Chapter 11: Titles and Time
Cicero was sent for immediately after the senate adjurned. Ursa was also informed of the emperor's wish for her to join him that evening at dinner. She sighed heavily. He and several other men around the palace had repeatedly told her how beautiful she was. Did he wish to display her to his friends and other nobles like a piece of art? That was low, perhaps the norm in the palace for his women, but low nonetheless. The other women were allowed to help her prepare for the evening, but Ursa refused. She had to get to Tertullian's archives and get as much as she could in a small amount of time. She bathed for a brief moment to satisy the demands of the older and more formidable women, but then hurried off towards the archives. She wore a fairly simple vestment; a gown of pale lavendar (requested by Lucilla to show that the girl had somewhat of a higher place than most of the concubines and possibly shame her brother), and only her silver jewlery that her travels and so on had given her. He hair was unbraided or propped up, but the natural waves seemed to set her shoulders and face into a lovely shape. Ursa ignored the reactions of the guards at her beauty and went into the office where Tertullian sat making a second copy of the edict from that morning. He looked up and smiled.
"You really are interested in this, aren't you?", Tertullian asked. Ursa nodded slightly.
"I will need to be informed when the emperor goes to dinner this evening, I am to be there as well.", she stated breathlessly.
"My goodness! What on earth are you doing here? You should be getting ready.", he argued.
"I am ready. I need to look at the documents from the past six months in regards to Praetorian activity.", she stated. Tertullian looked at her curiously. "Time is a factor for the moment, sir. I must hurry."
He nodded and showed her to a large set of shelves that was slowly being filled with documents from the senate and the scribes. She sighed and began to pick them up one by one. Within a mere minute, she had learned which were sealed and meant for the Praetorians, the senate, or other dignitaries. She looked through the orders to the Praetorians furiously. To her surprise, the documents bearing Commodus's seal and signature were solely about sending Praetorians into the private sectors to keep peace with specific orders as to what were infractions on the law. The infractions were typical; theft, disturbing the peace, violence, sedition, and murder. She looked through a few more, noticing that the ones that bore only the emperor's signature were orders to arrest peoples that spoke in any manner against he empire's establishment. Below was a hadwritten explanation of what that entailed. Basically speaking, any person caught using the empire in a lengthy conversation without using only words of praise were to be considered enemies of the crown. She stared at them more closely. This was not the emperor's or Tertullian's handwriting. Not to mention, the emperor's usually proud signature was slightly lopsided. These documents were of a technicality official due to bearing his signature, but did not have the seal. She slipped three of them into her garment under a fold of cloth near the sash. She gathered up the last of them and began to put them back. As she worked, Tertullian left the room to go and see about one of the other messengers he had called for, but had never appeared. She shook her head. The room was empty and too silent. She felt apprehensive enough about the night to come without this horrible lack of sound. She breathed deeply and began to sing softly. The sound of her own voice reminded her of her brother and became that much more comforting to her.
"Sleep my baby, sleep.
The stars around your cradle keep you.
Hush and close your eyes,
The moon will sing your lullabies.
While the the moon wakes the night,
Now begin your dreamland flight.
I'll always be near,
'Til the morning light is clear.
Sleep my, my baby, sleep.
The stars around your cradle keep you.
Hush and close your eyes,
The moon will sing your lullabies."
Commodus walked through the hallway towards his bedchamber to dress for the evening. He wanted desperately to be rid of these clothes and this armour. He sighed as he neared Tertullian's office. He should go in and see how the edict was coming along. He stopped at the door, standing perfectly still at the sound of a familiar young girl singing pouring from the slightly open door. He felt every nerve in his body stand on edge and hold still as if listening as well. He found the presence of mind to open the door a little more and see who was singing. The song and voice were definitely the same that he had heard from the muse in the catacombs. He felt his breath trying to rush ahead of him and find her identity first. He steadied himself and tried to stay calm, demanding that his breath be as cautious as he was. He looked towards the rows of shelves and stared at the sight of his beloved. A young girl with flowing dark hair in a simple dress of pale lavendar. The scent of jasmine still lingering from her presence at the doorway, he breathed deeply and watched. She didn't seem to notice him, but that was to his advantage for the moment. He wanted the song to continue forever and he wanted to get much closer to her to get a look and perhaps finally get ahold of her person to find out who she was. The song continued into a most beautiful second verse.
"Sleep, my baby, sleep.
It's time to herd the dreamland sheep.
Hush and close your eyes.
At peace beneath the starry skies.
While the sun goes to bed,
Lay and rest your tender head.
As song fades to day,
Sleeping in thy cradle lay.
Sleep, my baby, sleep.
The stars around your cradle keep you.
Hush and close your eyes.
The moon will sing your lullabies."
He smiled and felt a tear roll down one cheek without sadness. Her voice, it made is heart so light and happy and filled him with comfort that no human on earth had ever been able to offer. He had found himself lying awake thinking of it, it stole his concentration from every aspect of life that he really should have been focusing on government and so on. He didn't care, this was love. It had to be, there was no other explanation. His heart leapt and his body tensed as she began to turn around and climb down from the stool she was using. Her eyes met his. She gasped. He almost cried out in shock. It was that insufferable little candidate, Cicero's little sister! He suddenly realized he didn't even know the girl's name. He had never bothered to ask it. The girl jumped backwards without thinking and began to fall off of the stool onto the hard stone floor. He rushed forward instantly, terriffied that he would stand there as his beloved was hurt. It didn't matter who she had been in the rest of the palace, he had fallen madly in love with this girl in the catacombs. He caught her in both arms like a small child and looked down at her. She stared back up in disbelief.
"Sire...I...", she stammered.
"It was you. It was you all along. You were the muse in the catacombs.", he whispered. She continued to stare at him. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you come to me and tell me who you were?"
"I thought you'd be angry.", she admitted.
"Angry at what? You are the only person in the world to have ever taken me into a warm embrace without thought for reward or obligation. You are...", he trailed off and stared deeply into her eyes. "You are what I truly desire. I thought it from the moment I saw you! Now, I know it's true!"
She shifted and tried to stand on her own. "Sire, I can't be with you. I can't.", she whispered. His heart shattered slightly.
"Why?', he whispered to keep his voice from audibly cracking. He felt a storm of tears forming at the idea she would refuse him.
"You are emperor. When I am done pleasing you, you will go on to another woman who feels tenderly for you. I would simply be another woman in your bed and life. I am more contented to be that without the heartache of being fully attached to you.", she said looking away. He reached for her hair taking it and carefully turning her to face him.
"How dare you deny my heart! I have thought of nothing but your words these past days and hours! I have seen nothing but the shape of your arms in the darkness! I have heard nothing but your voice in my mind until it drives me mad to be without it!", he said beginning to feel truly desperate. He had never felt so strongly about anything before. Surely she could see that he loved her more than anything on the planet. She looked up at him, beginning to cry a little.
"You see, even now you speak to me as my ruler and not my love. It would never be right, sire. You will always be my emperor, not my husband and never my lover.", she said softly. "I gave you the warmth I did out of my tender nature, or so I've been told. You would react towards me solely out of passion."
"But I want you!", he shouted. His voice became high-pitched and sorrowful like a child denied a pet. She turned away. "Every woman in the empire wants me, why don't you?"
"Because, sire, every woman in the kingdom wants to embrace your throne, to hold your crown to her heart tenderly and kiss your signet ring. I have only been with you when you were void of all of these things. I love Commodus, not the Caesar. You cannot be both, and you must be the one for the sake of yourself and your people.", she explained. "I realize that I cannot deny you my person as you own all within our borders, but I cannot give you my heart."
He felt uncontrollably angry and sad all at once like he had so many times before, but never to this magnitude. Ursa clutched the scrolls at her belt and breathed deeply. Cicero should be happy, she would leave with him the next day and she would have the proof she needed for the cause. All the better, the emperor would be without feelings for her and she would have destroyed everything she had felt for him. It was a hopeless cause to romance an emperor, she thought. He had so much to keep his attentions, he would scarcely see a wife as more than a terribly expensive concubine anyway. She sighed and bowed low.
"I need to go and ready for the evening.", she said softly. He said nothing, but watched as she left quickly. His heart pounded madly within him. This couldn't be happening! He had felt wonderful when with her these past few days, and now she would deny everything that had caused the tenderness for him? It was insanity! He stopped and thought for a moment. His mother had told him that there was always a way to make something right if you and any other person involved were still living, always. He began to place several phrases she had spoken together with a number of clever ideas. He smiled. He would do something that night that no other emperor had ever done indeed, he would woo his beloved. She resisted him as emperor, what of him as simply a man?
Cicero sat down beside Ursa at the table. Ursa was seated at the right side of the emperor and Lucilla at the left. Lucilla looked less than happy to be sitting at this small event. Lucius, her son, tried to sit as quietly and still as possible despite his obvious disinterest in what was going on. Ursa looked at the boy and smiled. She was getting to an age where almost all of the other girls around her were toting an infant of their own. A small amount of sorrow gripped her. Cicero had carried a label all of his life being scarred and tending to her, so he had never really been given the option of marrying and having a family of his own. She would probably bear a similar label after this ordeal. The doors at the far end of the room opened. Lucilla stood instantly and everyone else followed suit. Lucilla almost shouted in surprise and indignation at what entered. Commodus approached the table wearing nothing but a tunic as simple as that which Cicero wore; no crown, no jewelry. Cicero stared at the young man in total amazement, as did Ursa. The few people standing around the table watched in silence as the plain youth approached the head of table and sat down. He looked towards his sister and nodded. The group sat down slowly. Lucilla cleared her throat.
"Brother, you are almost undressed. Are you too warm?", she asked looking away slightly.
"No, Lucilla. In fact, I haven't felt warm since yesterday. Warmth is hard for me to come by. It always has been.", he replied looking directly at Ursa. "I don't believe everyone here has been introduced. Perhaps we could begin with you, sister and get to know one another a little better?"
Lucilla scoffed and stood, stating her title and name. Lucius stood and did the same in the most grown-up manner possible. Cicero stood and looked towards the emperor in confusion. Was he mocking them or was he at something else?
"I am Cicero of the house of Meridias.", he stated carefully. Ursa stood, shaking slightly and bowed to everyone.
"I am Ursa Luna, of the house of Cicero of the house of Meridias.", she said softly. As everyone settled into a mild uneasiness, Commodus stood proudly and looked directly at Ursa.
"I am Commodus, of the house of Antonine.", he said. Lucilla gasped. Cicero simply looked up in shock and awe at this gesture. "I am very pleased to be with you both."
"Thank you, sire.", Cicero said in an off tone.
"Did I give a title for you to respect?", Commodus replied looking at the young man and his sister. "There are no titles here, just friends."
Ursa felt a twinge of something race through her. She was feeling...charmed. He was being absoloutely charming. She blushed and turned away slightly. Cicero felt anger in him. This had to be somekind of mockery. He said nothing as they ate unless asked a direct question, and even then his answers were short and not very sweet. At the close of the evening, a servant brought three bundles to the table and set them between Ursa and Commodus. He opened them, revealing the pitcher she had used to carry water, the chalice she had brought with it, and the dagger she had used to try and fend off a would be assassin at the emperor's window. She looked up at him in confusion.
"What are all those?", Cicero demanded. Part of him suspected that the words 'evidence', 'sedition', 'attempt', and 'my life' were about to be the keys to the emperor's explanation. He had heard of rulers in the past exposing treasonous nobles and such at gatherings like these. He stood up and looked directly at Commodus and Ursa in turn. "What is this?"
"This,", Commodus said holding up the silver pitcher, "...is a pitcher, Cicero. It's used to carry water. This is a chalice, you drink from it. And this is a dagger, quite handy in surprise skrimmiges.", he said with a laugh. Cicero glared at him hatefully.
"I am not a fool, I know what those things are. I want to know why they are here.", Cicero growled.
"You're being awfully ill-tempered with a man that you just a moment ago refered to as 'sire', Cicero.", Commodus said coldly. He hoped that would be the only thing needed at the moment to put the impertenant little nuissance in his place. Cicero sat down slowly and continued an angry stare at the young man sitting next to his sister. "Ursa Luna, weren't all of these in your possession at some time or another?"
Ursa opened her mouth to speak. Cicero grabbed her arm harshly. She looked at him in confusion as he shook his head slightly at her. She turned back to Commodus.
"Yes, sire. I have used them recently.",she admitted cautiously.
"To bring sustenance and protection to someone?", he asked playfully. She looked at him more inquisitively and nodded. "Isn't that indicative of that someone being someone you love?"
Ursa stood up sternly and looked at him. "I told you I had love for you and I do. I love you as I would love my brother, or your nephew over there."
"That's disturbing.", Commodus said smiling. Ursa glared at him.
"If you think for one minute that simply removing your royal 'shell' and spouting off a few clever phrases is going to change my mind then you are sadly mistaken. I have sorrowed being without my brother and away from my home! I am not going to...", Ursa began ranting. She tried to muster as much anger and indignation as possible to remove any feelings of love she really was having for him especially after he had returned with such a touching gesture. She was unable to complete the ranting when Commodus rose to meet her gaze and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her into a kiss as unexpected as the comfort she had given. Ursa felt all of her breath cease instantly and fire take its place. The world buzzed uncontrollably around her for a moment. She was sure she could hear Lucilla gasping, Lucius laughing, and her brother making threats and protesting; but none of those sounds mattered. She could hear the heartbeat of a man she had in just a few days grown to love more deeply than anything. His breath moved slowly and his heart raced, crying out her name. After a brief eternity in one another's souls, the two parted and stared at each other. Commodus took out a roll of parchment from his belt and handed it to her gently.
"This ensures your freedom and honour in the empire. You are free to go home now, Ursa Luna.", he said softly. Then looked at her more coyly. "Perhaps, though, I should call you Esther. The one who serves the king in secret, without selfish notion or personal gain."
She stared back at him in disbelief. Cicero stood and demanded Ursa follow him. It was time to go home. She continued to stare at the young man in front of her.
"You want me to leave?", she asked, feeling the same hurt that he had felt earlier that day when she had refused him.
"With all my heart, no. But I will not keep you, I love you.", he replied.
"That's nonsense! Utter nonsense! Come on, Ursa. Let's go.", Cicero said. He was beginning to feel a little desperate. Ursa turned and looked at him once more. She turned back to her beloved.
"Give me one day. I need to know that what I am feeling will be true no matter where I go and not simply in the palace alone.", she said softly. He felt his heart ache terribly at this, but nodded. If what she felt for him was genuine, and really he knew that it was, then she would be back the next night. He released her and watched her follow her brother. Cicero glared at the emperor as they turned to leave and then stopped. He turned and looked directly at the young man.
"I thank you for keeping your word, Caesar.", he said flatly. Commodus nodded to him and watched the two leave. The next few hours would feel like a cold, lonely, eternity.