Disclaimer: Twilight, I believe you may have heard of it. Turns out it's not mine, I'm just as shocked as you are.

A/N: So let me start off with my usual apology. I'm really, terribly, incredibly sorry about my updating, again. But if you hadn't looked, do you see how tiny the little scroller is? This is the longest chapter so far. I typed most of this yesterday, past midnight till by hands did that funny cramp thing. So I'll stop talking soon but I have to thank you all SO SO SO much for all the reviews. You're all so nice to me. They keep me going when I think this whole thing is completely mental, which it is but anyways, I'm done, for now.

A Mattress for Edward

I've finally managed to escape the Cullen household. I'm joking really, I love them all.

But it's nice to return to my boring old house where the only exciting things that can occur involve rouge fish possibly flopping out of the freezer and whacking me in the face. It's like a game, when I open the door will I be hit with a fin today or will I escape unscathed? I never know.

As I pass through the kitchen to head to my room I notice that the answering machine is flashing. That's odd we don't normally have messages.

Pushing the play button I listen as Mrs. Newton's voice fills the room, "Bella! I got your message dear and it's absolutely no trouble at all that you need all week off. We're really slow around this time of month anyways so don't worry about it. See you next week!"

Frowning I replay the message again. I didn't call Mrs. Newton and why would I need the entire week off of work? I had been planning to use work as a cover plot for actually shopping with Jasper.

Now there's no chance of that. Who would honestly call in attempt to stop me from...Edward.

I know that it's possible for any of the Cullen's to perfectly imitate any noise or voice if they wish to. Why is Edward being such a spoilsport?

I'll just have to try even harder to thwart his convoluted plan.

I pick up the phone and suspiciously peek a look around to see if there's anyone near by. "Edward Cullen if your sly self is around here you better come out right now."

Nothing happens so I like to think Edward isn't here instead of ignoring me and still lurking where I can't see him.

I dial the Cullen's and Alice picks up cheerfully, "Bella! I haven't seen you in such a long while, what can I do for you?"

Spinning around yet again I shiftily slip into my closet so not to be overheard in case Charlie walks in. "Alice is Edward there?" Then realizing it sounds like I want to speak with him I hurriedly add, "I mean that as a question I don't actually want you to get him."

Alice giggles slightly, "Yes he's here but you actually want Jasper so I'll go get him for you."

I grin as I shove the broom pan away from my ankle; it's quite handy to have a clairvoyant friend, "Thanks Alice."

Jasper's lilting voice appears on the line, "Yes Bella?"

Lowering my whisper I mumble, "I've come across a problem and I need you to come over to help solve it please."

I hear him pause from a moment, "I'll be over in a minute."

I hang up the phone and take a seat on the closet floor; I think this will serve as a suitable meeting place. There's a gentle knock on the front door so I shout, "Come in!"

Jasper pulls the closet door open and stares at me as I blink at the bright light. "Take a seat and close the door. Were you followed?"

Gracefully taking a seat across from me he shakes his head, "No, I threatened anyone with a month of mood swings if they tried and even Edward isn't stupid enough to test me on that."

I nod, that's good at least this is a confidential conversation. With a sigh I gravely begin, "Edward pretended to be me and called in so now I'm off work for the week. I don't know what to do; I had been planning on using work as a facade for our shopping trip."

Jasper frowns, "He really wants to find out what you're getting him doesn't he?"

I perch against the Windex bottle beside me, "I'm thinking I should just start getting the smaller parts of his gift and then we'll get the big part on his birthday. That way he'll be so busy he won't have time to track us down."

I can see if Alice will skip out on gym with me tomorrow and we can get sheets and a headboard and other things of that sort. I'll save Saturday, his actual birthday for Jasper and I to go hunting for the mattress.

Jasper grins in approval, "That sounds like it'll work. So are you going to tell me what we're getting him or not?"

Scrunching my nose I try to figure out what makes the most sense. It would be a whole lot easier if Alice knew I wanted to skip out on gym and was planning on what to buy. But then Jasper and Alice would have to conceal their thoughts for an entire week.

I look around trying to figure out what to do when I catch sight of a Mr. Clean bottle.

Oh, this is brilliant. I'll insert obnoxious jingles from the cleaning products in the closet into our conversation and then that's what he'll think of when Edward tries to pry.

I pick up the Mr. Clean bottle and hold it beside my face, "So, what I'm getting Edward for his birthday is, Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean, dun dun dun dun dun duh duh duh a bed."

Jasper stares incredulously at me, "Wait, what? You're getting Edward Mr. Clean? Is that even possible?"

I sigh and pick up a bleach container, "No I'm getting him a bed, Momma's got the magic of Clorox bleach!"

Jasper looks in obvious confusion from me to the cleaning supplies in my hands, "What are you doing Bella?"

I prevent myself from rolling my eyes, "When Edward tries to read your mind, Momma's got the magic of Clorox bleach, if I keep doing this then you'll think of Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean, dun dun dun dun dun duh duh duh the cleaning products and he won't know what I'm getting him."

Jasper comprehends what I'm saying at a much slower rate than I would expect from him. I suppose its Mr. Clean's shiny head, it is quite distracting. "Anyways, I need you to tell Alice that Momma's got the magic of Clorox bleach and I want to skip out on gym tomorrow to shop for Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean, dun dun dun dun dun duh duh duh sheets and a head board and all that."

He nods at me, "Will do, I'll inform her of the jingles as well, they are a good idea. Very catchy." He gives me a peck on the cheek and then a small grin while humming to the Mr. Clean song as he glides out of the closet.

I stay cross legged on the floor to try and figure out what exactly it is I do want for Edward's bed.

Quite obviously he has an obsession with dark blue so I think I'll go with that for coloring. Then there's the headboard dilemma.

Do I get one or no? Personally I've always wanted a really nice carved wooden headboard so I think I'll say yes for that matter.

I've also really wanted a canopy bed. Whenever I would ask Renee she said that I would probably strangle myself in the middle of the night. With Edward there I wouldn't have to worry about that, hopefully.

So that's settled then, I'll get a nice wooden frame and head boarded canopy bed with dark blue sheets and hangings and all cloth related items. Then on Saturday Jasper and I will search for the mattress.

Suddenly the closet door opens again and I squint up at Charlie as he reaches for the broom then does a double take upon seeing me. Slowly enunciating his words as if that'll help him understand he steps back to get a full view of me, "Bella, why are you in the closet?"

I fidget for a moment, "Er, well there's nothing better to clear your head than being surrounded by cleaning supplies."

At this Charlie adopts a worried stance, "You're inhaling cleaning products?"

With an exasperated eyes roll I get to my feet and hand Charlie the broom he had been reaching for, "No Dad of course not, never mind." I follow my father to the middle of the kitchen then hop up onto the counter, "So how was work today?"

Charlie's head shoots up, "That's what I was going to tell you! I'm sure you're aware of how often you make fun of the low crime rate around here. Well, I'll have you know that a county only a couple of hours east of here contacted us to help locate two suspects in a high speed chase."

Naturally I blanch, even the Forks police force was notified? Holy crow, the entire world must be in on this by now.

I realize Charlie is waiting for me to be awed by his news so I act surprised, "Wow! And only a couple of miles away, I'm sure we'll have to be on the lookout for ruffians to start acting up all over town now."

He puts the broom back after sweeping who knows what and then swings a bag up beside me. I stare at it uncomprehendingly for a moment then realize it's a grocery bag.

No way. Charlie went shopping to get food?

I pick up the bag and stare at him apprehensively, "You went grocery shopping by yourself?"

He sighs at me, "I did manage to do go all the time before you lived with me, you know. Go and take a look inside, I figured I'd give you a break from fish."

I take the contents of the bag out and grin at my father; it's the ingredients for hamburgers. "I didn't realize it was possible to take a break from fish. Didn't you tell me that there are only two courses of action one can take with fish? To catch 'em then eat 'em."

Charlie's laughter reverberates through the kitchen, "I brought you up right, that's for sure."

With a snort I get started on the hamburgers so we can eat some time today and wave Charlie off to go watch his golden television.

What is happening around here? My father actually went to the grocery store, by himself and purchased edible food.

It's a miracle I did not think was possible.

Eventually I get everything set out on the table and we eat in our usual quiet, although I'm silently declaring victory over the fish in the freezer, they had no chance today.

After we're done I take the dishes to the sink and wash them right away, "Thanks Dad I appreciate the change of pace tonight. While I do enjoy fish it's nice to have a little intervention every now and again."

Charlie smiles at me broadly, "Of course Bells."

I head towards the stairs then stop halfway; I forgot I don't need to shower as seeing the spontaneous lake trip brought up an immediate need to clean myself off.

If I just say goodnight now then I can spend more time with Edward. Skipping back down the stairs I wave to get Charlie's attention, "Night Dad!"

Charlie waves back although his eyes stay glued to his baseball game.

I run up to my room then dash back to the bathroom, I've got to stay at least four steps ahead of Edward this week, I mine as well start now. After I brush my teeth and change I go back to my room and flop down onto the bed.

Mere seconds after I close my eyes I can feel a granite arm slip around my waist, "Hello."

I smile and roll over to face him, "Hello to you too." As I stare at Edward I notice a huge splotch of green paint in his hair. I point to it curiously, "Did your attempt at going green not go as planned?"

Edward frowns at me then touches his hair and chuckles, "Emmett and I picked up his car from its hiding spot then we painted it on a direct quote from you apparently, a 'nice green'. Around that time he thought he'd be funny and paint my hair but I didn't care enough to shower, we still had to get his new license plate."

I raise my eyebrows at him, "Sounds like you had an eventful few hours. I just had hamburgers."

Edward grins, "In the Swan household that is eventful, you couldn't possibly have been out of fish what went on there?"

Shaking my head I shrug wordlessly, "I have no clue; Charlie even went out beforehand and got all the ingredients. I was kind of creeped out."

With a smile Edward brushes my hair back, "You should go to sleep we have school tomorrow."

I sigh and can't help but internally gloat about how, as of now, my plans of escaping gym class with Alice are a go. It's the only chance in the day I have of escaping.

When he came back Edward was adamant about having every class with me, but I out right refused to allow him to witness me participating in organized sports.

I'm fully aware he watches me through other people's minds but it's better than him actually standing in front of me as I fall on my face.

Anyways the point is we came to a compromise, he agreed to steer clear of enrolling in my gym class but if he wasn't there then Alice would be.

I have no qualms with that and it's worked out even better than I would have hoped considering tomorrow won't be the only time we'll have skipped class together.

I'll just humor him with sleeping now otherwise the conversation might turn to why two of his family members of recently are blocking their minds from him.

Taking an over exaggerated breath I close my eyes and snuggle closer to Edward's rock hard body.

As he strokes my hair and hums my lullaby I drift asleep, but right before I completely conk out I hear him mumble in amusement, "Oh by the way, I figured I should tell you while you're partially unconscious, Rose is having the reception on Sunday."

I have this strange feeling that I should be reacting to this in abject horror but I'm far too tired at the moment. I'll have to save the terrified inquisition for tomorrow morning.

The next thing I'm aware of is my alarm blaring loudly and my half hearted slamming down on the off button. Yawning loudly I stumble out of bed and go to the bathroom, it's not till I'm almost done with my bowl of cereal that I remember what Edward told me as I was in a sleep coma.

I choke on the spoonful I just put into my mouth and while gasping for air take a gulp of milk. Rose is having the reception this weekend? The day after Edward's birthday?

Is she in some conspiracy to get me changed faster?

Because honestly, if they want me to keel over from anxiety this would be how to do it.

I throw the bowl into the sink and race out the door to Edward's awaiting Volvo. I'm so nervous that I don't even bother to slow down as I throw myself into the seat.

Giving him a severe look I attempt a calm voice but it ends up much shriller than I had anticipated, "Rose is having her reception on Sunday!"

Edward winces at me and uncharacteristically decides to actually pay attention to the road, "So you did hear that."

I huff and cross my arms while trying to keep from having a panic attack. "I suppose she'll be setting up all this week then?"

Edward smoothly parks the car and shrugs while opening my door, "That's my guess and I'll have to help her since she knows where my hiding place is."

Naturally he shoots me a pointed glare at which I smile cockily, "Oops."

Alice scampers up beside us when we reach the sidewalk and gives me a sly wink, "Aren't you terribly excited for gym class today Bella?"

I snort but quickly turn it into a brief cough as Edward looks between Alice's shining face and my failed attempt to stifle laughter.

Hurriedly I grab his arm and speed up tugging him along to our first class. Alice waves and once we get through the doorway I practically collapse into my seat.

Now all I have to do is try to fend off Edward's perceptive suspicions in order to flee later. Class finally begins and I carefully keep focused on what we're learning, or well I give that appearance at least.

In reality I'm thinking about where Alice and I will be able to go without any of the store owners knowing my full name and my father's occupation.

The outlooks of anywhere in Forks are not looking bright.

The rest of my classes pass the same way. That is Edward staring at me trying to figure out what's going on and my pretending not to notice while plotting a getaway route.

Gym comes much quicker than I'm ready for even though I had been begging for it to be time to leave already.

Edward walks me to the locker room door and after a long pause of his eyes burning into me he leans in to brush his lips along my jaw. "I'll see you after class."

I nod stupidly unable to respond, I'm going to have to make him start wearing a blindfold this week otherwise he'll be able to get anything out of me. He didn't even ask me a question and I was ready to blurt out every detail about his present.

Waiting till he rounds the corner I turn to dash towards the bathrooms where Alice is waiting for me. I see her lithe form calmly leaning against the wall twirling a pair of keys.

I jog the rest of the way once I hear the bell for class sound off and Alice grins as she quickly drags me outside.

I look around slightly confused as she leads me to the Volvo, "We're taking Edward's car?"

She looks to me amused as she pulls open the door, "Yes Bella, we're taking Edward's car. I figured bringing any of the other cars would have been a dead give away that we were skipping out at some point. We'll be back before school ends though, I'm positive of that."

I hop into my customary seat and buckle up as Alice zooms away from the school, "Are we going somewhere in Forks?"

Alice turns fully away from the road and looks at me incredulously, "Oh not again, Bella how many times do we have to tell you this; the only decent purchases you can make in Forks are for human food or fishing gear."

I shrug innocently, "I'll chant it in my sleep so I can get that down. So what did Jasper tell you about our goal?"

Finally looking back to the road she straightens up in her seat and smirks, "We're getting something to let Momma use that Clorox bleach on."

We both break into laughter and she shakes her head at me, "That really is a good idea no matter how crazy we sound reciting them all the time. By the end of the week Edward is going to think we're going into the cleaning business. Any time I get within a five mile radius of him I start mentally chanting the jingles."

I grin and stretch my arms out in front of me, "So do you like my gift idea?"

Alice's eyes positively light up, "Oh Bella, when Jasper told me I thought I was going to crack and Edward would find out; I was so excited. It's the most perfect gift for him and of course it would be from you. He's going to love it. And while nothing is set in stone I did have a vision that we're going to pull this off."

Abruptly she throws the car into park and hops out as I smile happily, I might actually be able to surprise him and that is worth all this effort. Alice heads towards a brightly lit store then looks at me suddenly, "I forgot to ask if he suspected anything."

I roll my eyes as we step onto the walkway, "Of course he did, this week is going to be complete hell. I have to try avoiding anything that could possibly start him questioning about his gift. And we still have to figure out how we're going to make sure he can't follow Jasper and I on Saturday when we go shopping."

She smiles deviously and opens the door for me to enter the store, "Don't worry Bella, we've got that diversion all set up. Now do you have an idea of what you're looking for?"

As I look around the store I suddenly realize something. This is one of those places that you see on the television with the extremely expensive items that you could buy for at least half price somewhere else.

I grab Alice's arm and pull her into an aisle, "Um, there's no way I can afford this store with everything I want."

Alice's wide eyes stare at me blankly, "I know."

I stare back just as vacantly, "So then how do you expect me to shop?"

She tugs me back out of the aisle and towards the sheets, "Bella, you didn't think we would let you pay, did you?"

I sigh, no I hadn't been expecting that but I was hoping that they would conveniently forget about their aversion to my spending my own money. "Yes?"

Alice snorts and spins me to face the wall, "So what are we getting, you're in charge of this mission."

I practically fall over the display in shock, "What?" She watches me silently, enjoying my reaction as I finally manage to speak again. "Well I was thinking dark blue sheets, a wooden frame with a headboard and a canopy."

A hint of surprise is evident on her face, "That sounds exactly what he would like."

I smirk at her as I search through the shades of blue for one I like, "That's what tends to happen when you get a gift for someone."

Surprisingly Alice stays true to her promise, although, she does interfere at one point unable to hold back from letting me buy the "wrong" material for the canopy.

I found the perfect shade of blue sheets and got a matching comforter with silver design and the headboard? It's gorgeous, let me tell you, the wood is a dark maple and it has an intricate pattern carved out of it.

Plus the canopy is heavenly. I think I might be more excited than Edward for this bed.

We're back on the road to school again and Alice turns to the clock in astonishment, "This is the shortest shopping trip I've ever been on."

I grin as I motion to the goods in the back seat, "So where are we hiding these purchases?"

Alice stops the car in the middle of the road and leaps out quickly to grab them out of the back, "The River by our house has a hidden path that we hardly ever use, I was thinking there."

Nodding I stumble along side Alice carrying the sheets, the only thing I'm able to carry, only to realize we're in the Cullen's backyard. Honestly how many times am I going to be bursting into their property from the forest?

Alice heads towards a pile of rocks and quickly rolls one aside to place all of the items inside then closes it again. "Edward probably didn't tell you but we have the wedding reception gifts hidden just like this at a different rock."

I start running back as I shake my head; there are so many bizarre places to hide around the Cullen mansion.

I barely manage to get my seat belt buckled as Alice leads us back to the high school, "Quite obviously Edward is aware of the fact that we skipped, unless he happened to think you were in the bathroom for the rest of the class periods you happened to miss."

I giggle, "So am I just telling him we had a shopping spree that involved plowing our way through gym because it was merely an obstacle to fun?"

Alice seems impressed, "I like it and don't let him cheat alright? If he tries to get you talking come to the rest of us and we'll take care of you, Edward is not going to ruin this surprise."

Glancing at the clock I realize the last class has just been let out and grip onto the seat tightly as Alice swings up to the edge of the sidewalk.

Edward slowly walks up to us and sarcastically pats the car as he gets into the back, "How kind of you to come and pick me up in my Volvo after skipping out on school."

Alice shrugs, "It was a huge sacrifice on our part, be grateful."

And let me tell you the questioning that followed was only the beginning.

I felt like I was getting the karma induced police encounter I deserved, but of course, instead of one day of constant assault it was a whole week.

Let me conveniently skip past that terrible week to a lovely Saturday morning that just so happens to be Edward's birthday.

On any normal occasion it would be perfectly acceptable to think I've lost my mind. I'm purposefully avoiding talking about Edward?

Well this isn't any normal occasion it was a week full of torture.

Every single second, minute, hour, day was full of Edward's endless barrage of questioning.

So anyways at the moment I'm sitting on one of the Cullen's fine pieces of furniture just waiting to get Edward going with his distraction so Jasper and I can get out of here. Alice and Rose are showing me the shoe purchases they made, thankfully without my presence and Jasper and Emmett are watching television as Edward's eyes dart around to all of us.

I watch with interest as he edgily fidgets then finally jumps up to his feet, "I can't take it anymore! What is going on with Mr. Clean? You've been thinking about him for the past week! It's unnerving!"

I choke back my laughter as Alice practically drops her shoes and Jasper ducks his head.

Emmett and Rose are staring at us all as if we've all gone insane, "Mr. Clean? Isn't he that creepy bald guy with the gold hoop earring?"

As I start to explain he's the symbol of a certain brand of cleaning products Esme rushes frantically into the room fluttering around nervously. "Edward! I don't know what's happening but something is going on at the hospital and Carlisle says he needs you down there immediately."

Edward frowns and gets to his feet as Rose winks at me conspiratorially, they told me that Esme was launching off the distraction but I'm still not quite sure what it is.

With one worried last glance at Esme he strides to the door and smiles at me briefly, "I'll go see what's happening, I suppose, see you all in a bit."

Once he leaves the room a terrible smile spreads across Emmett's face and after a pause he chuckles ominously, "He won't be back for hours."

I look around at their smiling faces, "And why is that now?"

Emmett shrugs innocently, "Well I might have asked Carlisle about Edward's five hour long surprise party held at the Hospital on a note stuck to the bulletin board in plain view."

A snort escapes before I can help it; Edward is going to be furious. There's no way he can leave before the party is over, I've met the receptionist at the Hospital.

While she is a nice elderly lady she's extremely persistent, in the end it's much easier to just give in rather than try to fight a way out of it.

Jasper stands up and tugs me along with him as we head out the door, "Let's get going Bella."

I follow along and as we start down the drive way I look back in confusion, "Er...Jasper, the garage is that way."

He stops in his tracks and looks back at me with mock surprise, "Really now? When did that get there?"

I sigh, "No cars then?"

He smirks slightly and holds out his hand for me to take. I grab on firmly as he tugs me up onto his back and tighten my grip as he dives into the woods.

After a moment I start thinking about what's going to happen when we actually buy the mattress. How are we getting it back to the house without me trailing behind at least one hundred feet?

Lowering my head I ask tentatively to not distract him, "Jasper? How are we getting the mattress back to the house?"

I'm pretty sure he's ignoring me, what a reassuring sign.

I poke him in the back of the head, "Jasper."

He responds by mumbling under his breath, "We'll figure that part out later, we need to be in possession of a mattress before we can start worrying about how to transport it."

I roll my eyes and wait until Jasper slows to a walk to help me slide back down to the ground. Once I'm on my feet I walk towards the store we're near, a large building by the name of 'Mattress Haven'.

Jasper eyes the store distastefully, "Don't look at me; Alice gave the directions to this place."

We both stare at the door for a moment then I finally pull it open and go inside. Jasper walks in beside me and the girl behind the counter who had been dazedly popping her gum nearly inhales it upon his appearance.

Quickly she rushes out to stand in front of us with a welcoming smile, "Hello! May I be any help to you today?"

Jasper shoots me a mischievous half smile, "Yes actually, we were looking for a mattress, you wouldn't happen to have any here would you?"

Let me just briefly mention that the entire store is packed from front to back with sample mattresses and huge signs advertising said mattresses.

The girl looks from Jasper to me not quite sure if he's joking or not.

I elbow him in the side and unsuccessfully try to keep the smile off my face. He grins at me and then turns his attention back to the girl, "What would you recommend? We're looking for high quality."

The girl leads us over to a grouping of aisles, "These are top notch selections, feel free to try them out and let me guarantee you, no matter which choice you make, any mattress from Mattress Haven will be so plush you'll turn to mush!"

Jasper nods his thanks while looking perturbed and the girl scuttles around the corner to quite obviously stare at him from her "ingenious" hiding spot.

Looking around I pick a mattress at random and throw myself down onto it. I nearly end up flying back to my feet, with a wince I clutch at my back, "Mush?"

I notice the amused expression on Jasper's face and stalk past him to another bed, "Are you going to help or not?"

He looks at me startled and as I climb into the next bed he joins me.

The bed practically begins to engulf us within its squishy enclosure and Jasper quickly gets up watching as I struggle. "If you think Edward is going to like hearing you just stood there as I suffocated you go ahead and keep staring."

A hand appears and he tugs me out, "Drama Queen, you weren't suffocating, yet. And look at the bright side this one was plush."

I snort and then as I look at Jasper a distinctly Emmett like thought suddenly hits me. Before I fully process it I blurt out, "Holy crow!"

Jasper looks at me his eyebrows raised, "What?"

My face begins picking up heat as I turn away from him to another bed. But before I can jump into it Jasper grabs my arm, "Come on now Bella, tell me what you thought of."

A wave of calm and comfort loosens my tongue and I giggle slightly as I gush out, "I realized that I've been in bed with half the Cullen men now."

Jasper's thunderous laughter startles me out of his emotional influence and I feel my cheeks flame bright red. He shakes his head at me, "We'll work on the other two, don't worry."

I once again stomp past him to another bed and try to find one that isn't about as comfortable as a slab of concrete or the consistency of quick sand.

After testing out the formidable mattress section recommended to us I finally narrow it down to my choice. In a loose kind of interpretation this has a distinct Goldilocks feel to it.

I've found the perfect bed, not too hard and not too soft.

The girl who of course was spying on us the entire time comes running over with a pad of paper to write the identification number down. Jasper and I follow her back to the desk and I try to peer at the paper to see the price.

I don't think I even want to know.

I finally manage to get the price within my view range when Jasper bumps into me. Let me reiterate once again the perfection that is the Cullen's so naturally that was an intentional bump.

He shoots me an innocent look as I turn to him accusingly and waits as the girl calls for the mattress to be brought in its package. "Oh! Of course I forgot to offer you the water resistant shield!"

Her chipper expression makes me want to back away slowly but I stay where I am and opt to give her a strange look, "Pardon?"

She throws her hands up as if I'm completely out of the loop of everything, "The water resistant shield on the outside of the package. We've done research and with the shield it's fully protected from water damage!"

I start to tell her no thank you but Jasper cuts me off, "And if say you put the shield on twice would it be protected if it happened to be submerged partially in water for an extended period of time?"

The girl nods enthusiastically obviously happy to have good news for him. Jasper raises his eyebrows at me, "We'll take the double shield then."

As the girl runs off to alert whoever she needs to I look at Jasper suspiciously. "Why is the mattress going to be getting wet?"

He looks at me with his eyes bright and excited, "Bella have you ever read Huck Finn?"

I frown, what relevancy does that have with mattresses? "A long time ago why?"

Jasper just shrugs, "I guess you'll find out in a few minutes then."

The girl is practically hurtling over any obstacles in her way to get back to the desk, "Your mattress is all set."

Jasper grins at her and then shoves me towards the door, "Go and wait by it I'll be there right away."

I timidly go and stand by the giant king sized mattress. And that water resistant shield? It looks like plastic wrap. Jasper materializes at my side and motions to the bed, "Hop on. Quickly, before anyone comes."

I stare at him for a moment, "What?" He doesn't answer me however; he forcibly tosses me onto the mattress and lifts it up to run into the nearby forested area. The Cullen's are really lucky that Forks has so many trees.

I feel like I'm on one of those couches the Romans were carried around on. Except of course I'm not Roman and I'm on a mattress being carried by a vampire instead of my slaves.

Maybe it's just me but I don't think Jasper would take too well to me calling him my slave boy or Edward for that matter.

The mattress is lowered to the ground again and I look around at where we are. There are trees covered in moss, a given, and a huge river.

Jasper points to the River and cocks his head at me, "Recognize it?"

Is he joking? It's running water how would I have any clue what River it would be? "Should I?"

He swiftly walks to a collapsed tree and neatly breaks it into log sized pieces, "This is the River that branches off behind the house."

Honestly now, am I going to be acquainted with all possible ways to arrive at the Cullen's by waterway?

I gawk at him wordlessly as I absorb the fact we're be traveling on the River. "So let me get this straight. In order to avoid being conspicuous we're going to raft down a River? Don't you think that would bring more attention to us?"

He's moving so quickly I can barely see him but once he backs away from his work I see he's made a caged enclosure that hides the mattress from view and leaves a wooden raft for our use.

"In a way, yes but when people see us rafting down the River they'll just think we're insane, whereas if they saw me running with the mattress they would think, 'Did you see that feat of superhuman strength? I must alert the media!' Do you see the difference?"

I shoot him a look and cautiously inspect the raft, "And you're sure this will float?"

Jasper rolls his eyes at me and loops his arm through mine tugging me onto the raft with him. I sit down afraid I'm going to topple into the frigid water but besides for the gentle push to get us moving the raft is pretty stable.

Now his Huck Finn reference makes sense. "So is there a particular reason we're reenacting Jim and Huck's favorite way to travel or were you just feeling particularly adventurous?"

At this Jasper looks up from his paddling with a small smile, "Well there are quite a few reasons actually, which would you like to hear?"

I shrug as I glance around not feeling any sense of recognition to our location whatsoever, "I think we've got a long trip ahead of us why don't you go through them all."

He takes a deep breathe in preparation, "First off the most obvious reason is we can't fit this into any of the cars. The Jeep would have been able to handle it but as seeing the chase was only last week it's not exactly safe to drive yet no matter the paint job and different license plate. Then of course the whole people witnessing me running ordeal that we try to avoid and the last reason is I used to do this when I was human and I miss it."

I lift my eyebrows at him in awe, "Like Huck and Jim?"

Jasper chuckles at my expression, "Well for the most part, the rafting down the Mississippi in the South part, not the helping a runaway slave to freedom."

Lying back onto the raft I let the patchy light straining through the trees glint off my face. It's very relaxing out here, not anything like my last trip on water although we were underneath the water so that might have something to do with it.

Jasper sighs contently, "Isn't this nice? Using the trees as a vehicle instead of steel and gasoline and letting the River carry us. It's just us and nature..." His eyes turn to a group of bushes rapidly, "And the Police."

My eyes fly open as I sit up, "What?"

That's when I hear it, a faint Police siren getting closer and then quiet voices and footsteps. Again? What did I do this time?

I understand perfectly what went wrong the last time I was involved with the Police but what are we doing now that could be in violation with the law?

A grouping of three Policemen emerge from the bushes alongside us and one of them sighs in resignation, "Well I'll be, there are really kids rafting down the River, I owe Jimmy twenty bucks."

A different one motions for us to come to the bank, "If you wouldn't mind stopping for a moment we just need to clear a few things up."

Jasper turns the raft towards the Policemen and once he gets close enough secures it against a tree. We haven't spoken a word to each other and when he turns to help me off the Raft I can see his amused smirk at the turn of events.

I try to remain calm and reassure myself that everything will work out alright, I hope.

The third Policeman pulls something out of a bag and looks the two of us over carefully, "Now you're not doing anything wrong exactly but rafting when it's fifty degrees outside is slightly suspicious. If you don't mind we'd just like to do a quick Breathalyzer test to be sure you're not endangering anyone."

My mind goes completely blank once I hear the word Breathalyzer and I have the biggest urge to start laughing but that would probably just reinforce their suspicions.

They actually think we're drunk for rafting down a River, only in Forks would this happen.

Not to mention they don't even know about the mattress we're carting, they'd probably think what was full of illegal substances.

Jasper shoots me one hysterically wide smile but steps forward somberly facing the officers. He exhales into the device and waits patiently while they inspect it.

The officers nod at the result but don't say anything then wave me over. I carefully blow into the weird contraption then nervously back away.

What if I come up positive? Not that I've been drinking this morning or ever really, I think alcohol is repugnant but that's not the point.

They won't believe that.

The officers all exchange a surprised look, "Well kids you're clean and you're not behaving in a way that would suggest a drug test so I guess you can continue on your way."

Before they walk away though the one who lost the bet asks curiously, "Can I just ask why you aren't using a car?"

Jasper shoots him a cheeky smile, "Well sir a car wouldn't float on the water."

I lightly hit him as the officer frowns and they head back to their car.

I clamber back onto the raft and let out a heavy sigh of relief once we get going again. "I can't believe that just happened."

Jasper however looks at me skeptically, "I can, if you hadn't noticed when you spend time with us the strangest occurrences happen to us, all the time."

I nod in allowance to that and try to get back the relaxed state I was in before we got pulled over on suspicions of drunk rafting.

We travel along without any other troubles and after half an hour Jasper taps my arm, "We're almost back."

I stretch my stiff limbs from sitting on the wood and look up to see Alice waiting anxiously, all the purchases we made earlier in the week clutched in her tiny arms.

I hop off the raft and look over to see Esme, Rose and Emmett standing on the edge of the forest watching us. "Why are they over there?"

Alice turns to me excitedly, "They still don't know what the present is but they're ready to help so if you want to tell them then we can set everything up quicker."

I wave them over to me, of course I want them to know what the present is, why wouldn't I?

Once everyone is converged around me and Jasper has dissembled the raft I announce, "For those who are not already aware, I am getting Edward a bed for his birthday."

Rose claps her hands together gleefully, "That's perfect! He's going to love it."

Emmett looks at me impressed and Esme appears to have put herself into self induced coma brought on by happiness.

Alice whistles to get everyone's attention, "Alright everyone we need to get this ready before Edward returns. Emmett, Jasper set up the bed frame and headboard. Esme if you wouldn't mind supervising? You know how they get. You, Rose and I can put the sheets on because I don't trust them to do it and until then Rose and I will be getting Bella ready. Everyone know what they're doing? Good, let's go!"

Emmett and Jasper shoot out of sight carrying the mattress with Esme trailing behind. I look at Rose and Alice warily, "What do you mean get me ready?"

Rose smiles brightly, "You'll see!" She proceeds to toss me over her shoulder and when she places me back down I'm in her bathroom, again.

Alice dances into the room holding a garment bag and I try to back away from them, "Really, I'm dressed perfectly fine the way I am."

This causes them to exchange a dark look and Alice takes my arm in her unbreakable grip, "Let's start with hair, shall we?"

I try to pull away but you think by now I would realize it's no use.

Glancing around I can't figure out what exactly we're going to be doing with my hair by the bathtub but Alice smirks at me, "Take a breath."

Frowning I start to ask her what she means when she abruptly shoves my head into the bathtub full of water I hadn't noticed. She releases me and I splutter in indignation wiping the water out of my eyes, "Are you trying to drown me?"

Rolling her eyes she shoves me into a chair already toweling my hair, "I told you to take a breath."

Rose starts taking sections of my hair and blow drying them; this will occupy a good chunk of time where I'm safe at least.

That's when Esme appears at the door, "The bed is set up, and we're ready to put the sheets and hangings up."

They all turn to look at me and Alice purses her lips, "We don't all need to be in Edward's room and someone needs to finish blow-drying Bella's hair."

Esme and Alice shift their gazes pointedly at Rose and she folds her arms over her chest, "You think even he can handle a blow dryer right?"

I attempt to figure out who they're talking about but the next minute they all disappear and I look around in confusion, "Uh, hello? Anyone care to tell me what's going on?"

The doorway is suddenly filled by Emmett's large frame. I notice he's holding something behind his back and attempt to see what it is but he just shifts with me to block it from sight. "Isn't it kind of strange how we're both here at the same place, at the same time, all alone?"

I blanch involuntarily as I back away from him; this isn't terrifying at all of course. "It's not really that strange Emmett, they sent you in here to finish my hair."

He considers this for a moment then gives me a reassuring smile, "I suppose, and while they gave me specific directions I think my plan will work out much better."

I keep slowly backing away from him until my back hits the wall, "What plan is that?"

Emmett's grin becomes maniacal; once again, as he shows me the item he was hiding behind his back. Oh no, he can't be serious.

He has a leaf blower.

Before I can open my mouth to protest he turns the machine on full blast and the toiling air pins me to the wall.

My screams bring Rose hurtling into the bathroom and she wrestles the leaf blower away from Emmett, kindly turning it off.

The expression on Rose's face is a mixture of confusion and resignation. She points Emmett away from the bathroom, "Go." He shrugs innocently and leaves the bathroom whistling to the Mr. Clean tune as Rose stares fixedly at my hair.

I realize I haven't looked at it yet and glance in the mirror.

Oh my, that's definitely not good.

My hair looks as it would if I was lying down and fanned it out around me except for the part that I'm standing up. I would imagine I'd look like this if I stuck a fork into a socket.

It's nice to know I can achieve the electrocuted shock victim look from a leaf blower as well as actual electrical currents.

Rose gently leads me to a chair and sits me down. After a few moments of her rubbing some strange cream into my hair I feel it fall back into its place around my shoulders.

She sighs as she grabs a tube of some sort of make-up, "Sorry about that, I should have known he couldn't have even handled a blow dryer. Not that we actually know since he used a leaf blower. Close your eyes please."

I obligingly close my eyes, knowing that while she feels sorry for me she won't go all out. I sit perfectly still in the chair and let her put whatever it is she puts on me until she holds up one item I do recognize, blush.

Leaping out of the chair I wave my hands in front of me, "No way. My cheeks already get red enough as it is. Do I really need to resemble a clown?"

Rose smiles threateningly, "I was taking it easy on you because I felt bad about Emmett's blow drying attempt but if you're going to be ungrateful..." She trails off in an ominous tone and I hurriedly resume my seat, glowering at her.

It's amazing how quickly her smile turns from menacing to bright, "Don't worry I am going all out tomorrow and there is nothing you can do about it because it's my reception!"

A shudder runs through me at that and I clench my eyes shut, a weak attempt to block out memories of the last time Rose went 'all out' with the make-up.

This was no mix up with Victorian whore house style; I truly looked well I'd rather not get into that at the moment.

All I have to say is blue eye shadow frightens me to an unreasonable amount.

Once Rose is satisfied with her work she tosses me the garment bag and leaves the room for me to get dressed. I love how they invade my privacy any time they feel yet at the oddest times they'll leave me be.

Shaking my head I open the bag and pull out an emerald cotton dress. To my immense surprise I really like it.

I pull the dress over my head and slip on the pair of silver slippers Alice laid out earlier.

Turning to the mirror I gaze at my reflection actually feeling like myself for once and happy with it. My hair is cascading down my back, thankfully, with a single clip holding back one side near my face.

Rose's lightly done make-up enhances my eyes and lips; at least this is something I can handle. And the dress is lovely, exactly my style.

The door flies open as Alice traipses over to me bouncing on her heels, "Come look! It's all in place and Edward's going to be here in half an hour."

As she half drags me down the hall she runs her eyes over my final outcome, "You look stunning if I do say so myself."

I blush in response and once we reach Edward's door she shoves me through. My eyes become the size of saucers as I take in the sight of the bed standing in Edward's room.

It looks even better than I imagined and believe me, I imagined it.

We actually pulled it off; the perfect gift is still a surprise.

I feel extremely emotional as I walk over to Jasper and Alice and throw my arms around them, "Thank you for shopping with me and keeping this from Edward the whole week. I know how hard it was for you."

They both grin at me and Jasper ruffles my hair as I turn to Esme and hug her, "And thank you for helping get Edward out of here and getting everything ready."

I walk to where Rose is standing and throw myself at her as well, "You helped get me ready and saved me from Emmett, thank you!"

My eyes burn with unshed tears of gratitude when Emmett interrupts my appreciation by coughing loudly. Oh, right, Emmett.

Did he help in any positive way? I turn to him speculatively, "Well, you, uh..."

Everyone bursts into a muffled bout of laughter as Emmett sighs huffily; I consider him for a moment then roll my eyes and hug him too. "Whatever, you helped set up the bed I suppose."

Esme shoos us all out of the room, "Does everyone have their own gifts ready?"

This causes the group of vampires to scatter off in all directions and leaves me standing in their wake.

I slowly walk down the stairs to sit on the piano bench and stay out of their way. A gust of air hits me and as I look up I see the entire room decked out in streamers, confetti and sparkles.

Alice giggles as she sprinkles the glitter around me, "When he comes you're taking him to his gift right away, there is no way we're letting a mere twenty minutes ruin a week's worth of our labors."

I nod as I watch her decorate and then I recall something Edward said on my birthday. "Alice? Edward told me on my birthday to behave because you all haven't celebrated a real birthday in ages."

She looks up from her decorating, "And you're wondering what he meant when clearly we're celebrating his birthday now?"

I smile and trace a pattern in the sparkles beside me, "Basically."

Alice continues in her mission to make the house as sparkly as possible but answers as she works, "He meant an actual birthday. Once you're a vampire you do age but you're immortal. That's not nearly as fun as a real birthday where you actually age."

I let her continue on her way and impatiently squirm in my spot waiting for Edward to come home.

I don't have to wait long and there's no mistake when he walks through the door.

It bursts open with such force I'm surprised it doesn't rip clean off the hinges. His face is absolutely livid as he storms in and shoots a glare at Carlisle's joyful countenance behind him.

I hesitantly stand and walk up to him, the angry expression on his face melts away as he looks me over.

He strokes my hair and lets his thumb brush across my lower lip, "What's the special occasion?"

A grin lights my face as I take his hand and lead him up the stairs, "Your birthday silly and I'm taking you to your gift."

Edward seems surprised that I would dress up for his birthday and I leave out the fact I hadn't been planning on doing so because I really am glad I did.

He follows along complacently and I look back at him as I direct him to his room. "Ok, close your eyes and promise not to peek."

His crooked smile appears as he closes his eyes, "I promise."

Pushing the door open with my back towards it I guide Edward to stand directly in front of the bed, "You can open them now."

I can hear his breath catch and he stands completely immobile taking in every detail of the bed. Slowly moving forward he runs his hand over the wood and the hangings in amazement.

I step lightly around him to lie down on the bed and watch as his golden eyes gaze at my gift in wonder. He turns his attention to me and lies down beside me, his eyes focused only on my face now. "You got me a bed."

I bite my lip to prevent from snickering at his obvious statement. "Do you like it?"

He moves closer to me, his icy fingers tracing their way to my collarbone. "Bella, you have given me more than I could have ever wanted. You are too good to me."

My face heats up at the look in his eyes and he leans in to tenderly press his lips against mine. I try to behave I really do, but I can't stop myself as my hands snake around his neck and settle in his hair.

My body is moving as if completely unattached from my mind, my hands begin to tantalizingly stroke their way through his windswept hair and I feel the way his body tenses against mine.

I shudder as he moves his lips to leave lingering kisses along my neck. Before I realize what's happened Edward has me pinned to the bed with his legs straddling my waist.

Reaching up I pull him closer to me and he groans as our lips crash together again. Winding their way up his arms my fingers spread until I find I'm gripping onto him tightly trying to bring our bodies closer still.

I soft moan escapes my lips as he carefully lowers himself from his pristine position hovering several inches above me and we make full contact. He takes my lower lip between his and winds his hands into my hair tugging lightly to arch my head.

My grip tightening on his arms and the way my heart picks up even more speed seem to bring him back to reality.

Edward breaks apart from me and breathing heavily leaves to sit on his couch a safe distance away. I let my head fall back into the bed and focus on turning my panting into normal breathing.

Warily I watch his face expecting to see the usual expression of self loathing that adorns it when he lets himself go too far but he just seductively smirks at my curious glances.

Once not only his, but my breathing as well, returns to normal does he come lay beside me once again.

My eyes stray to his lips and the way they look darkened from our excursion, we might have to wait a little while before going downstairs I don't really want to have to deal with any jibes from Emmett.

Wrapping his arms around my waist he pulls me closer to him and brushes the hair back out of my face, "You should let Charlie know you're sleeping over. The way Rose is thinking I don't think she's letting you leave the house."

I sigh and tap his nose, "Too bad you'll be keeping me company while I sleep so I don't suffocate on the canopy hangings. You won't be able to help with the decorating she'll be doing at all hours of the night."

Smiling he pulls me into a sitting position along with him and takes my hand. I stagger to my feet and we head back down the stairs to the room where the rest of the Cullen's are waiting.

Emmett wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at us and I roll my eyes and sit beside Edward as he begins opening his presents.

I watch his reactions of false surprise upon opening each gift, knowing what each and every one was beforehand.

I stay by his side up until the point when he opens Jasper's, the lava lamp. Edward shakes his head at Jasper then a puzzled expression appears on his face.

I glance back to Jasper and realize some sort of mental replay has occurred when Edward smirks at me. "So, you've been in bed with half the Cullen men have you?"

I blanch and grab the phone hurriedly alerting Charlie to spending my night over with Alice. After I hang up I wave goodnight to the wickedly amused Cullen clan and race up the stairs to get plenty or rest for tomorrow.

We all know I'm going to need a lot more than rest to make it through the reception.

But as far as I'm concerned as long as there is no blue eye shadow involved I'm game.

A/N: Well there you go, I hope you liked Edward's birthday. I'm pretty sure that the next chapter will be the last one so you'll only have to deal with my updating issues one more time for this story at least. Review if you have the time or patience to do so. And Deathly Hallows? Is anyone else in near hysterics? Plus Eclipse is getting increasingly closer as well.