The Wonderful Wizard of Oda

OR

In Which Alastair Loses All Respect and Credibility as an Author

Iron Heart

As it turned out, Sanji did not know where the key to the fridge was located. He was also afraid of the stove and the oven, fearing that his straw might burst into flames, so Luffy had to come help him with the food whenever heat was involved – "for dearest Nami-swan should never lift a finger for fear of harming herself!" Yet, with the fridge still locked tight, there was not much that the scarecrow turned cook could make, but Luffy made sure to keep the ship stocked with all of the fish that he could catch for them – though the straw-Sanji didn't seem to eat at all.

The first night after dinner, Nami had said, "Sanji-kun, this is delicious. Why aren't you eating any?"

"Eat? Me?" He smiled warmly, and said, "Nami-san, I am just straw. If I should try to eat anything, my body's shape would become bulbous and awkward. Where would all of my straw go?" He pointed at his face, "And besides, my mouth is only painted on."

Luffy grinned as he watched Nami's eyebrow twitch. He said, "Ne, Nami, we could paint more faces on him!"

"No way!" They both shouted at him, and he shrank away with a pout.

"Well then," he said, "let's go swim again."

When he smiled so hopefully at her, he saw her lips relax, something in her eyes diminishing before she stood, and she said, "Let me get changed into a swim suit first. You almost ruined my clothes with that last stunt of yours."

Sanji spun about in place, and nearly crowed with delight, "Ah! Nami-swan, you tease me so! Whatever you may wear must be grand!" When she only smiled coyly at them, and then left, Sanji bent down to say to Luffy, "What's a swim suit?"

"This tiny piece of cloth," he said, and Sanji spun like a tornado around him. Quite used to it except for the errant pieces of straw falling out, Luffy just smiled, and said, "I don't get it though. She didn't like it when we went swimming last time, but she was wearing more then. Why would she want to go swimming wearing less?"

The scarecrow didn't seem capable of answering him, and so Luffy scratched his head a bit longer before he figured that he shouldn't care about what she wore as long as she was comfortable. Thinking such, he went up to the deck to put down the anchor so they could swim around Sunny, and then took off his shirt to lay it over the banister. After he handed his straw hat to Sanji for safe-keeping, Nami came onto the deck in a bright red bikini with her Mystery Shoes covered in plastic. Bounding to his feet, he took her hand while Sanji seemed to melt, and he crooned in several different dialects of baby-talk and gibberish. Luffy picked her up, about to leap into the water, but he noticed that Sanji's expression had changed.

"It's a shame that I can't join you, Nami-san, but I don't think my straw would hold together in water."

"You can just watch us, Sanji-kun," she said, and then she winked, waving a fine leg at him from in Luffy's arms.

"Yes, Nami-swan!"

Luffy laughed, and said, "Okay! Let's go!" Stepping up to the railing, he leapt over, and clung to Nami as he held his breath before they slapped into the water.

As they bobbed back up, he grinned, wrapping his arms around her to keep her securely against him. They stayed like that a moment to catch their breaths, and he then grinned toothily until she moved in just the slightest. Blood erupted from his nose, and he covered it quickly as she blushed hard.

She said, "Um …"

The fall to the water, having been rough enough of a landing, had pushed Nami's top over her breasts so that they were bare against his chest. Nami attempted to push him away, but he had enough sense to tighten his grip on her, and shook his head hard, nodding up to Sanji who was still watching the two. With one arm around his shoulders, she bit back a groan as she covered her heated face with her free hand.

Luffy knew exactly what their chests against each other were doing to him, but he could see quite plainly that Nami was discomfited. As much as he enjoyed how soft she was, he realized that she wouldn't take too kindly to his other reaction – should she take note of it.

Sanji said, "Oi, Luffy, why're you bleeding?"

"It's just a condition," Nami said, and he grinned at her when she continued, "he has to bend his head down so the blood goes out his nose, and close his eyes tight so the blood doesn't go out that way." She whispered as if he might have not understood that her lie had been an order, "Close your eyes or I'll rip your arms out." Louder, she said, "Sanji-kun, could you prepare some cocoa? It'll make him feel better when we come out."

"Yes, Nami-san!" And he twirled away.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Luffy waited while Nami backed up just a bit, allowing him to hold onto her shoulders while she adjusted her bikini top. When she touched his shoulder, and said, "Okay," he opened his eyes with a wide smile for her.

"You got me cocoa! Thanks, Nami." Briefly splashing water onto his face to wash the blood, he tilted his head, and said, "So are we going to swim this time?"

Raising a fine eyebrow at him, she giggled, and nodded before she carefully slid her hands down his arms and to his own hands before she separated a bit from him. He could feel the movement of the water surrounding their legs as she kicked, and he admired her fluid legs. The waves lapping their bodies, and the water swirling around their legs was strangely rhythmic and gentle. Her kicking instigated their gradual course around the Thousand Sunny, and for the first couple of meters, he allowed Nami to just tow him along after.

However, she kicked his leg with a frown for him before she continued to move them through the water. The kick had not been harsh or jarring, but a tender nudge against his thigh. Nami said, "Come on, you have to kick with me."

"I'm just getting a feel for it," he said, swirling his legs a bit in the water that she was churning. "I like how you feel."

Nami smacked him, beginning to kick him in a not so friendly manner, and, though the momentum was lost in the water, he managed to grasp hold of the notion that his navigator wasn't pleased with him – especially when she started using the heel of her Mystery Shoes.

She said, "What the hell's wrong with you? At first, I thought you were a gentleman about it, but you really just wanted to feel me up, didn't you!?"

"Huh!? Nami, I didn't mean you-you! I meant the water!"

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

Luffy did his best to avoid her persisting assaults as he said, "I like how you move in the water. It – it makes the water move too, and I like how that feels!"

Her legs slowed, and she gaped at him as if he might have suddenly spoken poetry, "Say what now?"

Grinning when she ceased, he said, "When you move, the water does too!"

"Of course, it moves," she said. "If it didn't, we wouldn't be able to swim."

"So … water doesn't move for me?"

"Huh?"

Nami swam closer, moving her hands up his arms to grasp his shoulders instead. For a moment, he wondered why she didn't want to press against him to hide her nudity, but didn't care about the slip and slide of her hands on his skin or how her bikini showed so much more than some wet shirt.

He said, "When I'm normal … when you're not touching me, the water doesn't move for me, right? Since I'm not able to actually swim, I can't move it like it does for you …"

Nodding, Nami said, "That's right. You ate a Devil Fruit, so you're cursed, and you can't move in the water."

"I can move … a little bit … kind of," he scratched his upper lip, and smiled cheekily at her. "But what if it's the water that doesn't move? I can't move a lot, but I know that I can. It's like struggling against a wall or … I'm stuck in something solid." Kicking his legs to prove to himself that he could indeed move, he touched her forehead to his gently, and he watched her blush at his closeness, "So what's moving? Me or the sea?"

"You … like being able to feel the water move against you instead of dragging you down," she said, and he nodded.

"I've never felt it before … or, at least, I was never able to treasure it like this."

At this point, her entire face was cherry, and he touched her cheek gently to feel the warmth. Her lips parted, and she closed her eyes with a visible swallow which Luffy saw with the movement of her throat.

He said, and put his hand on her forehead, "Are you okay? You're all red, and I think you have a fever."

Punching him, she said, "Never mind, you jerk!"

!#$&()+

She stomped unhappily after Sanji and Luffy.

They had decided to stop at another island that they had come across en route to the City of Emeralds. This island, completely engulfed with forests, was similar to Sanji the Scarecrow's island in that it was difficult to find any food.

When the island had appeared on the horizon, Nami immediately ordered them to dock so that she wouldn't have to eat anymore sea monsters or fish – both of which she was quite sick of. The random mandarin orange here and there to placate her wasn't helping anymore, and if she didn't have a change in diet, she knew that she would tear out Sanji's straw, and then do some actual damage to Luffy – for his rubbery body usually blocked the worst of her onslaughts.

Not that she had beaten him since that night in the ocean.

Nami could have slapped herself for what she had almost done. Of course, she had known that Luffy hadn't been talking about anything except the sea, but the notion that, perhaps, he was talking to her had caused Nami to act like some foolish girl with a crush. The last few nights, he had asked to swim again, but she had flatly refused, not wanting another repeat of either night.

Each time, Luffy had revealed some previously unseen chivalrous traits, and she didn't want to delude herself by thinking that he had meant all of it just for her. After all, she had imagined that he had been subtly referring to her throughout his entire spiel of unmovable waters unless the two of them touched …

"Guh," she covered her beet red cheeks, pouting at his back. Stupid Luffy! Making me think he might kiss me.

"But what if it's the water that doesn't move?"

Swallowing nothing, she glanced up at him again, You are the one that's making me think about kissing you … right? … Or is it just me?

"Co …"

Nami blanched, and stopped walking, glancing around quickly, "What the …?"

"Ah? Nami?" She looked at Sanji and Luffy who had both stopped in the middle of the woods to walk back to her.

"Did you two say something?"

"No, why?"

"La …"

Bracing herself, she looked around again, "I heard it again. There's someone talking."

"I know," Luffy said, and she looked at him expectantly. "We're talking."

She stared at him with a deadpan expression until he whistled, and walked away quickly. Nami said, "Someone's here though!"

"Co …… la …"

With a sigh, she covered her eyes, nearly ashamed, and said, "… Franky? Franky, is that you?"

"Franky!?" Luffy turned back to search the woods in excitement, bounding over logs and around the trees, "Oi! Franky! Where'd you go?"

While Sanji watched on, following slowly in confusion, she ran after Luffy and toward the sound of Franky's voice. Seeing a house sitting in the woods, she took a quick glimpse of the surrounding forest before she grinned, heading toward a familiar stature.

"Co … la …" Franky said with his jaw obviously lodged in place, and only able to move his eyes to look at her pleadingly. "In … house …"

Smiling to placate him – but truly, the wicked gleam in her eyes terrified instead of consolidated him – she headed into the little house to find his Cola bottles. She made a face when she realized that his fridge had only Cola in it, but she grabbed a few bottles anyway to open, and take to him. She hesitated long enough to consider asking him to say 'please,' but thought better of it, and just upended the Cola into his mouth.

It was Franky's turn to make a face, but he seemed to appreciate the help all the same, and chugged it down like a pro.

As she aided the man in refueling, she inspected his changes. Here, it appeared that his body was made entirely of iron instead of solely his nose, but little else had changed. Nami supposed that – since he was iron – he didn't actually need to wear pants, but why he had decided to retain the brightly styled shirt and not a black Speedo, she didn't know or want to know.

In any case, however, she was glad that he didn't have anything down there since she had seen enough of Franky in Water 7.

"Luffy," she said when Franky gradually started to move his jaw and neck. "He's over here!"

Her captain popped out from the woods, a grin stretching beyond ear-to-ear, and clapped Franky's back with a hand, "Hey, Franky!"

"Ah? Little sprat, what's with your friendly attitude?" He said after a moment, and then he rotated his shoulders with a bit of effort. "Oi, little sister, could you get some more? I don't think I'm charged all the way. It'd be greatly appreciated."

"Sure," she said, going into the house to gather some more bottles. Counting up the Cola in her head, she considered all the bottles in the fridge, and then all the bottles that he likely had stashed and hidden from Luffy on Sunny. After a quick calculation, she nodded, satisfied that they might pull through just fine, and then brought out the bottles to the iron man.

When she came out, she discovered the two talking animatedly, and she caught the rest of what Franky was saying, "It's only been about a year, I think. No wonder that Cola's so stale. Yech! It's not so super, but once I dump out the fridge, I can head to the store to refill it."

Opening the bottles, Nami put it to Franky's mouth so he could drink, seeing as his arms didn't look quite up to par. She said, "So, let me guess. You ran out of fuel, and shut down right here."

After he finished the bottle, he nodded with a bit more surety, and said, "Yeah, I was just on my way back too." Wriggling his fingers, he grinned, and took a bottle himself to crack it open, and chugged it all down in what looked like three gulps, "Aah! That's much better! I'll be able to get some fresh Cola in no time."

"So …" she brightened, "there's a store near here?"

"Just down the road," he said. "I'll show you the way when I'm ready for walking."

Finally catching up – for Sanji hadn't seemed as excited about some man named Franky – he took one look at the iron man, and said, "What kind of freak is that?"

"Speak for yourself!"

"Well, what the hell kind of man is made of metal!?"

"I'm that kind of man," Franky said, and then rotated his shoulders again before he lifted a knee to test it, and then set it down to lift the other knee. "I wasn't always made of iron though."

"Hah?" Luffy leaned up on his toes, grinning up at him, and said, "What were you made of? Meat?"

"Luffy!"

"That's right!" Franky said, "I used to be flesh and blood just like you two before the … uh … accidents." He scratched his chin nervously – obviously some kind of built-in nervous habit which he stopped instantly when the metal against metal made a shrill scraping noise.

Nami said, "So what happened?"

"Some gorgeous witch broad cursed my axe a long time ago," he said. "I had a good life back then. I was the leader of a super crew of lumberjacks, and every day was super!"

"Super," she said with a raised brow.

Clearing his throat with a grin, he said, "I guess she got jealous though. She cursed my axe, one day, and I was just hacking away at some trees when I chopped off my arm." The three blanched, but Franky only shrugged, "Didn't matter to me really, so I built myself a new arm, and was back to work. Then I chopped off the other, and built a new one. It was about then that I figured it had something to do with the axe, but the witch broad kept cursing every axe I picked up, and, soon, all I had left of myself was my head."

"So," Luffy said when they all tilted their head in their inspection of his iron head, "what happened to your head?"

"I lopped it off too!" He said, laughing. "I was almost completely machine at that point though, so it didn't matter one bit! I made a new head, and kept working. Since I'm iron, I couldn't cut myself with my axe even if I tried."

"Wow!"

Franky patted the back of his neck then, frowning to himself a bit, "It's kind of a shame though. Sure, I'm made of iron, and I don't think I could ever die, but …" He touched his chest, looking down at it a little sadly, "I lost everything that made me a real man."

Luffy said, "Like your balls?"

"Yeah, like my – Shut the hell up!"

Pushing her captain's face out of the way, Nami said, "What do you mean, Franky?"

Standing taller, but with his head down, Franky punched his own iron chest with a loud clanging, "I have no brain or heart! Even though I'm alive, the Wicked Witch of the West Blue still won in the end."

"Eh? How could she win?"

He said, "I was standing there for a whole year … Think about it. Wouldn't someone have come looking for me if they had missed me? I got nothing anymore. At least, when I had my head, I had a little bit of sense, but when even that was gone … along with my heart … I lost my team. I was their leader – their big brother! But without the things that made me a real man, I forgot about them. I abandoned them and everything I loved."

"Well," Sanji said, "I'm coming with these two to get a brain from the Wonderful Wizard of Oda. You could get one too."

"No," he shook his head with a little creak. I was there for a whole year, and all I had to do was think. In that whole year, I realized that of everything that I don't have, I miss my heart the most."

"Maybe the wizard-guy could give you one," Luffy said.

"That's absurd," Nami said. "You guys are all so full of it. The only thing the wizard could help us with is finding the way back to the Grand Line! Nobody can give out brains and hearts to people." Without thinking, she jabbed her finger at Luffy's chest, "Hell, you don't have a heart or a brain either."

He blinked, staring at her impassively before he said, "We won't know until we try, Nami."

Flushing darkly at her impassioned slip, she said, "Fine, the moron can come with us. It's not like there aren't two guys already on the ship without hearts and brains."

"That's not true!" She glanced at Sanji when he knelt in front of her, and ripped open his shirt, causing her to gape at the heart painted in the middle of his cloth chest, "I have a heart, and it beats only for you!"

She almost slapped her forehead before she thought better of it, realizing that Sanji's head was in kicking reach, and acted upon it.

!#$&()+

Well … Usopp didn't show up in this chapter like I thought he might, but that's okay since I got in a big heap of Naffy-ness that I didn't know I had in me. :D Everyone wins? Things might start to show some angst after this, but I'll keep Nami in control – or at least in as much control as anyone can get Nami in … I'll get her some pearls. XP Next up, Usopp will make his appearance! Also … XP I shall refuse to answer to anyone guessing who the Wonderful Wizard of Oda is. Besides, who says it's even a dude?

Kurai Kaminari: Aw, thank you so much, and thanks for the review!

Rakara: XP I refuse to respond to that! Thanks for reviewing! … Naffy forever!

Midori Blue: Hee! Everyone seems so excited about Sanji. I'm glad you all think he's been characterized right. He's actually one of the easier characters to play with, I think … Thanks for reviewing!

Sheri-chan: XP Yeah, I thought it would be a cute idea. I'm glad everyone likes the non-DFied Luffy too! (XP … deified! Well, that's what it sounds like, ne?) Thanks for the review!

Nehszriah: Yay! I'm getting Sanji down! I was a little worried about all his odd speeches in that last chapter, but I suppose that if I was a scarecrow, and Nami was the first woman I'd ever seen too, then I'd … be much like him, ne? Thanks for reviewing!

Sonicmario: :D Oh, okay! That makes more sense. Not exactly as proud of Scattering Nami's Joy as I am of all the others, and this story is turning out to be a lot of fun. Other couples, other couples … Hmmm … Maybe some FrankyxRobin. Franky's a stud, don't you know! And … well, I really like quite a few of the girls with Luffy, actually. I may even unveil … :D some very sinister-ish story later. Fuhahahaha! … Well, maybe anyway – I only have the couple in mind, and not any particular plot. Thanks for reviewing!

wheathermangohanssj4: XP Maybe! Also, Naffy is … kind of an inside-ish joke in the LuffyxNami community in LJ. I translated a doujinshi where Nami and Luffy's shadows mix, and Luffy names it 'Naffy.' It was priceless. And I was just joking with the Solo Loco guy, so no taking it seriously. Thanks for the review!

Kaiser Aldamon: XP I refuse to respond to that! Thanks for reviewing!

Irenukia:

P.S.

It's my birthday today!

!#$&()+