hands me our purchases and I lay them across my lap as we drive back to Forks.

I'm going to be thinking twice about showing enthusiasm for shopping from now on. It's almost worse than showing none whatsoever, then at least you can mope miserably and complain. But if you ask to go, you can't go back on your word.

Well, maybe that's just me not wanting to admit to Edward that I shouldn't have said I wanted to go. The car ride back is spent discussing where we're going to go shoe shopping. I can only be glad that I'm spared from that today.

We pull up to their house and Rose and Alice take the dresses straight inside. Esme gives me a supportive smile, "Let's go inside. I'll get you some iced tea."

I grin back and we make our way to the kitchen. At this point I'm willing to forgive Edward. That is if he'll just lie on his couch with me and not mention anything at all about the tertiary color spectrum.

But as I sit down at the table I notice a tiny piece of paper and read it aloud, a frown coming across my face.

"I took them out to look at top hats. We'll be back soon, Carlisle."

Esme snickers as she hands me my iced tea. "All of them except Carlisle despise top hats; this is going to be an interesting experience."

I take a sip and imagine Carlisle picking up all sorts of top hats, absolutely thrilled while Edward, Jasper and Emmett glower in the corner.

As I drink my tea Esme stares intently around the room. She turns her eyes on me after a few moments, "Bella, what do you think would brighten this place up?"

I pause as she waits for my answer expectantly. Is this a trick question? "Well um, do you mean besides an entire side of your house being made of glass?"

She waves that aside, "I meant color wise. I'm in charge of flowers."

"Oh." But I fall silent since still have no clue.

I finish off my tea and Esme hops out of her chair. "Would you want to come and get some samples with me? I promise it'll take less than four hours." She winks at me on the last part.

A smile creeps onto my face; I can't find any reason not to go. Esme knows I don't have a high tolerance level for shopping and I like looking at flowers so why not?

Plus Edward isn't here so I have nothing else to do anyways.

I get up and tap my foot jokingly, "Come on then, slow poke." Esme laughs as she grabs a pair of keys on the way to the garage and heads over to Emmett's enormous jeep.

I stare at it worriedly, "How many samples are you planning on taking exactly."

She shoots me a disturbing smile and motions for me to get in. After some difficulty I clamber up and Esme gets me buckled in.

Esme is the only one of the Cullen's who actually humors me with the speed limit. At the most she'll go ten over but that's reasonable since everyone else does something close to that as well.

If Edward was only going sixty I can guarantee you he would be complaining the whole time.

When we were driving my truck once an elderly woman passed us and he was so frustrated he nearly got out of the truck and started running.

I managed to convince him that wasn't a good idea and he didn't do it, but he was close.

The door was open and he was halfway out as I was telling him the old woman would probably faint and end up crashing her car from seeing such an attractive young man jogging alongside her window.

Esme and I sit in companionable silence as we drive and eventually begin to play the license plate game. We miss the turn into the gardening store since we really got into the game and followed this one car whose license plate was always just out of view.

Once I was able to finally read it and shriek "New Mexico!" we were able to go back and park.

After unbuckling me from the harness we go into the store and navigate to the back section with the flowers everywhere. The sliding doors open and we step outside where there are tables full of flowers shoved into any possible space.

A heavy set man who just radiates an obnoxious aura walks up to us. He's wearing a shiny pin that states 'Owner' and has a mustache that clearly defies gravity. I wonder if it's real.

I resist the urge to reach out and tug it to see if it peels off this face. "Hello there, I'm the owner of this store." He points helpfully to his pin at this point, "If you need anything let me know."

Esme gives me a look then starts inspecting the rows weaving through and muttering to herself.

I follow her from a distance picking up random ones and sniffing them. Every time Esme takes special interest in a certain type of flower the owner shows up and claims those are actually triple the marked price.

Falling in step with me she shoots him a glare from where he's discreetly standing several feet away watching us. "That man is really starting to get on my nerves. Just because the car we came in happens to be the size of a small country does not give him the right to up the price of everything I simply glance at!"

I stifle a smirk; price is the furthest thing from her mind. She's just looking at the actual flowers. The Cullen's will never have to worry about money problems.

Carlisle is a spectacular doctor and with Alice's stock market expertise they're always wealthy. Plus if for some bizarre reason or another they went bankrupt they could definitely become models.

Any agency would be begging for them to just stand on their doorstep.

Suddenly Esme grabs my hand and drags me to a table looking jubilant. "Look!" I peer at a table full of geraniums of all colors and sizes. "Aren't they just perfect? They can fit in those little vases Rose bought to go along the wall."

"They are nice." I admit as I browse over them, involuntarily wincing at the pale purple ones.

The owner steps over an expression of false regret on his face, "Oh, I'm very sorry ma'am those were reduced incorrectly. They're actually five times the marked price."

She shoots him an aggravated glower and tugs on my arm again. "Let's go over here. There's an arrow pointing this way." We start off towards the arrow and see a crowd of people looking at exotic, brightly colored plants.

What a relief, now that man can go harass some other people. Esme looks around and wrinkles her nose, "What do you think is over there?"

I turn to see an open area a little further away from the crowd. "I don't know. Let's go find out."

We go to the area and look around. There's nothing here. That's when a rumbling noise starts up. I look around curiously and Esme, obviously having superior hearing abilities, turns to the source of the noise.

It just so happens to be coming from above our heads. The crowd of people turns to stare at what's making the noise, putting us in their line of sight.

The owner laughs quietly to himself, making his mustache look like it's dancing on his upper lip and Esme's eyes widen. "That..."

But before I can find out what exactly he is a massive torrent of soil and other pleasant items like dead flowers and ground up petals come pouring down on us. I drop into the fetal position with my hands over my head, I suppose those school tornado drills were good for something.

Esme follows my lead although she'd be fine if it was solid concrete pouring down on us. She raises her voice just loud enough for me to hear. "I'm sorry Bella! I would have gotten us out of the way if we were in danger but I knew we weren't. It wasn't hazardous, just not enjoyable and everyone was looking over here."

I answer back, "Its fine. But that man could have told us we should move he just stood there and laughed."

Esme gives a dark chuckle, "Don't worry we will get our revenge."

The downpour is finally starting to slow down. Esme and I are completely coated in muck, it's embedded to our clothes and absorbed in our hair.

Not to mention the odd flower pieces oddly plastered into the soil. Esme tugs on my hand and I get up to stumble my way through the giant heap of earthy materials.

All the people are gaping unblinkingly at us and the owner is still smirking, "I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to leave, you're going to trail that dirt all over my store."

I stare at him in disbelief. There is no way he can be this despicable, and yet he is. This man is unbelievable, I hope whatever Esme is planning for revenge is good.

She continues tugging me forward glaring at him as we go. Once outside I attempt to wipe some of the gunk off my clothes. "What are we going to do to get this stuff off?"

Esme surveys the area and then a bright smile appears on her face, "Do you have any problems with carwashes?"

I don't comprehend what she's saying at first, "I don't think the Jeep will fit."

Her grin widens, "Who mentioned anything about taking the car through?"

She's actually suggesting that we go through the car wash? I stand there motionless for a while and then I realize I can't actually think of a legitimate objection. "Alright, let's go."

We cross the street leaving the Jeep in the parking lot at the gardening store and dart into the trees next to the gas station. Esme peers through the foliage, "When I say go I'm going to throw you over my shoulder and run for it, ok?"

I nod and prepare myself for when we're clear. I keep giggling irrationally, I can't believe Esme, the one who's always so motherly and decorous, is organizing a mad dash through a car wash. "Go!"

The next thing I know I'm inside the car wash and I'm being hosed down by huge engine powered jets. Esme and I cheer as the grime slides off of us and we dance around under the spray of water.

Those poor cars have to go through this all the time. It's a nice experience at first but it gets rather painful. Being hit with a pressure washer never is one of the most relaxing experiences you can go through.

Esme tosses me over her shoulder again and leaps over the giant scrubbing and flapping machine's that would most likely suffocate me if I tried walking through.

She shouts, "Close your eyes!" and right as I do so I feel a glop of foamy soap land on my face.

I wipe it off and cup my hands together blowing the soap out into an array of bubbles. Another glob falls on my shoulder and I give myself a beard with it. "Look I'm Abe Lincoln!"

Esme sniggers at me while giving herself soapy sideburns. "I think you're more of a Merlin than an Abe Lincoln."

After a twirl or two in the soap we dart under the water again and I lift my hair up and run my hands through to get all the soap out.

Esme waits, dancing gracefully under a thundering jet as I furiously attempt to get this stupid soap out of my hair.

If my hair wasn't so thick that it absorbed everything like a sponge I wouldn't have this problem. I swear if I ever get gum stick in here it will be a nightmare. I'll have to whack a section of my hair off to get it out.

Once I'm thoroughly soaked but no longer soapy we run to the next part of the car wash, which just so happens to be made up of massive turbo fans.

They're blowing so hard I can't even open my eyes. It feels like that time I stuck my head out of the car window when Alice was driving.

Although in here I don't have to consider the risk of whacking my head into a stop sign.

I frantically grab Esme's arm to anchor me to the floor because the more the wind hits me, the higher I get from the floor.

If I wasn't terrified that I'd slam into the blades I would be thrilled that I was levitating without wires strapped to me.

Esme starts crossing the fan room, bracing me from the worst of the wind and I'm surprised to see we're almost completely dry already.

I scream over the fans, "Could you imagine if this was one of those places where people come out to hand towel the cars?"

She smirks, "The expressions on their faces would be priceless." After a couple more lengthy strides we make it to the exit. Esme tugs me after her and we take a moment to straighten our clothes and in my case attempt to flatten my hair down.

It looks like I engaged and lost, in a fearsome battle with a vacuum cleaner.

A man in overalls walks around the corner as Esme and I quickly dart into the trees. I sit on a tree stump and watch as Esme paces around formulating the details of her plan.

Which by the way, I still have no clue what she's planning in the first place.

"Bella, do you think you can drive the Jeep?" My head snaps up.

"Me? Drive the Jeep? Emmett's Jeep? The Jeep that if I just so much as scratched one millimeter of paint off would cause me years of unnecessary mockery and obliged Mario kart playing?"

Out of all of the horrifying experiences I've been through this reaches up into the top ranks.

Esme shrugs dismissively, "You'll be fine. So here's the plan. You pull the Jeep around by the flower displays and open up the back for me." The way she's smiling doesn't give me any reassurance that this is a good idea.

"And what exactly are you going to be doing with the open back of the Jeep?"

Her eyes sparkle mischievously, "I'm going to be taking my samples."

With that she pulls me from the tree trunk and we run across the street again to the Jeep.

She tosses me the keys, which I manage to drop even though she's standing a whole two feet away from me. "Remember, by the displays. Don't worry, you'll be fine Bella."

I open my mouth to tell her exactly how not fine I will be but she streaks away in a blur of motion before I have a chance. I turn to the Jeep and I feel like it's growing larger as I stare at it. It's getting taller, I swear. Is that possible?

I unlock the door and throw myself across the seat, attempting to pull my body up into the car.

Apparently I seemed to have forgotten that I have the upper body strength of a scrawny ten year old boy; but even that's probably giving me more credit than I deserve.

No matter how weak exactly I am doesn't matter at the moment, I'll use my quick thinking to figure out a way to get in the car.

There's a cricket chirping. That's just hilarious isn't it, what's a cricket doing out at this time of day anyways?

I look around and see a cart that the employees use from the store. Nobody will miss this if I just borrow it for a second or two. Furtively I grab the cart then race back to the Jeep and climb on top.

I easily step from the cart to the seat. There, that problem is solved, now I only have to worry about actually driving.

The first step to safe driving is to put on your seat belt. I look down at the safety harness with an air of determination. I can put this on; it's just a bunch of buckles. I can put this safety harness on.

It turns out safety harnesses may look like seat belts but the name difference is for a reason.

After my seventh failed attempt I give up and decide that I'll drive even slower than I was planning on.

I look around anxiously to make sure there's no one I could possibly hit and groan when I find it clear. I had been hoping that maybe a really slow old man would be walking behind me and I'd have to wait another fifteen minutes for him to pass the car.

Putting the key in the ignition I turn it as if I'm expecting it to detonate any moment. The engine roars loudly making me jump and I take a deep breath planting my hands firmly on the steering wheel.

I put it in drive and barely let my foot touch the accelerator; at the most I'm going four miles per hour. I inch across the parking lot at the same pace to the area with the flowers.

I bet that that cricket who mocked me earlier is hopping past the Jeep twice my speed. Despite the fact that I'm moving so slowly I'm almost going backwards, I carefully steer and park just outside the mesh separation from the store and the parking lot.

I hop down and jog to the back of the Jeep to pull the back open for Esme.

She's behind me instantly with stacked boxes of geraniums in her arms. "I don't think it was possible for you to have gone any slower and still be considered moving."

I shoot her a glare as she deposits the flowers in the car and pulls me back to the store. "I already have them all stacked up, we just need to get them in the car."

After informing me of this she takes a stealthy look around and then goes in for another load.

I feel like an international spy. But my mission isn't saving the world, its stealing geraniums.

I slink after her and crouch next to the flowers. Quickly I stack up as many boxes as I can carry and then scuttle back to the car loading them in.

Esme already has half the Jeep filled. As I put my stack down she unloads another, "This is the last one for here but I found a surplus in the back!"

I wince, "Does that mean I have to move the car again?"

She points to a path that not even one of the headlights would be able to fit through, "Unless you can maneuver through that, no. You just have to keep watch, call for me if anyone comes."

I nod as she disappears once again and then blanch. I'm on guard duty. This is going to be fantastic. I'm terrible at lying in general, not to mention when I'm put on the spot.

What am I going to say if anyone comes over here? I'll just hope really hard that no one does.

I stand anxiously in front of the Jeep peering every time I feel an abnormal gust of wind but I don't see anyone. An ethereal voice mutters, "Last one", just as the owner comes strolling around the mesh.

He stops short upon seeing the Jeep. A scowl appears on his face as he starts speed walking over to me.

This is not good. "Esme!" my voice is barely above a whisper but I hear the back of the Jeep and for some reason the side doors slam shut. She's at my side and lifts me up into, thankfully the passenger seat.

Holy crow! How many flower samples did she take?

The entire Jeep is full of germaniums, including the front. I lift up a couple to sit down and then put them back down on my lap. The engine starts right as he's outside my window.

The owner starts pounding on the side, "What do you two think you're doing? You can't be over here. And is that my merchandise in there? Did you pay for that? I'm going to call the police!"

I point to the window and pretend not to hear him; this involves a lot of shoulder shrugging, shaking my head and over exaggerating the mouthing of 'What?' Esme smirks at him and waves while holding up a geranium sample and giving a thumbs up.

The owner loses his cool and attempts to wrench my door open, before his hand even can make contact with the Jeep Esme slams on the gas and we shoot out onto the main road.

I shriek as a pile of geraniums comes tumbling down on me. I push them back into place and Esme's whole drive-near-the-speed-limit-for-Bella philosophy is thrown out.

She's pushing ninety, sky rocketing us past shocked passersby. I sigh in relief at putting a safe distance between us and that store. "I can't believe we just did that. You might want to tell Emmett to change his license plate or avoid going near this place at all."

Esme laughs, "I did pay, I just left the money in the surplus room. He has no reason to alert the authorities. I also left a brief note it went something along the lines of, 'I checked the price, and the one that was marked on these was the correct one. Here's the money.'"

I snort at this. I'm sure he'll love that. Esme finally slows down to a reasonable speed and I shift around to find a comfortable position. Strangely enough, the geraniums that are invading my personal space don't make great neighbors.

They're much too stingy with car room. I shove a purple one out of my face in irritation as we turn a corner. Thanks to Esme's rather speedy start we get back to the Cullen's not so humble abode in about half the time it took to get there.

She parks and starts unloading the car with vampire speed. I help as well but seeing as how I'm considerably slower it's not too much help to start with. "Esme, where are all of these going?"

I walk blindly forward since the stack of flowers is in the way of my vision. A sudden car door slams and I miss a step almost sending me and the geraniums to the ground.

Cold hands catch me and salvage the flowers in one swift movement.

Emmett eyes the flowers oddly, "Bella, you of all people should not be walking around without looking where you're going."

I huff and decide I should scare him a little for that remark, "Thanks for the advice. By the way, I drove your car today." I take flowers from the top of his stack and start walking away.

Alarmingly fast even at super enhanced standards, Emmett is almost petting his car inspecting it for any possible damage. When he sees what we've packed into it of he's clutching at his chest, perhaps he should become a soap opera actor, he'd do quite well.

"You put flowers in my Jeep! You put hundreds and hundreds of flowers, in my manly, vicious Jeep." I pat him in the shoulder comfortingly.

"Emmett, I think that the Jeep will survive this injustice. If you want, I can chuck some mud at it and make it more 'manly'." He keeps his hand over his chest, gasping, and I roll my eyes and walk away from him. "Esme! Where are you? I don't know where to put the flowers."

Esme calls me over from the back of the house.

As I lug my flowers along I see the pile she has started. "I put a sample of each color inside for Rose to look at; but right now she and Alice are planning hair and makeup, so who knows how long they'll be. Just stack the rest right here."

I drop my pile on top of hers and head back to the car. Emmett is in the same exact position, if anything he's gasping more like he didn't fully grasp the concept before. "Emmett."

He doesn't respond gazing in horror at his flower infested vehicle. "Would you relax? It's really not that bad and we did steal those geraniums. So your Jeep aided in a heist, you should be proud. "

His head whips around to me, "Wait, hold on now. You and Esme stole these flowers." I laugh nervously and grab some more flowers trying to hurry and get in the backyard.

Emmett catches my arm his eyes sparkling like mad. "You two stole flowers! Oh this is priceless!" He dissolves into a fit of hysterics and looks back to his Jeep and laughs even harder. "And you used my Jeep."

I stand beside him with a bored expression and attempt to wrench my arm out of his grasp, "Yes, Emmett, it's a riot isn't it."

He lets me go and takes the flowers from my arms stacking even more on top and shoots off, tossing my over his shoulder along the way.

I shriek as he hurtles to Esme and when he places me back on the ground I clutch my stomach and groan. I'm pretty sure I left it back by the front door.

I sit down wobbling slightly and rest my head in my hands to regain my bearings.

I had been doing so well too, I don't even get nauseous when I run with Edward anymore. I think it was how quickly everything had happened, or possibly the fact that Emmett had me upside down.

Since they know I'm not seriously injured neither of them are too worried. It's slightly upsetting how used to my human issues they are.

I hear Emmett laughing loudly and Esme's voice sounds quite amused as well. She's most likely telling the tale of our grand flower heist. It becomes eerily calm, and I begin to wonder if they've left.

When I open my eyes again I see Esme, Emmett and Edward speaking much too fast for my delicate human ears. So they didn't leave they're just speaking as if I'm not here.

That basically translates into they don't want me to hear what they're saying or they're talking about me. I eye them up suspiciously.

That's when I notice Edward had been watching me the entire time even though he's speaking to Esme and Emmett. When our gaze meets I blush and avert my eyes.

He probably came out after hearing my dulcet tones wondering what bizarre accident I got into this time.

With caution he comes and sits beside me, gently putting his cool hand to my face. Ever since I told him his skin was leagues better than a cold compress he's become my own personal ice pack.

I see Esme and Emmett have mysteriously decided they want to leave the backyard at this particular time.

How tactful they are.

I feel my stomach settling back to where it's supposed to be and the nausea slipping away. "Thanks", I mutter incoherently, purposefully avoiding looking at his face.

"You're welcome." He pulls his hand back and we both sit in uncomfortable silence. This is odd, not that Edward's a chatterbox or anything but he's unusually quiet.

And since when do we sit in awkward silences? Something isn't right here.

My eyes involuntarily travel to him and I have to restrain from snorting. He's avoiding my eyes as well distractedly twirling a twig between his fingers. "Why are you acting strange?"

He lifts his head, looking surprised, "What do you mean?"

I squint at him, why does he look so astonished that I'm speaking to him. "I mean why are you acting so", I flounder for another word but can't find one and finish lamely, "strange."

A small smile graces his lips and he raises his eyebrows, "That's an interesting question coming from the girl who abhors shopping, yet begged Alice and Rosalie of all people, to take her shopping. "

I wince, he does have a point but he's conveniently forgetting the reason why I went. It's too bad I don't have enough energy to be angry with him anymore. "Well perhaps if you had just told me about your birthday I wouldn't have been so irrational."

He turns his focus on twirling the twig once again and then so softly I barely catch it murmurs, "If you're angry with me you can leave, I won't make you stay."

Then it suddenly hits me why he's acting so strange. He thinks that I'm still angry with him.

Honestly, you take this boy's mind reading ability away and he comes to the most ridiculous conclusions. Is he completely oblivious to the fact that I'm not glaring at him, my weak attempts at wrath, or attempting to ignore him?

I sigh in exasperation and take the twig away from him. The speed at which he was twirling it was making me dizzy. "Edward, if I was angry with you would I have come back to your house?"

He smiles sheepishly, "Oh. I thought you were still upset."

I pat him on the head with a pleased expression, "I would be if I didn't already figure out your gift, but I suppose you're forgiven since I wouldn't have told you about my birthday if I could have."

Edward watches me curiously, "You've picked out your gift for me already?"

I nod enthusiastically, "And I haven't told anyone else so you can't find out yet, don't even bother trying."

His calculating expression isn't making me very confident, "Now Miss Swan I don't know if that's quite fair."

I stand up and brush my jeans off, "Because of course using your mind reading ability to see what everyone is planning to get you is."

"Of course." He stands up beside me and takes my hand leading me inside.

As I step through the door Jasper gives me a swift kiss on the cheek and grins at us both. "Now Bella I heard Esme say you were having difficulties with driving above five miles per hour in Emmett's Jeep."

Edward and Jasper snicker at my expense and I shoot them glares. "I wasn't going to risk damaging the Jeep and then be forced into playing hours of Mario Kart to make up for it."

Jasper looks at me approvingly, "Good logic but we're going to have to have to work on that speed fear of yours. And Edward what do you want to know, I can feel your curiosity, just ask me already."

Edward shiftily looks away from me; I told him I didn't tell anyone about his present. I should have expected he would was going to check anyways. "He was trying to see if I told you what I was getting him for his birthday."

Jasper shakes his head at Edward, "Shame on you."

Edward laughs, "That's good coming from you, since at least I know what you've gotten me."

Jasper wiggles his eyebrows at me, "You'll like it Bella, Edward on the other hand."

Edward punches him in the shoulder and then tugs me along to the stairs.

Emmett watches us from the couch as we pass, "Try to restrain yourselves in the bedroom you two, remember Bella he's a minor! We wouldn't want you getting any criminal charges now would we?"

Edward stops in his tracks and tries to regain his composure; I don't even want to know what Emmett's thinking. Apparently Edward isn't very pleased with him though since he grabs a hold of a foot stool and launches it at Emmett's head.

Emmett ducks out of the way and catches it, "What? I'm just thinking the truth."

Before anyone else can harass us Edward quickly pulls me up the stairs to his room. He closes the door and I run to his couch and throw myself on it, curling up into a ball with a contented sigh.

Edward laughs and sits at the end of the couch with his head resting back.

His eyes are closed and when I'm sure of that I stare at him without bothering to blink. His bronze hair is splayed out around his perfect face and I sigh as I study Edward, he's such a beautiful creature.

My fascination with how good his throat looks makes me feel like the vampire in this relationship and I start to giggle.

He opens his eyes and looks at me expectantly, "Yes?"

I debate whether or not to tell him and figure he'll find it amusing as well. "I was just thinking about how I felt like a vampire."

Edward surveys me oddly, "And why is that?"

I blush, "No reason." Naturally he'll believe that. My blushing is like a natural lie detector, it's quite irritating in situations like this.

He moves over on the couch so that now his face is inches from mine and I'm halfway off the couch, but I know I won't fall because he has his arms wrapped around me. "Is that so?"

His cool breathe engulfs me and I try to clear my brain to remember why it would be embarrassing to tell him. But I can't remember what I was even talking about in the first place.

"Why were you feeling like a vampire?"

"Because I was thinking about how nice your throat looked."

He laughs loudly and tips his head back to expose more of his neck. "Does it look delicious?"

I realize what I've just told him and blush even more. I pull away and resentfully take a seat on the ground.

Edward rolls off and sits beside me with his chin resting on his knees; it's strange seeing him in such a human position. "I apologize; I should not have mocked you for finding my throat tempting."

That's when I catch sight of something on the floor a couple feet away and smile hugely. "That's alright; I've come up with a solution to the problem. Close your eyes."

He watches me skeptically, "If you try and bite my neck it would not be funny."

I wrinkle my forehead, "I didn't even think of that until you mentioned it. Just close your eyes please."

With one last suspicious look he closes his eyes. I don't move for a minute or two to make sure he'll stay put then I crawl across the floor and pick up what I saw from the couch.

It's a discarded bow tie beside an empty box.

I keep my back to Edward so he can't see what I'm doing just in case he's peeking. Swiftly I slip it into my pocket and then scramble back to where I was sitting on the floor. "You can open them now."

His eyes flutter open and narrow in on my face. "What did you do?"

I stare at him innocently, "Nothing. Yet that is."

I patiently bide my time until he relaxes and rests his head back again. Once he does I leap forward with the bow tie.

Edward grabs my arm looking at me incredulously, "What are you doing?"

I restrain from rolling my eyes, "Please Edward, just let me put it on you."

Against his better judgment he releases me and I smile pleasantly as I tidily place the bowtie around his neck. "How lovely."

Edward grimaces and itches at it, "I'll bet, but it feels like a noose."

I straighten out the bow tie and slap his hands away as he tries to itch at it again, "I'll gladly wear your bow tie if you'll wear my corset."

He smirks, "Of course, I would switch but I don't think I'll fit in your corset."

I nod, although I'm thinking it probably would. I don't know if he's skinnier than me but if he was that would be mortifying. "I agree you're much too fat. What have you been eating lately? You know all those fatty mountain lions go straight to your hips."

His eyebrows shoot up at me, "You just called me fat." From the glint in his eyes I can tell this won't end well so I leap up and run for the door.

He let's me get to the door but appears in front of the staircase. I debate whether or not to leap from the rail; Edward would most likely catch me.

He watches where my eyes flit to, "I don't think so Bella."

Well that plan is foiled. He advances on me slowly and I frantically look around. I need a new plan, or a mental note not to mock Edward's body fat, not that he has any.

A shrill ringing interrupts our slow motion duel and I sigh in relief, "You should answer that."

Edward grins, "Nice try, but Alice is going to."

He steps forward to toss me effortlessly over his shoulder and starts to take me back to his room. "Now Bella I think we need to finish our talk about the devastating results of my mountain lion diet."

I attempt a feeble wiggle or two to escape his grasp and to no one's surprise I'm still here.

He stops and suddenly places me on my feet. I look around confused at what's happening. "What?"

That's when I see Alice holding the phone out to me, "Bella, it's Renee, she's in town." I take the phone in absolute horror. My mother is here, in Forks? That means she's going to have to meet the Cullen's.

This is going to be chaos.

A/N: Chapter two! This story keeps getting more and more fun to write as I go. Thank you so much for the reviews everyone, they're what motivated me to get typing more. So I'll once again try to overcome my updating problem. Review if it tips your fancy or I will still keep deluding myself into the fantasy of people reading and not reviewing, it's a nice fantasy.