The Wonderful Wizard of Oda

OR

In Which Alastair Loses All Respect and Credibility as an Author

Haven't the Foggiest

Damp, a little tired, and with a mug of ale in his hand, Luffy sat beside Usopp, clapping his hand on his back in greeting. He, Sanji and Franky had been lounging about on the deck while Luffy had dragged his navigator into the water. It was several minutes later that he realized they were watching him silently.

He blinked, glancing at them, and tilted his head, waiting awhile before he said, "What?"

Franky cocked his iron head, looking at him with one eye until he said, "You're pretty close to sister Nami, aren't you?"

"Mmm … yeah," he said. "I like her a lot."

"What!? Sweet and delicate Nami-san shouldn't even breathe the same air as you!"

"What …" Franky surged to his feet, covering his eyes with a bulky forearm, "What heart! Boldly proclaiming his passion with no worries about how others will see him. If I am so lucky, I wish that the wiz kid gives me half the heart that you have!"

"What!? You want half of my heart?"

"Ah …" He waved a hand, "No, no. That's not what I said." Sitting back down, he slapped his knees with a sharp clang of metal, and said, "I mean what's in your heart."

Luffy blinked, "My blood?"

Chopping his foot on top of his head, Sanji said, "You idiot!"

"He means," Usopp began, "what your heart is made of – the caliber and passion in your heart." He seemed to pause awhile before he shrugged with an embarrassed smile, "And the courage too. You're pretty brave to deal with that Nami girl – she's pretty scary."

"I love Nami-swan even when she's scary!"

Scratching his head, Luffy glanced between the three before he just grinned, "Yeah, but I still like her."

"Mmm, Nami-san's right though." Sanji said, "You don't have a lot of brains."

Usopp grinned, "He seemed to know how to cool her off by dragging her into the water though." He nudged Luffy's shoulder, and said, "That's pretty sly in my book, and it's brave."

"With a great deal of heart!" Franky chimed in, raising his arms above his head to form the blue star painted on his great iron arms.

Blinking at them, Luffy glanced back and forth around the three before he scratched his head. He said with a pout, "I just wanted to go swimming with her, but she kept saying no."

"So …" Usopp sniggered, poking Luffy's shoulder, "are you going to tell her?"

"Tell her what?"

Franky plopped down on Luffy's other side, "That you like her!"

"I think she knows already."

"So? That doesn't mean that Nami-san knows for sure." Luffy looked at Sanji who looked like he was on the verge of bursting into flames again, "How dare you think of not giving Nami-san the happiness she might find in you! You either don't tell her, and regret it for the rest of your life, or tell her, and show her your true feelings. Love is always a hurricane! Brave the storm or be engulfed by it!"

Breaking into harsh sobs, Franky stood to join the straw chef, "You said it best! I love you guys – ow, yeah!"

"Luffy!" He glanced back to see a much less soggy Nami on the deck, and he smiled at her, "I'm done with the shower. It's all yours now."

Usopp crammed his elbow into Luffy's stomach this time, "Go tell her."

Pulling a face, he looked from the lion to the others with a narrowed eye before he got up to jog after Nami who was going to her room, "Oi, Nami, wait."

"Hm?" She turned around, and put her hands on her trim waist, where his eyes went to momentarily before they went back to her brown eyes. Starting to smile warmly, he crossed his arms, and braced his legs on the deck by spreading them to shoulder width.

Then he blinked, and tilted his head to look around her and at the fog into which they were rapidly moving, "Oi, what's that?"

!#$&()+

"Well, shit," Sanji said as he carefully laid Nami in her bed. He waved at the fog that had come down even into her room, and then went up to join Franky at the helm. "Do you see a way out yet?"

"Nothing," he said. "It's just us and the fog. You don't think this stuff's bad for them, do you?"

Sanji said, "As far as I can tell, they're breathing fine, but they don't wake up no matter what I do."

Scowling through the fog, he said, "All we can do is plow straight ahead … It's a good thing that we don't have to breathe at all."

"Indeed," said Sanji, looking at the mist blanketed over their surroundings. It took him a moment, but when he realized what was happening, his painted eye widened in slight alarm, "Are … we moving?"

"Nope," Franky said.

"What!? Why not?" He glanced down to where he could see the anchors, and then he raised a hand to see if his straws would bend in the breeze. There was a breeze, but Sunny's anchor-paws were still in place, and the rocking of the waves did little to move the ship. Turning to face the iron man, he said, "Is … Sunny asleep too?"

With a sigh, Franky decided to leave the helm to join his side, "That's what it looks like."

"Ships aren't supposed to fall asleep!"

"Well, this ship just did!"

"Shit! If we don't get Sunny out of this fog, how're we supposed to wake them up?"

Franky scratched his nose with the creaking of metal, and said, "Hell if I know, but I can't swim for with an iron body, and you can't swim because your straw would scatter. Well … I probably can still swim, but I'd never be able to pull a ship after me."

"Are there any lifeboats on this ship? I didn't see any on the sides …"

"How should I know? I didn't build this ship!"

Slumping against the railing, Sanji sighed, looking out over the water and into the fog, "This is bad … if we can't move the ship, we can't get out, and if we can't get out, they won't wake up … My sweet Nami-swan will starve to death in silent slumbering agony! Oh, how my painted heart clenches in her same agony!"

The iron man sniffed momentarily before throwing his head back to cry, "I don't have a heart, but even a heartless man can feel this torture! My dear brothers and little sister …!"

I can help.

Hearing the sound first, Sanji gazed out into the ocean a bit before he tilted his stuffed head, "Oi, Franky …"

"Bwuhahaha! Shut it! I ain't crying, jerk!"

"Oi! Shitty woodsman!"

Please, I can help.

Pausing his tears, Franky blinked a few times ahead at nothing before he rose his head a bit more, "What the …? Just what was that?"

"You heard-?"

Please. Let me help. I'll tow you out.

Running toward the starboard bow, Sanji looked out and around only to then see nothing, and then looked down. His eye widened, "Hm? Oi, Franky, there's a ship over here!"

"Hmm?" Franky looked over the railing, and raised his sunglasses to squint down, "Hey, down there! You say you're going to help?"

Tie a rope to the stern, and I'll pull you along.

"That's a pretty small tub you got there. Are you sure you can do it?"

"Merry can do it," a different voice said, and something finally moved on the ship. A man walked from the mast to the stern of the ship, shading his eyes to look up at them. "You better hurry or even Merry and I won't get you out of here."

"Yeah? And who are you?"

"Roronoa Zoro, the Sleeping Swordsman," Zoro yawned widely then, and then waved the fog away from his face. "Since I'm always sleeping, this fog doesn't affect me much if I pass through it. You better hurry though. Merry could fall asleep any moment."

"You …" Sanji gaped, and said, "you just have a bandana over your face, you halfwit! No wonder you're not asleep yet!"

Gripping one of the three blades at his waist, he said, "Shut it! I'm still your only way out of the fog!"

I better lead, Zoro, or we'll be staying in the fog.

"Yeah, yeah," he said, and then waved up at them. "Throw a rope down, and I'll tie you guys up to Merry! She'll get us out of here, no problem."

!#$&()+

Luffy blinked up at the ceiling of the men's bunker a few times before he sat up with a gasp. Glancing about quickly, he touched his head, and then his chest before he took a deep breath of fresh air. The air in the room still smelled a little like that fog had, but he wondered he could see none of it.

Standing, he went to get on the deck, looking around to see that Sanji was setting a table on the grassy deck, and he started to drool.

"Food!"

When he surged forward, Sanji lifted his leg so that Luffy's face would crash into the bottom of his foot.

"Wait for Nami-san to wake up!"

Blinking at Sanji for a moment, he then perked up, "I'll go see if she's awake." Running off before he could say otherwise, Luffy turned around to go to the women's room, and knelt beside the bed to smile at her sleeping face. He poked her, "Nami? Oi, Nami."

Eyes fluttering slightly, she stared at him before she groaned, and sat up. She said, "Good morning …?"

He grinned, hitting his knees, and said, "Great! You're awake now. Let's eat."

Laughing softly, she sat up to rub her tired eyes before she blinked, "Oh … Luffy, weren't we on the deck just now?"

"Hmm?" He stared at her, thinking back before he said, "Oh, yeah, we were. I was going to tell you something."

"How did we get here then?"

"I don't know," he said. "Doesn't matter though. I really like you."

"What do you mean it doesn't matter?" She sighed, touched her hair, and rose only to stop short in front of the door. Turning, Nami said, "Wait. What did you just say?"

Standing in front of her, he grinned, taking her wrists firmly, "I really, really like you."

Nami yanked her hands away immediately, "What!?"

Pouting, his cheeks bunched up, and he said, "I like you, Nami. That's what I was going to tell you."

"You …?" Facing away abruptly, she began anew with a more composed demeanor, "Of course, you do! We're friends" – she winked over her shoulder at him – "and I am beautiful young woman. I'm not surprised at all."

He leaned in, and kissed her cheek, "Great, let's go eat then."

When he was in the dining room, seated, and ready to eat, Nami had followed him up, stomping her feet and generally making some kind of sound – almost as if she was about to scream. Thus, when he was at the table, she reached over, and tugged at his cheek, pinching hard when his face didn't stretch due to her Mystery Shoes. She said, "What was that for?"

"Hey! What was that for?" Pulling away from her grip, he rubbed his cheek.

"You …!" She seemed to notice the others staring at her, and she huffed before she continued in a quieter voice, "You just kissed me. Why?"

"Because I like you, remember?"

"That doesn't mean you can just …" she attempted to glare the others away, but it didn't work. Franky just gulped down his Cola, kicked back in a dining room chair as if watching some sort of theatrical act and Usopp looked between the two and his meal. Sanji just watched.

He said, "Why can't I?"

Shaking her head as if to regain her senses, she said, "No, no. You just can't. It doesn't work that way. I – I didn't even tell you if I liked you back."

"Well," he said, "it doesn't matter."

Her jaw would've hit the floor if she had eaten the Gomu Gomu no Fruit, "Of course, it matters! It always matters!"

He smiled at her with a mouthful of food before swallowing it, and then planted his hand on the top of her head, "If you hate me or if you like me back, it wouldn't change my feelings at all." Her cheeks darkened red, but it didn't look like she was going to smack him, so he continued, "So it doesn't matter, Nami."

!#$&()+

Meh. Good enough place to end right there … :D Which kind of makes it a cliffhanger, but watch me not care.

tkaa: Updated! XP

strawberryalchemist: I can call him whatever I may well please. Like grass-face, and seaweed-patch, and baby shit head, and the Thing. And if you haven't noticed, I'll be changing my Zolo's to Zoro's anyway – nothing you said, but now I just don't feel like typing out Zolo anymore. And …! Now you know who he is.

cherrichik: I will not respond to that question …! Well, at least we know that Zoro isn't the Wizard. Actually, Zoro and Merry represent the mouse queen and her people that help to pull the Lion out of that field of flowers, so … XP Hah!

Sonicmario: I have no idea (lamest answer ever).

Nehszriah: That's a great goal. –nod nod- Seems that the site's back to normal now, so yay-ness.

Random Anonymous: Okay! I'll do my best!

catho: Indeed! The "No, it's not" thing was kind of stolen from when Luffy was convincing Chopper to join – he was talking really randomly when he was doing it, and I thought it was hilarious. Well, now that Sanji can burst into flames, I thought it'd be funny before I remembered this version is made of straw, so … Yeah, need to remember that these guys are made of different stuff now. XP Thanks!

Sheri-chan: :D Aw, thanks!

wheathermangohanssj4: Actually, it doesn't say whether or not it's Kairouseki, but Luffy and Nami know that the real Sanji wouldn't be happy if they destroyed the lock he's always wanted.

Irenukia: And I love your reviews! Thank you!

!#$&()+