Always"
----
"After I learned about what had happened, I blamed myself. I still blame myself sometimes for not protecting her... and now that Jin's in danger too..." His voice trailed and Katara's hand on his knee called him back to the present. "After waiting for three weeks, I finally decided to see her"
----
"I'm sorry, but Mai does not wish to have any visitors," explained Mai's mother apologetically.
"I have to see her," said Zuko desperately. "It's important."
"No," said her father, now stepping in. "She's been through enough and needs her rest, Prince Zuko. We'll gladly tell her you stopped by. Good day." And the door was closed on him. Zuko growled angrily. He was the prince of the Fire Nation. Surely they hadn't the right to deny him entrance wherever he wished. Arguing with them would be a waste of time though as they were more protective of her than ever. He had to find another way.
Peaking around the house he spotted Mai's bedroom window, cursing the fact that it was on the second floor rather than somewhere he could reach. But he had to try anyway. He jumped over the fence and ran, stopping just beneath it and then picked up a hanful of small stones, tossing one up towards her window. Nothing happened. He tossed another, but still there was no response. Then, just before he could throw his third, her head poked out and he dropped it on the ground.
She looked down at him and even from up there he could see the pain radiating from her eyes. "Mai..." he called softly.
"What do you want?" she asked, her voice almost devoid of emotion. She looked like a shell from up there.
"Can I please talk to you?" he asked. She sighed, looking around then called down, "I'll be right down. Don't move." Even in those words there was a lack of emotion.
A few minutes later she was walking up to him, and now that he could get a better veiw of her, he could tell the damage was much worse than he'd seen from his glimpse of her from the window. His heart broke and guilt overwhelmed him. But now he had no idea what to do, how he could possibly console her after what had happened. The words weren't coming to him and he felt almost useless. "Want to go for a walk?" he asked her gently. She looked hesitant and he realized her trust in anyone was very limited. He'd have to prove to her that he was safe. "Just over there by the tree?" he asked. When she had time to analyze it and decide it wasn't too far from her house, she nodded in agreement and walked with him, keeping a safe distance.
When they reached the tree they sat down together, across from each other, and he stared at her face for a long time, almost feeling as though her pain was flowing into him. He wished so badly now that he could find the words to say. But the more he tried to find them, the further they seemed. Perhaps he wasn't supposed to talk, he soon realized. Perhaps what she needed more was someone to listen to her. "Mai," he said softly. "You want to talk about it?" She looked up at him unsure. "You want to talk to me about anything at all? Anything that's bugging you? I'm here to listen to you, not hurt you."
In her eyes, he saw the barriers fall and he knew she was now trusting him. She closed her eyes tightly and when she opened them again tears were falling like rain. He reached his arms out to her and she fell into them, burrying her face into his chest and clasping on to his shoulders with tight fists. Zuko held her close, stroking her head comfortingly, and they stayed like that for nearly an hour. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you," he said softly when her sobs began to soften. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me. But I swear I'll protect you from now on. I won't let anyone hurt you again. I'll always protect you."
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Promise..." she whispered.
"I do promise," he replied.
----
"It took nearly a month but she was soon back to visiting my sister again, and every evening I walked her home to make sure she got there safely. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing." He sighed and looked out at the moon. "Even though I gave her my promise, I never regained the feelings I'd had for her. Unfortunately her's only grew deeper, and she let me know quite often that she wanted me to love her. I wanted to... but I didn't.
The night of the Agni Kai was the last time I saw her"
----
Mai went running into the infirmiry, pushing past doctors until she reached the entryway to Zuko's room. "There will be a permanent scar. He will carry it the rest of his life, I'm afraid," she could hear one of the doctor's explain.
"I care not about what happens to him. Tomorrow board him on a warship and send him away. As of tonight, he is exiled from the Fire Nation." Mai knew the terrible voice of the Firelord too well. It still gave her chills, and she was not surprised at all to hear him acting so heartless towards his own son.
"I will go with him then. He will need someone to help complete his training," said another voice. It was Iroh's, Zuko's uncle.
"Do what you must. I'm leaving. When I return tomorrow, he had better not be here." Mai heard him coming and hid behind a corner, not wanting to take her chances with him after seeing what damage he'd done to his own son.
"You sleep now, Zuko. Everything will get better in the morning," said Iroh's voice gently, and soon she heard him leave as well, shortly followed by any doctors in that room. Mai took in a deep breath and stepped out, hurrying into Zuko's room before she was discovered. When she stepped inside his face was bandaged up and he was staring at the ceiling, tears rolling down his cheek.
"Zuko..." she gasped, hating the sight before her, and she ran to him, dropping to her knees at his bedside. He looked at her and his expression softened.
"Mai!" he half exclaimed. She reached over taking his hand and tried not to stare at the bandage.
"Does it hurt much?" she asked. He nodded. "How could he do this? Zuko... how could he?" Zuko couldn't answer her and she finally had to look away,
unable to bear the sight.
"I've been exiled," he said coldly. "They're sending me away in the morning."
"Don't talk about it..." said Mai suddenly. "Please... I don't want to think about that now. It's just us now, and we're alone. Let's make the most of it before dawn." He closed his eyes and she held his hand tighter.
"I'm sorry I can no longer protect you..." he said softly. "I'm sorry I won't be there anymore..."
"I'll come find you," said Mai suddenly. "I'll find a way. We won't be apart long, I promise."
"No," said Zuko. "Where I'm going... you can't follow, and it's better that way. You'll be able to find someone else to fall in love with... someone who will be able to love you more than I ever could. You'll find the one you're meant to be with."
"Don't talk like that, Zuko. Don't do it! I want to be with you!" Tears flooded her eyes and she burried her face into the mattress, weeping softly.
"Please don't cry..." he said softly, sitting up. "I have something I wanted to give you..." He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a small hand woven bracelet. "I made this for you yesterday, and I give it to you with the promise that we will always be friends." She looked up at him with tears and he took her wrist gently to tie it on. "And perhaps someday I'll return for you."
She stared at the bracelet for a moment then looked up at him. "Promise..." she whispered, choking on tears. Zuko sighed, knowing he shouldn't. But the more he thought about it... he was more than likely never going to return, and at least saying the words would bring her some comfort. And he hated seeing her so sad.
"Someday I'll return for you, I promise..."
----
Zuko closed his eyes and lowered his head. "You all said before what had happened to Jin was not my fault... but it truly is. I created the pain inside Mai that's driving her to such terrible lengths. I made her promises I wasn't going to keep, and now the one I love more than life has to pay for it."
"Zuko... you were 14 and things were crazy," said Katara softly.
"It doesn't matter. I made the mistake and now I need to face the consequences. I'm unsure on what will happen to Mai, but she will not hurt Jin. That's a promise."
"You know... now that we know about this... I kinda makes sense why Mai is the way she is..." said Aang suddenly. "Why she always seems to empty of emotion."
"She went through so much pain that the only way to survive was to become numb to every emotion," said Suki. "That's why her face always seems to blank. To allow any emotion at all means running the risk of letting hurt in again."
"She was like that after the rape," said Zuko. "It was like she'd become a shell of her former self. She only let herself show any feeling when she was around me because she knew I was always going to be there to protect her. And now I have to fight her which will only bring her more pain." He paused for a moment then shook his head. "When we find her, give me a chance to talk with her alone, try and reason with her. I don't want to give her more pain than I already have. I don't want to fight her unless I absolutely have to."
"We'll give you whatever time you need," said Katara.
"And we'll be right behind you, big guy," said Sokka. Toph turned her face at him and gave him a funny look.
"Big guy?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. Sokka paused and looked around embarassed.
"What?" he asked. "It just... seemed like the right moment?" They all continued to stare at him. "I'm just gonna... keep an eye on Appa for a while." He turned and Katara rolled her eyes smiling a little.
----
(A/N: Believe it or not, Zuko's scene with Mai where he lets her cry on him was actually inspired by Marilyn Manson. Normally I'm against everything that man stands for, being a Christian and all, but one time I saw an interview with him, talking about the Columbine incident and the man asked him what he would have said to the survivors if he had gotten the chance to talk to them. His response was "I wouldn't have said anything. I would have listened to them, which is exactly what no one did." First time I've ever agreed with him on anything. It's very common in the midst of a tragedy for people to not stop and shut up and just listen to the victim, and 9 times out of 10, the victim would rather have someone listen to them rather than having to listen to someone run their mouth on and on. R&R!)