Chapter Four

Of Fights and Meat Cleavers

Disclaimer: We own nothing, J.K. Rowling, owns everything. I wish I could take credit for all the fabulous characters and locations in our story, I cannot. Because I would get sued.

I would like to send a huge thank you out to all of the following: Marauderprincess, Legolascrazy17, Harmonyhearsvoices, Kelsey, LotsOhugs4Uxoxo, Shan Shan the Pan Pan, Camille, Moi, and redsoxfan90210.

I would also like to dedicate this chapter to two people (I know that that probably breaks some rules, but these were the most uplifting and helpful reviews),

Firstly, to Harmonyhearsvoices, for all of her constructive criticism, and secondly, to Legolascrazy17, for her incredibly uplifting (and probably undeserved) Review. They really made my day.

And now, on to Chapter Four.

Dumbledore stood up, once again commanding attention without even trying.

"I know you are all hungry, so I will keep this brief. Enjoy!"

Sirius watched – A half starved expression on his face – as the food magically appeared.

He quickly filled his plate with anything and everything within arms reach.

Bria watched him in envy as he piled his plate high.

"I hate the fact that you can eat anything and still not gain an ounce." Bria complained.

"Oh I know!" Rose began. "I just hate that about guys! How they can eat and eat, and still…"

The blonde girl stopped talking abruptly, as the ghosts entered the great hall. "I don't think there were ghosts at my school. At least, I never noticed any." Rose said, slightly awed.

Bria however, ignored her entirely.

"Sirius?" Bria began.

"Umph?" Sirius grunted.

"Do you need some help?" She asked, trying, and failing, to keep the laughter from her voice.

Sirius was having troubles eating, seeing as he had one girl perched on his lap, and another one endlessly fawning over him.

The worst of his troubles however, was that, in her fawning over him, Rose was clutching his right arm. And Sirius, being right handed, was encountering great difficulties getting the hand, holding the fork, carrying his meal up to his mouth.

"That would be greatly appreciated Cheese!" Sirius said, the relief audible in his voice.

"I could feed you." The beautiful Texan suggested.

"I don't think that will be necessary, Rose." Bria argued, taking Rose's arm, so that Sirius could move his own.

"I think it would be fun." Rose stated.

With that, she shook her long blonde tresses over one incredibly tan shoulder.

She took the fork in one manicured hand, while tugging at the already impossibly low neckline of her frilly pink camisole to show off her perfect (And generous) cleavage.

"Now, open up." She said in a sickeningly seductive voice.

"The only reason he would need to be fed at all would be because you refuse to release him. Now that he has full use of his hand again, you can…" Bria trailed off, as she watched Sirius discover the newfound use of his arm.

"Hey Cheese, I can use my arm again!" He exclaimed.

With that he began to flail his arm about wildly, incidentally whacking Bria.

"I can still feed him." Rose insisted.

"Girls, Girls. I just want to eat. There's no need to fight over me." Sirius said, in attempts to make peace.

"I was NOT fighting over you!" Bria exploded. "I was merely trying to help you maintain a small piece of dignity! But if you would rather be fed mashed potatoes by some Blonde haired, blue eyed, big boobed, HO-BAG! Be my guest!"

With that, Bria lifted her plate, and stormed the two feet to where Lily, Emma, and Samantha were sitting.

Once there, she slammed her plate down with such force that it shook the entire Gryffindor table out of the reverie that her explosion had placed it in.

"But Bria," Sirius said, in exasperation. "I didn't want you to go."

With a sigh, he turned back to his dinner.

"Where are my friends when I need them?" Sirius asked his overflowing plate of food.

"Well, the fellows you were talking to before dinner are sittin' just over there." Rose said, motioning to a spot some three feet to their left. "But they're just talking about Quidditch. And I'm sure you don't care about Quidditch. She edged ever closer to him.

Sirius raised a dark eyebrow.

"Why wouldn't I care about Quidditch?'

"It's just a silly sport! That's why." Rose said, now quite successfully atop his lap.

"I'm on the team."

"Oh"

Later that night, in the girls' dorm.

"The little ho would not let him eat!" Bria raged, throwing open her bed curtains. "She wouldn't stop fawning over him! And Sirius! He was acting like he was having a great time of it! And since she transferred here in her seventh year, I will have to share a room with her!"

Lily, Emma, Samantha, and their roommate Alice Hooper, exchanged wary glances. They were all used to Bria's Rages, but this was a little extreme, even for her.

"Bria, why are you getting all worked up? I mean, it's only Sirius, after all." Emma asked while ducking to avoid being hit by a heavy textbook, which came sailing in her direction.

"I am NOT getting all worked up!" Bria screamed, while flailing the arm holding her hairbrush about. "I just don't see why Sirius would let her manipulate him like that!"

"Okay, so you're not worked up, Lily said, narrowly avoiding being hit by Bria's hairbrush. "But would you please stop swinging your arm wildly about? You keep nearly hitting me!"

"I am not swinging my arm wildly about!" Bria said, while swinging her arm wildly about. "I am merely trying to unpack my trunk, while telling you what happened at the feast!"

When she said "Feast" She gave her arm a particularly vigorous swing, whacking Emma in the face.

"Sorry, Em." Bria said, finally setting her weapon down.

"I understand that you don't like her," Emma said as calmly as can be expected under the circumstances. "But if you could please refrain from taking it out on my NOSE!"

"Right. I'll keep that in mind." Bria said, while semi calmly unpacking the rest of her trunk.

Before any further comment could be made on Bria's behavior, Rose entered the room, extracting a small growl from Bria.

"I love it here at Hogwarts, don't you ladies?" Rose asked, flipping her long blonde hair over her shoulder, and sitting on the edge of Bria's bed.

Bria turned slowly toward Alice, "She is sitting on my bed!" She growled, through clenched teeth.

"Uh-oh." Alice said softly. "She sat on the bed."

"And that fellow I was sittin' with at dinner," She continued, undaunted. "What was his name again?"

"Sirius Black." Bria spit out, still through clenched teeth.

"Yeah" That's the one! Thanks Doll." Rose said, not aware that Bria was less than thrilled with her presence.

" He was just such a darlin'! So kind and welcoming. Not to mention sweet and caring."

Bria was beginning to look like she had some sort of convulsive eye twitch, from trying so hard not to throttle the offending witch.

"And…" Rose began, with an open smirk. "Soooo good lookin'!"

"That is it!" Bria shouted, throwing her arms up. "No one calls Sirius Black good looking on my bed!"

"Actually," Lily began hesitantly. "No one calls Sirius Black good-looking, in your presence."

"Well, it counts doubly on my bed." Bria cried, her violet eyes flashing.

"What's your problem?" Rose asked, getting off Bria's bed at last. "Don't you like him?"

"Of course I like him." Bria ground out. " He is one of my dearest friends."

"He really was so kind to me at dinner, he must be one of the sweetest boys at Hogwarts. There were no boys as perfect as him at The Texas Academy of Magic." Rose continued, paying Bria no mind at all.

"That is it!" Bria exploded. "If I have to listen to one more of Sirius' "Perfect" attributes, I swear I shall go to the kitchens, get a meat cleaver, and murder you in your sleep!"

"And with his devilishly handsome features," Rose said, completely unperturbed by Bria's threats. "What with his dark hair, and bronze skin, I just want to jump him!"

"That does it!" Bria shouted, storming out of the dorm. "When I return, I will have the meat cleaver!"

"Now you've done it." Alice said as the door slammed shut. "Let's just hope that the house elves have hidden it better than last time."

Meanwhile, in the boys' dorm, chaos reigned.

"Okay, who has the fluffy pillow?" James asked, as they entered the dorm.

All four marauders immediately scurried to their respective beds and started poking at their pillows.

"I've got it!" Came Sirius' muffled voice. "The first time since second year!"

"No fair! It's the last year! I want it. In fact, as Head Boy, I demand the pillow!" James said, tossing his own pillow at Sirius.

"No way. If anyone else gets it, it should be me!" Remus said, poking at his own particularly lumpy pillow. "I got the extra flat one this year, that's no fair."

"Not a chance, Moony." Sirius insisted, hugging his pillow to his chest. "You got it last year, and James, the year before."

"I thought Peter had it that year." Remus said.

"Nope." James said. "I stole it from him that first night."

"And that whole year I thought I had the pillow." Peter commented.

"Now boys," Sirius interjected. "Let's remember the Sacred Oath which we signed in cherry juice our first year."

"The Oath did say "Get the pillow, Keep the pillow"" Remus confirmed. "Despite my numerous other suggestions."

"Wait!" James cried suddenly. "The oath is gone!"

All the boys turned to stare at Sirius.

"Padfoot!" James said in dismay. "Are you eating the Sacred Oath?"

"Just Licking!" Sirius defended himself. "It tastes like cherry!"

"Why are you eating paper, Sirius?" Frank Longbottom asked, from the opposite side of the room.

"Because," Sirius whined, "that new exchange student refused to let me eat! And on top of all that, Bria abandoned me with her!" He finished in a hurt voice.

"Yeah, what was up with her tonight?" Justin Sumpter asked, a moderately tall boy with light brown hair and blue eyes, asked. "She's normally such a sweet, even tempered girl."

There was a long silence, in which all the Marauders exchanged glances.

"Bria? Sweet?" Sirius asked, incredulously.

"And even tempered?" Remus added, eying his wand, which just previously that night he had used to repair Bria's robes while she was occupied by trying to beat Sirius up.

"Yeah! Isn't she just about perfect?" Justin asked, a starstruck look in his eyes.

"Perfect?" The other five boys chorused.

"She is! She's perfect in everyway imaginable." He retorted.

"Er… what makes you say this, Justin?" Remus asked cautiously, trying desperately to make sense of the situation.

"Well-"

"Ugh!" He was cut off abruptly by Sirius, who was now clutching his stomach, and wailing. "I am so hungry! I fear I shall surely perish if I do not eat soon!" Falling to the floor, still clutching his stomach and wailing.

"Then go down to the kitchens, and get some food!" James said, kicking his fallen friend.

Sirius leaped back up. "That's a bloody brilliant plan! Now, where are the map and your cloak?"

"Stupid Ho-Bag." Bria muttered under her breath, as she darted from shadow to shadow. "Has to go on about Sirius nonstop! "I think he's sweet!" "I think he's kind" "I think he's sexy as hell!" I'll show her sweet! Loathsome be-otch!"

Just then a loud crash resounded from not to far behind her.

"Okay, which Marauder are you?" She asked, trying not to sound the least bit startled.

When no one answered, she turned back around, only to come face to face with a very scary looking Sirius.

He had raised his hand above his head, and was making the scariest looking face Bria had ever come across.

"Ahhhhhhh!" She screamed, as she kicked him in a very sensitive spot.

"Ow! Bria, what was that for?" Sirius complained, in a very high-pitched voice.

"It was self-defense." Bria replied, smoothing her hair back down and smirking slightly.

"I didn't even touch you!" Sirius objected.

"I was scared." Suddenly, Bria remembered that she was horribly furious with Sirius, and she stormed off.

"Wait! Where are you going?" Sirius asked, getting to his feet, and scrambling after her.

"To find a meat cleaver, because I hate Rose." She told him nonchalantly.

"Really? That's why I'm here to!" Sirius stage whispered, as he drew up next to her.

"You're here, to get a meat cleaver so you can murder Rose in sleep?"

"Well, not exactly. I'm here to get food, because I couldn't eat with her on my lap. Sirius explained, as they entered the kitchens.

"The two are nothing alike!" Bria insisted, as they lit some torches.

"Food!" Sirius exclaimed, throwing himself at the pile of chocolate éclairs.

As Bria went about checking all the drawers and cabinets, Sirius found himself mildly concerned for her sanity.

"Er…you're not actually looking for a meat cleaver are you?" he asked, around a mouth full of éclair.

"Why? Scared for the safety of your new soul mate?" Bria asked, inspecting a fork very carefully.

"Soul mate?" He asked, looking around for more éclairs. "Bria, you know I haven't got one of those."

"Bwa ha! I have found it!" She said, waving the meat cleaver around in the air triumphantly. "So you don't want to like, jump her or anything?"

"Merlin no! She may be sexier than hell, What with that super long hair, and--" He stopped speaking abruptly as he noticed that she was now glaring at him, and pointing the meat cleaver in his direction.

"But she kept me from my food! Which is never acceptable." He finished in a rush. "Besides Bria, she hasn't got a soul."

"With a wry smile Bria lowered the meat cleaver to her side. "Then suppose I must forgive you for being such a jackass. Goodnight!" With that she left the kitchens with her meat cleaver.

"Goodnight Bri—Wait! I'm not a jackass! Bria! Wait! Come back!" But she had already gone.

A/N. Ha ha. I did it! I am on time! Well, sort of. Please read and review. I will try to update next week, but I might be a little late. So very sorry. Love you all!