Author's note: This was hard to write. I cried haha. So i hope it brings you some sort of emotion. let me know

I swerved back onto the road after harnessing the intense torture into a small focal point in the middle of my heart. I needed to make it to Charlie's before she did. I had just dropped off the bulging envelope that Bella had sent to Renee. The most likely contents were pictures taken from the camera that Renee had sent Bella for her birthday. As I thought back on it, the knowledge that I was in a couple of those pictures depressed my spirits even further if that was possible.

I had hidden her copies of those pictures, the plane tickets, and my lullaby CD beneath a loose wooden board in her floor earlier that day. Writing the note that I left on the kitchen table was absolutely the hardest thing I had ever done; it was sheer pain to set those eleven words onto the tabletop. I ran as fast as I could away from what I had done as that small paper floated down onto the linoleum surface.

But now, I focused on the impossible task in front of me. Convincing Bella that she no longer mattered to me, my heart shook rebelliously at the thought. Her picturesque face and fragile gaze passed behind my eyes. A valve in my heart flew open and unleashed a ferocious breath of grief into my chest. My shoulders collapsed instinctively as I whimpered from the pain.

As my Volvo pulled into Charlie's spot I felt my insides being ripped to shreds. I rested my head on the window as I waited for her truck. Perhaps she wouldn't come. Maybe Jasper had finally scared her away. If I wasn't able to send her screaming maybe my brother's near slaughter would. But I knew that wasn't true. A weighty dread thudded through me as I anticipated her arrival. If only she would stay away, avoid the one thing that threatened her livelihood constantly. If only she kept her own life at the top of her priority list. But that wasn't like my gorgeous perfect Bella. She was too selfless.

What was I doing? Destroying myself.

Why the hell was I even going to try to do this? I knew I couldn't survive without her! But she couldn't survive with me. The breath I had been holding between my ribs clawed up through my throat as I thought of even the possibility of Bella dying. I couldn't stomach it.

What had I caused? I had put the most precious thing in my world into the fists of evil so many times. All I wanted was to love her. All I wanted was to be with her forever. All I wanted was to be anything but this horrible beast that would end up getting her killed.

I had to leave. It was the only way to keep her safe, to keep her from danger. This was suicide. I sighed dejectedly and let the piercing sorrow swim through my body. I inhaled sharply and slipped on the unfeeling outer shell of my emotionally unattached counterpart. This had been the gift of my sardonic attitude and pessimistic personality; I had learned to shield my emotions. This was the only way I would be able to part with her. She would probably see right through me anyways.

I shoved my inner self down into my abdomen as an unattached expression dawned over my face. That inner self beat against my granite stomach, begging me not to do this. I pleaded with myself to change my mind. I could feel the invisible tears drowning my chest. I coughed on the swell of pain that choked its way up my throat.

Her truck pulled into the driveway and my heart plummeted. It crashed raucously into the tops of my legs and the force of impact sent chunks of it through me. The thorny and panicked pieces stung as they flew against my outer detached shell.

Oh Bella. My precious Bella. Please forgive me for this. I couldn't believe I was actually going through with this. She has to be safe. Protect her; you'll lose her if she stays with you. And it will be your fault.

I would rather Bella live without me, than die with me, than to die at all, ever. But if she were going to die…I would rather have it be in the human way, the normal way, the natural way. I couldn't bear to even think of Bella ever departing from this world. It was the most incomprehensible loss ever. I would leave with her. I couldn't take another step on this earth if I knew she was gone.

I heard my feet clashing with the gravel before I registered the fact that I was moving towards her truck. I tugged her door open and reveled in the scent that swam from the inside of the car. My angel's blue jeans held the curves of her legs gently between their wrinkles, and my inner self sang a painful serenade to my mind's ears.

I saw an angel in blue jeans today
I felt that she melted all my bitterness away
You always tried so hard to hide your wings behind your coat
So let it be and let them free
So you can't hover low above the ground

You look so tired you've got moonbeams in your eyes
And if I believed I know you'd be the first to fly
You always tried so hard to hide your wings behind your coat
So let it be and let them free
So you can't hover low above the ground

I'll find sunshine sometime soon

How can I miss anything about you
When I miss everything about you
I feel like I know you as well as I know the sun
So please tell me where is my sunshine nowHow can I miss everything about you
I feel like I know you as well as I know the sun
And I wonder where is my sunshine now

Author's note- In case you're wondering that's Angel in Blue Jeans by Maroon 5. leave ur thoughts please they really help :)