Misguided princes, why have ye upraised
This wordy wrangle? Are ye not ashamed,
While the whole land lies stricken, thus to voice
Your private injuries? Go in, my lord;
Go home, my brother, and forebear to make
A public scandal of a petty grief.
- Sophocles, Oedipus the King
Chapter Eight: Forever Yours
"So how's bonehead doing?"
Hikari sighed, closing her eyes, wondering idly why her friend couldn't be civil just once in a while. "He's pretty good, actually," she answered. Opening her eyes again, she peered into her bento. "They're going to let him out in a week or less, they say. He's taking to the new leg pretty well."
Asuka stared at her blankly for a moment, perhaps not having listened, but eventually she grinned. "That's good. So you guys started smooching it up yet?"
"Asuka!"
"Have you?"
"Not yet," she answered quietly, glancing away as her cheeks heated. "I've been... waiting, until he gets out of the hospital, so I know..." She trailed off, embarrassed at how it sounded.
"So you know what?" prompted Asuka. "That he's not using you for your sympathy? You really think Touji's smart enough to do that?"
Hikari scowled at the other girl. "Oh, don't talk about him like that."
"Fine," sighed the German, rolling her eyes dramatically skyward. "Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. If he dumps you after he's out, I'll cut his leg right back off."
"Thanks." She paused for a moment, taking another bite of her lunch. Off in the distance, hidden birds starting cackling at one another in some tree or other. "How about you? Anything new from Kaji?"
Asuka's face clouded. "Nothing," she grumped, spearing her own noodles angrily. "It's like he's just disappeared. I've tried asking Misato about him, but she says she's as confused as I am. I think she's lying, though."
"Kaji seems like a... secretive man," ventured Hikari carefully. "Maybe she really doesn't know."
The other girl snorted. "Maybe," she allowed, plainly unconvinced. "Though I suppose he could keep her in the dark if he wanted to. He's good. Oh, hey. Can I crash at your place again tonight?"
"I suppose," she shrugged. "What's wrong with your place?"
Asuka grimaced. "Misato's place is just messed up right now. It's... it's better if I'm not there, I think. For now."
"Whatever. That's fine." Hikari resumed eating, keeping an idle eye on the students on the green far below. There were fewer than in recent weeks; one by one students had disappeared from her class, and probably all other classes, as their parents decided they were no longer needed in Tokyo-3. She could hardly blame them, with all the Angels.
Eventually her eyes settled on Shinji and Rei, out of habit. The two were eating together again under what she had begun to think of as their tree. She was mildly surprised Asuka had not started complaining about the pair yet today. Maybe she's getting over it. Whatever it is.
As she watched, something occurred which caught her attention. "Oh, weird," she murmured before she could catch herself.
"What?" wondered Asuka absently, finishing the remains of her lunch.
Hikari squeezed her eyes shut. Oops. "Um, nothing. I was just thinking."
Asuka grunted. "Whatever, Hikari. I saw you watching people down there. What did you see? You're as bad as the idiot sometimes, you know."
Fine, she sighed. "Well, Shinji was trying to get Rei's attention to point at something in the trees, and he touched her leg. She didn't seem to care."
A strange silence from her side made her turn; Asuka was watching her, one eyebrow raised in question. "Where?"
"Over there," pointed Hikari. "Those trees there, by that stump. Whatever it was, I couldn't..."
"No, where on her leg?"
Oh. "A... few centimeters above her knee," she answered, watching her friend uncertainly. That is a little inappropriate for school, really.
Asuka's eyes grew slowly colder, and her gaze shifted down to the empty lunchbox in her hands. After a moment she snarled, throwing the thing as far as she could towards Shinji and Rei; the thing tumbled lazily, landing less than halfway there. "You assholes!" she shouted, waving a fist. "Keep your hands to yourself! No one wants to see that here!" All over the green, people turned around, dumbfounded, to find the source of the voice.
Hikari grimaced, trying to shrink into herself. "Asuka?"
"What?"
She sighed. "Nothing."
Shinji tried to keep a smile from his face as he jogged up the stairs to Rei's apartment. Under one arm he carried a wrapped box, complete with a silver bow. It had been a total whim to buy the thing, and he was not accustomed to acting on whims, but this gift had seemed like a good one.
She answered at his knock, smiling at him. "You got here quickly."
"Yeah," he agreed, slipping inside and tugging off his shoes, aware of Rei's eyes on the gift. "I don't think Asuka had been there for more than ten minutes, and she left right after I got there." His roommate had had enough time to give him an icy stare and little else.
"Did she bother you further?"
Shinji shook his head. Stepping past Rei, he made for the fuzzy blue rug and seated himself on it. "Not really. Whatever was bugging her at lunch, she didn't say anything about it."
His girlfriend nodded absently, shuffling quietly towards him before seating herself at his side. "What is this?" she wondered, nodding at the package he'd set on the floor.
"I got you a gift," he explained unnecessarily, sliding it towards her. "Open."
She regarded him blankly for a moment, then directed her attention to the present. "Are we to be married, then?" she asked, fingering the wrapping.
"It, uh..." He swallowed; her voice suggested that the idea was of some mild interest to her. "It was the only wrapping paper Misato had," he explained eventually; silver candles and rings lined the white paper, along with calligraphic platitudes like Till death do us part and Forever yours. "I totally forgot that I needed any until half an hour ago or so."
Rei smiled again, apparently amused, then tugged the bow to undo it. She opened the gift very carefully, tearing only the tape, not the paper, and in moments had revealed the outer packaging of a little shelf stereo system, the most he had been able to afford. As the paper settled airily to the ground, she turned a questioning glance on him.
"I noticed you didn't have a television or radio or anything," he explained, "so I got you this. I wanted to thank you for... for accepting me. For caring. For understanding."
The smile remained on her lips, and a soft note of affection touched her eyes, though they regarded the box now, rather than him. "That was not necessary, Shinji."
"I know. I just wanted to be nice." He watched for a moment while she idly read the package. "Go ahead and take it out," he prompted. "What kinds of music do you like?"
Rei's smile faded. "I... don't know." She blinked at him, then returned her attention to the box, which she began to open.
"I made some discs for you," he noted as she found them just inside the top opening. "Stuff I copied from old SDAT tapes. Mostly classical and a little pop. There's probably eight hours' worth of music there."
She nodded wordlessly, setting the discs carefully aside as she removed the styrofoam packaging and a layer of plastic wrap from around the stereo. Shinji helped her attach the speakers, and while she plugged the whole thing into the wall, he put in a disc at random.
In seconds the opening strains of a Bach concerto began to roll out of the diminuitive speakers, dramatic and subtle. Rei lowered her head, eyes closed, listening with obvious concentration. For a long time, she didn't twitch a muscle.
Some ten minutes later, perhaps, she finally stirred. "It is very pretty," she acknowledged quietly, even for her. Red eyes sought and found Shinji's own.
He smiled uncertainly. "Yeah. I have more stuff like that, if you want it."
Her gaze softened in apparent assent. For a moment she continued to listen, but quickly she thumbed a button on the stereo, pausing the disc. "We were going to see Hanazaka Park," she recalled.
Shinji nodded. "True. You want to go now?"
In response, Rei stood, absently brushing dust from her skirt. He rose as well, and without speaking further they slipped out into the hallway and made their way down to the street.
The park lay only a kilometer or so from Rei's place, and they walked there speaking only sparsely. The route there skirted the edge of a commercial district; as they passed it, Rei pointed out a ramen stand, and they got in line to wait.
After they'd each ordered and received their food, Shinji pulled out his wallet and opened it. Instantly the memory of the last time he'd done so struck him, when he'd paid for the stereo. "Crap," he muttered, slumping. "I don't think I have any cash. I spent..."
Rei eyed him without expression, then handed her NERV card to the fellow at the stand. He swiped it through the reader, not visibly impressed by the red fig-leaf insignia, and passed it back to her. She spared Shinji one more unreadable glance, then turned and continued on towards the park.
He quickly caught up with her. "I'm sorry," he sighed.
She shook her head faintly. "I don't care."
He smiled at the sidewalk beneath his feet. True. I suppose she really doesn't. To Rei, he thought, money was just a distant number, one that did little but ensure she could keep buying food to stay alive. It wasn't power or even wealth to her, as it was to others, or if it was she didn't seem to care about it.
In minutes they reached the park, a moderate stretch of green rolling hills dotted with the occasional miniature flower garden. Wandering off the path, they chose a spot at random, a grassy level spot next to a gentle slope, overlooking a smallish valley where a mother was playing with two younger children. Off in the hazy distance, taller buildings rose at infrequent intervals, their bases hidden by nearer trees.
Dropping to the grass, Shinji shifted about until he was comfortable, then began to eat his ramen. Rei did likewise, sitting primly and eating neatly as always. Faint children's laughter bubbled up sporadically to where they sat, and hidden cicadas buzzed their ever-present song.
Shinji found his eyes drawn to the children below as they ate. It seemed strange now to see any here, as though the softness and innocence required to nurture the young no longer had any place in a fortress city full of hardened JSSDF and NERV people. Strange that anyone could feel carefree enough just to sit and play where Angels had fought and died, where another could appear at any time and kill everyone. Something tightened his chest as he watched the children, one barely old enough to walk, giggling and frolicking in the sunlit grass with their smiling mother.
"Rei," he asked quietly, keeping his eyes trained below. "Why do you pilot?"
"Because that is my purpose," she answerwed softly.
He thinned his lips. "How do you know what your purpose is?"
"The Commander told me."
Shinji suppressed a grimace. "How does he know what your purpose is?"
Rei shifted, and he could feel her eyes on him. "It is because of him that I exist."
A cold fist gripped his heart. What? What is this? Jealousy? "What do you mean?" he whispered, still watching the playing children, though now they were mere vague blurs in his unfocused sight.
Clothing shifted again; he had the feeling Rei was touching her forehead. "I... don't know," she admitted. "I only know what he has told me."
Shinji rolled his shoulders irritably. "Well, he's the reason I exist too, but it doesn't mean I have to do everything he says."
Rei didn't answer. Blinking as he focused his vision again, he eyed her sideways, but whatever was on her face as she gazed down the hill, he couldn't read it.
He sighed, setting aside his empty ramen container and hugging knees to his chest. "I'm sorry."
Fingers alighted briefly on his elbow before retreating. A faint breeze whispered through the grass, carrying the scent of roses.
Shinji squeezed his eyes shut. What was she talking about? She made it sound like the Commander made her, like she's a... test, or an experiment. And why couldn't she be? The Evas themselves are like that, and they seem alive; why not a person? How many people really have blue hair like that? Red eyes? How many people need someone to explain why other people like flowers?
Suddenly tired, he sighed, rubbing his face. Take it easy on her, he advised himself. She doesn't seem to know any more than I do, and whatever her origins, they're not her fault any more than it's my fault that the Commander is my father. And her innocence is part of why I like her so much.
"Are you well?" Rei's gentle words floated over the breeze.
He smiled thinly, cracking an eye open to see her concerned expression. "I think so. I just... don't know much about you, I guess."
"I don't either," she admitted seriously.
He chuckled. "Shall we go back?"
Rei frowned, then gave her head a tiny shake. "Let's stay here a little longer."
Shinji nodded, pushing aside his trash, and leaned into her. Rei threw an arm around his shoulder, and they sat together in silence as the sun slid westward towards its inevitable disappearance.
Perhaps an hour before dusk, she patted his arm in a gesture he had begun to interpret as "get up now." Smiling, he did so, offering a hand down for Rei, which she accepted after a moment of frowning. After bending to retrieve the remains of their dinner, he headed back across the grass, towards the street.
It took little enough time to reach Rei's apartment; once there, she made straight for the stereo and unpaused it. Shinji walked past her and flopped on the bed, a place he'd been becoming rather familiar with over recent days.
As Rei poked at the stereo, figuring out how to turn the volume down, he let his eyes drift to the window, where the clings still hung cheerfully. They never failed to bring a smile to his face, after the way her apartment had been when he first saw it.
In moments she was a warm weight next to him on the bed. Shinji slid sideways, giving her room, but she just followed him over, peppering his face with kisses. He responded playfully in kind, tickling her sides as he did so, tugging at her skirt. Her fingers managed to find his shirt buttons and undid them between kisses, giving him time to attack the ribbon tying the top of her uniform together.
Shortly he was shirtless, his pants half-undone, while she was in nothing but her skin and socks above him, staring down into his face intently. It still amazed him how little it took her to strip, how little concern she had for nudity, but, he reflected, it came with definite advantages.
Something in her eyes caught his attention and he stared back up at her, feeling his smile fade. "Rei?" His hands moved of their own accord, caressing her, sliding up her sides and down her back. She was somehow warm and cool at the same time, soft and firm. He could not touch her enough.
She folded arms over his chest, resting her chin on them as she continued to gaze at him, her breasts twin regions of gentle pressure on his ribs. "Shinji," she murmured, red eyes soft and affectionate. "There is something we haven't done yet."
He swallowed. "There are... uh, lots of things we haven't done yet," he agreed weakly. Holy shit.
Rei was not distracted. "You know what I mean, I think," she accused quietly.
"I do," he conceded, equal parts thrilled and nervous. Does she have any concept of how fast people usually move? "Rei... are you sure? This is awfully... I mean, it's going to hurt you. You know that, don't you?"
"I do," she nodded. "I have heard as much."
"And you still want to do it?" he prompted.
"Yes." He could discern no doubt or hesitation in her voice. "Do you not want to become one with me?"
He closed his eyes as her words echoed in the agitated swirl of his thoughts, words he'd heard almost nightly in his dreams ever since he was stuck in the Eva. She was so... gentle about it, he sighed, so polite, not forceful at all; it tugged at his heart. I don't know if I can resist that, he lamented silently. But... why should I? Isn't this what I want too? What does it matter whether we do it now or in six months? "Very much so," he whispered finally.
Rei's weight disappeared instantly, and together they made short work of the rest of his clothes. He lay on his back, waiting as she situated herself properly, holding her hips idly as she began.
She clung to him tightly, arms threading under his back and neck, and shook as he broke her. He waited, eyes wide, kissing her hair and stroking her skin until she was ready to continue.
The act itself was both deeply pleasurable and mildly awkward; she didn't move how he expected, and when he compensated she did too, pushing them out of sync again. Shortly they settled into a passable rhythm, and her breath grew rapid and uneven in his ear.
She didn't finish until just after he did, and almost instantly she collapsed atop him, unmoving, breathing heavily and murmuring little happy sounds he could listen to forever. A light layer of sweat coated them both from head to toe, which amused Shinji; it still struck him as somehow strange that Rei sweated at all.
As the first stars of evening twinkled into view through the window, she sighed deeply and relaxed, perhaps drifting off while she still lay on him. In response he tightened his arms around her body, resting a cheek against her head, and let himself float at the edge of a warm and trouble-free slumber.
Eventually, however, he blinked back awake. It was dark out, he saw, though a quick sideways glance showed that only an hour had passed since their... union. Placing a hand on his girlfriend's shoulder, he shook her gently. "Rei?"
She stirred, lifting her head sleepily from his chest, and blinked at him. "Shinji?" Her cheek was red where her skin had been resting against his own.
"It's... late," he pointed out miserably, nodding up at the window. "I should... I should go, or... I don't know. If I'm too late, Misato will start asking questions."
Rei frowned at him. "I want you to stay," she declared softly.
He closed his eyes helplessly. This is the happiest I've ever been, he sighed. It would be way too easy to stay here, and then we're going to be...
"But I understand if you need to go," she added a moment later.
Shinji melted in relief. "Thank you," he breathed.
She nodded. Shifting, she planted hands on the mattress and pushed, lifting herself, separating herself from him with a faint grimace. Sliding quickly to the floor, she padded into the bathroom. The sound of a running faucet soon drifted out the door.
"You should clean," called Rei out to him, "before you go."
Groaning to himself as he rolled to his feet, he followed her voice. Rei stood in front of the sink, wiping herself down with a damp white washcloth, her face totally calm as though this were nothing unusual at all. Thrusting the thing under the water again, she squeezed the excess out, then handed it to him.
Shinji complied with her unspoken directive, thankful that she'd at least used warm water. After drying himself off, he wandered back to the bed and started putting his clothes back on, feeling as though he were donning layers of cold armor, separating him from Rei. She watched him wordlessly from the bathroom door, still naked; he shook his head.
Once he was dressed, he stepped close to hug her. "I don't want to leave," he admitted.
Slim arms snaked around his neck, drawing him close for a surprisingly passionate kiss. "Then come back here tomorrow," she instructed.
"I will," he chuckled. "Don't worry." With one more kiss, he stepped past her and out the door.
I hate my job, sighed Misato as she unlocked the apartment door and dragged herself inside. When was the last time I got a full night of sleep? Can't complain about killing Angels, though. Heeling the door shut, she stepped to the fridge, grabbed out a beer and slumped into a chair at the table.
Before she opened the can, her eyes drifted to the welcome mat by the door, empty of shoes. Asuka had been spending a great deal of time with Hikari lately, and Shinji with Rei. She could not really blame either of her charges; they did not get on well with each other, and she did not expect them to sit at home together all the time. Still, it left the apartment feeling empty, like it had before Shinji had shown up at all.
Snorting at her own sentimentality, she cracked the beer open and drank half of it in one go. What am I? she wondered absently. A mother, worrying about her kids growing up and moving out? At the thought she paused, frowning, then shook her head. Maybe.
Sprawling comfortably in the chair, she tilted the can back for another swallow. This is stupid. I have to cut down on this stuff or I'm going to get fat.
The opening door cut off further speculation. As she blinked, Shinji stepped inside, then favored her with a mellow smile in greeting. "Oh, hey, Misato."
Whoah. She froze, beer can against her lips, and watched as he unloaded his backpack calmly, a contented expression on his face as though nothing could possibly trouble him. Moving only her eyes, she followed his motion into the kitchen, observed as he filled a glass with cool water and started to drink from it.
Abruptly realizing she was staring, she placed the beer can carefully back on the table, wiping her lips with the back of her other hand. "Hey, Shinji," she answered brightly. "You're home kinda late." Though not as late as I would have expected. Not as late as I would be, in his place.
He shrugged, avoiding eye contact as he drank from his water. "Sorry?" he offered uncertainly a moment later.
She smiled at him, wondering how to proceed. "Shinji, um... could you come here for a second?"
A guarded look stole over his features but he nodded, shuffling closer to where she sat. "Is something wrong?"
"Not at all," she reassured, trying not to fidget. Whatever. If anyone should be nervous, it's him. "You're, um... careful, aren't you?"
"Oh." The tension drained from his face; apparently he'd expected another question. "Yeah, I think so. What do you mean?"
Chewing a lip, she chose a better word. "I mean protected," she clarified softly. "You know what I'm talking about."
Shinji blinked at her, and then a peculiar series of expressions washed across his features, as easy to read as text. First came horror, his jaw dropping, eyes widening and losing focus, as he realized that he'd forgotten to use any such thing. Then came shock, blue eyes snapping back to her face as he understood that she'd figured it out. A wild, desperate calculation followed, eyes shifting narrowly sideways as he tried to think of a way to deny it, followed by a numb, resigned staring as it occurred to him that his face had given it away, that he'd waited too long to be able to say he had no idea what she was talking about.
Misato waited patiently.
Shinji stared back.
Misato continued to wait.
"Oh," he said again, shifting his gaze to the glass in his hands as though it held some significance in the conversation. "Oh. Well, yeah. I mean, no." Blushing furiously, he squeezed his eyes shut. "I mean... I will be," he managed faintly.
"Yeah," acknowledged Misato uncomfortably, shifting in the chair. "Just... you know, you two have responsibilities, and you don't want any... surprises. You know."
"Yeah," he agreed, swallowing.
"So," she exhaled, "that's... anyway." Pausing to compose herself, she donned a winning smile. "Good to see you're home safely, though. I was a little worried."
Shinji nodded, clearly relieved to have the subject change. "Yeah, I'll try to be better about that. I can call, or..."
"Don't worry about it," she dismissed. "I mean, don't go crazy about it or anything, but... just..."
"I won't," he assured her vaguely. For a moment he just gazed at her mutely, while Misato stared back. Eventually he blinked, drinking the rest of his water and setting the empty glass on the counter. He wasted little time in heading to his room and closing the door.
Well, that was weird, she sighed. Anyway, damn. Kids today sure move fast. Abruptly she blinked, then suppressed a groan. Man, am I getting old.
Shaking her head, Misato grabbed her half-empty beer can from the table and drank the rest. I hope he's smart enough to keep this from Asuka. She'd freak if she knew.
Asuka trotted happily down the steel corridors at the NERV headquarters. She had grown tired of waiting to hear from Kaji, and had tracked him down in his office. Of course, he hadn't been there -- even his things were gone -- which meant he had probably been sent abroad again. Though he hadn't been able to tell her goodbye, she could understand, even forgive him for that; he was a dangerous man, after all, moving in a world of shadows, so it was expected that he would be tight with information from time to time. Even with her.
In any case, if he was abroad, he would likely be back in Germany, which meant Misato would know something about how to contact him. Asuka knew which liquor store the other woman typically frequented -- it was only a few blocks from the apartment -- and if they wouldn't sell to a minor with a NERV id, she'd just steal some. Then it would just be a matter of waiting until Misato was home one night to spring a "girls' night in" on her; once the major was drunk, milking her for information on Kaji's whereabouts would be easy. Imagine how impressed he'll be when I track him down and call him. If things went well, Asuka would also learn why he'd apparently dumped Misato, the better to avoid making the same mistakes once they were together.
This is great, she reflected as she rounded a corner in the massive complex. Everyone is so much dumber than me. I only wish I could share this plan with them all without ruining it.
Slowing to a halt before a heavy door, she swiped her card through the lock and slipped inside. A smallish waiting room lay within, just a handful of fairly comfortable plastic chairs -- easily washed of LCL -- and a few amenities like a drinking fountain and a television. Only one other person occupied it at the moment. "Hey, Shinji."
"Oh, hi, Asuka," he greeted, lifting his head from the back of the chair to smile at her. "How's Hikari been doing?"
"Fine," she shrugged, claiming one of the open seats. "I think her dad's been getting tired of driving me here, though." Shinji chuckled, letting his head drop back to the seat.
So how soon can I do this? wondered Asuka absently, drumming fingers on her stomach as she gazed at the oposite wall. I could get the beer at any time. Tonight, maybe? The rest kind of depends on Misato. Lips pursed, she planned and waited.
Eventually Maya's thin voice spoke over the room's speakers. "Asuka, Shinji, we're ready to start. Head to the plugs."
Asuka blinked as her purpose here was forcefully brought to her attention. Shinji rose without a sound, heading for the door and holding it open for her; glaring, she leapt to her feet and strode past him.
The test plugs were not far away, a thirty-second walk. As they always did lately, the cylindrical tanks lit a smoldering anger in her belly, twisting it like a knife. A plug-suited Wondergirl was already climbing into her own.
"Don't worry so much, Asuka," advised Shinji with a smile as he headed for his own plug.
"Shut your word-hole," she snapped. Ignoring the startled look on his face, she scrambled up her plug and into it.
The bloodlike LCL closed over her like the liquid of nightmares it had become, isolating her from the world, trapping her in the prison of her own thoughts. I hate this, she growled silently, settling herself into the reclined seat they'd provided for her. Nothing to do here. Nothing but think about how much I suck now, how much they all hate me.
The hours ground past with glacial slowness. Eventually she grew hungry, as she always did, and her bladder began a mild but ceaseless protest. Misato's occasional prodding through the tactical network did not help matters.
Sometime in the middle of the afternoon, Ritsuko's cool voice sounded over the audio circuit. "That's good for today, everyone. Scores are about the same as yesterday."
"Asuka," cut in Misato's voice, now soft and concerned. "Can you come to the box once you're clean and changed? I'd like to..."
"Fuck off," snapped Asuka, climbing out of the test plug. Her face felt unnaturally tight as she grabbed one of the handy towels and rubbed it fiercely over herself before hurling it into the receptacle.
Somehow she ended up behind Shinji and Rei as they wandered back to the locker rooms; they strolled like old people or young lovers, at one point exchanging a silent glance weighted with meaning. Though Wondergirl remained impassive as always, Shinji was smiling. Asuka sneered at their backs.
Calm down, she advised herself, watching the pair ahead of her taking their sweet time. I need to calm down. I need to go see Misato after this and hear how far I've fallen now. Hear it all again in that stupid honey-sweet voice, like her just saying it gently will make the numbers better somehow. Whatever's coming, I probably deserve it. Besides, if I snap at her too much the plan won't work on her.
Abruptly she blinked, shifting her attention to Shinji's scrawny back. Crap. I forgot to take him into account. Brow furrowing as they reached the lockers, she came to a quick conclusion. He just needs to be away somewhere. "Hey, idiot."
He stopped, turning around. "What do you want?"
Snorting at how he answered to the insult in place of his name, she eyed Wondergirl until that stupid blue hair had disappeared around a corner. "Whatcha doing tonight?" she asked of her nominal roommate. "Or tomorrow night?"
Shinji frowned, perhaps uncomfortably, as he ran a hand over his face to wipe clear some residual LCL. "Tonight I'm hanging out with Rei," he answered quietly. "Tomorrow night... I don't..." He paused, frown deepening. "I guess I don't know for sure yet about tomorrow, but I had planned on doing the same. Why?"
Good. He'll be gone. "You're certainly over there a lot," she observed. "Why's that? Can't stay away from your dolly for a whole day?"
He scowled. "Why do you care?" he charged, blue eyes narrowing. "You're never home anyway. You're gone more than I am."
"Yeah?" she countered. "At least I'm not sucking Hikari's face when I'm gone!"
Shinji blinked, coloring faintly, then glared right back at her. "That's not surprising. You couldn't pay someone to suck your face!"
Cold pain slashed through her middle at his words. "Very clever, from you," she acknowledged, leaning in to growl at him. "Did you work on that one all month? Or is that what you've been doing over there? Paying her to do all your pervy stuff?"
He tensed, going pale. "Don't you... why d--" Angered to unintelligibility, all he could do was spread his hands helplessly, as though explaining something obvious to someone dumb. "What the hell is your problem, anyway?"
"My problem?" she repeated, stepping back to eye him up and down in scorn. "Maybe I'm looking at my problem."
Shinji's fists clenched and his mouth opened, but after a moment he closed it without speaking. Whirling, he marched towards his entrance to the lockers.
"Yeah," she called after him. "Your dolly's in the other door, if you want to cry on her shoulder." He elected not to acknowledge her words as he disappeared.
For a time Asuka stared after him. Well, she sighed. Not what I intended, but I guess he'll stay away now. Gritting her teeth, she stalked into the lockers.
Wondergirl was just stepping out of the showers, towel draped over her neck, as Asuka entered. Red eyes regarded her blandly before sliding away.
"You," growled Asuka, folding arms over her chest. "What are you looking at?"
The First Child did not deign to answer. Instead she unfolded her towel, movements slow and calm, and began to dry herself.
"Don't ignore me," snapped Asuka, closing the distance between them in three quick steps. "What have you been doing to Shinji? Turning him against me?"
"I have been helping Shinji with his problems," came the soft, disinterested reply. Ayanami did not make eye contact as she bent to towel her legs.
"Right," nodded Asuka. "Helping with lips, I suppose. I know how that goes."
"Sometimes," admitted the other girl blandly. "When that is what he needs."
Asuka froze briefly, heart pounding hollowly in her chest. "I knew it," she hissed. "He denied it, but you two are together. While I'm off trying to have a normal friendship with Hikari, trying to get away from Shinji and his damn grandstanding, he's sneaking off to his dolly, to fuck his problems away." Blood rushed in her ear, a rhythmic song.
"Somtimes," repeated Ayanami, tossing aside her towel and stepping into a pair of underwear.
"Y--" Asuka blinked. "No, what I just said was that you guys were having sex there."
"Yes," agreed Rei.
"No," frowned Asuka. "I mean, you're having, you know, actual sexual intercourse."
"Yes."
"No, I mean, he's actually putting his..."
"I know, Pilot Sohryu," interrupted the First Child coolly. Reaching behind her back to fasten a bra, she turned to face Asuka plainly. "I understand your terms. We have done that three times now. I requested it."
Asuka felt her eyes widen helplessly, felt her jaw drop. Like Hikari, and like most of the class, she'd assumed the two had paired up -- their constant proximity to one another made that the intuitive guess -- but she had not imagined that they'd gone so far, that they had something so developed and meaningful. Kissing, maybe, but to hear Wondergirl admitting calmly to having begged Shinji to fuck her a few times suddenly made her own plan for Kaji seem... silly. Childish.
...a red-dressed doll, hanging, grinning...
She felt... betrayed, she realized. Like someone she trusted had slit her belly open while she slept. Like someone she loved had wrapped a rope around her neck and squeezed until the lights began to dim. Pain swirled hotly in her middle, pain and horror...
...I win again, Asuka... no one chose you...
...and anger, floods of anger, a white-hot fury aching to be released, to be shared, to sear hearts and souls. "You... you little..." Her voice was a mere whisper, shaking as fiercely as the rest of her body, but soon words began to bubble up from somewhere, words rich with the harvest of a blinding rage. "You... you... stupid... slack-cunted, skanked-up, insipid, albinic automaton! Shinji? You fucked Shinji? I was wrong about you. You're not just a doll; you're a rubber doll, Invincible Shinji's willing little fuck-puppet!" She punctuated the last sentence by lunging forward to shove Rei's shoulders as hard as she could.
The First Child skidded backwards, crashing loudly against the metal lockers before slipping ungracefully to the ground. For a moment she blinked there, then reached a pair of fingers up to feel the back of her head. They came back beaded and dripping with crimson.
Letting her hand drop, Ayanami pushed herself slowly to her feet. Her red eyes were narrowed now, her cheeks flushed with anger, as she stared venomously into Asuka's own eyes from centimeters away.
Yes, willed Asuka silently. Be angry. Fight me. You're not better than me.
Slowly, however, the color in Ayanami's cheeks faded to its usual pallor, forced back under control. Her eyes likewise relaxed, reverting to a blank robotic indifference. She could have been staring at a chair for all the interest she displayed.
Asuka ground her teeth together, containing her raging temper by a single strained thread. "Rei, I want you to know something," she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. "I hate you. I've hated you since I first met you, and I will hate you until the day you die." Opening her eyes again, she gazed coldly at the other girl, letting her words sink in.
Spinning, she strode back out the door. Two hundred meters later, in a dead-end hallway next to a janitorial closet, she sank to ground and curled into a shaking ball.
When Rei stepped out of the lockers, Shinji was waiting for her. His face, tense and preoccupied, darkened further when he saw her.
"Rei," he breathed, hurrying over to where she stopped. "Are you okay? I was showering and I heard... raised voices."
She nodded. "I am well."
"Are you sure?" pressed Shinji, his eyes scanning her face. "It sounded like you two were arguing."
"Sohryu was arguing," clarified Rei.
He stared at her for a moment, then nodded. "Okay. Good."
She watched him briefly; his face did not reflect the relief his words conveyed. "You are troubled," she decided. "She fought with you as well."
Shinji glanced away, making an unpleasant face. "Well, yeah. She said some pretty awful things about... well, both of us."
Rei tilted her head. "This is not new."
"No," he agreed, "it's not. It's just... I don't know." He sighed. "What is she doing, Rei? I don't even want to be in the same place as her anymore; how are we going to live together? Is that what she wants? I feel like I'm driving her off by being with you."
"You are not," explained Rei. "If anything, you came to me because she was already hurting you. You've done nothing wrong."
Shinji's eyes tightened faintly, shoulders dropping just a hair; he was almost there. Almost reassured. "You don't think so?" he whispered.
Shaking her head, Rei opened her arms, and he obligingly shuffled in for a hug, burying his forehead against hers. "You've done nothing wrong," she repeated in a murmur. One hand rose to caress his face, to smooth the hair away from his eyes, while the other rubbed his back gently. "I think Sohryu is being unreasonable for some other reason," she soothed, "but I don't know what it could be. Do not think that you are responsible."
He did not answer immediately, didn't move. Rei continued to hold him, to rub away his worries.
"Okay," he whispered eventually. "Maybe you're right. Let's go home, then. Or... I mean, to your apartment."
She nodded wordlessly and accompanied him towards the elevators, keeping her face down as heat burned her cheeks. He thinks my residence is home, she realized. That is... comforting.
The elevator ride elapsed in silence, and soon they were walking along Tokyo-3's empty sidewalks in the warm afternoon sunlight. Heat rose in ripples from the pavement, twisting distant buildings into dreamlike mirages.
"Misato knows about us," sighed Shinji as they walked. "Asuka knows. Soon everyone will know."
Rei nodded. There was little they could do about it now.
In short order they reached her building and climbed through the stairwell; the place had an elevator, but there had been an "Out of Order" sign on it for as long as she could remember. Sweat beaded on her legs in the still air of their ascent.
Once inside her apartment, she closed the door and immediately began to strip. Sometimes she preferred to wait, and sometimes not. Shinji is worried. Waiting briefly for him to shrug out of his own clothing, she grabbed a hand and led him to the bed.
"Rei," he began hesitantly, "you know I, uh, have a box of..."
"It doesn't matter," she told him, as she had the last two times they'd done it. "There is no need to keep suggesting it." Reaching the bed, she rolled onto it, giving him room to join her.
Shinji nodded with a frown as he sat on the edge of the mattress, his mild blue eyes regarding her with concern. "Why?" he asked after a moment. "What do you mean, it doesn't matter?"
Rei hesitated. How to explain it? Each was the other's first partner, so there would be no concern of disease, something she was sure he knew also, but how to explain that, even if she did manage to get pregnant, it wouldn't matter for long? "Shinji," she murmured, touching his arm. "You trust me, don't you?"
"Of course," he answered, eyes widening, apparently surprised by the question.
She nodded. "It's nothing bad," she explained. Just the Commander's plan, something he said was good for everyone. "It's just... there is no need. I can't explain more."
He chewed a lip, studying her, but finally smiled. "Okay."
Rei smiled back, pulling him closer. His kiss was honest, generous, everything inside him poured through his lips and into her; she accepted all he gave and craved for more, ached for a deeper unity.
When she was ready, she rolled onto her back, letting him be on top this time. Their coupling was rapid and she gave herself wholly to it, holding him as tightly as she could, becoming of one body with him. When he finished, she did too, the warm glowing sunlight inside her driving her to a sightless bliss as they became of one mind as well.
Some time later, after cleaning up, he lay atop her again, his cheek pillowed on her left breast as he stared absently across her right. Rei had wrapped her arms around him loosely, idly stroking his hair, while his hand slowly tightened and relaxed on the small of her waist.
"You are still concerned," she noted.
He sighed, grimacing. "It's Asuka," he whispered.
Smothering a stab of irritation, Rei nodded. "She will have to address her own problems, Shinji."
"I know," he murmured. "But I don't know if she can. Someone should help her."
Like this? wondered Rei, raising her eyebrows. I think not. Not you, at least. "It is... past the time for offering help, I think," she answered. "She would not accept it."
"Yeah," he agreed after a moment. "You're probably right. It's just sad."
"That is true," she acknowledged. "Why dwell on it?"
He smiled faintly, cheeks flexing against her skin. "Yeah, good point. You always put things in perspective." Lifting his head, he pecked a quick kiss on the breast he'd been lying on.
Feeling her face warm, Rei lifted her head slightly, meeting his gaze, trying to read his intentions. Is he ready to go again? In question she shifted one leg, letting it fall subtly outside of where it had been.
Shinji blushed as well, but climbed up to kiss her, slowly this time. "You know," he began quietly, then trailed off.
"Yes?" she prompted between kisses. "What is it?"
He laughed softly in her ear, a nervous, self-deprecating sound. "Oh, I don't know."
She paused, drawing back to eye him suspiciously. "What?"
Making a wry, embarrassed face, he shook his head. "I was just going to say," he explained in a whisper, "that there are... more ways to do this. More things to do."
Rei pondered this briefly. "Elaborate."
In the cool depths of NERV headquarters, Ritsuko sat smoking. Two more sync tests since Asuka's last explosion, and two more disappointments. The girl was falling apart before their eyes. At this rate, in a matter of weeks she would be completely useless. That will be a problem.
Frowning vaguely, she turned her head to regard the setup in the lab. Apart from the banks of computing machinery lining the walls, the point of interest in the room was a short cylindrical tank of LCL in which a naked Rei stood calmly for her fourth capture comparison. The process was simple enough; the MAGI recorded everything about the subject's physical and psychological state, everything recordable, and compared the results against the dummy plug templates to ensure that the latter had not been degrading. Ritsuko had had worries about the dummies, but after three comparisons they'd been holding up.
Holding up, she mused. Not like Asuka. For a moment her eyes lingered on the machinery above Rei's tank and an idea occurred to her. I wonder if I can configure the MAGI to write instead of read. She paused, taking another drag from her cigarette. It shouldn't be very difficult. Interesting.
Tucking the thought away for the moment, she turned back to her console, watching the progress bar crawl across the screen. Sighing, she stabbed the cigarette butt into an ashtray next to a dozen others just like it, then took a sip from her coffee.
Soon her thoughts wandered back to the problem at hand. What would be the point? she wondered tiredly. We already have as many Reis as we need... but we do not have as many Asukas as we need. She frowned, fingers finding a pen on the desk and playing with it absently. I can bring it up to the Commander. It's a little surprising he hasn't tried to do it with Shinji already.
A quiet chirp from the console grabbed her attention. The capture had finished, and was now "processing," a step that would take at least half an hour. Nodding to herself, she touched a button on the desk. "That's it, Rei. Clean up and go home."
"Yes," acknowledged the girl.
As Rei stepped out of the tank and into a dry plugsuit, Ritsuko focused on other matters. Sliding her chair to another console, she keyed in a series of commands, kicking off a set of diagnostics she'd been meaning to run on Casper for some time, now that the others were busy. Once the thing was running, she slid back to draw another cigarette from her pack.
Before she lit it, however, something caught her notice. One window on the screen was devoted to scrolling details about the MAGI's comparison, and it was now blithely running over discovered differences she had not expected. Their significance quickly struck her. Oh, hello. What's this?
Less than an hour later, she was in the Commander's office, throwing a thin report onto his desk. "You'll want to see this," she explained.
He shifted his gaze to the cover page briefly before frowning slightly at her. "I don't have time, Doctor. Summarize."
She sighed, tucking hands into the pockets of her lab coat. "Rei is no longer a virgin."
The Commander remained silent for a time, unreacting. "Explain."
Ritsuko shrugged irritably. What's there to explain? "The state of her scarring indicates the change happened over a week ago; she's since recovered. The MAGI discovered mild vaginal abrasion, suggesting her activity is frequent. I was able to extract a DNA sample from the... residue... still inside her at the time of the test, and confirmed it to have come from Shinji. The general hormone balance in her blood, and some of the physical readings I gathered, all suggest that she was thinking about it during a significant portion of the capture."
Folding gloved fingers before his chin, the Commander frowned, so faintly she almost didn't notice. "If this occurred over a week ago," he asked quietly, "why are you just learning now?"
She spread her hands. "The sync tests are not designed to record this level of detail. Only the capture comparison, or a full physical and psychological, would have done so."
He nodded but did not speak. The silence stretched.
Shifting her weight, Ritsuko nodded at the report. "There's more," she added. "The MAGI discovered activity elsewhere. Traces in her stomach, and also... well, just read it. It's in there, on the last page, under 'Additional Notes.'"
The Commander gazed flatly at her, then unfolded his hands and lifted the report, flipping idly through it. He quickly found the last page and began to read. Ritsuko was not certain what reaction she had expected from him -- a scowl, a twitching cheek muscle, a shaking hand -- but she'd at least expected to see something. Instead, the man could have been reading the daily stock quotes for all it affected him.
"I see," he acknowledged after a moment. The report went quietly back to the desk.
Ritsuko nodded. "What do you want me to do?"
"Send Rei to me."
Shinji sat lazily on the futon, bored. The television was on, showing him some documentary on the world just before Second Impact, but his attention was elsewhere. Asuka was at Hikari's again -- he had not seen her in two days -- and Rei was busy with some test or other at NERV, leaving him alone until Misato got home.
Sighing, he rummaged for the remote and started flipping idly through the channels, the action reminding him of Asuka. Is it better that I haven't seen her, or worse? Now the last I remember of her is that argument, not seeing her brush her teeth or something stupid like that.
After a few cycles through the tuner it became clear nothing was on. Defeated, he turned the television off and leaned back on the futon, stretching. Maybe I should practice the cello. He had not been doing so much, and was starting to lose the finger calluses he'd built up. It was expensive. I shouldn't just let it sit in the corner of my room.
Before he managed to move, the door opened, admitting a frowning Misato. On seeing him, however, she smiled. "Hi, Shinji. You're here tonight?"
"Yeah," he answered pleasantly. This can't be easy on Misato. I should be nice to her. "Rei's at some test."
"Ah," she acknowledged, kicking her shoes off absently, then striding into the living room. Her eyes flickered between him and the blank television, and she shrugged. "You didn't have to turn off your porn just because I was opening the door." Before he could answer, she turned and disappeared into her room to change.
Shaking his head, he set the remote aside and rose, stretching again. Heading to the kitchen, he filled a glass of water and held it to his forehead; the air conditioning didn't always remove the worst of the heat.
Eventually Misato reappeared in shorts just barely long enough to be called decent and a black top that exposed her stomach. With a loud sigh she threw herself onto the futon, one arm resting over her face. "Shinji, sweetie," she called, "can you get me a beer?"
"Just one," he chuckled. Setting his water aside, he reached into the refrigerator and drew out a can from the beer shelf.
"Thanks," she acknowledged as he handed the thing to her. "You're a sweetheart, you know."
"Misato, you know I'd do it without the compliments," he pointed out as his pocket began to ring. Quickly producing his phone, he examined the display, but there was no name listed, no number. Someone from NERV, then.
"That's why you're a sweetheart."
Ignoring his guardian, he answered the call uncertainly. "Hello?"
No words came to him over the line, though he could hear muffled breathing and a muted rumbling, as though the person on the other end were switching the phone from one ear to the other. Someone unused to making calls, perhaps. "Shinji?" came a soft voice.
He blinked. "Rei?"
"Shinji, we..." Her voice cracked and she trailed off, swallowing audibly. "Shinji, we can't see each other anymore. We have to break up."
An icy chill gripped his chest. "What?" he whispered. "Why?"
"The Commander ordered it," answered Rei; he could hear tears in her voice. "He found out."
"Rei, you..." He swallowed, trying to order his thoughts. No. No, this isn't happening. She's perfect. "Rei, you don't have to do everything he tells you."
"I do," she whispered brokenly. "I... I can't disobey. I just... I'm sorry, Shinji. I'm so, so sorry." A sobbing gasp reached him, half cut off as she disconnected the call.
Numbly he pulled the phone from his ear and stared at it. How...? How can she break up with me just because someone told her to? Not just "someone," of course, but the Commander. Father. All you do is cause me pain. His hand started to shake.
"Shinji?" Misato's voice was soft, now. Concerned. "Are you okay?"
Her words flowed around him without touching; he barely heard them as he stared at the phone that had carried this betrayal to him. Something shifted in his hand, and a crack jagged across the phone's plastic display. Father!