Chapter 14: The Symptoms of Heartbreak
Commodus was agitated all day. He stayed away from practice with the other recruits and both the morning and afternoon meals. He stayed near the entrance of the palace for the better part of the day, pacing back and forth like an expectant father. He looked up towards the goings on in the city every now and then, but still continued to pace nervously. He sighed heavily when the sun began to shift positions towards evening. He tried to soothe his growing fear. She said she would be home for one day, that means until the time she left, he told himself. She wasn't due back until late in the evening. He sighed and sat down on one of the guest chairs and tried to slow his heart. Quintus, head of the Praetorians, had tried to discover several times what had been troubling the young man, but Commodus remained very quiet about the whole matter. No one needed to know aside from Lucilla. The guards and soldiers were impetuous, sometimes as much as he was. It was taking every ounce of strength in him to not wander into the city and find her to bring her back. He knew that his men would do that for him if it meant ending the sudden uneasiness of their ruler and making him happier. Lucilla walked up to him a moment later.
"You are needed in the senate, brother.", she said softly.
"No, I'm not. Let them gnaw at each other this afternoon, I've got enough going on to be attacked by a vicious murder of dried up old crows.", he said angrily. Lucilla glared at him. He looked down and sighed heavily. "I don't think she's coming back."
"It doesn't look like it, Commodus. She is, after all, only a peasant. She isn't bred with proper manners.", Lucilla said before turning to leave. "The senate awaits."
He groaned at the thought of facing the old cretins right now. He wanted to go back to his quarters and cry forever. Instead, he gathered his strength and pushed away every ready emotion as he walked towards the senate room. His footsteps resounded as he pressed forward, echoing a lonely chorus that reminded him he walked alone and always would.
In the small dwelling on the outskirts, Cicero and Ursa still lay sleeping side by side. Neither had stirred since the previous night and weren't missing much of the day seeing as there was little for either of them to be doing for the next week or so. Ursa began to stir as a child on the street began to shout for one of his friends. She opened both eyes and looked around. She gasped and jumped up, looking out the window.
"Oh, no! It's almost evening!", she cried. She looked down at her brother. She had to tell him that she was going back to the palace. She had intended to use this day at home to explain how she truly felt for Commodus and how he had expressed feelings that reciprocated them without a doubt. She shook him repeatedly, but the young man only groaned and fell over still sleeping. Ursa frowned. She would have to send word to him in the morning. Commodus wouldn't wait for her, he shouldn't be made to. She grabbed the pitcher and chalice she had been sent home with and raced back towards the palace as quickly as she could. Ursa arrived as the sun took its position to begin setting entirely. Quintus was passing the gates as she approached and demanded entrance. The guards at the gate tried to shoo her away, but Quintus approached and offered to see what she wanted. Ursa looked up at him frantically. "I have to see Co- I mean the emperor. He's been expecting me today. Could you take me to him?", she asked in one breath. He stared at her for a moment, then remembered how the young monarch had sat without explanation in the entranceway for hours on end. Quintus smiled. So this is what his young master had been waiting for, a girl. Quintus chuckled at the thought of the youth's heart finally belonging to someone else. He motioned for Ursa to follow him. As the two approached the main hall, he turned and spoke quietly to her.
"Caesar is meeting with the senate at the moment. I'll show you where you can...", Quintus began. He had no time to finish as Ursa bolted past him towards the senate building's entrance. He followed after, but less quickly. She stopped only for a moment at one of the fountains. After the brief rest, she raced madly into the senate. Quintus knew that it was indeed something strange for the senate to meet this late in the evening and even more strange for the emperor to be joining them. Still, that didn't explain the girl's need to rush. Surely she could wait a few extra moments to be with him. He walked into the senate slowly only moments after Ursa. Ursa pushed past the old men as politely as she could, still holding onto the pitcher and chalice carefully. She looked around frantically to see where Commodus was seated at the moment. He wasn't on the throne as he usually was in these meetings. Her heart sank.
Sitting in one of the seats that was meant for one of the senators, Commodus sat with a wicked grin on his face as the indignant senator Gracchus stood over him complaining.
"Sire, that is my position in the senate! Yours is right over there in the centre!", the old man exclaimed. The rest of the senate watched in both amusement and confusion. Commodus shifted and looked up at him more directly.
"Peace, Gracchus. I simply want to see what it's like to know everything.", Commodus retorted cruelly. Gracchus glared at him. Lucilla gasped at the sudden boldness of her brother. He had been forward and stern with the senate before, but never this malicious. "In fact, why don't you go sit over there in my usual place and see what it's like to be the, oh how did you refer to me at the colosseum yesterday to senator Gaius, oh yes! The ignorant whelp sitting there day after day on his hands taking every ridiculous idea given to him and swallowing it like an infant. Was that word for word or did I leave something out?"
The other senators gasped. Commodus was beginning to feel a little relieved at spouting off like this. He hadn't spoken his true mind in the words that he had wanted in years, now it felt marvellous. He stood up and glared at the old man like a viper.
"Is something vexing you into madness, sire?", Gracchus asked softly. Commodus growled.
"Quite the opposite senator. In fact, I think more clearly now than I ever have which leads me to believe that I belong in your place and you in mine. So go ahead, take the throne. While you're at it, take the crown!", he shouted hurling the crown at the bewildered senator. "Oh, but while wearing the crown you're a target so you'll probably need this.", with that he yanked off his breastpate and threw it at the feet of Gracchus. "And these.", he said as he threw his armbands at the man. "And probably this too!", he summized as he hurled his sword at Gracchus. Gracchus ducked, barely missing the hilt. Commodus snarled at him and turned to the rest of the senators. "Now let's see, being a senator. Where to begin? Ah yes! Fault finding." He walked over to a group of seated senators and began pointing to each one in turn as he walked past and chided them. "You're too old, you're fat, you have the face of a goat, your voice sounds like a rusted cog, you have the worst taste in clothing I have ever seen, you're short, you're just stupid, and you..." Commodus stopped in front of a young senator. "Isn't your daughter one of the lavatorium maids?" The senator stood and moved to punch the emperor in the face, but four other senators held him off. Gracchus walked over to him desperately. If Commodus made too many enemies now, he wouldn't be able to help him as he had wanted to do all along.
"What is going on in you?", Gracchus demanded.
"I told you to go and take my place!", Commodus shouted hatefully as he grabbed Gracchus's shoulder and threw him over to the throne. Everyone gasped and someone let out a tiny shriek. Commodus turned. He recognized that cry. He began to look around frantically as Lucilla helped Gracchus stand once more. He walked over to a large grouping of senators near the entrance of the room and walked up the stairs. The senators parted quickly revealing Ursa, who stood standing in disbelief. He stared at her in shock. She stared back and looked at him in terror. Was this what happened to him when he felt mild disappointments? No, she thought, this happens when his heart is broken. She gulped a little and then stared at him for a moment and then looked down. He frowned and stared back. His chin quivered in the rythm of sheer embarrassment, with a couping of surprise, happiness, confusion, and relief. At least only one of the emotions he was sporting was negative, but the embarrassment would pass once the meeting was over and he and Ursa could be alone together. He stepped a little closer to her. She took a step backwards for a moment and examined his expression closely. She saw the worry of being alone and the fear of losing her dwindling in his eyes. She smiled and walked towards him after setting the pitcher and chalice to the ground behind one of the columns. The two met halfway and embraced tightly. Commodus grasped her as tightly as he could, fearing that if he released her for even one moment she would disappear again from him. He was not about to suffer through another hour without her. She pulled away a little and looked up at him. He looked down in adoration and kissed her tenderly. Ursa touched the side of his face as he stood smiling. The rest of the senators stood murmuring softly. Gracchus walked up a few steps behind the emperor and cleared his throat. Commodus turned to him for a moment.
"If everything is in order, sire, we will leave the senate for the day.", he said with a bow. Commodus nodded to the old man and then looked at him woefully.
"I apologize for being violent with you, senator. Everything is in order, you are all dismissed.", he said softly as he turned back to Ursa. As the senators left the building, Commodus led Ursa out through the entrance to the palace, passing Lucilla. Lucilla watched in sheer rage as the young girl passed. This was wrong! She had to undo this somehow, for Lucius's sake. These two must be seperated!