Dost know thy lineage? Nay, thou know'st it not,
And all unwitting art a double foe
To thine own kin, the living and the dead;
Aye and the dogging curse of mother and sire
One day shall drive thee, like a two-edged sword,
Beyond our borders, and the eyes that now
See clear shall henceforward endless night.
- Sophocles, Oedipus the King
Chapter Six: To Build A House
"I should not have slapped you."
Shinji glanced at Rei in surprise as they ascended through a stairwell in her apartment building. "What are you talking about?"
Crimson eyes slid sideways to meet his own as they rounded a corner and continued to climb. "When you insulted the Commander," she clarified softly. "A long time ago."
"Oh, that." Shinji shook his head wearily. Though he'd been sleeping slightly better of late, the stress of having Asuka around at the apartment had been making him just as tired, and had provided reason to be away from home besides. He'd found walking Rei home from school to be a pleasant distraction, a way of delaying the cold tension of Asuka's silent blue eyes.
"Yes. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry," he sighed flatly. "I deserved it."
Rei frowned at him as they pushed through a door into the hallway that led to her apartment. "Why?"
He shrugged, absently adjusting the backpack straps on his shoulders. "I said something unkind," he explained. Even if he deserved it, and more. "You had every right to slap me, or do worse. I'm..." He trailed off, grimacing, not wanting to sound melodromatic.
"You're what?" She did not look at him as she turned the knob to her apartment door and stepped inside.
Shinji twisted his lips as he followed. Waiting briefly for her to get out of the way, he slipped off his shoes on a fuzzy blue rug with Welcome! scripted across it in flowing white hiragana. After dropping his backpack next to his shoes, he wandered into the rest of the apartment; Rei had seated herself primly on the edge of her bed, and he sat sprawled on the floor as he had for the last few afternoons. "Worthless," he answered finally.
Her features tightened fractionally. "You are not worthless."
"I feel like I am sometimes," he admitted quietly. Leaning elbows on his knees, he stared at the opposite wall. The rhythmic clanging of distant construction sounded faintly through the apartment.
"Why?"
He closed his eyes and shook his head. Dragging up words to answer seemed suddenly like a great and heroic effort. "Nobody cares," he answered in a whisper. "I mean, you do now, I think. Before that, though... well, Asuka hates me. Touji probably does too, now. Misato might care, but she's wrapped up in her own problems, and she's been shut up in her room lately anyway. The Commander definitely doesn't care." He paused, feeling his slow heartbeat pulse in his ears. "I'm too weak to fight properly. I can't keep my Eva from crippling my friends, can barely control it at all. I just feel like... a disaster."
The silence stretched for a long time before Rei spoke again. "I don't know how I can help."
Shinji chuckled silently, swaying where he sat. Rei was a strange one; he was still growing accustomed to her, trying to figure out how someone so reserved could still be so open. None of his other friends would listen to his drivel and then ask honestly how to help. There's no artifice in her.
Rather than answer, he planted hands on the floor and scooted slowly across it, pushing himself until he was leaning against the side of the bed next to Rei's legs. In truth, he had no idea how she could help him, if she could at all, but she accepted him, and something in him simply wanted to be close to her.
The muted construction noise continued to wash through the empty air. Whatever Rei was doing, whatever she was thinking, he had no way of knowing with his back turned to her.
Eventually a touch on his shoulder made him twitch. Without turning his head he could feel three of Rei's fingers there, resting as lightly as possible, not moving, not retreating. Testing the waters, perhaps, seeing if this was acceptable between friends.
Of course it is, Rei. Hanging his head, he let his eyes slide shut again, vaguely relieved that she hadn't asked him anything further.
Someone was touching him. Not just elbowing past him in a crowded hallway, not Asuka's fingers brushing his as she grabbed something out of his hands, not gloved medical hands repairing his body under bright impersonal lights. Someone was touching him only because she wanted to, because she wanted to help. Because she cared.
After a moment her fingers slid under her entire hand was resting on his shoulder. "You are not worthless, Shinji," she declared softly. "Unit-01 is unusual, and you are an excellent pilot. I think you have done well."
Moisture burned his closed eyes. How can she say that? How can she mean it? I'm not worthy of that kind of praise. Nevertheless, her words snuck into him somewhere, bringing warmth to someplace he wasn't even aware was cold. She meant every word she'd said, he knew. You have done well. He swallowed against a lump in his throat.
"I do not know why you care about what others think," continued Rei in a quiet monotone. "But since you do, perhaps my opinion will help. You are... worthwhile. I would be pleased to have accomplished what you have."
He nodded once, unable to speak. The gentle pressure of her hand was something solid, a mute testimony to her concern; it grounded him, provided a foundation on which she could perhaps help him build.
Some time later she withdrew her touch; cloth rustled beside his head as she folded the hand into her lap. She said nothing.
Breathing deeply to steady himself, he let his head tilt back on the mattress; out of the corner of his eye he could see Rei watching him calmly. He could not tell what she made of this, if her comfort struck her as unusual at all. It certainly had to him, a welcome surprise for once.
Rolling his head to meet her gaze, he offered a weak smile, the best he could manage. "Thank you, Rei," he whispered. "You have... no idea how much that means to me."
Surprisingly her cheeks colored yet again. Rolling lips between her teeth, she turned away, nodding in silent acknowledgement.
That's my cue, he realized sadly. I should go. He had not been staying at her apartment long after walking her home; this new friendship, valued now above all others, was still something to treat delicately. He had no idea how fragile it might be. Knowing her, probably as fragile as steel.
Tiredly he clambered to his feet and shifted to face her. She met his gaze now, her apparent discomfiture already vanished. "I should head home," he explained. "I need to make dinner."
Rei nodded. "I am glad you accompanied me here," she answered, as she had begun to do most days.
"So am I," he smiled, turning to head to the door, where he retrieved his things. "I'll see you tomorrow at school, I suppose."
"No. At NERV."
"Right," he sighed, tugging on his shoes. Sync test. Great. "Anyway, I'll see you there, and maybe after."
She nodded again, watching him without expression.
Smiling uncertainly as he adjusted the backpack, he backed out of the door and closed it reluctantly, cutting off her red-eyed gaze. His descent back down to the street level seemed to take twice as long as their ascent had.
Asuka left the apartment before Shinji was even out of the shower, and arrived at the NERV facilities early. She had a plan. A simple one, to be sure, but it required someplace other than the apartment, someplace with walls thicker than cardboard, and she imagined the reinforced steel-and-concrete of the underground headquarters would serve nicely. Not that Misato had much interest, it seemed, in eavesdropping back at her place, but Asuka wanted privacy, to protect both herself and, perhaps, Shinji. Or, she corrected, to keep the dirt she'd dig up from him away from any ears but her own until she knew what to do with it.
It had rained overnight, leaving the pre-dawn air warm and sticky, so she showered before getting into the familiar red plugsuit, silently thankful that Ritsuko had abandoned her "naked piloting" curiosity of a few months earlier. In moments she was ready. Just outside of the entrances to the pilots' lockers, she chose a suitable corner and ducked behind it, waiting. Above, electric lights buzzed faintly on the edge of hearing.
Minutes slipped past. Slowly her hair began to dry. She continued to wait.
Eventually the nearby elevator dinged and opened, and footsteps began to approach. They were soft but steady, not what she had expected. Shit. It's Rei. Of course Wondergirl would get here early too. She had not planned on that.
Well, I'll just have to keep my voice down, she decided. Or maybe move us farther away from those doors. As she refigured her plan, the hidden Rei slipped into the girls' half of the shower rooms.
Moments later the elevator chimed again, and Shinji's familiar shuffling drew wearily near. She smiled, imagining him staring at nothing as he walked along.
When he was about to draw abreast of her corner, she leapt out in front of him. Rather than leaping into the air as she had expected, he simply drew to a halt, blinking tiredly. "Morning, idiot," she greeted brightly. "A minute, if you please."
He blinked at her a moment longer before sighing. "What is it, Asuka?" His voice was low, his patience obviously forced.
Glad to see you too, fucker. "I couldn't help but notice," she murmured casually, making a show of examining her fingernails, "that you've been hanging around with Wondergirl quite a bit of late."
"Yeah," he acknowledged flatly. "So? I told you we're friends."
She nodded, tossing her head and studying him. Dark blue eyes watched her in return, guarded, suspicious. "Just friends, I suppose," she added, nodding.
"Yeah," he repeated, shifting his feet. "Why?"
He's lying. "Well, I don't see you much anymore," she complained, exaggerating slightly; he had not been gone that much, really. "Am I a friend too?" She punctuated the question with a raised eyebrow.
Shinji opened his mouth, then closed it and swallowed, eyeing her in obvious confusion. "Um, I don't... are we?"
Asuka shrugged. "Why not? Let's be friends, Shinji." The words were bitter in her mouth, ashes, but she forced herself to ignore the taste. All part of the plan.
He bared his teeth in what could have been a smile, then shifted his feet again. "Asuka, it's... sometimes you're... I don't know. We can be, I guess. I want you to be nice to me, though."
"I already..." She stopped herself, growling, and took a moment to compose herself before responding. "Fine," she agreed. "Whatever. What are you doing after the sync test? We can go hit downtown or something, maybe the arcade. I've seen you playing Kensuke in Steel Blizzard; I bet I could take you."
He actually smiled at this, though faintly and briefly. "I can't," he sighed after a moment, glancing away. "I'm supposed to hang out with Rei, I think."
As I thought. Keeping her face free of the anger sparkling in her belly, she nodded. "Tomorrow, then?"
Shinji grimaced. "Tomorrow's Friday. After school Rei and I were going to walk around in Shitamachi."
Asuka felt her face sliding into blankness as she stared Shinji in the eye, forcing him to hear the meaning behind his words through the sheer force of her will. "I see," she answered finally.
He shook his head. "It's not what you think, Asuka. That's as far as we've thought stuff ahead. Saturday afternoon, maybe?"
Her heart raced, a marching drumbeat in her ribs. "So," she acknowledged. "How often do you guys suck face? Is that what you're doing when you're alone?"
Shinji blinked, then glared at her. "I just told you it's not like that!"
"Then what is it like?" she countered, her voice rising unintentionally as she stepped closer to him. "Tell me that. What does she have that could possibly interest you, or anyone?"
"Why do you want to know?" he charged, eyes narrowing. "Why do you care? She's not your friend."
Fortunately. "I want to know what's sucking you in," she answered angrily. "What there is in that great empty soul of hers that you find so compelling."
"She's comforting, okay?" growled Shinji, taking a step towards her, getting into her face. "She's soothing. She makes me feel safe, makes my problems seem smaller. All you do is add to them."
Asuka's eyes widened in rage. His words would have been bad enough even had he not been invading her personal space; as it was, her fist clenched painfully, shaking from the force of her searing fury. "Little Shinji has a dolly," she whispered. "A dolly that doesn't talk back, that he can carry around wherever he goes, that he can cry on. She's a fucking crutch, Shinji. You're a little girl with a dolly you've invented a personality for. Grow the hell up."
He swallowed again, opening and closing his mouth twice before simply squeezing his eyes shut. He was shaking too, she realized. After a moment he opened his eyes and stared at his shoes. "That was uncalled for, Asuka."
"Yeah?" she wondered, hearing her voice rise to a shout. Noble Shinji, keeping his temper in the face of the sharp truth. Wise old Shinji, trying to show me up again. "How's this for uncalled for?" she asked, slapping him full across the face; he staggered sideways, clutching his cheek in shock. "You know what? I don't care! You don't even care either, since you can just run and cry to your doll!"
Shinji abandoned his cheek, glaring at her once more with loathing in his eyes. "She's a friend, Asuka! That's what friends do. You wouldn't know a friend if one bit you in the ass!"
"You don't have a clue what I know!" she countered, hearing her own shrill voice echoing back to her off the walls. "You don't know anything, you stupid... you little... I hate you! I hate you both!" Snapping her jaw shut, she shouldered past him and stalked towards the test plugs.
Once she rounded a corner, concealed from where she knew Shinji was still staring after her, she leaned against the wall, trying to control her shaking. Her eyes ached, stinging, but she bit her cheek as hard as she could, giving herself a more mundane sort of pain to focus on, one more easily dominated. Such an idiot, she sighed, uncertain whom the thought referred to. How dare he speak to me like that? Like he knows better? Touji and Kensuke are the only friends he's had in his life!
Spinning, snarling, she punched the wall with all her might, then drew her fist back and did it again. Again. Again, until her knuckles split and bled.
Spent, she stared numbly at the webs of blood now lining her hand. After a moment she continued on towards the test plugs, towards the machines NERV would use to study her mind, to humiliate her again.
Misato stood wearily in the command box, staring without seeing at the results of the ongoing synchronization test. Numbers and figures appeared and disappeared, some scrolling briefly before winking out, but it was all a blur to her eyes.
Ryouji. He'd known. Known he was going to die, of course, and hadn't said anything about it. Secrets until the very end. How very like you, old friend. I still don't know whose side you were on, or who killed you. I doubt I ever will; you would have made certain it stayed that way. The ever-mysterious Ryouji Kaji.
Sighing, she blinked heavy eyes, willing them not to stay closed. NERV was not the sort of organization to offer a personal leave policy for grief, to say the least, and even if they had, explaining her reasons would have been awkward. Did you ever love me? I doubt it. Even as skilled a liar as you couldn't bring yourself to say it.
"There's human blood in Asuka's test plug." Maya's voice jolted her out of her reverie. "She's bleeding."
Misato shook herself, glancing around, realizing that twenty minutes had passed since the last time she saw the clock on the wall. Pull yourself together, woman. "Bleeding?" she repeated, bringing her attention to focus on the task at hand. "It could be that time of..."
"No, her hand," corrected Maya. "Look." Fingers danced on the keyboard, and Asuka's view on the main screen shifted to a broader perspective, one showing tendrils of crimson blood trailing from a punished right hand, disappearing into the surrounding LCL, so like blood itself. Some looked to have crusted on her skin already. The Second Child's face darkened; perhaps she sensed the camera's wandering attention.
"Her scores are atrocious," murmured Ritsuko, glancing down at the scrolling results. "She's below Rei today. Well below." She paused, frowning. "Even Shinji is down. Rei's up a point, though."
"Stop the presses," muttered Misato, frowning at the redhead on the screen. "Is she dragging him down, do you suppose?"
"How could she not?" wondered Ritsuko blandly. "They're both stuffed into that apartment of yours."
Misato scowled at the screen, wishing the other woman would stop with the needles about her living situation. Would she prefer if Asuka lived by herself? she wondered. The girl who needs all the attention, living alone? Great idea, Ritsuko. "Can we even use her like this?"
"She can still sync with Unit-02 at this rate," answered the scientist. "Her abilities will be limited, but serviceable."
"Is there any way we can... cheer her up?" Misato chewed a lip, thinking. "Maybe there's someone in Germany we can fly here to talk to her."
Ritsuko chuckled quietly, retrieving her coffee mug from Maya's desk. "It's not as simple as happiness, Misato," she explained, her voice low and musical. "Look at Shinji. Though I've never tested him for it specifically, I'd venture that he's clinically depressed. And yet his sync rates are usually quite good because, in the Eva, he can let everything go. He has a low self-image, little keeping him in the here and now."
"And Rei's any different?" snorted Misato.
Ritsuko shrugged dismissively and bent to inspect another screen. "Rei lacks the imagination to do better. The passion." She sounded bored, distracted.
Misato slid her eyes to regard the woman who'd been her friend in college before staring back at the three pilots. "Any reason you didn't divulge all of that before?" she asked quietly.
"It never came up."
Sighing, she rubbed her eyes, wishing for a beer. "Thanks so much."
Rei lay on her back on the floor, arms and legs spread as she gazed at the ceiling. The fuzzy rug in the room's center was soft against her exposed skin. Soft and pleasant. That was unexpected; she had never thought that something as simple as a texture could have such an effect on her, could be so pleasurable. What else was there like that, what hidden joys yet to be discovered?
Perhaps the rug is pleasant because it came from Shinji, she reflected. When he comes here, I can ask him. He would come, she knew; he had suggested it, and would therefore come. Or at least he had not yet failed to do so.
Briefly she closed her eyes, relishing the faint breeze stirring odd strands of her hair. She had seldom opened the windows before Shinji had purchased the clings still hanging on them, plastic things leaving long colored shadows across the floor, distended rainbows and butterflies.
As she lay there, colors and lines shifting along with the sun outside, rapid footsteps approached from the apartment hallway. They grew quickly louder until a familiar knock sounded from the door. "Rei?" came Shinji's muffled voice through it. "I'm here."
She exhaled contentedly, closing her eyes again as the door creaked open and closed. "I am glad you are here," she greeted truthfully.
"So am I, Rei," answered Shinji, his voice somehow tight. Whispering sounds announced him removing his shoes.
"Are you troubled?" she asked without opening her eyes. "You sound different."
He sighed, shuffling quietly towards where she lay. After a moment he moved again, garments shifting to suggest he was laying himself on the floor behind her, his head next to her own, almost ear to ear. "Yeah, I'm not surprised. I tried to run here, but it's hot, and... anyway, Misato kept me after the test for a while to ask me about Asuka."
Rei frowned, opening her eyes again. Indeed, a sideways glance showed her Shinji's own face as he gazed likewise ceilingward. "What about her?"
"Didn't you hear?" he murmured without looking at her. "We had... an argument this morning, before the test. She must have punched something later, and her hand was hurt. That's probably why our scores were down too."
"Why did you argue?" The two argued often, as far as she had observed; what made this incident special?
Shinji sighed again. "She was trying to figure out what was happening between you and me. She thought we were... thought we were dating, and I told her we weren't. She didn't believe me, and was asking why we were friends, and... I don't know. It got worse, and she slapped me and said... she hated me. Hated both of us."
"Shinji." The word escaped her lips before she could stop it. "I'm sorry."
"It's not that big of a deal," he shrugged; his shoulders scraped quietly along the floor behind her head and to the side. "I mean... well, I don't know. Maybe it was. I wanted to hit her."
"You should not strike Pilot Sohryu," instructed Rei.
"I know," he chuckled.
She did not answer, and a silence fell between them. Rei lay motionless, enjoying the colored sunlight, enjoying Shinji's company, but a question surfaced in her mind. He had addressed a topic of interest to her.
"Shinji," she murmured. "We aren't dating, are we?"
"I don't think so," he answered slowly. "I... I don't have a lot of experience there, so I'm not the... I don't think we are."
She considered this for a moment. "Dating means sleeping together, right?"
He swallowed audibly. "Like I said," he replied weakly, "I'm not the best person to ask, but I think... sometimes. People can date without that, or have that without dating. Though I think that's more rare."
"But they often go together," she pressed.
"Yeah. Probably more often for older people."
She nodded slightly. "Then I am glad we are not dating. I would not want for us to become unhappy."
Shinji was silent for a long time before speaking again. "What do you mean?"
Rei frowned. "From what I have seen, sexual relationships do not bring happiness to the participants."
"Well, they're... wait." He turned his head slightly to face her. "Who do you know who's in one?"
She did the same, gazing into his upside-down eyes. "The Commander and Doctor Akagi."
He jerked in startlement. "My father and Ritsuko?" he breathed. "That's... gah. I don't want to think about that."
A sudden thought occurred to her. "I'm uncertain that I was supposed to tell you that," she admitted.
"I won't tell anyone," he vowed, grimacing. "I'd forget it if I could."
She nodded, shifting her attention back to the ceiling. "Thank you."
"Yeah."
Another breeze ruffled Rei's hair and garments, and again she closed her eyes to enjoy the sensation. For a moment she simply thought, fitting this new information from Shinji into what she had seen at NERV and at school. As she did so, another question floated up from somewhere. "Have you ever dated?"
"No." His voice was quiet. "Though Asuka kissed me once," he added.
Rei frowned. "That seems unlike her," she ventured.
"You could say that," he agreed. "She said it was just because she was bored, but who does that? I don't know. Anyway, she's too... too... I don't think I could ever date her. I didn't even kiss her back, though I think that's because I couldn't breathe."
"I see."
"Yeah." He exhaled slowly, perhaps gathering his thoughts. "You're supposed to want to be closer to the people you date," he continued softly; she guessed he was thinking out loud, rather than addressing her specifically. "You're supposed to love them, and they're supposed to make you happy. That's how it's supposed to work."
She nodded to herself, waiting for a time, but he did not continue. "You did not enjoy her kiss."
"It, uh... not as such." She could hear him swallow again. "It was... I don't know. It was nice to have someone do that, I guess, but not like that. And not her either, really. Though at the time, she wasn't as bad as she is now."
Not like that, nodded Rei. Not her. Otherwise it would make him happy. Pushing herself up to her elbows, she rolled to her side, watching his eyes spring open, and pressed her lips gently to his.
For the second time in his life Shinji was paralyzed with another's lips on his own. Half of his mind had shuddered to a halt, while the other half whirred madly. Rei's kissing me? Rei?
As she was still upside-down to his view he closed his eyes, replacing the sight of her chin and neck with blackness. His shock gradually faded, allowing a number of observations to filter into his awareness. Rei's kiss was not like Asuka's; it was gentle rather than dominating, for one thing, almost timid, as though she were afraid of pressing too hard against him lest she scare him away. Her lips weren't moving, like her head just happened to be resting on his own with their mouths touching.
After a moment she pulled back. Liquid red eyes blinked at him seriously, very close to his own. "Was that better than the one she gave you?" Her voice, soft and near, was a breathy whisper.
"Better?" he whispered back. "Yeah. Way better. But..." He fell into silence, wondering how to explain his reservations. Does she even know what a kiss is supposed to mean? Does she understand what she's doing?
Rei nodded minutely. "That is good." She stared him in the eye a moment longer, then lowered her face for another kiss.
Shinji closed his eyes again, finding himself unable to move. This is Rei, he reminded himself anxiously. She's a friend. She's just a friend!
Before he could get much farther on that train of thought, Rei shifted her attention, kissing the corner of his lips, then the center, pausing now and then to breathe warmly against his cheeks. His resistance stumbled. Her lips were feathers against his own, her skin smooth as glass and cool despite the heat. She smelled of LCL, of blood, even after showering, but so did he. This is Rei.
Eventually she withdrew once more and he opened his eyes, blinking at the ceiling. Rustling cloth announced her moving about to lay beside him on the floor, only right-side-up this time. Her face quickly filled his vision again, her nose centimeters from his own, short bluish hair tickling his face. "Shinji," she murmured.
He swallowed. "That's me," he managed weakly, smiling.
Rei smiled as well, choking the words right out of his throat, and kissed him again. Gentle fingers explored his face, traced the contours of his cheekbones and eyebrows. Her lips were insistent now, warm, teasing.
Shinji floated where he lay, lost. This... this is what a kiss is supposed to feel like, he decided foggily. But it's... it's Rei. A friend.
When she pulled away again, a puzzled expression touched her face, delicate wrinkles in her forehead. "Are you not supposed to kiss me back?" she whispered. "I thought... I thought this would make you happy."
"It does," he answered honestly, breathlessly, "but it..." The words died in his mouth as he stared up at her face, as he saw what was there. Her eyes were tight with worry, but there was something else in them, something open and relaxed, something he'd seen written there many times before in his dreams, in the Eva. Affection. Longing.
She knew. She understood.
She wanted it. Would be hurt if she did not get it.
His heart melted helplessly. Lifting his head from the floor, he kissed her as firmly as he dared, tickling his tongue awkwardly past her perfect teeth. In response she leaned towards him, planting hands on either side of his head, breasts pressed against his ribs, mouth hungry on his own.
This is Rei, he reminded himself warmly. Worming his arms around her middle, he pulled her tighter against him, snaking one hand up to comb fingers through her feathery hair. She settled fluidly into him, breathing heavily now, lips hot, skin cool.
He quickly lost track of time, but eventually Rei pulled her face away and buried it in his neck. Shinji stared at the ceiling wide-eyed. He was shaking, he realized. She was too, little shivers rolling occasionally from her body as she lay comfortably against his side.
I can't believe that just happened, he decided once his mind had pieced itself back together. With Rei. She's... kinda feisty, he realized, smiling faintly; she exhaled heavily against him as though in answer to his thoughts. Absently he lifted the arm she was lying on and squeezed her shoulder, running a hand down firm uniform-covered curves to the small of her back. This is nice. Warm.
"I enjoyed that," managed Rei breathily after a moment, speaking into his neck. Soft lips planted another kiss on his skin.
"Yeah," he agreed hoarsely. Heat swirled inside, tightening his hand briefly on her waist. He wanted more, he realized, wanted to kiss her again, to feel her heat matching his own. But she's the one who stopped it last time, he recalled uncertainly. Maybe she doesn't want more right now.
As he pondered this, Rei lifted her head, almost sleepily, and rolled back to her side, facing him. Though she said nothing, her eyes spoke volumes as they had before, looking as happy as he'd ever seen them.
He smiled, then blinked; something about seeing her like that, head on her folded elbow, struck him as too good, too perfect. Reality snapped back into place, the rest of his life crashing back where it belonged, destroying his mood. "I... should go," he decided with a sigh, almost a groan. "I don't want Asuka trying to cook for herself. I don't trust her around fire right now."
Rei nodded her understanding. "You will come back here tomorrow with me," she murmured. It was not a question.
He chuckled silently. "I know." Shaking his head at the strangeness of it all, he pushed himself up and shuffled to the door, where he found and slipped into his shoes. Fortunately, not having been to school today, he had no backpack to carry through the city on his way home.
Once his shoes were tied, he straightened and turned back to Rei. She'd barely moved, lying there with a tiny smile curving her lips, eyes radiant with a personal glow he supposed was just for him now. With two fingers she was touching her lips, moving slowly as though remembering where he'd kissed her.
Swallowing, he offered her one last smile and left. Once in the hallway he sagged against the wall, puffing cheeks out as he exhaled forcefully, wondering if she had any idea what her body language had been telling him as he departed. Who knows?
Giving himself a shake, he started down the hallway, barely seeing the now-familiar route drift past him as he walked. I still can't... that was nice, but I can't risk losing her. Without her I'd fall apart. He frowned in concern, but the memory of her eyes, full of unashamed affection, reassured him, dispelling his worries.
Late afternoon sunlight angled into his eyes as he stepped out of the apartment building and began the walk home. He could still feel her lips on his, her hair on his face. That was insane. I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't left. Ignoring the sudden temptation to turn around, he gritted his teeth and kept moving.
Are we a thing now? The question seemed silly, and perhaps a little belated, popping out of nowhere. I can ask her tomorrow when we get there. If I can remember, with all the kissing. He snorted, shaking his head. No, I can't get carried away.
He forced himself to calm down, walking alone through the empty sunlit streets, towards an apartment that would likely be just as empty, no matter how many people might actually be in it. The thought of being in the same place as Asuka after what had happened in the morning twisted his stomach like a knife. She's not going to be happy I was gone again, he realized with a grimace. I wonder if she'll be able to tell we kissed. If worst came to worst, he decided, he could simply barricade himself in his room until she was done shouting at him. Maybe I'll call Rei.
Sighing, he thrust hands into his pockets as he rounded a corner, the stoplights there glowing sternly and patiently for the carless street. The walk from Rei's apartment was not a bad one without his backpack and notebook weighing him down.
I wonder if she'd let me touch her. The thought was a new one, the confidence behind it foreign to him, seeming almost manic. Under the shirt, maybe? She might go for that. She...
He paused, stopping in his tracks, abruptly recalling the first time he'd been in her apartment. I... guess I've already done that. It must not be that big of a deal to her. Frowning vaguely, he examined his open hand for a moment, then continued on.
When he reached Misato's apartment, the shoes on the mat told him that only Asuka was home, though the place was totally silent. Suddenly tired, he filled a glass with cold water and wandered into the hallway. His roommate had holed up in her room again, he saw, with one of her usual warnings scrawled almost illegibly on the whiteboard on her door.
Not even bothering to roll his eyes, he sipped from his water and stepped back into the kitchen. His apron went quickly over his clothes, and in moments he was cooking. It was easy to lose himself in the heat, in the hissing of boiling water, in smooth and practiced movements. Cooking was one thing he considered himself genuinely good at, something peaceful, a thing he could do for others. Others like Asuka, if it would make her talk to him.
Before long he turned off the burners and carried a pot of sukiyaki to the table. While it steamed there gently he set a pair of place settings, then shuffled reluctantly down the hall.
With a single knuckle he rapped on her door. "Asuka? Food's ready."
Silence answered him.
Sighing, he returned to the kitchen. Choosing one of the settings at random, he threw himself into the chair and began to eat, alone.
"Look at that dumbass. Two dumbasses."
Hikari suppressed a sigh as she swallowed a mouthful of rice. She did not need to follow her friend's gaze to see the subject of her displeasure, but she did so anyway. There, down on the grass below the roof where the two of them sat, lay Shinji and Rei. The two pilots had already finished their lunches, it seemed, and now sat leaning up against a thick tree, apparently relishing the shade.
I wouldn't mind some shade right about now either, decided Hikari wryly. She had suggested it earlier, but Asuka had to sit in the sun, on the very top of the roof, where she could survey all the other students below her. Like a cat.
"They're not dumbasses, Asuka," she answered, turning her attention back to her bento. "What's wrong with them eating there?"
The other girl wrinkled her lips in brief consideration. "I don't care where they eat," she decided loftily, "as long as it's not together."
"What?" Hikari's food paused halfway to her mouth. "Why?"
Asuka glanced at her in surprise, perhaps not realizing she'd voiced the last thought out loud. Shortly, however, her gaze slid back through the railing at the pair under the tree. "They're creepy," she answered sourly. "She doesn't have a soul and he doesn't have any balls. If you put them together, you might get a whole person. Maybe."
Deciding not to address that observation, Hikari took a sip of her juice, the container already growing warm in the midday sunlight. "Well, I don't mind. I think they make a cute couple."
Snorting loudly, Asuka shook her head. "He says it's not like that," she muttered, "but he's probably lying. Who would be friends with her? There's nothing inside her."
He probably got tired of trying to be friends with you, countered Hikari silently, ashamed at the thought. "You know," she murmured instead, "Rei used to eat alone, and Shinji used to eat with us, until you drove him off."
Cold blue German eyes shifted to meet hers. "If you had to put up with all his crap," she replied crisply, "you'd hate him too. We're better off without him up here anyway. Trust me."
"Fine," conceded Hikari, taking another bite of her bento. What's with her lately?
Asuka toyed with her own lunch briefly, one that Shinji had made for her, pushing things around without eating. Quickly, though, her gaze shifted back to where it had started, where it had been during most of lunchtime, staring wordlessly at the two pilots sitting in the shade of a tree.