But the proud sinner, in word or deed,
That will not Justice heed,
Nor reverence the shrine
Of images divine,
Perdition seize his vain imaginings,
If, urged by greed profane,
He grasps at ill-got gain,
And lays an impious hand on holiest things.
Who when such deeds are done
Can hope heaven's bolts to shun?
If sin like this to honor can aspire
Why dance I still and lead the sacred choir?
- Sophocles, Oedipus the King
Chapter Seven: Rain, Flames And Hunger
As the school bell rang, announcing the end of the day, Shinji jerked awake. Hikari's sharp voice called for everyone to rise and bow, and clumsily, blinking away sleep, he did so. A dozen chattering conversations instantly sprang up among the students in his class as people stood and stretched. The old teacher paused in midword at the front of the class, blinking vaguely as though surprised to find it so late already.
I can't sleep in class so much, decided Shinji, slowly packing away his things. My grades are going to get even worse than they are now. Not that anyone but maybe Misato would care.
The room was already half-empty by the time he started for the door. Asuka had already left, he noted with relief; doubtless she wanted to avoid him as much as possible. If so, he would not complain.
Rei was waiting for him in the hallway, face blank, red eyes reserved. She was like this at school, and for that matter everywhere in public. He understood completely, having no wish to let everyone else know what was going on between them. Whatever it was.
Giving her a wordless nod, he gripped his backpack straps and headed for the exits, waiting for her to accompany him. She did so silently, keeping her gaze straight ahead.
No one paid them a second glance as they followed in the wake of the other students. A warm breeze ruffled his hair as soon as he stepped outside, and above, lumpy grey clouds threatened rare rain. As they trotted down the school's steps he kept a cautious eye on the sky, wondering if it would be storming when they headed to Shitamachi later. He didn't particularly care if he got rained on, but he'd noticed that girls tended to worry about it. Though Rei, he reflected, probably wouldn't care either. Still, I wonder if she has an umbrella.
In companionable silence they made their way towards her apartment. Though he felt comfortable in her company, he still had little confidence in making successful small talk. Which, again, probably did not matter to Rei. She's perfect for me, he realized with a chuckle.
"Pilot Sohryu," she began quietly as they waited for a stoplight, "was watching us at lunch."
"I know," he sighed. He'd tried to ignore her perched up there on top of the school with Hikari.
"Do you know why?"
"No clue," he admitted. "She didn't say a word to me last night."
The light changed, and they resumed their walk to her apartment. Cicadas buzzed in the distance, a droning song.
Silence reigned until they reached her door. Rei did not look at him as she twisted the knob and entered, and he followed a step behind.
Once inside, he removed his shoes and backpack slowly, watching his companion, wondering if she would leap on him and start kissing once isolated from the world outside, like in the movies, but this proved not to be the case. Instead Rei ignored him, walking silently to the center of her room and sitting there, then blinking as though confused that he was still standing in the doorway.
Smiling ruefully, Shinji joined her there, seating himself beside her. "You've kept the place clean," he observed, glancing around. At some point she had even cleaned the bathroom without him, removing what must have been years' worth of soap scum from the bottom of the tub.
Rei nodded. "I did not want to trouble you," she explained, turning her face away.
He eyed her for a moment. "Is... is something wrong?"
She turned back again, red eyes meeting his. "You seem uncomfortable."
Shinji shrugged uncertainly, tearing his gaze from hers. "You seem... different from yesterday," he pointed out. "I don't know why, or if I'm imagining it, or what."
"Different how?"
"More... distant?" he guessed. "Like I said, I can't really tell."
She remained silent for a time next to him. "It was not my intent to behave any differently," she replied. "If it is causing you distress, I apologize."
He shrugged, dismissing the matter. Something in the kitchen area caught his attention, a pair of plastic grocery bags sitting on the counter, wrinkled. "Did you decide what you wanted to do for dinner?"
Clothes ruffled as she shifted to follow his gaze. "Yes."
He waited for more, then smiled. "What did you decide on?"
"I liked your stir-fry idea," she answered. "Last night I bought vegetables for that purpose."
Nodding, he glanced at her, then beyond her, towards the window. Visible through the slatted blinds were the menacing clouds he'd seen earlier, perhaps darker than before. The window clings he'd selected for her seemed incongruously cheerful against the foreboding background. "I'm concerned it might rain," he murmured. "Do you want to eat early and go to Shitamachi before it storms?" Not that we could eat and get there quickly enough anyway, he realized.
"If it rains, there will be fewer people," she countered. "We can wait, if you'd like."
"Oh, good point." He had no love of crowds, and Rei certainly felt the same.
"So we have some time now," she continued. "Time to spare."
Something in her voice drew his eyes back to her. She was facing him full-on, he saw, watching him intently. They had not turned any lights on upon arriving, so the violet pre-storm twilight left her in relative darkness, a common shadow that somehow conveyed intimacy despite her innocent expression. She did not blink or look away under his scrutiny.
"Oh," he acknowledged after a moment. His heart began to race as though set off by an official's pistol. "Yeah. True."
Rei reached out to touch his elbow gently, a silent question that was echoed on her face. Shinji nodded, answering what he assumed she was asking, and slipped an arm around her back. She melted into him, arms twining around his neck, drawing his face into hers for a heated kiss.
Squeezing her tightly against him, he returned her affection eagerly, boiling away the day's tension with a pair of warm lips he knew and trusted. After a moment he nuzzled her face to one side and began planting kisses down her jawline and neck. Rei's rapid breath was a hot whisper in his ear, and when she began kissing him back, he could feel teeth on his lips, not hard enough to cause pain.
Eventually she pushed him gently back, then let him go, scooting backwards along the floor until she rested against the side of the bed. Shinji followed, getting himself comfortable before wrapping arms around her again. Distant thunder rumbled through the windows as her tongue sought his own. She was living flame in his arms, meeting his passion with a matching heat, warming him everywhere.
Some time later, she pulled back, wiping the back of her hand absently across her mouth. "Do you enjoy this?" she asked softly. "I feared that you did not, in the beginning."
"When, yesterday?" At her tight nod, he frowned. How to explain? "I do enjoy it," he answered truthfully. "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me." Rei's face did not change at this, but he sensed she was pleased. "But I'm... I don't know. It's still new, you know?"
"New?" she frowned.
"Yeah. I mean, apart from the one time with Asuka, I've never done any of this." He paused, ordering his thoughts while she waited. "I'm still trying to figure it out, trying to get used to it."
Rei tilted her head. "What is there to get used to?" she wondered. "I enjoy kissing you, and you enjoy kissing me."
"That's true," he acknowledged with a weak smile. There was more, however, something he wasn't certain was worth mentioning; he still thought of her primarily as a friend, someone to hang out with, to eat with, to talk to. Only now she was a friend he kissed. A friend who, unless he was wildly wrong, might eventually want to do more than kiss him. Is she the same as a girlfriend? he wondered. A lover? It seems strange somehow. Perhaps, he reflected, it was only because none of the guys at the school seemed to think of girlfriends as regular friends. Whatever. It's Rei.
Rei was still watching him, he saw, red eyes shifting minutely this way and that as she read his face. Eventually she nodded, leaning in to let her head thump against his shoulder.
He kissed her hair, throwing an arm around her shoulders. She said nothing, and neither did he, as the distant thunder grew nearer and a steady wash of rain began to murmur against the windows.
Much later, she stirred, lifting herself from his chest. "I am growing hungry," she declared softly.
"Me too," he admitted. "I'll start dinner." Rising, he smiled down at her and trotted into the kitchen area, where he began to rummage through her supplies. She'd picked up eggplant, he saw, as well as a few kinds of peppers and some water chestnuts. That'll do.
Quickly he set to work, chopping up what he wanted to use, discarding stems and seeds, preparing the sauce. While the rice boiled he fried the vegetables, and before long he was done. That was easy.
Finished product in hand, he turned around, only now realizing that Rei did not possess a table. She solved the problem for him, plucking the bowl from his hands and dividing it into two smaller ones, while after a moment he filled two glasses with water.
They ate on the floor, watching rain stream down the windows outside in the flashing darkness. Eventually the lightning and thunder moved on, leaving only the rainfall, persistent and unchanging.
When they'd finished, he washed dishes quickly while she stood back and watched him without speaking. Though it felt a little odd at first, he didn't particularly mind, and he enjoyed having her near even if he was working. At his suggestion she rummaged through some things in a corner and produced an umbrella, black and stark, but serviceable.
Feeling a little silly heading out into the pouring rain just for a walk somewhere, Shinji smiled uncertainly at her. Together they stepped out into the hallway. The walk to the train station would not be a long one.
The rain grew neither stronger nor weaker as they roamed the city. Rei had never seen Shitamachi before, never even heard of it until Shinji had mentioned it, but he explained it to her as they walked. Based on a district of the same name in the original Tokyo, it boasted little traditional-style buildings, intended to be a counterpoint to Tokyo-3's dominating steel skyline.
The place, Rei reflected as they walked through it, was interesting enough, though she suspected she did not understand its appeal fully. Though the buildings looked old, like something from history, none were any older than Tokyo-3 itself, of course, built over pre-Impact Hakone. It occurred to her as they walked that the district was, in some respects, a lie; old-looking shops stood just meters above Tokyo-3's unforgiving mechanical infrastructure, next to houses and gardens that all fit into rigid lot sizes or a shrine designed by GEHIRN engineers. Shinji seemed to sense this too, as he smiled less frequently as they evening passed.
It is artifice, decided Rei at one point as they walked passed a souvenir stand, fractured raindrops bouncing to prick her legs from the street surface below. But pretty artifice. There is no other place in the city like it.
They spoke little on the way back, and the train ride elapsed in smooth electric silence. Shinji held the umbrella as they walked to her apartment.
When they got there, she was chilled despite the day's heat. Pausing just inside the door, she bent to pull off her rain-damp socks. She was about to continue, but belatedly recalled that Shinji had seemed uncomfortable with nudity. Though perhaps that is different now? After a moment's hesitation she decided against it, letting her hands drop from the still-buttoned waistline of her uniform. Shinji was watching out of the corners of his eyes, an odd expression on his face.
Turning her back on him, she stepped to the bed and sat on its edge, folding hands in her lap. "Did you enjoy that?" she asked softly, watching him. Rain still beat a soft rhythm against the closed windows, darkness outside matching the unlit dimness inside.
"I did," he enthused, wrestling with the umbrella before leaving it sit against the wall to dry. After a moment he shuffled to where she sat, depositing himself with a smile onto he floor next to her legs.
Rei frowned at the top of his head, then at the empty space beside her. "You may sit next to me, if you wish."
"Oh, I... yeah." In the darkness she thought faint color touched his cheeks as he stood and plopped down on the mattress beside her. The sudden weight shifted her slightly into his side.
Without thinking Rei set a hand on his arm, summoning his attention, drawing his eyes to hers. "Do you know more city districts like that?"
He chewed a lip in apparent thought. "Not really. I mean, just the ones everyone else knows. I haven't been here all that long."
She nodded once in response, realizing with faint surprise that she'd lived in Tokyo-3 her entire life and knew much less about it than Shinji, who'd lived there for months. I have never thought to wonder about it. Her thumb moved of its own accord, gently caressing Shinji's arm. "We should do things like that more often," she decided. She enjoyed learning from him, about things she knew but did not know. Furthermore, it gave him an opportunity to teach, to be in a position of mild authority, something she sensed was new to him; seeing him expand to fill that authority, watching him grow, was likewise something she expected would continue to please her.
"Yeah, it was fun," he agreed, watching her still-moving thumb. "We don't get chances to just... wander, very often."
Rei nodded again. When he did not add anything further, she lifted the arm she was touching and put it around herself.
Shinji understood, of course, and replied by drawing her in for a kiss, which she returned firmly. Her hands slid up his chest, finding the sides of his head and pulling it close for more. His tongue explored her mouth as his hands roamed her back.
Yes, she sighed into his ear as he began to kiss down her neck again. This is what I want. This is right. The intimate darkness in the apartment, the rain outside, soothed her, relaxed her, whispered encouragement. Letting her eyes slide mostly shut, she slid her mouth back to Shinji's, found one of his hands, and placed it against her right breast.
It took her a moment to realize that he'd frozen. Exhaling against his cheek, she released his hand immediately but continued to kiss him.
Shinji didn't move. Didn't kiss back.
"What is wrong?" she whispered between kisses. "Have I made a mistake?"
"Rei," he breathed, his voice hoarse. "You... no. I'm just... I don't... I don't know."
Pausing with her lips against his jawline, she blinked, then drew back to study his face. He was staring back her wide-eyed, breathing fast, pupils dilated in the thin illumination of the streetlights outside. "Shinji," she murmured, touching his cheek, "what is the problem?"
Seeming to realize he was still touching her, he jerked his hand back, fingers rubbing absently against his palm. "There... is no problem," he answered slowly, as though reasoning through it aloud. "There is no problem. This is something I've wanted."
When he fell silent, she shifted on the bed, waiting. There is more.
Eventually he sighed, staring at his lap. "It seems surreal, somehow. I mean, you don't know how happy this all makes me, but it's just so... so fast. I mean, just last week we weren't even... and now we're..." He trailed off, swallowing audibly. "I don't feel good," he decided in a shaky whisper, swinging his legs back over the side of the bed, dropping his head to his hands and breathing heavily.
Rei watched him with concern. "Shinji... I'm sorry." Did I hurt him?
"Don't be," he pleaded weakly. "It was just sudden and unexpected, and I just got a little... well, it sounds stupid, but I got a little afraid."
She sighed, sliding arms around his shoulders, drawing him close in what she hoped would be a comforting hug. "There is no reason to fear," she murmured soothingly, rubbing his arms and shoulders. "I am here. I will protect you. We will wait, if that is what you need."
"Maybe," he allowed, shaking his head. "My stomach is just..." Grimacing, he straightened, dropping hands to his lap. "I should probably go, before something gets even worse. A walk in the rain might help settle me."
Rei nodded, standing as he did, accompanying him towards the door. His steps were slow; she wondered if he really wanted to leave. Once he finished donning his shoes, she touched his shoulder lightly. "Shinji, I'm sorry."
"Don't be," he implored again, this time more firmly. Blue eyes met her own through the darkness. "If you hadn't done what you did, I might have anyway, and then we'd still be here."
Doubtful but relieved, she stepped back. Shinji gave her a small smile, apologetic in character, and bent to grab his backpack. "I'll come over tomorrow, then?" he suggested, adjusting straps on his shoulders.
"Yes," she agreed quietly. Shuffling forward, she gave him a lingering kiss, then watched as he slipped out the door, closing it behind him.
He's... gone. For long moments she stood there, staring at the door. It was late, she knew, and there would be school in the morning, though only a half-day. It was good that he had left; he needed sleep, still, and would not get it kissing her. So why did I want him to stay? And for how long?
Frowning, she wandered back to her bed, pausing to strip out of her uniform and toss it in a laundry basket. Flopping onto the sheets, head on her pillow, she stared at the ceiling and began to think. And wait.
The waiting was still a part of life, part of her, but now there was something different about it; instead of waiting to die, she waited to see Shinji again. Though she would eventually still have to die, of course, it seemed likely she'd see him before it happened, so he was what drew her attention. Not that he wouldn't have anyway.
Shinji. Sighing, she stretched out on the bed, then folded hands over her stomach. Lines of rain streaming down the window caught the streetlights' feeble issue.
She wanted him back, she decided, wanted him with her right now. Caring Shinji. Here in the dark with me. If he was still upset she could soothe him, settle his agitation. She enjoyed that; he came to her for solace, for reinforcement, for praise, and she enjoyed giving him what he needed. She wanted him to be happy, would do nearly anything to make him so; his companionship would be worth it. He was a glowing point of warmth, a torch keeping at bay what she now suspected was a lifetime's worth of loneliness behind her. Strange that I never noticed it before. Even if there were no kissing involved, she decided, she would still feel the same.
Not, however, that she would give up his kisses, she reflected. It was strange; she had expected it to be a simple thing. Kissing him made him happy, and him kissing her back made her happy, and that should have been the end of it. What she had not expected was the heat growing within, getting stronger each time, aching to quicken and burn. When she kissed him, it manifested in strange places and in strange forms, a rapid pulse in her throat, a strange... itch... inside, a hunger she could not put a name to. A command against which she knew no defenses.
She felt it now, she realized; before she knew it, her fingers brushed cotton and her eyes sprang open, though what they saw was not the ceiling. It was Shinji. Shinji's weakness to be fortified, his pain to be soothed. Shinji's hands. Shinji's lips, his breath in her ears, his fingers running through her hair. Shinji's heat. Shinji's need.
Rei's fingers, her warm secret. Rei's parting lips. Rei's shivering pleasure.
Asuka woke instantly at the sound of the apartment door unlocking. Raising her head from the pillow at the end of the futon, she blinked for a moment before realizing she was still in the living room. Vaguely she could remember watching some stupid news show before falling asleep, but now there seemed to be a movie on, or at least the television screen showed her a group of men on motorcycles chasing another on a giraffe through crowded city streets.
The door opened, admitting a very wet Shinji, still in his school clothes, backpack on his back. Asuka frowned at him briefly before jerking her gaze back to the movie with a scowl. Is he just getting home from school now? Why is...? Belatedly her eyes sought and found a clock and her scowl deepened. Almost eleven. He's turning into Misato.
Once inside Shinji just stood there. Whatever he was doing, she could not tell, though she sensed he was not watching her. At least she could not feel eyes on her.
After a long moment she chanced a quick sideways glance, but her roommate was just standing in place, the expression on his face suggesting he was deep in thought. Probably wondering how to untie his shoes. With effort she cleared her face.
Eventually he shook himself. "Asuka? Do you have a few minutes?"
Do I? I've been here alone all night, idiot. Do you think I was waiting here just to answer some question for you? Keeping her face impassive, she watched the movie as though she hadn't heard him speak. The hero had evaded the men chasing him, and was now speaking to some beautiful woman in what looked to be a bank lobby.
"I was so worried for you, Hiroshi. What happened?"
"Got caught in traffic, dearest."
"I'm serious."
"So am I. You wouldn't believe how rude rush-hour commuters can be."
"Asuka?"
"You know, I didn't think you'd tell me. You never tell me anything. Secrets are your blood, your very breath."
"How often I have thought the same of you, dearest. Your soul is as full of locks and vaults as this very building."
"You know it's hard for me. I was waiting for you."
"Fine. Ignore me." Sighing angrily, Shinji kicked off his shoes and strode down the hallway towards his room, out of view.
"I... don't suppose I could borrow your phone, love? I need to call a cab."
Lips tight, Asuka retrieved the remote from under her knee and turned the television off. What happened with that idiot now? Probably tried to feel Rei up and she kicked him out. She frowned for a moment, considering that. No, he didn't look miserable enough. Just thoughtful.
Abruptly she scowled. Why do I care? Shinji's fine. Shinji is always fine. He's not weak like other humans. Standing, she stalked to her room and slammed the door. Hunger burned in her belly, but there was no way she was going to address that particular need now.
Quickly changing into pajamas, she crawled into bed and hugged the pillow to herself. Why is he such an asshole? Hanging out with Wondergirl, skipping out on dinner, stumbling home late and then thinking I'm going to have some girly chat with him. Not everyone's a doll, Shinji. Some people live on their own schedules and do what they want, and it's not always what you want.
Gritting teeth soon gave her a headache to compete with her gnawing stomach. Sleep did not find her for some time.
When her alarm woke her the next morning, Shinji was already up, apparently in the shower. Misato had returned at some point during the night, she saw, but had not yet risen. Absently she wondered what took up so much of the woman's time now that it apparently wasn't Kaji. Whatever. She'll just say it's work if I ask her. Probably is, too. If Kaji dumped her, though, why hasn't he called me?
As she stood frowning at Misato's door, the sound of water from within the bathroom went silent as Shinji turned the shower off. With a faint smile, Asuka slipped into the kitchen, found a glass and filled it with ice-cold water, then returned to wait in front of the bathroom door.
Minutes passed in silence except for the occasional thump from the bathroom, as though Shinji were stumbling into things as he pulled pants on. Klutz.
Eventually the door opened. Asuka gave him only enough time to blink at her, then threw the glass of water right in his face.
Shinji shouted, coughing, and staggered backwards until the sink stopped his movement. "What the... Asuka? What the hell was that for?" he finally managed, glaring at her. With one hand he found his towel and started patting his face and shirt.
"What was that for?" she repeated, shouting, as she advanced on him. "How can you even ask that? Where the hell were you last night?"
"What?" He shook his head fiercely as thought she'd asked the stupidest thing imaginable. "Last night? I told you I was going to be with Rei. We walked around in Shitamachi."
Shit. True. "Well, would it have been too much trouble for the mighty Shinji to let me know he wasn't even going to be here for dinner? I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday, you jackass!"
He stood straighter, glaring at her and tossing his towel aside. Blue eyes bored into her own with frustration and disdain. "Why should I bother? I make you food all the time, and all you do is insult me. I even made dinner on Thursday for you, but you didn't come out of your room to eat it."
"Well, you were mean to me earlier that day," she countered heatedly. "Why should I have eaten what you made me? You probably would have put something in it to make me sick! Either that or you just made something stupid I don't like."
"I made sukiyaki, Asuka. You love sukiyaki." He had torn his gaze from her, was now staring at some point on the wall, and his voice was tight with forced restraint.
"No, I don't. It's disgusting."
"Last time I made it, you ate three helpings."
She scowled, thinking back. "Well, you didn't make me lunch that day."
"Well, you didn't go to the store the night before like you said you would."
"I did too! You just didn't tell me what you wanted me to get."
"Whatever, Asuka," he sighed. "Aren't you a college graduate? I'd think you could feed yourself."
"Of course I can!" she snapped. "Last night I just kept waiting for you, but you never came home, and I fell asleep, and..." She trailed off, angry at herself for whining. Before she could tear into Shinji, however, he blinked, his eyes shifting to look at something beyond her.
Asuka whirled. Misato was standing there in the hallway, yawning, a pillow crease running across one cheek towards her ear. Their shouting had awoken her again.
"Morning, lovebirds," greeted the woman cheerfully. "Showering together now? That's so cute."
Asuka blinked, realizing where she and Shinji stood. "Bite me," she answered, then turned to her fellow pilot. "Get out. I need to use this, and it's not like I'll let you peek if you just stay in here. And here," she added, thrusting the empty glass towards him.
He accepted it, brushing rudely past her on the way to the hallway. The door slammed shut behind him, bouncing partway back open.
"Hey, Shinji," murmured Misato, looping an arm through the boy's to stop him in the hallway. "What was that?"
He blinked at her, then shrugged dismissively. "Nothing. She was just mad that I was out last night and didn't make dinner for her." Turning, he resumed his way towards the kitchen.
She frowned, following slowly in his footsteps. "So all of that," she wondered, "was about food?" That seems a little extreme. Of course, look at who we're talking about.
Shinji ducked around the corner, opening cupboards and rummaging around for cereal. "I think it bugs her that I've been spending time with Rei and not her."
Aaaaaaaaah. "I see," she acknowledged, stepping into the kitchen to watch him absently. "She's been getting more abrasive lately, hasn't she?"
He chuckled without looking at her. "You mean that? No. A couple days ago she was way out of line, telling me she hated me and everything. This here was just her way of saying 'Good morning.'"
Misato raised an eyebrow. "Don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about."
"Well, I do," admitted Shinji with a sigh. "I don't think there's much I can do about it, though."
"But doesn't it bother you?" she pressed. "You don't seem all that upset."
He paused in the act of shaking cereal into a bowl, favoring her with an easy-going smile, the innocent one that broke her heart every time she saw it. "I just try not to take her too seriously."
Quickly he turned back to his breakfast, but Misato continued to stare at him, reeling. Shinji? Not taking something seriously? Who is this kid and where is the real Shinji?
Shaking herself, she opened the fridge, rummaging around for a wake-up beer, studying him out of the corners of her eyes the whole time. Though she had been too wrapped up in her own problems to notice before, he did seem somehow more... grounded now, like he'd found something or someone, or figured something important out. I guess whatever he and Rei have been up to, it's helped him out.
Abruptly she froze, one hand on the refrigerator door after shutting it. Wait. What have they been up to? A suspicion formed in her mind. "Hey, Shinji," she began in her sweet voice, "did you hook up with Rei?"
He jerked, almost knocking his cereal over, then eyed her cautiously. A half-dozen different emotions warred over his face before uncertainty won out. "I... don't know," he answered quietly, glancing away.
So yes, she translated, nodding. An unexpected surge of pride swelled in her heart, pride that quiet, troubled Shinji had found someone. Strictly speaking, she supposed, as his guardian she was supposed to keep an eye on him, make certain they didn't do anything stupid, but she doubted Rei would ever allow anything amiss, and in any case she was too happy for the boy to care. Good work, Shinji.
The mystery solved, Misato put it out of her mind and cracked open her breakfast.
"Aren't you worried about afterwards?" asked Ritsuko. "You should be."
The Commander, if he heard her, gave no sign of it. The man sat at the desk in his office, a vast space in the heights, though still underground. Vaguely Ritsuko supposed there was something meaningful there, some comment about the Commander himself, but whatever it was she could not identify it.
"What the old men are up to," he answered finally, his gaze focused on the wall behind her, "is of no importance to you at the moment. Human enemies are our smallest concern."
"On the contrary," she demurred. "Human enemies are the most dangerous. Are you not concerned about the mass-produced models? We will need Unit-01's S2 engine operating without restraints or safeguards to defeat them."
"I have a plan," stated the Commander flatly. Reflected monitor glow in his glasses obscured his eyes. "Do not modify Unit-01. That is enough, Doctor."
Ritsuko kept her frustration from her face and nodded. Pulling off her own glasses, she folded them up and tapped them idly against her other palm. "Additionally," she murmured, "perhaps later in the day, there are... figures I would like you to inspect. I can show you what you need to see." It was a game, of course, one she knew he understood; likely she didn't even need to say anything at all, just stand there after his dismissal, and he would know what she meant.
"I will be busy later." Smoothly he folded gloved hands in front of his face. "Go."
"Are you certain?" she wondered coolly. "I will be here until rather--"
"Is there a question, Doctor Akagi?"
Ritsuko cut herself off, knowing better than to try his patience. "Of course not." Nodding, she turned and strode for the doors. Her footsteps echoed in the broad office until she left it.
Once outside the door, she turned and eyed it sideways, sliding the glasses into a pocket of her labcoat. Don't you know better than to upset a woman, Gendo? After all these years, you should. It always comes back to haunt you.
After a moment, she sighed. Face tight, she continued on towards the elevator.
When school let out, Shinji did not head home with Rei, the first time in many days he had not. Though she had waited for him in the hallway as was becoming her norm, he'd explained things. Explained that Asuka needed some human company, even if it was him, that he would visit her later in the evening instead of early in the afternoon. Rei had agreed, but she gave him an odd, direct stare as they parted ways halfway to her apartment, one he had not seen before.
Shaking his head, he began the walk home, feeling like he were leaving the comfort of an air-conditioned apartment to jump in a fire instead. Though if Asuka throws cold water in my face today, he reflected with a faint smile, it might actually feel good.
When he reached the apartment his roommate was already home, having left before him from school. She'd changed into a pair of old grey shorts she used for lounging, as well as a shirt with something written on it in German, though he recognized the word "Berlin." Once again she did not acknowledge his entry, engrossed as she was with watching music videos on television and snacking on some of Misato's wasabi peas.
Leaving her undisturbed, Shinji headed to his room to drop off his backpack and grab a stack of homework still left over from when he'd been stuck in Unit-01. And, after a moment's thought, his laptop. It made an awkward bundle to carry back out to the table but he did so, quietly and unobtrusively setting up for a couple hours' worth of homework.
As he expected, Asuka ignored him. He could tell she didn't like whatever she was watching, because after the videos gave way to some show about cool little electronics, she began flipping endlessly through the channels. Misato did not get many channels, making this a distracting and frustrating cycle for him.
He sighed, trying to concentrate on his homework. Maybe I should just grab the SDAT, he decided longingly, then sighed again. No, I'm here to be sociable, or whatever. She might not talk to me, but at least she can't say I'm never around. I don't know why she even cares; if she hates me so much anyway, why...?
"I'm staying at Hikari's tonight," she declared out of nowhere, still staring at the television screen.
"Hikari's?" he blinked. "Okay. What... what do you want to eat, then, before that?
"Not eating here," she answered absently, flipping through the channels. "She likes to cook too, you know."
Shinji gazed at her for a moment, then stared into the kitchen before nodding. "Fine," he acknowledged. "When are you--?"
"Soon," Asuka interrupted. "Half an hour, probably."
He nodded again, turning back to his homework. She did not speak further, and as she had stated, in thirtyish minutes she flipped off the television and disappeared into her room. In moment she reemerged with different clothes yet, bearing a duffel bag in one hand. She swept past him and out the door without a word.
Shinji stared after her a moment, then bent back to his homework. It would not finish itself.
Later, as hunger grew from an irritant to a distraction, he sighed and snapped his books shut. No point in staying here, I guess. After carrying his things back to his room and changing clothes, he paused for a moment, uncertain. It felt strange, leaving the apartment so empty. Three people still lived in it, he reflected, but it seemed everyone was home less and less as time went on.
Feeling like this was partially his fault, he sought a pen and a scrap of paper, then left Misato a note. I'm at Rei's. Asuka's at Hikari's. She's not coming back tonight but I am. Frowning at it momentarily, he taped it to his guardian's bedroom door, then began the walk to Rei's place.
She opened the door just before he knocked on it, perhaps having heard his footsteps approaching. With the windows and blinds open, the apartment behind her seemed a bright, cheery place now, so bright relative to the hallway, in fact, that her hair made a fuzzy halo around her silhouetted face. She smiled to see him.
Shinji smiled back, then entered as she stepped back to give him room. "I hope I didn't make you wait too long."
Rei shook her head slightly, pale bluish hair swaying. "I don't mind waiting."
"That's good, I suppose," he chuckled. "Have you eaten yet?"
"I have not."
Once his shoes were off, he stepped forward to kiss her, enjoying how she smelled, cool and clean despite the ever-present heat. After a moment he pulled back, studying her face from centimeters away. "What sounds good to you tonight?"
Something shifted in her eyes, and he fought the urge to swallow. Shortly, though, she swung her head sideways to regard the kitchen area. "I will cook, if that is what you mean."
"Really?" he wondered, following her gaze. "You don't have to."
"I know." Her soft voice, this close, sounded a little breathy in his ears. "You don't need to do all the work all the time."
He smiled at the floor. "I don't mind. Thank you, though."
Rei touched his cheek briefly, then glided towards the counter. "Be at ease," she instructed over her shoulder. "It won't take long."
Taking her advice, Shinji seated himself some distance away on the floor rug, alternating between staring out the windows and watching Rei as she cooked what looked like kinpira gobo. Something about seeing her back as she stood before a simmering pan on the stove stirred his memory, seemed somehow familiar. Whatever it was, it lightened his heart, making him want to hug or kiss her again. He remained on the floor, though; she would not likely appreciate the distraction.
Rei was true to her word, finishing the meal quickly and serving up two bowls. They ate sitting on the floor, facing one another. Shinji was surprised to learn that she cooked well; with the previous abused state of her apartment, he had assumed she cooked only infrequently, perhaps relying on instant food like Misato.
Once they were done, he volunteered to clean up; after disappearing for a few moments she let him do so, again simply watching as he washed the dishes and the few pans she'd dirtied while cooking. After he finished drying, Rei stepped to the bed and then lay on it, on her side, facing him. There she waited.
Oh. Smiling uncertainly, idly recalling his last visit here, he joined here there, head propped up on one hand to mirror her own position. "Hello," he greeted lamely.
Rei frowned briefly at this, then reached to trail a finger idly down the chest of his t-shirt. "You stayed to visit Sohryu," she recalled softly. "Did you speak with her?"
"Not very much," he answered honestly. "All she did was tell me she was going to be sleeping at Hikari's. Then she left. She wasn't there that long."
Rei nodded. "But she did not seem angry at you?"
Shinji pondered that, then shrugged as best he could while lying on his side. "Not really. Just kind of... abrupt."
"Perhaps that is an improvement," mused Rei, her finger wandering aimlessly over his torso. "You should stay with her more often. Sohryu is... unwell, I believe; if your presence turns out to help her, you should do what you can."
"I know," he sighed. "It's just weird, though, being there now. She said she hated me, but she doesn't act much different. A little colder, I suppose. Anyway, I'm surprised you want me to be there for her when I could be here with you," he added with a smile.
Rei's finger paused on his chest, and red eyes flickered up to meet his own, very seriously. "Shinji," she murmured slowly, as though she enjoyed speaking the word. "Are we dating now?"
He nodded, acutely aware that they were lying together on her bed. "I... think so. I mean, I hope so. We do... stuff... that I don't... I mean, I don't think..."
She silenced him with a kiss, leaning forward slightly, though it didn't last long. "Good," she answered.
Shinji watched her, waiting for more, then licked his lips. "Rei?"
"Yes?"
"What...?" He hesitated, wondering how to phrase it. "Why... why me? Why do you like me?"
She frowned at him oddly as though confused he would even ask. "You care," she explained quietly. "You've always cared, from the beginning, in a way no one else cares about me." Pausing, she gestured behind him, to the apartment at large. "You decorated this just because you thought it might make me happy. I would not have done it myself, because cosmetic changes are pointless... but now I enjoy it. I also enjoy being able to help you with your problems, because I care for you as much as you care for me."
"Oh." He smiled, reassured.
Her hand slid to cover his heart, a gentle pressure through his shirt. "What about me?"
Shinji shook his head helpessly. "You're beautiful," he sighed, "and you're soothing, and I feel like I can trust you completely. You make me feel... safe. I like just being close to you."
Rei's face did not change, though he could feel her pleasure at his words. Her eyes slid wistfully shut, and she leaned in for another kiss.
He returned it, throwing his free arm around her and pulling her close. Something was different this time, he quickly noticed; Rei's attention was more heated, more fierce; her teeth tugged playfully at his lips while her fingers slid down his side to curl through a belt loop.
"Shinji," she breathed, hot in his ear. "Do you want to touch me?"
"You have no idea," he whispered. I can't believe this. He was shaking, he realized, and a giddy hollowness thumped in his chest.
In answer Rei grasped his free hand, planting a light kiss on his palm before pushing it down, under her uniform skirt. Lifting her knee atop his thigh to make room, she guided him back up, towards her treasure. What he felt there was not what he expected.
"Rei," he gasped. "Don't you usually wear underwear?"
"Yes," she answered throatily.
Exhaling steadily to calm himself, he began to explore. Rei had stopped kissing him and now simply lay there, her breath catching every now and then as he continued.
This is it, he realized distantly. This is Rei. It was nearly unbelievable, still, that she was giving herself to him so, that she actually wanted the same dirty things he'd been dreaming about for years, and furthermore wanted to do them with him. She's just like me. The boundaries were gone; she was his.
Letting himself go, he rolled to his back, squirming under her; Rei scrambled atop him in response, keeping herself elevated enough for continued manual access. With his free hand he touched whatever he could reach, rubbing a leg here, brushing a uniformed breast there. She's mine, he sighed. All mine. Rei's wordless murmuring echoed his thoughts.