Field of Deans chpt 7.
by: sifi
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Justin stood paralyzed, his mouth ran dry, his eyes were wide and a low heavy warmth in his belly felt like he had to pee, Just hold it... don't 'hold' it... big boys don't need to do that... but it would help... NO! he argued with himself fighting the urge to move his hand anywhere but up in a shallow wave across the air between himself and the pretty little dark haired girl with the big brown eyes.
"Hi," he could feel himself blush as she leaned forward, looking at him. He thought she might want to smile at him, but wasn't sure considering how her lips were twitching, pretty... pink...
"Hi, what happened to you?" she asked crouching down just a little bit so she could inspect his face.
His throat worked dryly feeling something like sandpaper over a rasp, "...got in a accident..." he nearly whispered. He couldn't have shifted his gaze if he'd tried, though he wanted more than anything else to see where ma and pa were, this pretty little girl in the blue sundress, with the tanned golden shoulders and pretty pink mouth held his attention without mercy.
"Really?..." she glanced up as he nodded, "...did they sew you up?" she asked.
Again he felt his head nod, almost to the point where his neck muscles were creaking inside his skin, "Uh huh..."
"Wooooow..." she drawled reaching out a questing finger toward the line of scar tissue that ran down his cheek, "...did it hurt?" she whispered looking from the line of red up into his eyes while he stood stock still, more terrified than a proverbial deer in the headlights.
"I don't remember..." he shrugged, "but I think it musta..."
"Are you gonna be in Mrs. Hammond's class this year?" she asked leaning just a tad closer. She smells like cotton candy...
Justin held himself still and straight as a ramrod as her finger, warm and soft hovered over the line she was inspecting. His insides felt like he'd grabbed a bare wire when that unfamiliar warmth finally touched his skin.
"Me too... you wanna be friends?" she asked then smiled as he nodded once more, his neck creaking again though his mouth now felt like he'd stuck a handful of desert sand in there.
"Don't you talk?" she asked.
"Sure..." he croaked feeling his lips pull wide into an uncontrollable grin.
Justin felt himself knocked to the side as a group of three, two more boys and one more girl came colliding into the two of them, their attention focused mostly on Betty, "C'mon Betty! We got tickets to see the freak show! They got a bearded lady!" the tallest boy took hold of his new friend's arm.
"And a strong man!" the other girl added.
"And they got a two headed sheep!" the second boy tossed in.
"Oooh!" she responded with a prettily pursed mouth and wide sparkling eyes aimed right at Justin's trembling heart.
"Hey Johnny she's got her own private freak show!" the second boy punched Johnny in the arm then motioned to Justin whose smile disappeared though he chose to ignore the rude comment and stuck out his hand.
"I'm Justin Marshall..." he smiled tightly as the two boys and the second girl traded looks he didn't understand.
Johnny looked at his extended hand then back up into his eyes before shoving Betty behind himself to the other girl who grabbed her arm, startling her into a little yelp, Hey! "Hey! don't hurt her," he frowned. Where are the grownups? he wondered spotting a cluster of adults not too far away, but still not present enough to see what was going on.
"What do YOU have to say about it? You oughtta be in the freak show! They're not supposed to let the freaks run around with the REAL people!" Johnny stepped forward standing toe to toe and several inches taller than Justin.
"Johnny stop it!" Betty called pulling free of her friend's grip to stand before the older boy, "He's a nice boy! Leave him alone Johnny..." she scowled but found herself shoved back to the other girl.
"Ooh not just a FREAK but a SISSY freak! You gonna let a girl speak for you boy? Huh?" he sneered leaning in toward Justin.
Sweat dripped down his neck and face, falling out of his hair like rainwater and there was a tight twitchy sensation in his guts as he straightened his spine, his lips tightened into a fine white line across his lower face, "I'm NOT a freak! Or a Sissy! You just better not hurt her!"
"Or else what?" Johnny snarled, "You're gonna get your gross, ugly freakshow friends to chase us down?"
"No..." he frowned and almost said, I don't have any friends! but then his eyes fell on Betty and he wondered if she would still want to be friends with him.
"I didn't think so... go back to your freak-tent with your squished up face and all that ugly! You're not fit to be seen by decent folks!" he snarled right into Justin's face, a wall of hot malice battering him from all around.
He could feel the sting in the corners of his eyes again and wondered if needles would've felt that bad. His belly trembled and he couldn't breathe right as Johnny shoved him hard, knocking him down to slide on his butt into the dirt and straw that lined the midway.
"Freak!" Johnny hissed motioning his group away, toward the side avenue that would take them to the freak's tent. A second later Johnny turned back to where Justin was still sitting, wondering what had happened, and why he couldn't breathe or stop the tears that were coming from his eyes, and spat a gob that landed on his penny loafers.
"Awww the baby freak is crying! Look at the baby freak cry!..." he taunted turning back toward his friends, Betty was held by the other girl and by the second boy, being moved along, away from Justin even though she looked back, apology written on her face as tears dribbled down her cheeks for him.
Justin looked up at the cluster of adults where Ray and Missy waited for the other children to leave before moving to their son.
"Justin honey?" Missy crouched at his side handkerchief in hand as she wiped his cheeks dry despite the appearance of fresh tears. With a hand across his shoulders she helped him to his feet, his voice quivering as she tried to soothe him, "They just don't know you son, you'll see... that Johnny Beyers is getting to be just as bad as his father! Good lord forgive me, but I hope Harriet never gives Mitchell another child! That whole family's nothing but bad seeds!" Missy fumed through clenched teeth as she stood with her arm protectively around her son's shoulders.
Justin's focus remained just a little farther down where he'd seen Johnny and the group go, and for a moment a bundle of heat exploded inside him, I'm gonna hit him... I'm gonna go punch him right in the face! and he wanted to, more than anything in the world at that moment he wanted nothing more than to feel his fist collide with the flesh and bone of Johnny Beyers' skull. But I don't think Betty would like that... and I think it would make ma and pa sad... but I WANT to! But... No... ma and pa might not want me anymore if I do that... Freak? AM I a freak? Why would anyone want me then? Maybe they don't... maybe they're fakin' it? he looked from Missy to Ray, his tears drying down his cheeks while he wondered at their tentative expressions, "Can we go home now?" he asked.
--
"Go!... Go! Go! Go to Dean!" Sam pounded on the motel room door again and again, the tears on his face moving somehow from sadness and fear to frustration that set Tom's heart racing just a little harder as he shook his head.
"I can't kiddo..." he sighed reaching for the little boy once more only to have his hands batted angrily away, "Your dad'll kill me...it's not safe!" he shook his head frowning hard though with each denial his belly quivered more and his bowels tightened with a sense of uncertainty he couldn't pin down.
The littlest Winchester cried out grasping Tom's t-shirt in a chubby fist then pulled toward the door. His grip slipped and he stumbled over his own feet into the solid slab of wood where his head bounced back sharply making Tommy gasp aloud and grab the little bundle of frustration. He held the baby tightly to his chest while Sam frowned and rubbed his head for a second before breaking into a grin and turning toward the door, "Go! We go!" he grinned mistaking the older boy's intentions.
John is gonna kill me! he thought wrapping his arms around the little guy, reveling in the warmth and baby smell.
"Okay, okay kiddo... but if your daddy gets mad at me I'm blaming you..." he smiled sliding the motel key into his pocket before making sure the door was locked and moving out into the pre-dawn gray parking lot.
--
"OOoooh look at that!... it's so ugly!"
"Is it a person?"
"I don't know... it says here it's supposed to be a boy... but... it's gotta be something else..."
"Better not look at it too long... you might have nightmares..."
"How could God make such a thing?"
"Well God made bugs too..."
His hands pulled at the metal collar around his neck but the chains weren't quite long enough, he'd outgrown them and they pulled him off balance until he fell on his side on the rickety plank dais.
Big liquid brown eyes looked closely at him, his breath heaved in his chest, the collar was choking him, taking the breath from his body and he felt the heavy hot need to go to the bathroom. He clamped his legs together as hard as he could, it wouldn't do to pee himself in front of this pretty girl whose full pink mouth bowed downward and who didn't seem repulsed by him.
'Maybe she would be my friend... if I could be better...' he thought feeling heat rise up through him as his full bladder could wait no longer and the stinging gave way to warm relief. 'No! no! It's not my fault really! they were supposed to let me go pee before the show started! Please... I'm just a little boy...' he tried to explain but the noises that came from inside to hit the air were garbled and guttural, almost a little bit animalistic.
He watched her pretty clear eyes flit from his face to the puddle that darkened the boards beneath him, and he watched that pretty pink mouth grimace as Johnny, the second boy, and the second girl came up around her, all of them bearing the same expression of distaste, "C'mon Betty... that's just gross! Baby freak can't even keep from peeing itself... disgusting... something like that should be taken out and shot... put out of its misery..." Johnny said wrapping his arm around Betty's shoulders to guide her away.
"I feel so sorry for it..." she sighed casting one last sad glance in his direction before moving off with her friends, leaving him chained to the floor, laying in a puddle of his own making.
'Don't go! Please?... I'm not a animal! I'm not! I swear! Please? Don't leave me!' he tried to call out, but the only sounds that hit the air were snarls and lowings more well suited to beasts than a human boy.
Oh no... please don't let me have really... he thought as awareness returned and wet heat made itself known between his legs. I'm NOT a freak! ... he thought feeling his throat close as he realized he really did pee the bed, 'oh no! I gotta fix this... I gotta undo it... ma's gonna be sad and pa's gonna be mad... I gotta clean this up!' he picked his way out of bed stripping out of his jammies wiping himself down with a dry pant leg before putting on a fresh pair of underwear and dashing to the bathroom where he finished his business quickly and quietly.
When he was done he closed the bedroom door hastily stripping the bed, stomping the sheets into a tight ball that he pressed down into his puddle trying to soak up the cup full of fluid.
'Stupid Justin! Stupid BAD boy! not even the animals pee their beds! Stupid! Ma and Pa are gonna be so mad they kept me! They're gonna put me out in the barn with the pigs... or maybe send me away with the carnival! Bad boy! make a mess of the nice clean bed they gave me...' It was a accident...but I gotta fix it... I gotta clean it up, then they won't be mad. Accidents happen, just clean it up, then... then no one'll ever... 'I'll never EVER have any friends if they find out... Freak! Stupid dumb baby freak!' he berated himself with a litany of self loathing set to repeat over and over inside his head as he folded the blanket back, leaving the wet spot open to the air to dry while he clutched the bundle of sheets to his chest and crept from the room down toward the kitchen.
'Gotta get this dry! Can't let them know I messed my bed... they'll put me with the freaks... I don't wanna go away... I don't wanna be sent away,' They won't, they love me... maybe they wouldn't... 'yes! yes they will! I'm a freak! a whiney little baby freak! and I deserve to be taken out and shot! Put out of my misery!... not fit for being in with REAL people, not good enough for polite company!' a nasty little voice piped up in the back of his head bringing another round of tears to his eyes while his lips pressed tight together trembling in time with his chin as he crept out the kitchen door toward the laundry line.
Early morning breezes stirred in the surrendering darkness as Justin stood trembling beneath the clothesline, unable to reach high enough to put the sheets over it, it was an accident! I'm sorry... I didn't do it on purpose... it was an accident! Please don't let them be mad! please don't make me go away... he felt splinters digging into his fingertips as he dragged a small wooden step stool from the porch to the line, 'oh yeah, they're gonna make me go away... they're gonna send me to the freak show... GOD how could I be so STUPID! How could anyone ever love a thing like me?' his knees shook as he climbed the step stool and draped the damp sheets over the line with nervous fingers and the scent of fear sliding up his nose. It was an accident! 'no! no they're gonna make me go away!' no! they love me! 'Do they? or do they just feel sorry for me?' that other voice made him wonder.
--
John watched as Caleb ran a circle of finely crushed limestone around the three foot in diameter clear patch they'd made in the field, in the very spot where Buck knew that pain had ruptured not only two hearts but time and space as well.
John shuddered, finding himself sensitive in a way he never had been before, to the kind of pain that could create such a violent rend in the world, How will I ever have the strength to do this again? I feel sick to my stomach... but I'm not the only one, and there are people who need people like us... people who can do things like this... he carefully copied the symbols for the 5th Pentacle of Mercury into his journal, writing out phonetically the words that Caleb chanted knowing there would be time enough later to find out what they meant.
A puff of faintly shimmering warmth billowed across the group as Caleb rose to his full height nodding at them as he led the way, swallowed as if by some special effect or trick of light into a time and place he didn't belong.
One by one, each of the men, Caleb first, then Ryan, Buck, John, and Shep bringing up the rear departed the landscape with a faint hiss. Their focus was so complete, no one heard the door of the silver Mercury Cougar slam closed as Tommy Daykin clutched two year old Sam Winchester to his chest, his eyes following the toddler's pointing finger while before their very eyes four grown men disappeared from the world.
"Daddy!" Sam squealed with a smile, pulling toward the spot John and his new friends had just been.
"Holy crap..." Tommy breathed through the fear that shook his innards. He moved haltingly forward, instinct and rationality in a head to head battle deep inside. I'll lay 20 on the kid... there's not a damned thing about any of this that's rational... he thought looking down at the seal that would keep the door between times open.
"Dean no bye bye!" Sam reached forward with both arms, his whole body focused on entering that shimmering blanket of nothingness before them.
With Sammy firmly in his arms, Tommy carefully crossed the limestone lines into a time long before his own.
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tbc.
please R&R.
Thanks.
sifi.