The Wonderful Wizard of Oda

OR

In Which Alastair Loses All Respect and Credibility as an Author

Straw Brains

The Yellow Line, Nami began to realize, really was yellow.

At first, she had thought it was from the glitter of the sun which had been low on the horizon, but as sunset came and went, the water retained its golden hue. Lowering her head, she inspected the water. While her practical side wondered whether it would be safe to drink even if it was purified or whether it might be acidic, another part of her admired the lovely tint.

"Hey!"

Jumping, she turned to Luffy, and gaped at him appearing by her side. His grin crooked further upwards at her surprised face.

"Hey, Nami, let's play tag."

"Ah … Luffy, there's only two of us," she said with a little laugh.

"So?"

"So, it doesn't work that way," Nami said.

"Why not?"

She was about to open her mouth to explain before she stopped, glaring at him for even bothering to ask. She said instead, "You should know why."

"Oh," he said, "you think you'd be it all the time, huh?"

"What – no!" Nami rubbed her forehead, and said, "There's only two of us, and there's no point in playing tag with two people if all we're going to do is chase each other around the ship. I have to keep an eye on the log pose anyway."

Luffy pouted before he lit up again, and said, "Then let's play something else."

"Fine, we'll play 'watch the log pose.'"

"Aw, Nami, that's not a game," he said, and he waved toward the grassy deck. "We should-"

"No, Luffy."

"But-"

"I told you, no, already!"

Blinking, Luffy slowly lowered his upraised arm, and let it settle against his side before he crossed his arms behind his head. He said, "What're we going to do then?"

"I'm going to watch the log pose like I always do." After a moment, she smiled at him to get him to cheer up – as he seemed rather put out by her attitude – and she said, "Why don't you get ready to sleep or something. I'm sure there'll be lots to do tomorrow."

He scratched the side of his nose, frowning at her before he turned to leave, kicking his feet a bit. Nami watched him a while before she directed her attention back to the eternal pose, and attempted to appreciate the new quiet on an otherwise noisy vessel. However, she discovered that the lapping of the waves did nothing but agitate her, and she turned her thoughts to the slightly upset appearance of her captain instead.

It seemed that Luffy had realized it was much too silent long before she had, and Nami butted her head gently against the railing for punishment before she went down to the cabin in search of him.

She found him attempting to undo Sanji's long-wished for fridge lock, and she sat at the table to watch him.

He didn't look at her, but he said, "Oi, oi, where's the key to this thing?"

"I don't know," she said, and then her eyes widened in horror. "Oh, no! I don't know!"

Luffy spun around, smacking both hands on the tabletop, "What!? You don't!? Nami, how're we supposed to eat anything if it's all locked up?"

"Nnh." Nami held her head for a moment, bending it to think to herself before she said, "We should be fine. We can go fishing tomorrow, and if we come across any islands, we'll just stop for food." For good measure, since Luffy was beginning to look excited, she shook her finger at him, "And we aren't going to have any adventures. We're trying to get back to the Grand Line."

"We're already having an adventure though, right?" He tilted his head, watching her intently, and she blinked a few times at his nearly serious disposition. Luffy said, "This is yours and my adventure together. We're going back, but we're getting some treasure for you too!"

Smiling lightly, she nodded, "Yeah … that's right. But nothing else! Getting back to the Grand Line, and finding my treasure is all we're going to do on our adventure. Got it?"

"Got it," he said.

"Good boy," she said, and she reached over to yank on his cheek fondly.

Luffy's cheek didn't stretch, and he pulled back his head with a jerk, "Ow! Hey, that hurt!"

Blinking, she pulled her hand back before she nearly jumped over the table to touch his face. Stunned by this odd turn of events, he tried to back away from her outreaching hands, but Luffy flopped onto the kitchen floor when she kept coming forward. She said, "Just hold still a minute!"

"What? Oi, Nami! Why're you touching me?" She watched him swallow dryly as she climbed over the table to straddle his chest. Nami put her hand on his cheek, pursing her lips in concentration before she pulled her hand away slowly.

"Luffy, you don't feel like rubber," she said.

He stared at her, seeming to not understand what she was getting at, and then he said, "But I am rubber."

"No," she said, and she tried to yank on his cheek to stretch it out a foot like she would sometimes do.

He smacked her hand away, "Oi!"

"See! You're not stretching anymore!" The corners of his lips twitched up. Nami frowned, and was about to yank on his nose before she remembered herself and only pinched it, "What are you so happy about? Your powers are all gone."

"Let's go swimming."

"What?"

Pulling on her arms, Luffy stood, and lead her outside, "Come on!"

"Luffy! What about your Devil Fruit curse!? You can't swim; you'll just drown!"

Then he smiled at her, and her breath caught in astonishment at the pure joy in his eyes. He said, "Just hold onto me."

Nodding without even thinking about it, she grabbed his hand to squeeze it, and let him lead her up to the railing. She kicked off her Silver Shoes, but then blinked when the texture of his skin changed, so she tugged at his arm only to gape as it stretched out like it normally did. The beautiful witch's words came to her mind then, and she said, "Wait, Luffy. I think it's the shoes."

"Huh?"

"Remember what that Witch of the West Blue said? She said I negated her powers, and since you know her …"

"In our world, she ate the Sube Sube Fruit. That means she's super smooth, and nothing can hit her! … You hit her though, huh?" He looked down at the Silver Shoes, and scratched his head, "So you have to keep the Mystery Shoes on for me to not be rubber?"

"I think so," she said, slipping back into them.

"Oh, okay, wait here!" He grinned, and ran over to the storage room before he returned with some kind of plastic bags, "Put these on, and then we can go for a swim!"

Smiling at the actual consideration he gave to her new footwear, she nodded, and sat down on the deck to wrap the plastic around her shoes and feet while he ran off to put down the anchor for the night. After he had set it in place, he came back in time take her hand when she was standing. Without any warning or hesitation, Luffy scooped her into his arms, and leapt over the railing.

She went down with a shriek and a swap at his head just before they hit the water's surface. On instinct, she clung to his body so that he would not sink, but she discovered that he was naturally bobbing up and down along with her instead of immediately sinking below. When she resurfaced, he came up easily, beaming at her, and spitting water out to the side. Experimenting, he waved the arm that she wasn't holding, and then kicked his feet about, barely taking note of his sandals which had slipped off, and floated to the surface.

So enthralled with the fact that he could move in the water, she could only cling to his arm, kicking her feet to keep afloat with him. After a moment, his furious kicking started to hit her, and she puffed out an annoyed sigh, "Luffy, you can't kick that much when you're just staying in one place."

He only wriggled more, excited, and beaming pure sunshine at her. He said, "Let's move around then!"

"Okay, okay," she said, making sure to keep her grip on his arm intact as she gradually moved away from him in the water.

Luffy panicked, "Oi, oi! What're you doing?"

Pulling himself back to her, their wet bodies collided, and she glared at him, "You're fine, remember?"

"I still can't swim though!"

"That was just because of the Devil Fruit, Luffy. You're fine now."

"No, Nami," he said, shaking his head repeatedly and with fervor. "I never learned to swim at all! I was nicknamed Anchor at home."

She blinked, and said, "Anchor?" Covering her mouth with a hand, she smiled, but it obviously showed in her eyes for he grimaced, and poked her forehead with an "Oi." She said, "Oh, that's so sad, but it's adorable!"

"No, it's not!" He slapped the water, still pouting as she began to giggle, "That jerk Shanks!"

"Hm? Shanks?"

"He's the one that started it up!" He said, leaning in close to garner her attention as if he hadn't had enough of it, "He was always making fun of me, and tricking me to act more like a kid …"

"But you were a kid, right?" She said, and then she laughed, "You still are pretty much a kid though."

Luffy said, seeming to fall into some kind of routine he had done with Shanks in the past, "I'm not a kid anymore; I'm a man!"

A man, she finally realized, that was drenched, and pressed flush against her form which was just as wet, and showing through her white blouse. Swallowing hard, she brought an arm to cover over her chest on reflex, backing up in the water, and thus releasing him from her hold, and he went down like a rock.

"Ah! Luffy!" Calling herself a fool, Nami ducked down into the water to quickly retrieve him, helping to pull him to the surface as he kicked – able to move again with her touch.

"Oi, Nami, what was that for!?" He said as soon as they were up, and then he coughed up some partially inhaled seawater.

She said, "Sorry, I just thought …"

Luffy looked up at her when she didn't continue, and he didn't seem to comprehend her dilemma until she blushed. Glancing down, he laughed, and then said, "Come on, let's go up now. Moving in the water's hard!"

!#$&()+

Cocking his head to the side, Luffy grinned at the island that was in view, and he glanced at Nami when she seemed excited about it as well. They had both managed a breakfast that morning with some stored goods, but Nami had charged him heavily for his large breakfast, and he wanted to get back to not having to pay for all of his meals. Once they obtained some more food, he would try to roast something on his own.

Putting down the anchor, the two brought out the Mini-Merry with some glee, and headed out to the island, moving up a river mouth to dock it. She shoved two baskets into his arms while she shouldered one of her own.

"Don't get out of my sight, okay? We're getting food, and then we're getting the hell out of here, and back to Sunny."

He nodded, not really paying her any attention, and studying their surroundings. After he dropped the anchor into the river, the two jumped out onto land, and began walking. The island that they had happened upon was all golden fields and green pastures, and they crossed over a country road that Nami wanted to walk down, so Luffy followed her. When they began to realize that food might be a little harder to collect than on some lush jungle island, Luffy spotted corn.

"Oi, look!" Slinging the baskets behind his back, he took to a run down the road, and waved at Nami to get her going as well.

"Ah! Luffy, slow down!"

"Food! Food, food, food, food, food!" He slid to a stop in front of the rows of corn, and almost drooled, promising himself that he'd find at least two dozen chickens to eat along with the corn. Jumping over the fence, he was a few steps in before he thought that he heard something.

"Oi, oi."

He frowned, and glanced about, "Nami?" Luffy looked over the fence and down the road to see that she was still running after him.

"No, over here! Get me down, you shitty bastard."

Beaming with delight, he pushed through the corn rows until he came across a familiar looking face, and said, "Sanji!"

"Huh?" Nami finally entered the rows of corn, and said, "Luffy? Did you find Sanji-kun?"

"Yeah, yeah!" He waved to her so that she could see him through the corn, and once she saw him, Nami approached them. Turning back to the aggravated man, he said with a toothy grin, "Sanji, you can come with us to cook again! And do you know where the key to the fridge is? It's got all our meat in it."

"Ah …" she smiled behind her hand to stifle some laughter, and said, "That's … a scarecrow. It's not Sanji-kun."

"Hmm? But he was just talking to me."

"Scarecrows don't talk!"

"Only because I have been stunned into silence by your sheer beauty, mademoiselle!"

Nami's jaw dropped, and she gaped while Luffy laughed, patting her back with a solid hand, "No … no way! Is that you, Sanji-kun?"

"Call me by whatever name you so desire! I shall call you the vision of perfection!"

"Yeah, it's Sanji-kun."

Set upon a pole poking out from the earth, and held suspended within the air next to all the corn was a scarecrow. His face was painted with expert hand with a meticulous swirled eyebrow, and straw-hair fell over the left side of his face in a stylish manner. While his clothes were rather dirty and a bit faded, it didn't detract from the fact that they must have been fashionable – a striped blue shirt, a black tie and pair of slacks. His black boots seemed to have been tied on, however, and he did not swing with the stalks of corn in the wind.

Luffy said, "See, I told you! It's Sanji! He'll be able to cook for us now."

"Sure, whatever," he said. "Just let me down from here. I can't do it by myself."

Smiling lightly, Nami reached up to hoist his shoulders up, and put him onto his feet after a surprised grunt. After he was down, he went onto his knees, and began the usual serenade of their actual cook, and she said, "Wow, you're pretty heavy for being made out of straw."

"Indeed, fair one," he said, and he rose to stand tall, lifting a leg to gesture to his shoes. "My shoes were weighted by the farmer that made me so I wouldn't blow in the wind and lose any of my straw."

"Cool!"

"So how'd you get up on there, Sanji-kun?"

Sanji smiled at her, and Luffy pumped his fist happily when he realized that his mouth was actually just painted on, but it moved all on its own. He said, "I'm glad you asked, mademoiselle! When I was just being stuffed with straw, I became aware, and started to think and feel. Upon the touch of paint to my face, and my eyes were drawn, I saw up at the faces of the most peculiar men! Though they were the first creatures I had ever laid eyes on, I knew beauty, and they were not it – not it! I could not cry out in horror, however, until they painted on my face, but even if there had been a mouth to my name at the time, I wouldn't have known what to use it for."

Nami said, "Your eyes?"

Hesitating for only a moment, he then lifted up the flap of straw-hair to show that his other eye – while still the exact same as the one beside it – had been painted much smaller, and thus gave him a lopsided appearance. After dropping his straw-hair because of Luffy's sniggers, he said, "What hacks! They ruined what could have been an otherwise perfect face!"

"Oh, Sanji-kun," she said, attempting to make her smile not look so amused, "you look fine. That's how your hair always is anyway."

"Yes," he said, "I thought it might be a good idea, but I don't want to hide my face …" Touching the left side of his face, Sanji said, "If only I had the brains to think of a better idea! I wouldn't have to hide my face from the world if I figure out how to fix my terrible eye."

Nami blinked, "A brain?"

"Of course," he said, tapping his head, "I'm full of straw. I wasn't created with a brain at all. Thus I am ever the fool."

"Oooh, Sanji!" Luffy patted his shoulder, and said, "Maybe the wizard-guy could help you!"

"Hmm?"

Rolling her eyes, she said, "Luffy, the Wonderful Wizard of Oda can't just give people brains. That's completely ridiculous."

"But if he can find the way back to the Grand Line maybe he can give Sanji a brain," he said. "It's worth a shot."

"If I am given the chance to travel with you – the most stunning visage of my life – then I would be eternally grateful! To find myself a brain and to be with you would fill me with utter and complete joy!"

Glancing back and forth between the two men, Nami deflated with a sigh, and said, "Fine! I'd like someone to cook for us anyway." Shoving her basket into Sanji's arms, she said, "Fill'er up!"

!#$&()+

And thus, Sanji joined them … Or something. –nod nod- I'll try to see if I can fit in both Franky and Usopp into the next chapter! Unless some more Naffy bonding occurs to me – which is very likely once Franky is in the picture.

Solo Loco Ellingson-Rose: Blasphemy! … And it's not LuNa, it's Naffy! XP I'm glad that you still want to read the story despite any Naffy-ness in the future though! Thanks for reviewing!

catho: :D I hope that you enjoy this chapter too! Thanks for the review!

Rakara: Zolo's position is an especially guarded secret! You shall be amazed! I think. Thanks for the review!

Sonicmario: It's only the first chapter! How would you know!? Heh. :D Thanks for reviewing!

Nuit Fleur: XP Well, I would hope so! Thanks for reviewing!

Midori Blue: Oh, awesome! Thanks for reviewing!

CSI Kaizoku: XP I was halfway through writing that scene when I remembered that they were in Munchkinland. Dorry was already in there, but that just made it all the more better. Thanks for the review!

wheathermangohanssj4: Because it just doesn't fits in the storyline. –has no real excuse- Actually, I wanted to play with more ideas on how Luffy and Nami could get together. Thanks for reviewing!

Nehszriah: Oh, I know. :D But honestly, who'd have ever thought of something like this …? Thanks for the review!

Sheri-chan: Sheri! Aw, from the hooooooorse! XP I'm looking forward to more of your reviews, so thanks for this one!

iluvchocs: XP Indeed! Really, there's no other way to get that girl interested in an adventure other than the promise of jewels, I think … and bare-chested Luffy. Because let's face it … hee … -gets shot-

Irenukia: -pumps fist- Okay! That's the type of exuberance that I love! Thanks for the review!

!#$&()+