We would like to dedicate this chappie to Maggie. Whose threats of death got us properly motivated. Thank you Maggie.
Disclaimer: You know the drill. Me no owny.
Bria was woken at the crack of dawn by somebody singing (in a Texan accent) in the shower.
"That whore is in the bathroom! Which I use! That's it. I'm never bathing again!"
Lily rolled over in her bed.
"Please don't stop showering Bria. We'll not let her touch your shampoo, I swear."
Bria scowled.
"Can I please have the meat cleaver back?"
Lily rolled her eyes.
"No Bria. I am not giving you tools for murder."
She pulled herself out of bed.
"You will get expelled."
Rose walked out of the bathroom.
"Hey y'all. Who has the shampoo in the green bottle? It was the kind I used back home, so I used it. Is that okay?"
Bria shot her a look of pure loathing.
"THAT WAS MY SHAMPOO!"
O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O
In Maraud…er, boys dorm…
"Oh my. Somebody's used Bria's shampoo." Remus said, looking through his trunk for clean robes.
"Oomph." James mumbled, rolling off his bed and onto the floor. "Or sat on her bed."
"No." Sirius said, sitting up in his bed, his morning hair obscured by the pillowcase on his head. "I definitely heard shampoo."
"Sirius," Remus asked, giving Sirius a strange look. "Why is there a pillowcase on your head?"
"I don't know." Sirius replied, after a moment's thought.
"Why are we up?" Peter complained groggily. "It's to early."
"Did you not hear fair Bria's anguished cry?" Justin asked.
Sirius looked horrified.
"Fair?" He asked, with a look of disgust.
"Justin!" James exclaimed. "You are beginning to sound like moony."
"Fair?"
"Hey," Remus protested. "I am much more coherent than that."
"Fair?"
"No." Peter grumbled. "I did not. Did some one sit on her bed again?"
"Fair!"
"No. Shampoo." Everyone in the dorm, save for Sirius, replied.
"Is no one listening to me? BRIA IS NOT FAIR!"
"Sirius, sit." James said absentmindedly.
Sirius, trained by doing so many tricks on the animagus form, sat.
"Oi! Stop doing that! It's embarrassing."
"Yes." Justin said, looking incredulous. "Bria is the fairest in the land."
"I thought that was Cinderella." Peter said confusedly.
"Snow white, mate. Snow white."
"Bria is not fair!" Sirius said, crossing his arms over his bare chest. "Bria is Bria. And she can't be fair, because she is Cheese."
After a long pause. "Sirius, mate, you're in Sirius-denial."
Everyone in the dorm groaned. "That gets lamer every time you say it, Pete."
Sirius glared. "That's it!" he proclaimed, pointing to the ceiling. "I am going to go throw my pants at Cheese!"
Remus groaned. "Not again Sirius. Last time you threw your pants at her, McGonagall nearly expelled you."
"This is true. But hardly my fault!"
After a long moment, in which the Marauders all glared at Sirius, he consented.
"Alright! I won't throw my pants at her; I will only throw my trousers! Are you happy Remus?"
With that, Sirius stormed out of the dorm.
With his retreat, Remus let out a huge sigh. "Well, at least we're making headway with him."
O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O
"Stupid ho. Use my shampoo. I'll find I new meat cleaver."
"Hey Bria!" Sirius shouted from the top of the boy's staircase. "Pants!"
"Ugh!" Bria shouted, catching the trousers. "Wait. These aren't pants! These are trousers! Thank God!"
"Sirius' pants!" Rose said, snatching them away from Bria.
"Wait…you are still wearing your pants, right?" Bria looked up at Sirius.
"Do I look like I'm wearing pants to you?"
"I am so relieved!"
"He isn't wearing pants! I have his pants!"
"Wait…" Bria said, looking really confused as Rose ran off with Sirius's trousers.
"Huh… those are my…I still have my…" His indigo eyes widened as realization struck, "She has my trousers!"
Sirius ran down the stairs past Bria, right as Lily came down the stairs.
"Black! Get back to your dorm and change into decent clothes! You cannot go gallivanting about the common room in just your pants! You must follow some sort of dress code at all times! This dress code includes trousers!" Lily yelled when she saw him running about trying to reclaim his pants.
Still running, he turned and shouted to the enraged redhead, "It's not my fault! Rose – she has my trousers! I must get them back!"
With that, Sirius disappeared out the portrait hole.
Lily blinked. "So…why does Rose have Black's trousers." She asked, thinking that she might not want to know. "Did he sink that low after all?"
Bria looked disgusted. "No! I would hope not! That crazy slut just took them and ran for the hills! Or, the corridors, rather."
Lily shock her head, "Let's just pray that nobody becomes permanently scarred when they see him running through the halls with no clothes…"
Meanwhile, Sirius was still chasing after his pants. Being a much faster runner than the blonde he was catching up to her quickly, despite her massive head start.
Right as he was about to catch her when McGonagall materialized right in front of him.
"Mr. Black! What are you doing?" She yelled.
"Professor!" Sirius screamed, stopping just in time so he didn't crash into the livid teacher. "Rose stole my trousers!"
"I do not want to hear it! Last time it was "Cheese stole my Pants!" I don't see how food can be accountable for you exposing yourself in my corridors!"
"But…She really did! Both times! Well, Bria only once. But both times they have been stolen from me!" Sirius tried to explain, though he knew his attempts were futile.
"Detention Mr. Black!" Professor McGonagall barked.
"But…" Sirius stammered, looking crest fallen. "I want my trousers! She stole them! Give her detention too at least!"
"Mr. Black! You will not tell me who to give detentions too! I will not give Miss Joplin detention. She has done nothing to deserve it!"
"How has she not?" Sirius asked, making a grab for Rose, who had come back to see why he had stopped chasing her, trousers in hand. "She still has my trousers!"
"He threw them at me! I just ran off with them!" Rose claimed, throwing the trousers at him.
"But…I threw them at Cheese! I would never throw my clothes at anyone but Cheese!" Sirius said, struggling into his trousers.
"Thank you for returning Mr. Blacks trousers. Mr. Black, you will report to my office at eight tonight."
O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.
"I wonder if I should try writing poetry for her?" James asked himself, as he headed up to the Owlery to ship a package to his older sister. "Oh Lily, You are so… Nope. This isn't going to work. Poetry is not my thing. Um…Maybe I could serenade her. Laaaa! Nope. Waaaaaaaay out of key with that one. I could take up dancing!" After a couple of steps he realized that this, too, was going to be a failed attempt to impress the love of his life.
"What are you doing?" Lily asked from the doorway.
James whirled around. "Er…Lily! What are you doing here?"
"Well," Lily said, leaning up against the egress. "I came to ship a package to my mum and dad. It's their anniversary."
"Oh."
"What are you doing here?" she asked, looking at him in suspicion.
"I am shipping a package to my older sister, Alisse." He said, holding up his package. "I bought this pretty glass shoe thing in Hogsmeade."
"When were you in Hogsmeade?" Lily asked, raising her eyebrows. "The first Hogsmeade weekend isn't until next month."
"Uh… Over summer?"
Before Lily could respond to this inadequate excuse, Bria and Sirius came waltzing in. Literally.
"La la! Laaaaaaaaaa!" Bria sang as she and Sirius danced about.
"What in the world is wrong with you two?" Lily asked, looking down at Bria's face, as Sirius mock dipped her, but in reality just dropped her on her head.
"Padbutt! You bugger! I am going to throw you out of one of these windows for that!"
With that she shot up off the poop-covered ground, and attempted to tackle Sirius. This was, however, quite unsuccessful. Seeing as she is only 5'4", and under 115 pounds.
"Ha ha! Puny little girl thing trying to tackle me!" Sirius said.
"Jeeze Sirius. Let the poor puny little girl thing go." James said pulling a bag of packing peanuts out.
"Ooh!" Said Sirius, forgetting that he was being tackled, "Peanuts! Give."
James held the package out and Sirius snatched it away, staring intently at the packing peanuts. "Sweet," he muttered, "You have the albino kind."
"Those aren't Peanuts." Bria said ducking under Sirius' arm. "They are cheesepuffs."
"Yeah. But albino cheesepuffs." Sirius said pulling them out, one by one. "They are the coolest thing ever."
"Um…" Lily started hesitantly. "Those are just white styraphome peanuts."
"No!" Sirius objected. "They are albino cheesepuffs."
"Except that one." Bria said pulling one out. "It's green."
"Whoa!" Sirius said reverently. "It's the king!"
"Why king?" Bria asked, putting her hands on her hips. "Why not duchess or something?"
"Because!" Sirius replied, happily towering over his friend. "It is green. And all people know that green is a guy color!"
"No!" Bria protested. "Green is a duchess color."
"Alright!" James interjected. "Sirius, you can keep the green thing if you and Bria just leave!"
James was totally mortified. He was losing the Lily battle without the help of his friends.
"Score! I won the king!"
"Duchess!"
"King!"
"Duchess!"
"Shut up!" James yelled, blushing horribly "Out now, or else I am taking back my peanut."
"I think it is a cheesepuff" Lily put in.
"Yes. Cheesepuff!" Bria said, jumping eight feet in the air, trying to get the peanut away from Sirius."
"OUT!" James yelled, grabbing Bria out of the air, and putting her out the door.
"Fine! I see how it is!" Sirius said, being pushed out of the Owlery.
"Those two drive me so insane sometimes." Lily said laughing, as Bria and Sirius walked down the stairs, still arguing about whether it was a king or a duchess.
"Those two drive me insane all the time!" James complained. "They're both fine on their own, but together…"
"I agree. They are nightmares."
They both laughed. Wait! Lily thought, in minor shock. Am I having a civil conversation with James Potter?
Wait! James thought. Is Lily having a civil conversation with me?
Immediately after thinking this Lily began to scowl.
Aw. I've lost her.
"Damn!" Came a muffled voice from outside the door. "I can hear her scowling!"
"You can't hear people scowl Padbutt! It's not possible!" Came another, equally muffled, voice.
"Oh yeah? I can hear you scowling."
"No! You can see me scowling. Not hear me."
"Oh yeah? I bet if I closed my eyes you'd still be scowling."
"Oh?"
"Yeah! Let's try!"
"Fine."
"Are you still scowling?"
"No."
"How do I know though?"
"You will just have to trust me."
"Shut up you two!"
Um…I think I'm going now." Lily said as she left the Owlery.
After a while Bria and Sirius started arguing again.
"I am going to kill you guys!" James screamed barreling around the corner they were hiding behind.
A/N: Sorry this took so long to get put up! It has taken us a million years to get together. I swear we will be faster next time! I promise! Okay. Please read review. We love our reviews! Please give us feedback on the Bria/Sirius situation! And tell us what you want from this story. We need ideas! Thank you all very much! We love you all!