Author's note- R&R this story is hard to write haha reviews let me know how i'm doing

Thanks to my awesome beta Monkey-en-tutu for all of her help

Disclaimer- None is mine.

I grabbed her hand carefully. I could already see the apprehension behind her eyes as I asked her to take a walk with me. My heart deflated in my chest as my insides convulsed with pain. I just wanted to pull her into me and cry into her hair. I wanted to carry her away from here to a place where we could be together forever, like we wanted it to be. I wanted to take her away from everything hurtful; away from the atrocious pain I was about to cause the both of us. But I knew that staying would only cause her so much more pain in the end. This was my doing in the first place; Bella deserves so much more than what I can give her, it was my responsibility to make things right once and for all, and to give her the future my angel has always deserved.

I do believe it's true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you're the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

I want to live where soul meets body

Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body

In times of great emotion I always turned to music. It was in me, it was a part of me. At this awful point in time my mind played through my compounded playlists as a distraction. I needed something, anything to keep me from thinking about what I was about to do, about what I had to do. I sighed defeated; I had already made up my mind and there was no turning back. I loved her too much to keep her endangered by keeping her next to me, a vicious, bloodthristy monster.

I gave up trying to distract myself. I didn't think music would ebb this strong misery, but I had hoped. In truth, I knew there would be no distractions, I knew my days after this would be inflicted with a suffering of such magnitude, that it would be hard to do anything more than breathe. But I had to do this. For Bella.

I could feel her pulse thumping unevenly beneath her palm. She was nervous. She was scared. She was scared that I was going to leave. Bella please. You have to understand. I'm doing this for you. I love you so much. Please don't hate me. Please understand.

I would end up hurting her, like I always did. This time instead of blood, I would wrench tears from her. I always took things from her when all I wanted was to give. I wanted to give her my heart, my soul, my love, my body, my life, my eternity. But the price was too great. Bella's life was more valuable than anything I could ever give to her. So I had to leave. I stole a glance down towards her face; she was deep in thought and in worry. My unemotional shell melted away for a split second. I love you Bella Swan. I wanted to make you my wife. I wanted to give you the world. But all I brought you was pain. So now I promise to leave. I promise to leave and never come back. An agonizing whip of pain lashed against my stomach and I nearly doubled over.

"I promise to leave and never come back." I whispered silently. Even with superhuman ears no vampire would have been able to hear it so I was sure that she was oblivious.

We stopped a few yards into the rainy trees. Her feet made squishy sounds in the soaked underbrush as she shifted uneasily. I let her hand drop from mine. I leaned stiffly against one of the mossy trunks. Her warm eyes locked with mine and I couldn't help but stare. I wanted to pause time. Pause it here, before I did this. Before I tore us apart forever. But time never pauses, it continues, it ages. At least that's what it did naturally, normally. Not for me, time had no meaning to me. I never aged, I was stuck, frozen in this dead state doomed to watch as eternity passed me by, as love passed me by, as I let Bella pass me by.

But I had to let her go. Please understand how much I love you Bella Swan.

I took a deep breath and immediately lost my train of thought as Bella's seductive scent tingled in my lungs. I decided to hold my breath for the rest of the time. I looked into the dark sky and tried not to listen to myself as I spoke to her. I told her we were leaving. She didn't accept that excuse and pressed for an explanation. I told her the bullshit that I had come up with earlier…Carlisle looks too young to pass for thirty-three, we have to start over sometime; we had been here for too long. I hated myself.

My insides were repositioned uncomfortably as I collected all of my emotion and shoved it into my feet. I had to keep my face clear. I had to convince her that this was real, that this was how I felt. A barbed wire tightened around my dull heart as I stared back into her face. She looked confused, and then suddenly realization lit behind her eyes.

I cleared up any facts that she may have been mistaken about by reiterating the fact than my family and I were leaving. She shook her head trying to expel the cursed words she had just heard. The layered mahogany of her hair reflected the rays of the moonlight as her head turned from side to side.

Then she said she would come with us. I should have expected that response, but it still sickened me. I could see the desperation behind her plea. God Bella, why can't you see why I'm doing this? That this is for you. This is for YOU BELLA! I wanted to scream to her.

The cool night air was sloppy with the tense anticipation of pain that radiated from us. She should have run from me, but instead she wanted to run with me, to follow me in this forsaken life as a monster. And all I could think about…was how much I wished that everything could be that way, and how much I wanted to grab her hand and wrap my arms around her.

Run with me Bella. Run away from here. Let's run away from this nightmare that I've created, that I've caused, the nightmare that I am.

Author's note- review. pleeeeeeeease? bats eyelashes with sappy puppy dog face. how could u resist that? haha but really...leave ur thoughts